Have you ever left a child behind....

[disneymom3]

DH and I would never leave the children to go on a vacation or worse yet leave one and take another. Our children mean more to us then a vacation. Yes when they are out of the house and grown we will then go by ourself. It would kill DH and I to leave them behind. Life is to short not to enjoy time with out kids.

Hmm, one thing that I learned from my parents was that the most important thing for a child's wellbeing is to have parents with a strong marriage. I definitely enjoy time with my kids--heck, I homeschool them so I am around them a lot more than many parents!--but my husband and I are in love with each other too and we have a need to nurture that relationship not just as mommmy and daddy but as the two people we have always been and always will be. When the kids are grown and gone, I still want him to be my very best friend and that is not going to be able to be sustained without spending time with just the two of us.

Not flaming you at all, just saying what my perspective on the issue is. However, as I said above, we will only leave them for extended periods with the ILs so I know for some families that is not an option. We do have several girls who babysit for us though for regular ol' date nights.

 

[tjmw2727]

DH and I would never leave the children to go on a vacation or worse yet leave one and take another. Our children mean more to us then a vacation. Yes when they are out of the house and grown we will then go by ourself. It would kill DH and I to leave them behind. Life is to short not to enjoy time with out kids.

Ok - Please let me say that my family means more to me than anything and that includes vacations. That has nothing to do with taking a trip with dh or one of my daughters. Because I have done both please don't imply that my vacations or anything else is more important than my children or that I value them less than you do.

Sorry to the OP but I found that post judgmental ~

TJ

 

[solgent]

I honestly think that spending time alone with your husband is an absolute MUST DO. Your marriage is fragile, and we are only human. Like anything else in our lives, if we don't take the time to love, nurture and support our marriages they will not thrive.

I don't think you do a disservice to your children to leave them periodically with people who love them, so that you may spend quality time with your spouse. When did we all become so overwhelmed with parenting that we push our marriages to the back burner?

I go away frequently with my husband. My kids will either stay with their father, or with my parents. We have been doing this for several years. My kids do not whine, or get upset. They get it.

Important to nurture the marriage-- I agree.
Spending time alone with spouse essential-- I agree.

But doesn't mean we need to go away for one or more nights without the kids to accomplish those things.

Not a disservice to leave kids with people who love them-- I agree.
No such people in our lives to take them overnight-- what can we do?

My kids have one set of grandparents-- my dad & stepmother-- and he's disabled-- they can't take care of our three and I wouldn't be comfortable with them doing it. My brother & his family live on opposite coast.

Your kids are staying with their own father and your parents are available to care for them. It's great that those resources are available to you and your kids. Not everyone has that. I don't think that means that we're permitting parenting to push our marriage to the back burner!

It just seems wrong to declare something a "MUST DO" when (a) not everyone is in a position to do it and (b) there are other ways to accomplish the same objective.

 

[PaulaSue]

I did two times, both were work won trips for DH and spouse only. We went for 4 days, 3 nights each time, once to Vegas and once to San Diego. I missed out on a lot of trips dh won, he went along many years because the girls were to young nursing or I was pregnant and high risk.

It was a nice time alone with DH (totally paid for by the tire dealers) but I would never go to Disney or another family vacation location without them.

 

[TLC371]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 3.5 years now...he's got 3 kids from his first marriage. His mom has a timeshare and we go to Disney/Orlando once a year. The first year we took his youngest, the next year we took his oldest. Last year we were supposed to take the middle one, but he wasn't doing good in school, so it was just me and my boyfriend that went. This year we are taking the middle one with us. We have no problems with just taking one, or even going without them. The kids don't have problems with it either. By taking just one with us, we still feel like we get a bit of a vacation and time to relax, we are able to do more for/with the one that we take, things we couldn't do if we had all 3 with us, and we get special time with each of them. It works out well for us, but of course I understand that our situation may be a bit different than others.

 

[DisneyPhD]

DH and I would never leave the children to go on a vacation or worse yet leave one and take another. Our children mean more to us then a vacation. Yes when they are out of the house and grown we will then go by ourself. It would kill DH and I to leave them behind. Life is to short not to enjoy time with out kids.

While I understand your sentiment, I agree with tjmw2727 that this implys judgement. That those who do take vacations with out all members of the family feel somethings are more important then their children. I am guessing that wasn't your intent, but does come across that way.

Also an important thing to keep in mind is how much time a family spends together when not on vacation. Some families vacation time is the only time they spend together 24/7 with distractions of work, school and other things (even the computer.) Beacuse of this family vacation time is extra valuable. As a SHAM I spend a lot of time with my kids. My DH is a college professor and that also leave him with a good amount of family time. When I was working part time I didn't even want a sitter on the weekend because I felt I was away from her too much and didn't want to more. Neither DH or I travel for work so we are never away from them overnight for that reason.

Families where kids split time between parents as some have mentioned are more used to that agrangment so understanding some family members going on a trip and others not is eaiser for them to understand.

I also agree that when parent only vacations are not possible for whaterever reason (or desire) that time to nuture your relationship can be found outside of overnight trips. However having said that overnight trips are an idea way to spend some time together outside the role of parents when possible.

I do agree that if I was going to take a trip with out the kids I would prefer it to a place that isn't super kid friendly. Just because if I was going to go through the trouble of leaving them I wouldn't want to be surounded by other kids. I think I would choose NYC maybe, or Mexico.

 

[tjmw2727]

While I understand your sentiment, I agree with tjmw2727 that this implys judgement. That those who do take vacations with out all members of the family feel somethings are more important then their children. I am guessing that wasn't your intent, but does come across that way.

Also an important thing to keep in mind is how much time a family spends together when not on vacation. Some families vacation time is the only time they spend together 24/7 with distractions of work, school and other things (even the computer.) Beacuse of this family vacation time is extra valuable. As a SHAM I spend a lot of time with my kids. My DH is a college professor and that also leave him with a good amount of family time. When I was working part time I didn't even want a sitter on the weekend because I felt I was away from her too much and didn't want to more. Neither DH or I travel for work so we are never away from them overnight for that reason.

Families where kids split time between parents as some have mentioned are more used to that agrangment so understanding some family members going on a trip and others not is eaiser for them to understand.

I also agree that when parent only vacations are not possible for whaterever reason (or desire) that time to nuture your relationship can be found outside of overnight trips. However having said that overnight trips are an idea way to spend some time together outside the role of parents when possible.

I do agree that if I was going to take a trip with out the kids I would prefer it to a place that isn't super kid friendly. Just because if I was going to go through the trouble of leaving them I wouldn't want to be surounded by other kids. I think I would choose NYC maybe, or Mexico.

Good points and many are true in my situation. I work part-time and my dd's are in school from 8-4 so I am with them almost every minute of the day except school. Since my dh travels so much I am often the solo adult and we have a wonderful time together on a daily basis but I do need a break from time to time. OTOH both my dds and my dh are looking forward to a weekend with daddy to themselves, he is going to spoil them I am sure!!

Since dh is traveling so much now we are less likely to take a parents only trip together without the kids. At this point I feel it would be unfair to them since dh is away so much. I guess you have to look at the situation individually to see what is going to work each time.

My best friend works full time and has one daughter and you are right she would not consider taking a trip without her daughter. She has done a trip with her daughter with me and my girls but that was only because her dh was traveling for business that week. Yet she dosen't think it odd that we travel alone and I don't think it odd that she dosen't.

Funny thing about the trip dh and I did to WDW without the kids. We started out looking for a weekend in Boston, as we lived just North of Boston at the time. After lots of looking and trying to plan it turned out that because of AP's FFmiles and other discounts a weekend at WDW was cheaper than one in Boston at that time of year!

I also agree that it isnt' necessary to go away to get 1-1 time with your hubby and or your children. You can definately accomplish this with a night out or even a night in. Sometimes dh will take one dd on errands just to spend 1-1 time with her, my dd's can get very excited about a trip to Home Depot with dad LOL.

See I do care about and value my children ~ honestly they do come first and sitting here now talking about them I can't wait to pick them up from school in a little while.

TJ

 

[cinjam]

We have two kids: DS5 and DS2. This June we are going away for five days without them. This will be the first time. My mom is watching them. She is comnig to stay at my house. DH & I are going to Orlando to visit DH's brother & probably going to do at least one day at a theme park.

I am so looking forward to a "long" period of time alone with DH. We have date night once a month, but for me it's not the same as going away. We do two family vacations a year (one to WDW and one somewhere else). I know I will miss my children, I expect that, but the desire to re-connect with DH is very strong. I am really looking forward to this trip. This is right for us - but I know what is right for us is not right for everyone else.

Would I go away on vacation with just one child in the future? Not sure yet, if I had to answer I would say probably. As it is now, I do some things with one child and not the other. Here's an example, both sons were invited to Chuck-E-Cheese's for a birthday party. DS5 did not want to go, wanted to spend a day with Dad raking leaves, was adamant about it actually. So I took DS2 & left DS5 home. Now, I know this is not the same as a vacation, but DS5 had a choice & did not want to take the "entertainment" route.

I remember when I was 16, had a small part-time job, a steady boyfriend..was totally IN LOVE , and my mom was planning a week long trip that summer. I BEGGED and PLEADED to be left home (my aunt would watch me). I remember this so clearly. She went on vacation with my two sisters (then 13 and 9) and left me behind. I was so thankful to be excluded.

I'll play it by ear with my sons. I would guess their interests may go in different directions as they get older. I would be willing to accomodate that.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Funny thing about the trip dh and I did to WDW without the kids. We started out looking for a weekend in Boston, as we lived just North of Boston at the time. After lots of looking and trying to plan it turned out that because of AP's FFmiles and other discounts a weekend at WDW was cheaper than one in Boston at that time of year!

TJ

LOL, we ended up at WDW for our 10 year aniversary trip. Why? We wanted to go somewhere and had AP already. It was the cheapest and most fun thing for us to do at the time. However at the time I couldn't bear to leave DD who was 2 years old. We did end up having a night to ourselves as BIL and SIL came for a few days and stayed with us in the DVC room. We got a AP rate at AKL and had one night alone. The only one with our kids so far or since then (but oldest DD has spent the night at grandmas a few times after her baby sister was born.) Those AP always mean more trips! The down side was our aniversary is in Aug and that isn't not our favorite time of year for WDW.

We have been to WDW many times before we had kids. It is a very different trips as just adults. I miss it, but now I think I would miss the kids too much. But then again maybe not. All I know is never say never.

 

[shelleyz]

We have taken a few vacations without our boys ages 5 & 7. We've been to Disney(M-F), Poconos(weekend trip), Royal Caribbean Cruise(9 days), & Universal Studios(M-F). Nana came and stayed with them at our house each time. First time we went away by ourseves after the boys were born was when DS5 was 7 months old. I felt bad at first but its nice to be alone with DH once in a while. I am a stay at home mom and I am with my kids 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Have 1 at home and 1 at school now. DH is a workaholic so we dont get much time alone. Its not like we don't do family vacations. We have taken then to WDW twice and they are going twice this year. We've done a trip to the White mountains in NH including Santas village, Clarks Trading Post and Story Land. Took a weekend in Maine to the beach and zoo. So, they get there fair share of vacations with us. Probably wont have anymore vacations by ourselves as nana is getting older and she is taking care of her mom now. I don't know about taking the boys seperately though. As of now I know they wouldn't let me take 1 to WDW and not the other, but in the future I could see me taking 1 to WDW while dad took 1 on a baseball trip, then the next time we would switch kids.

 

[tessqt]

Yep and I think it is good for us, we have done a long weekend once a year for the last 2 years, I am hoping for one this summer! I also went to Vegas 2 years ago with a girlfriend, no dh or kids and had a great time. I think that kind of vacation is needed also. My dh went away without us so he got his time too (actually longer than I did!!)

I however would never go to WDW without the kids, unless of course they didn't want to go.