Have you ever left a child behind....

[lclark0621]

I could never go to WDW without my DS. I just would not enjoy myself. And I love traveling with my DS.

DH & I have never taken a trip without DS & dont plan on doing it anytime soon. Maybe when he is older, like a teenager, but certianly not before then.

When I go on vacation, I want to be with my family, and that includes my DS.

Maybe it is because DH travels a lot for work, maybe we just have a different perspective on travel, but neither of us would ever think of taking a vacation without our DS.

We traveled all over the world & did all the "adult travel" we wanted to before he was born.

When we became parents, we made the conscious choice to add a child to our lives. We knew that would mean a change in our daily activities, we knew that would change some of our travel for a while. We knew our lives would be different. And we choose to do it.

I dont see being away from my DS as a "vacation". I would worry to much about him, I would constantly be reminded of him & things he would enjoy doing, I would miss him to much.

So no, we have not vacationed without him & dont plan on it.

 

[tiff211]

It's definitely different strokes for different folks. We go on vacations w/o DD14, mainly because we tend to travel in the summer when she is visiting her dad. Sometimes she makes the choice not to go because of the age difference in her Dsis and her. I think she welcomes the break from the crying and temper tantrums and touching her stuff and slow pace that we have to take. We do take vacations WITH her as well, last we went to Hershey park and had a Blast!!!!

This year we are going to WDW in April, she is living with her dad now, so she won't be going but I will be taking her in May for her b-day, just me and her.

DH and I took a 4 night vacation in 2004 to Cancun. It was so needed. I already had DD14 when we got married and I git pregnant right away and before we got married we didn't have the means to vacation so it was a welcomed trip. We came back refreshed and energized and ready to take on anything!!!

 

[intrep93]

We are going to WDW in Sept w/o DS (3). We are taking the 9 and 6 year old. Here are our reasons:

#1 DS (3) is a bit of a nightmare. We love him, and as the baby he definitely has been indulged more than is probably good, and I have serious fears for him making it through pre-school without being expelled (ok that's a bit of an exaggeration, but he really can be quite naughty!). We take him to everything else, but DH and I have to take turns missing whatever it is we are trying to enjoy so we can keep a constant eye on him. Yes, that is a choice we happily made when we became parents, but that doesn't mean we don't deserve/need a break once in a while!

#2 This is only the 2nd time in 2 years we have taken a real vacation, not going somewhere for some event and trying to squeeze in some sightseeing while we are at it.

#3 DD (9) has been begging to go since she was 3. We told her to wait til she was 6 (we saw too many tired cranky toddlers being hauled around by tired cranky parent to think about going with a child any younger than that). Then DS cam along and we told her to wait til HE was 6. Now he's 6 and she's tired of waiting!

#4 We are driving.....from Iowa....enough said!

#5 We are on a tight budget and can't really afford a room that will allow 5 people. And we don't really want to spend a small fortune and then not be able to enjoy half the rides. neither of my other 2 will ride without me or DH by their side. So alot of the time that would mean going through each ride twice and taking turns instead of all being able to ride together, plus having the older kids stand around waiting while he enjoys all the "kiddy" rides. Otherwise we have to split up entirely and then we aren't really spending our vacation together anyway, are we?

#6 He's not the go-getter the other two are. They will go all day and night, but would have to stop twice a day for his nap, and be back in the room by 8 so he could go to bed - if he will go to bed at all. He doesn't sleep well in motels.

So, I am leaving one of my children home and already feeling guilty about it, even though I know for us, at this time, it is the best decision. He is going to take turns staying with my sister and parents and they will give him his own fantastic vacation. I will talk to him every day on the phone, and I will cry half way there missing him, and think of him constantly while we are at WDW. But I'm confident it will all turn out to have been for the best!

 

[DisneyPhD]

I don't think it's bad parenting, though. As I said, DH & I haven't been away just the two of us, but I know a lot of other people do it. I don't think they're wrong for doing it, or we're wrong for not doing it. The circumstances are different.

I have to agree. We haven't felt the need to take a trip with out them yet, or with just one since they both are good travelers. However just because I personally don't I doesn't mean others who do are wrong (or right). Every family and situation is different. Maybe some day it will be the right thing for us. We have taken just once of my nieces or nephews with us in the past. I know we will take a trip with just the 2 of us someday when they are still young.

I remember shortly after my 1st baby was born. I was reading a parent magazine and the questions was something like "what was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?" One women answered that very shortly after her 4th child was born her in laws too all the kids so they could go on a vacation just her and hubby. I was personally apauled at 1st. I coudln't imagine anyone taking my child 2 weeks after giving brith. You could not pry her out of my arms. (or away from my breasts ) Then I stoped and thought. This women had 4 young kids. I might feel that way too after having 4 kids, not just one. (and now 2) Every situation is different and you just never know until you live it.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

Every family is different. In our family DH and I have taken week-end trips alone up to five hours or so away. DH and DS had done a few guy week-ends and DS and I have had a few week-ends away. We however do not take week long trips away from each other. Our vacation time and money really just does not allow EXTRA trips and we value the couple weeks we have together each year for vacations together. We really no not need or desire more time away from each other. We also made a pack years ago on our first WDW trip that WDW was our family's special place. We can, and do all travel there with others, but never without our whole family. Just what works for us.

 

[poohbearfan1]

OK, this may get long so bear with me!! Hey DisneyPhD, thanks for opening up this discussion. I really like some of the things you say in these posts but especially your way of saying it. That said, I also really liked what intrep93 and powellrj had to say. I have taken one trip with my DH alone. We did so when my 1st DS was 2 and we went to Ft. Myers Beach for a week with friends. I am so glad I did it because 3 mos. later one of them committed suicide. I almost did not go on the trip for fear and guilt over leaving my son. It was the best trip (aside from our honeymoon in WDW) that my DH and I ever took. Now, I currently am planning a trip in April and am leaning towards not taking my 18moDS. For a variety of reasons as you can read in my previous post. After reading many of your responses I am feeling better about this decision. I know that no matter what I do there are always going to be those who feel they need to judge me but I don't care about them. I am going to do what is best for me and my family. Someone (sorry, I forgot who) mentioned something about when we become parents we accept that we will forever have a child with us. Yes, this is true and our children's needs must be top priorities. However, I also believe very strongly in the love between partners/ spouses/ parents. What kind of a parent will I be if I do not spend quality time with my DH. What kind of example do we set for our children if we do not model how to nurture a realtionship. I came from a home where the love between my parents was so strong and visible. They always took mini or long vacations with each other. (I know this is not the only way to accomplish this either)It NEVER affected my sister and I negatively. If anything, it showed us that its important and ok. That being said, I am speaking about my experience and will never judge anyone for doing something different. I just want others to not have guilt if they do take trips alone with DH/ DW. I also know my DH younger brother was left home at 18mos to stay w/ Grandparents when the rest of the family went to WDW. I just spoke with him this weekend and asked him about it. He said it never even bothered him. He does not feel bad that he wasn't included or feels awful about seeing pictures. My MIL said he never asked about why he didn't go, he was told he was too young, money, and had special spoiling time with Grammy and Grampy. He has always been fine with that. I think that whatever anyone decides to do is the right decision for them.

 

[MARY-IN-OH]

My DH goes fishing in FL almost every year and I stay home with the kids.
We had a family trip to WDW in 98.
So... I decided to go to WDW in 04 w/o the kids/husband. (My "fishin' trip!) - My sister and I had a wonderful time! - And..my kids and my DH had fun without me - Kids and I are planning a wdw trip at the end of this year, and leaving DH home for the WDW portion of vacation!

 

[leighe]

I'm probably the worst parent on the Dis! DH and I are taking a short trip over my spring break and leaving DD3months with her grandparents. It's just the way our schedule worked out. We are planning on taking her this summer, however.

 

[kimmikayb]

My DH and I took one trip before our last two were born, but since then we have a hard time finding someone to watch all four. We took the little ones last month to WDW, the older two could not be out of school. However, I am going to try and take them this coming fall. My DH takes a vacation every winter to snowmobile (long weekend). He encourages me to go on a vacation by myself but I'd rather be with family. Every summer we try and take a family vacation together. We've been to Hersey PA, Myrtle Beach, SC and this year I'm hoping for Colorado.

 

[tjmw2727]

Interesting to read all the different perspectives.

Wanted to comment that our trips with just myself and one of my dd's or just dh and I are short, usually a long weekend. My dh travels alot for business so most of our trips with me and both my dd's are during school vacations when I know he isn't going to be home anyway. So rather than staying home without him we travel without him, weird I know but it works for us!!

Flame away if you like (JK) but I am doing a solo trip for a long weekend in April with my sil and I can't wait. I will miss my girls and DH like crazy but its been a year of changes and challenges, both my sil and I need the short break. My dd's are thrilled because they have daddy all to themselves for 4 days! I have also been instructed to do all the boring shows I like and rides they don't like so they don't have to next trip. I will think of them too much, buy them too much and miss them but I will have fun and get the R&R I need.

I have a group of very close girl friends and we all have kids around the same ages - met through mom & me way back when and are close 11+ years later. I would say 1/2 of us would travel without the entire family and the other half wouldn't dream of it.

We have so much in common yet so much we differ in, despite that (or maybe beacuse if it?) we are still great friends! Its great to discuss issues and ideas, not to change anyone's mind but to get another perspective and perhaps consider something you may not otherwise considered. Way back when it was breast/bottle, when to wean, when and how to potty train, public school or homeschool, sports etc. Now that the kids are tweens it gets even more interesting! Somehow we have managed to avoid judging and stay friends, its makes life, our friendship and our discussions very interesting.

This thread is reminding me of that ~~
TJ

 

[disneymom3]

DH and I have gone away for a weekend several times and left the kids with G'ma and G'pa. Quite honestly, they can't wait for us to leave when we drop them off and I am pretty sure they have a better time than we do. When my mom passed away, I left the boys--4 and 5--with my ILs and took DD 9 with me. Felt a little guilty, but in the end it was the best decision I could have made.

However, DH and I went on a cruise when the two older ones were 4 and 9 months. We left them with Gma on the weekend but a friend took them during the week. It didn't go really well and I regretted it big time. On the otherhand, we had left DD for a week when she was 1.5 with my mom to go on a cruise for our anniversary and that worked out great. Soooo, my answer is I would leave them to go somewhere with DH but only with Gma and Gpa.

 

[swillis]

Hmmm....I didn't read every post, but enough to get the vibe that spending time alone with your husband, without your children is frowned upon?

I honestly think that spending time alone with your husband is an absolute MUST DO. Your marriage is fragile, and we are only human. Like anything else in our lives, if we don't take the time to love, nurture and support our marriages they will not thrive.

I don't think you do a disservice to your children to leave them periodically with people who love them, so that you may spend quality time with your spouse. When did we all become so overwhelmed with parenting that we push our marriages to the back burner?

I think there is (or should be) time in our very busy lives for a family vacation and a couples vacation.

I go away frequently with my husband. My kids will either stay with their father, or with my parents. We have been doing this for several years. My kids do not whine, or get upset. They get it.

Having already had one failed marriage, I have mistakes that I have learned from. One of the things I have learned is that unless I am happy- as a wife, a person, and a woman, then I can't be the best mother I am capable of being. It's just basic stuff that eveyone knows..."if Moms not happy, then NOBODYs happy"

Just my 2 cents...flame away

 

[DisneyPhD]

Hmmm....I didn't read every post, but enough to get the vibe that spending time alone with your husband, without your children is frowned upon?

Just my 2 cents...flame away

I don't know how many posts you read, or what ones. That isn't the feel that I have gotten from this thread (some other threads maybe, but not this one.) Of course the question was also about spending time or trips with not all members of the family. This can inculde taking kids, but not all of them for different reasons.

Acutally want to thank everyone for having a good dailog about what works for different families, but not judging others.

 

[DisneyPhD]

OK, this may get long so bear with me!! Hey DisneyPhD, thanks for opening up this discussion. I really like some of the things you say in these posts but especially your way of saying it. That said, I also really liked what intrep93 and powellrj had to say. I have taken one trip with my DH alone. We did so when my 1st DS was 2 and we went to Ft. Myers Beach for a week with friends. I am so glad I did it because 3 mos. later one of them committed suicide. I almost did not go on the trip for fear and guilt over leaving my son. It was the best trip (aside from our honeymoon in WDW) that my DH and I ever took. Now, I currently am planning a trip in April and am leaning towards not taking my 18moDS. For a variety of reasons as you can read in my previous post. After reading many of your responses I am feeling better about this decision. I know that no matter what I do there are always going to be those who feel they need to judge me but I don't care about them. I am going to do what is best for me and my family. Someone (sorry, I forgot who) mentioned something about when we become parents we accept that we will forever have a child with us. Yes, this is true and our children's needs must be top priorities. However, I also believe very strongly in the love between partners/ spouses/ parents. What kind of a parent will I be if I do not spend quality time with my DH. What kind of example do we set for our children if we do not model how to nurture a realtionship. I came from a home where the love between my parents was so strong and visible. They always took mini or long vacations with each other. (I know this is not the only way to accomplish this either)It NEVER affected my sister and I negatively. If anything, it showed us that its important and ok. That being said, I am speaking about my experience and will never judge anyone for doing something different. I just want others to not have guilt if they do take trips alone with DH/ DW. I also know my DH younger brother was left home at 18mos to stay w/ Grandparents when the rest of the family went to WDW. I just spoke with him this weekend and asked him about it. He said it never even bothered him. He does not feel bad that he wasn't included or feels awful about seeing pictures. My MIL said he never asked about why he didn't go, he was told he was too young, money, and had special spoiling time with Grammy and Grampy. He has always been fine with that. I think that whatever anyone decides to do is the right decision for them.

Thank you poohbearfan1, I must admit your thread did inspire me. I must say that I feel the responses have been more friendly here.

I hope what ever you decied it works out and you have a wonderful time. I think your little princess is going to LOVE WDW. I know mine does.

 

[momofmmsd5]

I posted on the first post about this but my first respons was MUch shorter than this one. I went back to reread what others had said because I thought that most of what opers had said was positive but after going back I see why you started this one.
We have a family of 5 kids. Four of them are from my first marriage and the baby is from my second. When my ex and I had twins we had 4 kids 4 and under! My middle guy turned 2 the week after the babies were born. With that been said we did decide to leave them home when we took the older ones to WDW for the first time. It just would not have been fun for any of us if I had brought 2 ten month old babies.
I have also gone away without the kids so my DH and I could send time alone.I never did this with my ex. We do it when he has them for his week vacations or for a long weekend. It in some cases can be much easier to do when you are in a divorce situation because they are with their Dad having a good time! We have not left the baby home yet (he came with us last May for our Land/Sea cruise) and will be with us again this May in WDW. There is a large age gap between him and the older ones so it is easier to bring him along. It also helps when you bring you sitter along Everyone has diffrent comfort levels with this topic and I still say go with your heart. You can't go wrong with that. I think we all as parents get so wrapped up in being the perfect parent sometimes that we forget to take care of ourselves as well. I learned the hard way that your relationship with your spouse has to have the top priority so that you can be there for the kids!

 

[hollyb]

DH and I would never leave the children to go on a vacation or worse yet leave one and take another. Our children mean more to us then a vacation. Yes when they are out of the house and grown we will then go by ourself. It would kill DH and I to leave them behind. Life is to short not to enjoy time with out kids.

 

[Marseeya]

DH and I would never leave the children to go on a vacation or worse yet leave one and take another. Our children mean more to us then a vacation. Yes when they are out of the house and grown we will then go by ourself. It would kill DH and I to leave them behind. Life is to short not to enjoy time with out kids.

So, just out of curiosity, what if you had an older child who absolutely hated traveling? Would you just never travel?

 

[beattyfamily]

DH and I would never leave the children to go on a vacation or worse yet leave one and take another. Our children mean more to us then a vacation. Yes when they are out of the house and grown we will then go by ourself. It would kill DH and I to leave them behind. Life is to short not to enjoy time with out kids.

ITA. We would never go on an extended vacation without our kids or leave one behind. We would possibly get away for a weekend but that's it and it certainly wouldn't be a kid-friendly place like WDW.

 

[DVC Sadie]

What about taking just one kid? Sometimes I feel bad for my oldest who's live changed so much after her baby sister was born. Sometimes I feel for my youngest who never got our full attention like her big sister did when she was a baby.

I guess I don't see how taking parent only vacations is good and even needed, but parent's who don't take all their kids based on need and ages are "bad" (for lack of a better word.)

Well I turned out alright and yes my parents went on vacation without us at least once a year. My mother would take me on a separate vacation usually shopping in Houston for several days. My brother went on solo trips with my dad usually to some sports venue. (baseball or football) games. All children are different and have different interests and to treat them the same is a disservice to both the children and the parents. My brother was 5 years older than I so we enjoyed so many different things. I was very lucky to have grown up with parents who cared deeply about each other to take the time to keep their marriage fresh and meaningful by going solo on vacations without us. I guess I was blessed to be raised in a household that didn't worry about things always being exactly "fair" or "equal" but what was right for the child and parents at the time.

 

[Danestress]

My husband and I have had a few short vacations alone.

I would certainly take a child and leave one who didn't want to go. We are taking our 9 year olds to Disney and not our 18 year old, who will be in college and doesn't want to go.

I would also leave a child who was too young to understand where we were going or who couldn't function that that trip. I wouldn't take a one year old on a ski trip.

I would never take one child to Disney and leave another who was over 2 or so (ie who understood what was happening). The only exception would be if we traveled so much it didn't matter. Some families travel SO much and regularly split their kids up - quite happily.

For my kids, going to Disney (or the beach for a week) would be a special treat. I would never say "this is just for boys" or "this is just for girls." Again, if the boy or girl didn't WANT to go, that would be different. But I don't know any kids under 12 or so who *don't* want to go to Disney.