Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[aprilgail2]

Sorry, haven't caught up on all the pages of this thread yet, but just had to ask. Is it typical everywhere else to have a big party like that for a baptism with a band and a bar? Here baptisms are usually family/close friends if they go to your church and then a cake and a meal usually at home. Maybe a bbq.

Its typical around here to have a big party for a christening or baptisim- usually with a open bar.

 

[sha_lyn]

ITA...I love all the excuses for not having open bar that are supposedly non-money related, when in reality if it was FREE, everyone would have open bar.

I guess you missed reading a lot of posts. For my first wedding, and most weddings in my area it is because of religion. When my grandmother got married at home, she was specifically told by her pastor that he would not conduct the cermony if alcohol in any form would be served at the reception.
One SB poster said she was even told they could not toast with punch etc because toasting is associated with alcohol

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

You need to reread Mare's quote. She DID have a cash bar....and here's the relevant comment...

It's about hosting an event and providing for invited guests without it being their responsibility to help pay for it.

No...YOU need to reread Mare's quote. We did NOT have a cash bar...we had an open bar...I've stated that before on this thread. My quote states, in other words, that the issue isn't about getting people drunk or not getting people drunk; it IS about providing for our guests and not expecting our guests to help pay for our event, as in...we would NOT expect our guests to pay for drinks or anything else.

 

[disykat]

Except Southern Baptists, Latter-Day Saints, Muslims, Hindus, and a few other religions... Oh yeah, EVERYONE would have an open bar, you're right.

And people like me. I have no alcoholics in my family, no religious reasons for not drinking, and nothing against people who do. I just think alcohol changes events and prefer attending events without alcohol. I wouldn't have a wedding I wasn't interested in attending.

 

[2girlsmom]

ITA...I love all the excuses for not having open bar that are supposedly non-money related, when in reality if it was FREE, everyone would have open bar.

Not so, I didn't want to have any alcohol, my family didn't want to have any alcohol (my mother comes from a long line of alcoholics). My inlaws insisted that we "at least" have a cash bar. Come to think of it, ours was also just the regular bar in the other side of the establishment, they went out to the bar to order anything not provided.

 

[Todd&Copper]

That would be a great solution if everyone felt that way....unfortunately, the NY/NJ/CT relatives balked at the idea of us serving only beer, wine and soft drinks. We were asked by DH's step-mother what we would do if their friends wanted a martini?? Here's the deal.....we could have afforded an open bar....we chose not to have one for a variety of reasons. The money we saved is in our DD's private education account. Just because you can afford something doesn't mean you should or have to do it. Every party we host is not a lavish 4 course meal with top of the line wine. There is just this expectation of what a wedding should be from some people and that I just don't understand.

Maybe "afford" is the wrong word, but I still think it is rude to expect guests to pay for drinks. I was married in Virginia and all of my mother's and father's families are from NY/NJ and if any of them presumed to tell me what to serve at the wedding, I'd politely tell them it was my party, but if they wanted to pay for an open bar, I would consider that our gift from them. Or, if someone not paying for the event felt so strongly about having a martini, maybe they shuld either pour one into a flask or go to a bar on their way to the reception.

Like if I had a kid's patry at Chuck E Cheese (do they still have those), I'd expect to pay for games for the kids. I wouldn't think that just covering the meal was my job and they needed to bring their own quarters. But I'd offer them a fixed amount of tokens (akin tot he "beer and wine" option) not unlimited ones for the rest of the day.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Its typical around here to have a big party for a christening or baptisim- usually with a open bar.

I agree. We had a dj for 2 of them (they were at a hall dues to the weather at the time of year), 2 were tented parties, all catered events, all had open bars. We do the same for the 1st birthdays as well.

 

[MontanaZoo]

I agree. We had a dj for 2 of them (they were at a hall dues to the weather at the time of year), 2 were tented parties, all catered events, all had open bars. We do the same for the 1st birthdays as well.

Interesting, 1st birthdays around here are usually just friends and families, possibly bbq or potluck...requisite baby in high chair with cake getting it all over themselves.

 

[Mom2Nick]

At our wedding a 20% gratuity (on everything) was added to our final bill from the resort. I certainly hope nobody was tipping the barstaff any extra. I didn't really go near the bar during the reception so I don't know what was going on.

Brace yourself - I am sure you'll be called superior any minute now for thinking the "help" didn't need to be tipped twice

 

[SydSim]

Trim your guest list and treat the people you invited right. YMMV.

I never really understood the need for alcohol at functions. You are stating that "treating the people right" means supplying free alcohol. Why do people feel that you can only have a "right" party if there is free flowing alcohol served? Maybe that's part of the problem.

At my housewarming party, we had loads of food and soda/iced tea/water - but no alcohol. We have a group of guests arrive, ask where the alcohol was and when told that there was none, they promptly turned around and left. I don't get it.

I don't feel that a cash bar is forcing someone to pay $$$ at the function. The guest is choosing to drink alcohol so because of that choice, they are paying $$$. Forcing someone to drink alcohol is another story.

 

[aprilgail2]

I agree. We had a dj for 2 of them (they were at a hall dues to the weather at the time of year), 2 were tented parties, all catered events, all had open bars. We do the same for the 1st birthdays as well.

First birthdays here are big- held out in halls or restaurant party rooms. Elmos or other people in costumes hired, music etc. We had 52 people in a restaurant party room for my daughters first birthday.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I never really understood the need for alcohol at functions. You are stating that "treating the people right" means supplying free alcohol. Why do people feel that you can only have a "right" party if there is free flowing alcohol served? Maybe that's part of the problem.

I can't speak for MHM...but I know for us its not that treating people right equals having free booze, but rather you want your guest to want for absolutely nothing. Nothing to do with having boozers or drunks at the party either or not being able to celebrate an occasion sans alcohol. Most of the weddings and events that we attend many people get MAYBE one or two drinks (by choice, some none at all), its just a nice added touch compliments of your host. Of course you always have the one friend or relative who gets crocked off their rocker because they ARE a boozer, but that's a whole other matter.

 

[SydSim]

If you invited me to your home and said "I have soft drinks and wine" that would be fine. I'd drink the soft drinks or wine and have a swell time.

If you invited me to your home and said "I have soft drinks and wine. If you want a whiskey sour, that will be $5.00" I'd be put off. I'd still have a swell time, but I'd think you were tacky.

See the difference?

I understand what you're saying, but since many reception venues have actual bars where people must pay for a drink (if they aren't there for a particular party), it makes it a little different than someone's home. If you invited me to your home for dinner, I wouldn't bring you a toaster either

 

[sha_lyn]

I just don't get these 1st birthdays with open bars (or any alcohol at all). Around here you just don't serve alcohol at a child's birthday party. The party is about the birthday child, not the adults and supplying them with free booze.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I never really understood the need for alcohol at functions. You are stating that "treating the people right" means supplying free alcohol. Why do people feel that you can only have a "right" party if there is free flowing alcohol served? Maybe that's part of the problem.

At my housewarming party, we had loads of food and soda/iced tea/water - but no alcohol. We have a group of guests arrive, ask where the alcohol was and when told that there was none, they promptly turned around and left. I don't get it.

I don't feel that a cash bar is forcing someone to pay $$$ at the function. The guest is choosing to drink alcohol so because of that choice, they are paying $$$. Forcing someone to drink alcohol is another story.

Nope. I am stating that treating people right means they don't have to pay for anything at your party. No one is forcing them to drink alcohol but if you offer it for a price then you are asking for them to pay for something at your party. Look at it this way- if at your party you are serving burgers, any kind, with cheese, without cheese etc. BUT- there is also a big table set up with lobster and filet mignon that your guests can purchase if they want. Now you can't tell me that isn't tacky. IF you were just serving the burgers then it would be fine and a good time would be had by all. By offering something that guests have to pay for you are not treating them as guests. You are treating them as customers. You don't have to have alcohol- just don't offer it at all. Don't offer it and expect people to pay. You don't need alcohol for a good party- but if you do offer it then you as a host should be paying.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I just don't get these 1st birthdays with open bars (or any alcohol at all). Around here you just don't serve alcohol at a child's birthday party. The party is about the birthday child, not the adults and supplying them with free booze.

It is about the child but there are adults there too. Should we just serve chicken nuggets and mac and cheese because those are kid friendly foods?

 

[sha_lyn]

It is about the child but there are adults there too. Should we just serve chicken nuggets and mac and cheese because those are kid friendly foods?

Yep that would be the norm around here. hot dog, pizza or chicken nuggets etc.

 

[kimmikayb]

It is about the child but there are adults there too. Should we just serve chicken nuggets and mac and cheese because those are kid friendly foods?

Often we do...or pizza. Never bands, DJs or open bar. Maybe a cooler of beer if it's hot. Baptisms are lunch after church for the immediate family.

 

[Stella3]

I just don't get these 1st birthdays with open bars (or any alcohol at all). Around here you just don't serve alcohol at a child's birthday party. The party is about the birthday child, not the adults and supplying them with free booze.

It is the same around here. I like my beer as much as the next person, but I find it very odd that anyone would find a 1 year old's b-day party the appropriate place to have an open bar! That is just very odd to me.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I just don't get these 1st birthdays with open bars (or any alcohol at all). Around here you just don't serve alcohol at a child's birthday party. The party is about the birthday child, not the adults and supplying them with free booze.

Any family function has alcohol - funerals, kids birthdays, baptisms, graduations. Who wants to attend a dry party? How boring.