Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[Disney Doll]

We did not have soda at our wedding because it was around $2 a glass and we couldn't afford to have a "free for all" on soda (we had 150 people attend our wedding). If we gave everyone ONE glass of soda, it would have been an additional $300 for our reception...and most people won't just drink ONE glass of soda. We had set a certain budget for our reception and the majority of it went to the buffet that we had set up.

Alcohol was also seriously expensive, but we had a cash bar for that and if someone REALLY wanted soda, they could purchase it from there.

We had coffee, iced and hot tea and water available for free and not ONE person complained about it.

I'm a little surprised you were so angry that you didn't get a soda to drink. How terrible is it to miss one soda with a meal? Water isn't horrible. And the cost of the soda may have been out of the bride and groom's price range.

And I still maintain that if you cannot afford to throw the party, then throw a different kid of party.

One you can afford. Not one your guests have to contribute to.

I paid for my wedding, along with my parents and a contribution from my ILs. I don't have kids, so I don't really feel the need to pay for anyone else's wedding.

 

[txaggiemomof3]

I agree. Just in this thread alone, we have seen the "I don't seal the envelope until I see how much they are feeding me or giving me to drink"

I thought wedding gifts were to honor the couple, not a fee based on how much the guest gets out of the wedding.

Talk about the Me,Me,Me factor.

As you said, Tacky Tacky and even more Tacky.

I totally agree!

 

[sha_lyn]

If you invited me to your home and said "I have soft drinks and wine" that would be fine. I'd drink the soft drinks or wine and have a swell time.

If you invited me to your home and said "I have soft drinks and wine. If you want a whiskey sour, that will be $5.00" I'd be put off. I'd still have a swell time, but I'd think you were tacky.

See the difference?

IMHO your example compared to fronglady's post is off.
The comparison would be more like you came into her home and she offered you soft drinks and wine, but you walked next door and bought a mixed drink and then complained that she didn't cover the bill for you.
As she posted, the cash bar was not in their ballroom, it was the bar for the establishment.

 

[Disney Doll]

Question, are you all going to the wedding to see the wedding or for the party? It sounds as if the priority is for you all to go to a party footed by the bride's family, which can lead up to being tens of thousands of dollars. My wedding was paid for by my husband and we did not have tens of thousands of dollars to pay for a party. If people came to my wedding, they knew they were getting cake and punch and they knew that we did not have the money to put on a big affair. If you all consider it tacky, I'm thankful I did not invite you to my wedding.

You're missing the point.

The point isn't that I think that someone should have to go into debt for a wedding, throw a huge party with every food, drink and dessert known to mankind. As I said before, serve me punch and water if you want, but don't ask me to come as a guest to your wedding and then ask me to pony up $10 to pay for my water and cake. And expect a gift to boot, because let's face it, everybody can say they want to "share their special day with their loved ones" , but what would you be saying about a guest who came to your wedding and didn't give you a gift?

 

[sha_lyn]

And I still maintain that if you cannot afford to throw the party, then throw a different kid of party.

One you can afford. Not one your guests have to contribute to.

I paid for my wedding, along with my parents and a contribution from my ILs. I don't have kids, so I don't really feel the need to pay for anyone else's wedding.

the guest didn't have to contribute anything to Dr Girlfriend's receptioin unless they were so darn picky that the coffee, tea and water wasn't good enough for them.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would rather treat fewer people as my cherished guests at a day as important as my wedding, than invite more people then I could afford and treat them as strangers. If that meant celebrating with only 10 people and treating them right, I would have preferred that to a lavish wedding where my guests were no more than bank machines funding my wedding and handing over gifts. (Actually, this isn't far from what I did, I only had 21 guests at my wedding, but they were treated to an afternoon reception and a dessert party during EPCOT's Illuminations in the evening. )

People have cash bars because they want huge, fancy weddings they can't afford or that or they don't feel their guests are worth the cost of a few drinks. No matter which way you look at it, it's tacky and rude. Serve ice water, if that's all you can afford, but serve it graciously! Having a small or inexpensive wedding is NOT tacky. Expecting guests to pay for your wedding is.

You said what I have been trying to get across so much better than I could.

 

[Disney Doll]

I disagree with this statement. Some people have cash bars because their fathers make them invite all of his alcoholic relatives. My dad provided beer and champaign. There was also coffee, water and iced tea. I don't know about soft drinks, every reception I've ever been to everyone drank tea. There was a cash bar to prevent some members of my family from ruining my reception like they have others.

In fact now everyone in my family uses the same strategy and the weddings have gotten much nicer. Don't any of you people up North have embarrassing, drunk relatives? Is that just a Southern thing?

Yes, we have embarrassing drunk relatives who will still get embarrassingly drunk at a wedding whether they are paying for their drinks at a cash bar or sneaking in a flask of their own liquor from home.

A drunk is a drunk. They aren't going to worry about spending money on booze, nor would they worry about being considered tacky by carrying a flask.

The "drunk relative made me do a cash bar" excuse doesn't fly with me. I come from a fmaily with a HUGE history of alcoholism, which is why I don't drink a lot. If I host a party, I host it. I do not expect my guests to pay anything toward the cost of MY party.

 

[kpm76]

Ok, so what happens at the country club and hotel weddings where the bar is stocked regardless of whether you offer open or cash bar. You decide to pay for soft drinks annd/or beer and wine. Someone goes up to the bar and orders a mixed drink. The bar tender says I am sorry they are not available. People are still going to complain.....it's a no win situation.....

 

[stitchlilo]

The "drunk relative made me do a cash bar" excuse doesn't fly with me. I come from a fmaily with a HUGE history of alcoholism, which is why I don't drink a lot. If I host a party, I host it. I do not expect my guests to pay anything toward the cost of MY party.

It actually worked at the one that I attended. The drunks left shortly after eating (they could get an entire bottle for the cost of one drink) and then the party was way more fun!!!!

 

[komondorok]

Where I live, cash bars are the norm.

Although we did have an open bar at our wedding, most we have attended have provided water, tea, coffee and maybe punch.

If you wanted anything harder, you could purchase it.

We have not attended a sports banquet, an employer function or charitable parties where there were open bars.

Actually, sitting on the board of a 501c3 organization, we are in planning process of our yearly annual banquet. We are providing water, tea, and coffee. There will be a cash bar provided outside the banquet room. There are many reasons for this. 1) we would be responsible by law if guests are drunk and get into accidents afterwards. 2) Some of our contributors may not approve of alcohol consumption. By providing free liquor, we would alienate some of our members. By allowing it to be a choice of the guest, it is just that. It is a guest choice, not our choice.

I feel like, as a guest at a wedding or any other social event, as long as I am getting water, tea, coffee, the hosts are doing their job as great hosts in that they have provided refreshments.

It is my choice if I want to imbibe in alcoholic beverages. I would never expect a host to provide something that maybe they could not afford, or did not believe in just because I like to have an alcoholic drink.

I actually think it is pretty gracious of a host to provide a cash bar as an additional option to a social function. It gives the guest an additional choice over what the host has provided, as long as some liquid refreshment is provided.

But I have to agree with some of the other posters here, this I have to be fed well and boozed otherwise the host is cheap, is an extremely tacky viewpoint.

If water is not even provided, then I may be disappointed. But as long as some refreshment is provided, then the host has done their job well.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

If you invited me to your home and said "I have soft drinks and wine" that would be fine. I'd drink the soft drinks or wine and have a swell time.

If you invited me to your home and said "I have soft drinks and wine. If you want a whiskey sour, that will be $5.00" I'd be put off. I'd still have a swell time, but I'd think you were tacky.

See the difference?

Exactly!

If you can't afford to offer it. Then don't. Period.

You invited these people to your reception - it's your obligation to treat them like guests. If it's all about sharing the bride and groom's special day, we could end it at the actual ceremony, offer congratulations, throw some rice and go off on our merry way.

But it's not. The bride and groom choose to then invite everyone to a reception. They are the host and hostess. This is their first official gathering as man and wife. You just don't make people pay for that. It's wrong.

If all you can afford is soda, tea and coffee - then that's all you offer.
If all you can afford is beer, wine and soda - then that's all you offer.
If you can afford an open bar - then offer it.

But DO NOT set up a bar as part of a party and then expect your guests to subsidize it.

If there's a bar on the premises (like at many country clubs) that's open to the public and your guests then choose to go and pay for a drink, that's a completely different story. But, inside the venue where the reception is held - it is tacky.

And, I'm still in shock at the person who posted that they were told how much their share of a child's birthday party was - how gross. I have been talking about it all day to friends - we're all in shock.

There are very classy ways of doing a wedding within a budget that won't make the bride and groom look ridiculous. Having guest pay for anything is cheesy and tacky.

 

[stitchlilo]

Although we did have an open bar at our wedding, most we have attended have provided water, tea, coffee and maybe punch.

If you wanted anything harder, you could purchase it.

I just found out that soda is drinking something harder.

Honestly not offering soda as a free choice is tacky.

 

[Nennie]

If I went to a wedding, and they served chicken, I would eat the chicken and be happy.

If I went to wedding, and they served chicken for free, but told me that had the option of paying $10 to have steak instead of chicken, I would think it was tacky.

Same thing goes for an open bar. If you can't afford to offer an open bar (or don't want to serve alcohol for other reasons), then don't have a bar. I will be more than happy to drink non-alcoholic beverages, iced tea, etc. If you offer a cash bar, again I will think it's tacky.

When I throw a party, I don't charge my guests. I may not serve lobster, but whatever I do serve will be free of charge!!

 

[sha_lyn]

Exactly!

If you can't afford to offer it. Then don't. Period.

You invited these people to your reception - it's your obligation to treat them like guests. If it's all about sharing the bride and groom's special day, we could end it at the actual ceremony, offer congratulations, throw some rice and go off on our merry way.

But it's not. The bride and groom choose to then invite everyone to a reception. They are the host and hostess. This is their first official gathering as man and wife. You just don't make people pay for that. It's wrong.

If all you can afford is soda, tea and coffee - then that's all you offer.
If all you can afford is beer, wine and soda - then that's all you offer.
If you can afford an open bar - then offer it.

But DO NOT set up a bar as part of a party and then expect your guests to subsidize it.

If there's a bar on the premises (like at many country clubs) that's open to the public and your guests then choose to go and pay for a drink, that's a completely different story. But, inside the venue where the reception is held - it is tacky.

And, I'm still in shock at the person who posted that they were told how much their share of a child's birthday party was - how gross. I have been talking about it all day to friends - we're all in shock.

There are very classy ways of doing a wedding within a budget that won't make the bride and groom look ridiculous. Having guest pay for anything is cheesy and tacky.

And that was exactly the situation in the post that DD quoted and was replying to

 

[creativeamanda]

You're missing the point.

The point isn't that I think that someone should have to go into debt for a wedding, throw a huge party with every food, drink and dessert known to mankind. As I said before, serve me punch and water if you want, but don't ask me to come as a guest to your wedding and then ask me to pony up $10 to pay for my water and cake. And expect a gift to boot, because let's face it, everybody can say they want to "share their special day with their loved ones" , but what would you be saying about a guest who came to your wedding and didn't give you a gift?

No, I'm not. Several posters stated that if they go to a wedding they expect to be fed a meal and that serving cake and lemonade/punch is tacky. That opinion is tacky, presumptuous, snobbish, and rude. If they expect to be fed, then stay home and eat at home and don't come to my wedding. I refused to go into credit card debt over my wedding and if people had problems with me not serving them a meal, they could have stayed home. I personally chose a time for my wedding that was not a mealtime to prevent the expectation that there would be a meal served.

In the South, a lunch is expected for a 11:00/12:00 wedding with no alcohol, a 2:00/3:00 wedding calls for dessert, and a dinner time (5:00 or thereafter) calls for dinner and perhaps a bar, but one is definitely not expected, nor is an open bar expected. Most weddings and receptions are held at the church or country club, where alcohol is not served.

 

[lillygator]

me personally would never have a party, wedding, social function where my guests had to pay for anything. To me, that is just tacky, we had an open bar and sit down meal at our wedding....all the birthday parties we've had so far have been tons of food and drink. I just can't fathom making guests pay...what's the point of being a guest?

 

[Nana Annie]

Well if I go to the wedding of course I want to see the wedding but if you invite me to a reception then at least treat me like a guest and not a paying customer.

If you are treated to some sort of refreshment, be it punch and cake or an extravagent sit down meal, water or a full bar, you are being treated like an honored guest.

If YOU feel that the only way you are a guest is to get free alcohol and a full, expensive meal, then that is your problem and not the host's problem.

If YOU want something more than the bridal party has decided is appropriate for their party (ie: alcohol vs. their water), then you can make the choice to pay for it. But it is your choice. I think it wonderful that brides give their guests another choice besides water.

I had no idea that there was a monetary value placed on how honored a guest is nor did I know that you could only be a guest if you got free alcohol.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I agree. Just in this thread alone, we have seen the "I don't seal the envelope until I see how much they are feeding me or giving me to drink"

I thought wedding gifts were to honor the couple, not a fee based on how much the guest gets out of the wedding.

Talk about the Me,Me,Me factor.

As you said, Tacky Tacky and even more Tacky.

I think you are misunderstanding. IF you invite me to YOUR party and I have to PAY my own way then yes, I can see taking away from the gift. Sorry but when you invite people to your event YOU should be paying. Maybe I can soda cheaper at the 7-11 down the road and the place your event is costs more? Why do you get to decide to have a party, invite everyone, and then send me the bill? Honor the couple yes- what about honoring your guests and being a good host?

 

[creativeamanda]

I can accept the fact that I may have to pay for a soda. But it is really, really hard to understand a wedding where there is no meal served. Especially if you have traveled to get there. I know it is a regional thing, but I don't understand it.

This is my case in point. If you are coming to the wedding for a free meal, then just stay at home.

 

[creativeamanda]

I think you are misunderstanding. IF you invite me to YOUR party and I have to PAY my own way then yes, I can see taking away from the gift. Sorry but when you invite people to your event YOU should be paying. Maybe I can soda cheaper at the 7-11 down the road and the place your event is costs more? Why do you get to decide to have a party, invite everyone, and then send me the bill? Honor the couple yes- what about honoring your guests and being a good host?

What about being gracious and honoring the couple on their new life together? Taking away from a planned gift because you were put off by their reception seems a little haughty.