Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[Mouse House Mama]

But you contradict this by saying these things:





You personally think that at a wedding you should get a free, expensive meal complete with drinks or the money envelope you bring as a gift would be lighter. What's tackier? Offering some beverage for free, while also offering a cash bar or taking money out of the envelope for a gift because you did not get the reception you expected? In that case, you are paying for the reception, whether it be directly or indirectly.

You are not getting what I am saying. Offer what you can afford. Yes- I think just serving water is tacky. Sorry but I do. I can have any opinion I want. If you read I said FOR ME I could never expect people to come from all over and then not feed them. That is how I was raised and that is the norm HERE. I don't expect a free expensive meal complete with drinks. I do expect that I will not have to PAY for part of your party. If you cannot afford whatever then don't offer it. Expecting people to ante up is rude. I don't care what you think I think it is rude. I ftr have never taken money out of an envelope.

 

[Nana Annie]

You're missing the point.

The point isn't that I think that someone should have to go into debt for a wedding, throw a huge party with every food, drink and dessert known to mankind. As I said before, serve me punch and water if you want, but don't ask me to come as a guest to your wedding and then ask me to pony up $10 to pay for my water and cake. And expect a gift to boot, because let's face it, everybody can say they want to "share their special day with their loved ones" , but what would you be saying about a guest who came to your wedding and didn't give you a gift?

I don't think many here are saying that having to pay for the water and the wouldn't be tacky. Charging an admission fee to a party is tacky.

However, if the host is providing water and the cake, but you want something else, and choose to spend $10.00 on a mixed drink, then the guest is being tacky for complaining that the host did not provide it.

If the host provided the water and the cake, they are being good hosts. If the guest made the decision that they would enjoy the party more with an extra drink, over and above what the host offers, then is the guest's decision and problem, not the hosts.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

No more sweeping of a generalization than calling anyone who does not have a full meal at their wedding tacky without knowing the details.

Nobody said you had to have a full meal. I pointed out that different areas do different things. Here we have a lot of food. If not having a meal is the norm where you live then so be it. What is tacky is having guests PAY for the food and drink.

 

[creativeamanda]

I don't think many here are saying that having to pay for the water and the wouldn't be tacky. Charging an admission fee to a party is tacky.

However, if the host is providing water and the cake, but you want something else, and choose to spend $10.00 on a mixed drink, then the guest is being tacky for complaining that the host did not provide it.

If the host provided the water and the cake, they are being good hosts. If the guest made the decision that they would enjoy the party more with an extra drink, over and above what the host offers, then is the guest's decision and problem, not the hosts.

ITA. I don't condone charging an admission fee to a wedding to cover the cost of the reception by far. But I have taken my kids to birthday parties at the skating rink and had to pay for my kids. I honestly did not think enything of it. But I personally wouldn't throw a party like that if I could not afford to pay for all of the kids myself.

 

[creativeamanda]

Nobody said you had to have a full meal.

Actually, there were at least three posters who did.

 

[sha_lyn]

Nobody said you had to have a full meal. I pointed out that different areas do different things. Here we have a lot of food. If not having a meal is the norm where you live then so be it. What is tacky is having guests PAY for the food and drink.

Actually several have said just that.
One that comes to mind is where the poster attended a wedding in an area where a punch & cake reception is the norm, and called it tacky

 

[lillygator]

ITA. I don't condone charging an admission fee to a wedding to cover the cost of the reception by far. But I have taken my kids to birthday parties at the skating rink and had to pay for my kids. I honestly did not think enything of it. But I personally wouldn't throw a party like that if I could not afford to pay for all of the kids myself.

was your child that you paid for the one invited? That is beyond tacky if you had to pay for your child invited to a bday party.

 

[Nana Annie]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ember
I would rather treat fewer people as my cherished guests at a day as important as my wedding, than invite more people then I could afford and treat them as strangers. If that meant celebrating with only 10 people and treating them right, I would have preferred that to a lavish wedding where my guests were no more than bank machines funding my wedding and handing over gifts. (Actually, this isn't far from what I did, I only had 21 guests at my wedding, but they were treated to an afternoon reception and a dessert party during EPCOT's Illuminations in the evening. )

People have cash bars because they want huge, fancy weddings they can't afford or that or they don't feel their guests are worth the cost of a few drinks. No matter which way you look at it, it's tacky and rude. Serve ice water, if that's all you can afford, but serve it graciously! Having a small or inexpensive wedding is NOT tacky. Expecting guests to pay for your wedding is.

You said what I have been trying to get across so much better than I could.

And you know this how? That all people who offer cash bars are cheap?

How about perhaps the bride and groom don't believe in alcohol, so they don't want to serve it themselves? But being good hosts and hostesses, they recognize that some guests may prefer having a drink with their meal.

Since it is against their beliefs, they don't want to pay for it. But, even though they don't approve, they want to offer it to their guests that might want a drink. But it would be the guest's choice and the guest's responsibility to purchase it. They are just making it easier for the guest to find the alcohol.

The bride and groom ARE offering the water and cake. They are being good hosts. They are being even better hosts by offering an option to what they are offering. It has nothing to do with requiring their guests to help pay for their reception. They are providing drinks (water, coffee, tea).

IF the guest is too picky for the host's choices, then they have been provided an easy way to purchase what they want.

To me, compromising some of their beliefs for the pleasure of their guests is the ultimate host.

I think it is the ultimate of tack to criticize anyone's choices of what they serve at their party.

 

[SeaSpray]

OP - you didn't state where this wedding was (or if you did, I missed it - sorry). It is the same, for me & DH at least (& as I recall in planning my first wedding, it was the same for ex DH & his family), here in southeastern MA & RI.

All receptions are either buffet style or sit down - which consists of appetizer(s), meal & cake & icecream (& possibly one other dessert depending on where the reception is being held at) & serve coffee & water & one small glass of wine for a toast at no charge, but anything (including milk, juice or soda) that comes from the bar must be paid for out of the drinkers pocket at the bar. (Though on the occasion that DD was with us, I have yet to have a bar tender charge us for her milk - I don't know if that was the "policy" or because we tip well .

Come to think of it - it is the same for corporate functions too. Coffee & water only is supplied at no charge. Though I have been to some where the company will supply the employee & guest one ticket for one free alcoholic drink.






OP - I'm confused. First you said that they didn't offer ANY beverages, then you said they did (coffee)??? It would be tacky if they didn't offer anything, but they did offer something - you just were not in the mood for it.
In hindsite - you could have asked for a glass of ice from the bar & then make your own iced coffee with the free coffee to have a free cold drink. I'm just sayin' that that has been done before.....

This was in southeast Massachusetts. It was the second wedding for both of them; I'd guess they're in their late 60's - early 70's. Very active people though, and very nice. I just was shocked to have to pay for a cold (non-alcoholic) drink!

Honestly people, if DH and I HAD CASH ON US, I might not have posted this thread! LOL The thing is, we sincerely did not expect to need cash at the wedding.

Regarding the coffee: There was a pot set up on a table next to the cake. If there was coffee made in advance of the cake, I guess I could've made my own iced coffee by asking for a cup of ice from the bar and then walking over to the corner where the cake table was, but picture it. LOL My DH wanted a COLD drink and so he ran to the ATM for cash so we could get a soda from the bar. That's it, that's my story, that's the truth.

I want to clarify: A lot of people are discussing cash bar, alcohol, etc. At no point did we WANT or NEED or EXPECT alcohol. Just a simple cold beverage would've been nice!

 

[creativeamanda]

was your child that you paid for the one invited? That is beyond tacky if you had to pay for your child invited to a bday party.

My three children were invited. I paid for all three. They served pizza and cake. I paid for the kids to skate. I did not think anything of it, but I personally would not have thrown a party like that. My daughter chose 3 friends for her bday party to go to see Prince Caspian. In that case I footed the bill--movie tickets, popcorn, and dinner.

 

[sha_lyn]

And you know this how? That all people who offer cash bars are cheap?

How about perhaps the bride and groom don't believe in alcohol, so they don't want to serve it themselves? But being good hosts and hostesses, they recognize that some guests may prefer having a drink with their meal.

Since it is against their beliefs, they don't want to pay for it. But, even though they don't approve, they want to offer it to their guests that might want a drink. But it would be the guest's choice and the guest's responsibility to purchase it. They are just making it easier for the guest to find the alcohol. The bride and groom ARE offering the water and cake. They are being good hosts. They are being even better hosts by offering an option to what they are offering. It has nothing to do with requiring their guests to help pay for their reception. They are providing drinks (water, coffee, tea).

IF the guest is too picky for the host's choices, then they have been provided an easy way to purchase what they want.

To me, compromising some of their beliefs for the pleasure of their guests is the ultimate host.

I think it is the ultimate of tack to criticize anyone's choices of what they serve at their party.

While it hasn't been said on this thread, there have been threads where DISers have said they would refuse to attend weddings/receptions/parties etc if they knew that alcohol would not be severed, even if that was due to religious beliefs. "they" insisted that the comfort of a guest is more important than the beliefs of the host(s)

 

[Quiksilvr]

A friend of ours is a partner in a large law firm. He has invited us up to his office for drinks before we go out to dinner.

While most board rooms I know of have work supplies in their cupboards, his board room has every cupboard stocked with more liquor than a liquor store. This is for the Friday afternoon partner meetings.

I definitely went into the wrong profession

That sounds suspiciously like our conference center.

 

[Stella3]

And you know this how? That all people who offer cash bars are cheap?

How about perhaps the bride and groom don't believe in alcohol, so they don't want to serve it themselves? But being good hosts and hostesses, they recognize that some guests may prefer having a drink with their meal.

Since it is against their beliefs, they don't want to pay for it. But, even though they don't approve, they want to offer it to their guests that might want a drink. But it would be the guest's choice and the guest's responsibility to purchase it. They are just making it easier for the guest to find the alcohol.

The bride and groom ARE offering the water and cake. They are being good hosts. They are being even better hosts by offering an option to what they are offering. It has nothing to do with requiring their guests to help pay for their reception. They are providing drinks (water, coffee, tea).

IF the guest is too picky for the host's choices, then they have been provided an easy way to purchase what they want.

To me, compromising some of their beliefs for the pleasure of their guests is the ultimate host.

I think it is the ultimate of tack to criticize anyone's choices of what they serve at their party.

This is the best post in the whole thread and bears repeating.

 

[ShesAPirate]

What is tacky is having guests PAY for the food and drink.

You know, I've been sitting here typing my 2 cents over and over, deleting it, starting again... I'm just remembering a few months ago, on a similar thread, getting accused of "judging" people because they grew up with a different kind of wedding than I grew up with here in NY/NJ... so I'll just say I agree, Mouse House Mama, and leave it at that

But I must say -- I've never, ever been to a wedding or any other kind of party where I had to pay for soda. That's just... cheap!

 

[lillygator]

While it hasn't been said on this thread, there have been threads where DISers have said they would refuse to attend weddings/receptions/parties etc if they knew that alcohol would not be severed, even if that was due to religious beliefs. "they" insisted that the comfort of a guest is more important than the beliefs of the host(s)

and as an invited guest that is their right to refuse to attend.

 

[veraletta]

Well said:
Nennie
When I throw a party, I don't charge my guests. I may not serve lobster, but whatever I do serve will be free of charge!!


That's how we felt, we couldn't give our guest lobster, believe me, we would love to have done that, but we did give them what we could afford.
We wouldn’t want them to pay for any thing out of pocket as then we wouldn’t feel that they were our guest.

A guest is a guest and as a host of a party I pay for every, and you don’t have any say in what I serve. Those who pay have the say. LOL

Heck my husband and I don’t drink alcohol but our family and friends do, so we try to give them what they want and what we can afford to.
We don’t have to have alcohol drinks.
But as a hostess it’s my job to pay and make you feel at home.

Just like I don’t invite some one to the actual ceremony and then don’t like them go to the reception, now that is tacky and rude.
I know someone will feel that it’s okay but to me its not.
If you’re my family or my so called friend by would I just let you see my daughter gets married and not enjoy in the fun part of the reception. That is some thing I will never understand. I heard that is was done a lot years ago.

As far as the gift and someone taking money out of it before giving it to the bride and groom, it’s their money they can do what they want.
They were invited to my daughter wedding and it was without strings.
All we wanted was them to share our day with our family, and yes we had a guest that couldn’t bring a gift, she called and said she didn’t want to come because she couldn’t afford one, we told her please come, who cares about a gift, my daughter would be hurt more by her not coming, than by some gift.
So you know what, she came and had a nice time and my daughter was so happy to see her.


Inviting someone to your wedding doesn't mean that they have to bring a gift it's about sharing in seeing someone getting married. When did it change?

 

[creativeamanda]

While it hasn't been said on this thread, there have been threads where DISers have said they would refuse to attend weddings/receptions/parties etc if they knew that alcohol would not be severed, even if that was due to religious beliefs. "they" insisted that the comfort of a guest is more important than the beliefs of the host(s)

I'm just personally glad that my friends are happy to see me, regardless of what we prepare for them to have. I have one friend who doesn't care what we drink, as long as I cook a lasagna for him.

 

[1PrincessMomma1]

.

 

[Nana Annie]

If all you are offering is a sprig of mint and a splash of water then fine. But if you are offering a sprig of mint and a splash of water for free but for the low low price of 29.99 your guests can buy a meal then you are tacky and a bad host. Offer what you can afford but don't offer what others have to pay for. I don't need alcohol or lobster but if you are going to offer it then as a HOST you should not be billing me for it.

Actually, it wouldn't be ok with you. You have already stated that anything but a meal and alcohol is tacky.

Here is your post where you said serving just water is tacky.

Oh- and I still think just offering water at a reception is cheap and tacky and rude. JMHO.

And in the beginning of the quote, you stated that not serving food would be tacky. And that you could not fathom just mints and nuts at a reception.

To each their own but I would not invite people to a reception and not feed them. Oh- and if people are coming from out of town how do you not feed them? I am not being rude but these people talking about mints and nuts? I eat a mint when I leave a restaurant or I want fresh breath. How do you actually "serve" mints and nuts? Does everyone take one? Do they get them in a plate, a baggie, a handful? I keep seeing this and I cannot even picture how this is done.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm just personally glad that my friends are happy to see me, regardless of what we prepare for them to have. I have one friend who doesn't care what we drink, as long as I cook a lasagna for him.

But the question is- Did you charge him per piece? (just kidding!)