Have you ever "fired" a Godparent?

[shortbun]

Here's what happened in my family. A Godfather was selected and the baptism took place. That man 'fell from grace' so to speak and we never saw him again. My mother asked another man to step in and act as Godfather to my brother. He's been in my brother's life ever since, attending all the important events and simply being a guide, a friend and sometimes a spiritual assistance. My Godfather was my father's boss. They split up their company and then the man died. I hardly remember him. My uncle took over and although I always knew he was not the official 'signature' on my baptismal certificate, he danced with me at my wedding as my Godfather and we had a funny joke about him 'making a deal they couldn't refuse' with all my boyfriends. Anyway, I think you CAN and SHOULD appoint a new person to take the role especially if it's an important issue in your son's life. We are Episcopalians too and it's always been my opinion that it's what YOU feel is right with your relationship with the Church that counts. Just do it.

 

[java]

I don't think most folks would think about "divorcing" a Godparent.. but in our case, he is a dangerous, abusive, scary man. I only want him removed because I dont want DS looking for him if something ever happens to us.

Tell ds that when he is old enough to understand. But I get why you want to erase him from your lives. Good luck.

 

[clgwli]

I don't think most folks would think about "divorcing" a Godparent.. but in our case, he is a dangerous, abusive, scary man. I only want him removed because I dont want DS looking for him if something ever happens to us.

I admit I do not understand this statement. If you have a will and something happens to both of you, why would your child even try to look him up?

Godparents are not the same at all as those who are potential guardians. They are spiritual supporters for the child. So no I don't agree that most use Godparents as guardians. In fact I do not know anyone in my friends who do that. Especially since each child has a different set of Godparents. I am not Episcopalian but we do infant baptisms so I am very familiar with Godparents in general.

So I do think you are making a far bigger issue out of it than needs to be. I think you need to remove whatever legal implications you think there are to Godparents because there are none in reality. JMO.

 

[ilovejack02]

I admit I do not understand this statement. If you have a will and something happens to both of you, why would your child even try to look him up?

Godparents are not the same at all as those who are potential guardians. They are spiritual supporters for the child. So no I don't agree that most use Godparents as guardians. In fact I do not know anyone in my friends who do that. Especially since each child has a different set of Godparents. I am not Episcopalian but we do infant baptisms so I am very familiar with Godparents in general.

So I do think you are making a far bigger issue out of it than needs to be. I think you need to remove whatever legal implications you think there are to Godparents because there are none in reality. JMO.

No in reality there are not any legal implications, we did have he and his wife set up as legal guardians in our will, but that his been changed, also all life insurance has been switched to new beneficiaries. Unfortunately I had to drop my best friend as his guardian also because she will forever be attached to her ex since they have a child together.

I was really just hoping that we could have a new Godparent officially appointed by the church. It is looking like we can't, but I will call church to confirm on Monday.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just last night, dd8 asked who her godparents are. Obviously, we don't put much stake in godparents here. I don't see any reason why your child would seek out his godparent. Now I'm trying to remember who my godmother is!

 

[mjkacmom]

I would think most do use God parents as the guardian. We had ours set up that way ,and even had life insurance set up to go to them. Since the Godfather went nuts, we have changed it all to go to my parents. My parents are amazing , but my Dad is 83 and Mom is 67 they don't need custody of my little one. We are thinking of having it all go to DH's brother, he and his wife are not religious , but will send our little one to Episcopal school and church if asked too. We have already talked to them about it.

I don't know anyone who's godparents are set up to be guardians. We're Catholic, almost everyone we know is Catholic, and everyone I know has different godparents for each child.

 

[RadioNate]

I admit I do not understand this statement. If you have a will and something happens to both of you, why would your child even try to look him up?

Godparents are not the same at all as those who are potential guardians. They are spiritual supporters for the child. So no I don't agree that most use Godparents as guardians. In fact I do not know anyone in my friends who do that. Especially since each child has a different set of Godparents. I am not Episcopalian but we do infant baptisms so I am very familiar with Godparents in general.

So I do think you are making a far bigger issue out of it than needs to be. I think you need to remove whatever legal implications you think there are to Godparents because there are none in reality. JMO.

I agree. While I know who my Godparents are they were mostly picked because you generally pick siblings or other close relations. I haven't the faintest clue where my baptismal certificate is. I have never needed it in life.

In this day and age it seems to be more of a ceremonial title. My cousin just had a baby who was baptized in the Catholic Church. Her sister (my other cousin) is the godmother. I can tell you that Baptism was the 1st time that woman had set foot into a church in years. I love her, but I'm surprised she didn't burn upon entry. While baptized herself. I'm pretty sure she is confirmed nor do I think she made her 1st communion. She certainly isn't religious. And she really isn't fit to be a caregiver if something should happen to the parents. But I digress.

 

[C.Ann]

Not "fired", but ended up divorced out of my family.. Although I understand your concerns, this man has no "legal" claims on your child, so I don't think there's anything to worry about..

Now if he had been named a "guardian" - in a will - that would be a whole different ball of wax!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Okay, I actually have an honest question (or two) about godparents. I was not raised religious and neither I nor my husband are practicing (we're agnostic). When I was 20 I found out that my aunt and uncle were my godparents. Could have fooled me, I didn't think I had any. Actually, I thought godparents were sort of a Catholic only thing and I knew I had been baptized Presbyterian. Anyways, the point is I really know nothing about the significance of this relationship to those who are religious. I know they're people who are supposed to be resposible for the religious instruction of a child in the event the parents are unavailable, but that's all I know.

Here's the issue. Our very good friends are going to start TTC in 2010. She's Catholic, he's Lutheran, the kids would likely be raised Lutheran, but the family doesn't really put any great emphasis on religion in general. They have asked us if we would be godparents to their children. We said sure, we're honored to be asked, but we don't know if we're the best people for the job. I mean, I can't think of a couple that would be less "spiritually" responsible than DH and I. I'm the one who convinced the mom in college that she should really re-examine the belief structure her parents raised her with because it didn't seem like it was what she believed in.

I understand we'd likely have no legal ties to these kids, but in some ways I'd find that easier. Being responsible for ensuring they get a good education and have a good life is something I would understand, and I would be happy to do for my friends and their children.

I know all this is hypothetical (they could easily change their minds), but if it's not...well, I just want to know what would be expected of me.

 

[ZPT1022]

That's another question... Do most folks use their children's Godparents as the next-in-line legal guardian?

I don't think most people do but I have known a few people who assumed that their kids godparents would be the ones to take custody of them were anything to happen to them. Pretty sure that a will outlining such things is the only way to make that happen.

I know when my brothers and I were growing up that our godmother was actually the person who would "inherit" us if anything happened to both our parents, but that was just a coincidence as she happened to be my father's sister and in the best position to take on three kids.

For what it's worth, the insurance money was set up to go into a different fund with a trustee, just so that there would be no chance or question of money being squandered. They didn't believe my aunt would do that but they liked having some checks and balances in there plus it kept my aunt beyond reproach from anyone else. We've set things up similarly for our kids.




OP, good luck in getting a resolution you can live with. Hopefully his actions are to your favor in this case

 

[tzolkin]

I was really just hoping that we could have a new Godparent officially appointed by the church. It is looking like we can't, but I will call church to confirm on Monday.

In Catholicism you only have to have one godparent (also called a sponsor). That's why only one of them needs to be Catholic. It's also prefered that this person also be the child's sponsor for confirmation. I understand you wanting to have this person removed from your child's records, but I really don't see a point to have someone else added (I also can't see how that could be done since they didn't sign as a witness at the actual baptism).

 

[Aisling]

My sister is my first son's Godmother, and I realized after the baptism that I chose her for the wrong reason. We were never close, and I thought her being my son's Godmother would bring her closer to my family. I was wrong. She sucks as a Godmother, never took it seriously, and hardly has anything to do with us, nevermind with her Godson.

With my next son, I chose my husband's (Catholic) brother who played/plays a big part in my son's life, and I chose my Jewish SIL as his Godmother. Even though she's Jewish, she takes our Catholic faith seriously, respects it, and has always encouraged my son to practice his religion. Being Jewish, she isn't "officially" recognized by the Church as his Godmother, but our priest allowed her to stand with us at the font, to hold the baby during the baptism, and to participate in all the rituals (except Holy Communion, of course). I'm very happy with my choice.

Choose carefully, and for the right reasons. If I could "fire" my sister as my first son's Godmother, I would. But I don't sweat it because my SIL is like a Godmother to that son as well.