Have you been to a funeral for a child?

[vettechick99]

I live in very small, rural town. This weekend a 1yo fell into their family swimming pool and drowned. Needless to say, the whole town is heartbroken. I know this family since they have other older children in the school system, but they are more aquaintances than anything. My DH knows the husband from living here his whole life.

Ever since I had DD, my empathy and sorrow for children has grown so much it makes me sick. Is it hormonal? Just being a parent? I don't know, but tonight is the visitation and I just don't think I can go. If they have that poor child in a tiny casket I think I might throw up everywhere. The only way I can deal with this is to push it out of my mind. DH said he is going to go for us and pay his respects since neither of us can attend the funeral tomorrow.

Have you ever attended a child's funeral? How did you make it through the service?

 

[golfgal]

I have not been to a funeral for a child that young but for older kids. It is heart wrenching. I would have a very hard time attending but I would probably be able to do it if I was very close to the family. If it were just an acquaintance I wouldn't be able to go. For a close friend I could focus on supporting them but not so much for an acquaintance.

A good friend of DS17's died 3 years ago and a good family friend lost their high school senior. Those were HORRIBLE to attend, I can't imagine a 1 year old.

 

[Liberty Belle]

The youngest person I've been to a funeral for (unless I'm completely forgetting one) was 17. It was very difficult. He was a friend of the family and was hit by a car, so it was very sudden.

I don't know how we got through it, but we did. It was just extremely sad.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I've been to 3 so far. Once when I was in elementary school and a boy in my class passed from heart complications. The whole town turned out, school was closed and the class sat together and even had a special seat for him at graduation.

My next child funeral was as an adult. Someone in our unit had a child ran over when he was hidden from view because he was playing. The little boy was 6 years old. The whole time I cried but I kept thinking whatever I'm feeling is ten thousand times worse for these parents.

The last child funeral was the worst as it was a very close friend of mine. She worked so hard to carry baby Tyler to term and by damn she made it. Tyler lived for almost 3 months but passed away from complications. He was so little that the funeral home didn't even have a casket for him. The funeral was held with baby Tyler in his bassinet. I sat behind my greiving friend's and when their 5 year old daughter started screaming Tylers dead!! and ran out of the room; I ran after her and just held her while she cried. After it was all said and done, I did throw up. There are nights I can still her screaming Tyler is dead when I sleep and it's been 3 years now.

I think even though a child's death is horrible and makes us feel horrible; we have to put ourselves in check knowing that the family is feeling way worse than we are.

 

[ead79]

I have been to two funerals for small children (both were 2 year olds). Of course they were horribly sad, and it was very difficult to see the small caskets. I work at a church where the families are members, and we all wanted to give them whatever support we could. I totally understand how you feel, but know that if you do go, you can make it through it. The funerals I went to had lots of touching moments and even some laughter remembering the little ones. My prayers are with this family that has lost their 1 year old. May the Lord give them comfort and peace beyond all imagining.

 

[gopack]

I attended a funeral for my best friend's twin infants. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. Seeing those tiny coffins was devastating. I do not envy you but I am sure your presence will be of great comfort to the parents.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Went to the funeral for a two year old who drowned in a tub. It was horrible - the father just sobbed. His wife (my friend) had to be locked up in a psych ward for two weeks and missed the entire wake and burial. Not only did he lose his son, but the accident made him lose his wife. Her sanity never really returned.

The doctors had the entire wake, mass, burial taped - so the mother could watch it.

 

[m&m's mom]

My cousin's 6 year old drown a couple of years ago.
I took my cue from my cousin. She was very religious and that gave her great comfort. It was not a terribly sad funeral. It was more a celebration of a short life.
I should also say my cousin felt like she was being prepared for this happening. Her son in the prior weeks talked about angels a lot and insisted he have his portrait taken in angel wings. He told his Mom the reason for the picture was so that his Mom would see what he looked like when he was an angel. Bizarre, huh? A blown up picture of him in his wings was next to the casket.

 

[autumnpalm]

Not a child that young but I have been to funerals for an 11 year old and a 17 year old. Both were unimaginably sad. At the 17 year old's, the pallbearers were friends from high school and seeing teen boys weep as they carried their friend... it was heartbreaking. I still remember it vividly.

I am so sorry about the loss of a sweet one year old. My prayers for your whole town.

 

[joyjoy]

So sad. Some good friens of ours' five year old daughter died from a genetic heart defect. Poor little angel. The funeral was so sweet, but so heartbreaking. We sang "This little light of mine" because that was Courtney's favorite song.

You'll get through the visitation. Go for the family.

 

[tiggger1]

I have been to a funeral for a 8 month old. A friend from high school baby died from SID. I seriously thought I was going to puke, because my son was the same age.. I only held it together because she started to console me and I felt like a jerk because I knew it was much worse for her

 

[FINFAN]

yes , for a 3 1/2 year old boy. I won't sugar coat it, it was very difficult to get through, but everyone felt the same way so it was o.k. and the parents needed to see how many lives their little boy touched in such a short time. I know it may be one of the hardest things you have ever done, but your DH may just need you there. My DH started shaking when he saw the casket, our DS was only 5 at the time so it hit close to home. I know it was not something either of us could have attended alone.

 

[ukwildcat]

Never been to a funeral for a child, but I know what you mean about your empathy growing since having children. I always felt bad when things happened to children, but since having my own I feel actual pain in my chest when I hear/see/read about children and awful things. I really have no advice, but just wanted to add my 2 cents.

 

[Cindy B]

One of my students passed away this summer-- he had just turned 9 years old. I went to the viewing and it was awful.. full of kids, large family and everything.

It was full of sadness. There's not even a word to describe it.

 

[Stitchfans]

I had two sister in laws who lost their infants. The hardest part for me was looking at the tiny coffins no bigger than a bread box. My ex husband's sister's infant is buried with a large beautiful statue of an angle that is looking down on his grave. I found that to be of comfort but yet it still made me cry also.

 

[crz4mm2]

Yep. Several times. It is horrible each and every time.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I went for a 4yo who died of leukemia many years ago.

I am so sorry for your friend's loss.

 

[Disney Doll]

I lost a number of friends during high school...a couple to car accidents a couple to cancer, one to suicide.

About 5 or 6 years ago a colleague lost a baby at birth due to the cord being wrapped around the baby's neck. They had a graveside service...very sad with a small white casket.

 

[Robinrs]

Yes, for my own son and countless others for the woman I counselled for the years after...

I remember standing outside of the doors of the church until they closed his casket. Then I came in. I never want to relive that moment again or do I wish it on anyone.

 

[MNFootballMommy]

Yes, for my own child. The support you provide the parents just by being there is very important. As sick as it makes you feel, multiply that by a gazillion and it still doesn't come close to how those parents are feeling...my heart goes out to them. They will need lots of love, understanding and support in the days, months and years ahead. They will be in my thoughts and prayers.