Have you been to a funeral for a child?

[elgerber]

I have been to a funeral for a baby. He was one of triplets, born over 3 months early. He was the first of them to die, a 2nd one died a couple weeks later. It was gutwrenching, I will say that. The tiny coffin and the father playing guitar and singing a song for his son. Awful, but it was family and we needed to be there. It was also my sons birthday that day, can I tell you I was very happy to pick him up from school and take him to dinner!!!

 

[EMom]

A baby in my family died at 3 months. When we arrived, I took one look at that tiny white casket, stopped dead in my tracks and said to DH, "Oh my God, I didn't know they even made caskets that small."

How did I hold it together at the funeral? Well, I didn't. I was a sobbing, out of control mess and so was just about every family member there. The mother was nothing short of hysterical and there's no other way to put it. If I'd been her, I'd have been in the same state. By some miracle, the father, who was equally as devasted, managed to keep his composure in an attempt to support his wife. I will never know how he did that, God bless him.

There is no way a child should die, but they do. It is the worst thing in the world. Going to the funeral or a visitation is torture. We did it for my relative, but it was painful and I won't lie. Truly, I cried as I wrote this and it's been 20 years.

 

[I Am What I Am]

I went to my 4 year old sister's funeral 5 years ago.

It's the hardest thing ever.


I'm sorry for their loss.

 

[alizesmom]

Funny, this is the second death thread today. Yes, I have been to my 6yr old son's funeral. We chose no viewing and he was cremated. We had a memorial service with pictures of him showing on screen and his favorite music in the background. I was very aware of who came and each presence was a comfort that my guy counted to so many people.

 

[lemondog]

I have been to a few, mostly older kids (high school aged). The worst I can honestly say was my sophomore year of high school, a girl one year ahead of me (age 16) and her 8yo brother were lost at sea with their dad and stepmom when their boat capsized in the Carribean. Their mother was absolutely hysterical. Screaming, sobbing...the sounds coming out of her all throughout that funeral were truly not even human. I was only 16 at the time but I will never, ever forget it for as long as I live.

 

[lustergirl]

I attended a funeral for my best friend's twin infants. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. Seeing those tiny coffins was devastating. I do not envy you but I am sure your presence will be of great comfort to the parents.

Those tiny coffins make you well up inside and out. My great nephew passed away when he was only 2 weeks old. He had a heart condition and had the corrective surgery but complications of an infection made him succomb. He was a twin though and the living one is so beautiful.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

A 5 year old that I used to babysit for I was 14.
He got hit by a car labor day weekend.
It was awful, tragic and so sad to this day I can not wrap my mind around it.
worst thing for me he was starting Kindergarten in 4 days and he wore the outfit in his casket that he had picked out for his first day of school Little gray velcro sneakers and All. size 13 tan soles, makes my stomach turn 25 years later to even recall it.
I saw that and lost it. truly I am still not over it. i would not go unless you were extremly close to the child and family.

 

[vettechick99]

Well DD is in bed, so I am going to send my DH with my condolences. We are also going to donate to the church, which they requested.

It is so awful for them, and anyone who has lost a child. I just can't understand the pain and I hope I never have to experience it.

 

[princess momma]

No, I have never been to the funeral of a child. I'm so grateful for that. I don't know if I could handle it.

 

[Belle0101]

Unfortunately I've been to a few. Most painful by far was my neice's.


My sister's first child passed in utero 2 weeks before her due date. It was 20+ years ago but I still feel like a part of our family is missing. At her funeral they played Willie Nelon's song "Angel Flying Too Close To The Ground". To this day I can't listen to it without crying. And Rod Stewart's "Forever Young", it was playing on the way to the cemetery and I've never been able to listen to it since. I mean I really can't listen to it. I hear any part of it and the channel has to be changed.

 

[minniebeth]

I attended a funeral for the 4yo daughter of one of my employees...she died of abuse from her mom's boyfriend. It was THE most saddest funeral I've ever attended, and that would include my own father's.

They did a beautiful job celebrating her life. Many children, including my own, drew and painted her pictures which they hung around the viewing room. They passed around photo albums of her and played her favorite music among many other sweet celebrations of her.

It is very difficult and does not leave you, but you get through it, like others said to support the family and loved ones.

and prayers to so many of you who have lost young loved ones in your lives.

 

[PatsGirl]

My sister lost two baby boys at birth, both full term (11# each) and almost one year apart. I was her labor coach for the first baby and was supposed to be in the OR (C-section was planned) for the second baby but at pre-op they discovered there was no heart beat Instead, I was the one who planned their funerals and picked out their burial outfits. To this day, I am not sure how my sister goes on

I did not handle either funeral very well and wish now that I had taken the medications offered. My sister did take something to help her get through the days following their deaths and spent some time in counseling. She is now the mother of three teenage daughters

My first funeral was when I was 8 and it was my uncle who was 14 (my mother was raising him so he was more like a brother). Watching my grandmother and mother fall apart was the scariest thing I have ever seen.

In my teenage years I lost a few friends, one from a car accident and one from drowning but I went to neither funeral because I hadn't gotten over the devastation of my uncle's funeral even that many years later. The only reason I went to my two infant nephew's funerals is because there was no one else to handle the details... SO SAD

 

[vettechick99]

DH is back and said it was bad. He started crying almost as soon as he walked in the house. He said there were hundreds of people there. The funeral home was so packed they had a line in and out of every room, out the door, and every seat in the chapel was full. And it was a 3-hour visitation.

He said it was open casket. As he was standing there, the mom came up and touched the boy's hair and chest and said, "Remember how he and your DD were playing last week and having so much fun? I'll never get to hold him again".

Wow. I feel so badly for them.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I remember right after I had DD, my elderly Uncle passed away. At the funeral parlor in the next room was a tiny casket with a baby in it. I almost passed out. I actually had to go outside and catch my breath. I just started bawling outside. My family thought I was VERY torn up about my Uncle. I couldn't explain that my grief was for this baby and the poor parents who had to endure this tragedy. I guess if the child was from a close family or friend I would go, but I would not do well. I could not go to a child's funeral of a casual accquaintance.

 

[kacaju]

I have been to two. The first one I was 6 months pregnant and it was for a 3 month old born with heart defects, he never came home from the hospital. It was open casket and I thanked them for having it open. Most of us had never seen the baby since he never came home. He was beautiful.
The second was for a 4 year old who died of cancer. My youngest was 4 at the time.
Was it hard... OMG YES, was I a basket case, of course. By the same token my emotions were NOTHING compared to what my friends had gone through, I couldn't imagine not being there for them.

 

[fraggle551]

Yes, for a 17 year old. He was an extremely close family friend who died in a car accident. It was terrible. Beyond terrible. The hospital gave his parents something to get through the week. Everyone else just relied on each other. There is nothing to make it better, it is just a terrible terrible tragedy.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I have not ever been to a funeral for a child. However, when I was five my nephew died (birth defects...don't remember whether it was liver or kidneys.) He was about 5 months old. My parents and I traveled to South Carolina for the funeral and we stayed with my mom's aunt for a few days. I ended up getting hit by a car during the trip and my parents and I both missed the funeral. As an adult, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for my parents to be there for the funeral of a grandchild and have their 5-year-old daughter hit by a car. I honestly hope I never have to go to the funeral of a child.

 

[CDoobee]

The worst was my DD's funeral, of course. While she wasn't "a child", she was "MY CHILD". I'll never get over it.

The only true child's funeral I've been to was for a close neighbor's DD. She had just turned 15 when she was brutally murdered at school by another student. It was an open casket. She didn't look good. I thought she looked like an old woman. The murder had happened at the school my older DD had attended and my younger DD attended later. I always had a weird feeling when I was there, even though I was always there for good reasons. I believe it was this case that started the ID badges being worn at most schools. This happened a long time ago. Christine would be 30 now.

 

[amberg@eastlink.ca]

sadly yes...almost a month ago...for a five year old...absolutley gut wrenching...it was a beautiful celebration of his life....i recently went through a molar pregnancy and this was really my first funeral after that happened...when they read the dragonfly poem and played in the arms of the angel, i lost it both times...both of these have been close to me since our m/c....i bawled like a baby.... so so sad....

 

[CJ's Mommy]

OMG, I am hysterical right now. Why did I open this thread.... There is nothing worse than this. My prayers are with all of the people mentioned in the previous posts. Horrible. As a matter of fact, a woman driving in my area yesterday, lost control of her car and crashed with her 2 month old baby in the back. The baby died, mom is in the hospital. How do these people make it through these things?? I would be like the mother the pp mentioned that wound up in the psych ward. Horrible.