Have you been "hidden disability shamed"?

[aristocatz]

My good friend from work has a compromised immune system, due to a disease she has. She joined Costco's "Over 65 & immune compromised" line last week & the employee at the door told her she couldn't enter & had to wait until the store opened for everyone else. She explained that she has a compromised immune system and he rolled his eyes and said "No, you don't" He finally said "Fine, go ahead", rolled his eyes again. & let her in. She was angry and embarrassed. She is debating contacting the store manager to complain. What would you do?

 

[Dole_whip_doll]

If I were her I would definitely complain. This could fall into all of that “sensitivity training” you see so many places having to close and do. I’m so sorry for your friend.

 

[disneyseniors]

I'm o n the complain to the manager, or at least educate the manager side. Then maybe he will educate his staff about invisible diseases. I feel bad for her and she shouldn't be made to feel like she's cheating. But in this society if you look good, then you must be faking.
I have one of those invisible diseases and I look healthy. I park in handicapped places and get mean looks a lot of the time. I am 100% disabled, but you can't tell by looking. I sometimes wish I had a sign I could put on my forehead listing all my problems so I wouldn't get looked at like that. I quit joining clubs that I am interested in because the people always looked at me like I should join and help with everything going on. When I didn't because I couldn't, they didn't understand and I didn't feel like explaining the reason why I can't participate actively. So I don't go to those clubs anymore. So I know what she is going through. I do know it is difficult to "tell" if someone is faking when they look normal and healthy verses someone who actually has an invisible disease.

 

[robinb]

I can't speak to me own experiences since I don't have a disability. I would still recommend that your friend complain. I know that the front line workers have been through a lot, but there is no excuse to treat people disrespectfully. I think it's it was OK for him to mention that it was the special shopping hours to protect the people who were there utilizing it, but it wasn't OK for him to roll his eyes and verbally disbelieve her.

 

[Groot]

Yes. Even though my disability normally results in full-time use of a wheelchair, I have the variant of being able to walk, although for only a short period of time (<1/4 mile). Anything over that I need to use my chair, especially in Disney.

I feel like if I get up from my powerchair and stand up for a second to reach something on a shelf at Walmart, I feel like there’s someone “Witnessing a MIRACLE in the bread aisle!” and if there is, I’m constantly afraid that after I sit back down, they’re gonna approach me and call me a “Faker”.

I’ve rehearsed my “Do you want me to give you my one really bad leg to you and see if you could survive a day with it” speech a million times in my head more times than I can count, hoping that I’ll never have to use it.

 

[aristocatz]

Thank you all for your feedback. I convinced my friend to follow up & she sent an email to their corporate office. Waiting for a reply. For principle purposes, this was just not ok.

 

[Lottelicious]

Yeah, definitely call! That is ridiculous! My MS is not tattooed on my forehead and I lost my mobility but not all MS warriors have, yet still have MS/immunocompromised system.

 

[North of Mouse]

Afraid I'm in the minority camp! Educate and talk with the manager - don't complain! There are so many complainers in the world today that it doesn't usually get you too far, but kindly reaching out to the manager, explaining the situation and asking for education for his employees will go much further. I know - Been there! I watched also how my mother handled things and she smiled and never complained, though she would have been justified - everyone loved her.

Sorry, ETA - didn't read everything and just noticed the date, so this is not relevant now.

 

[theluckyrabbit]

Hope your friend receives a serious and respectful response. This has happened to me a few times at Disney parks when I've requested a DAS. After putting up with it once or twice, I started seeing posts and hearing stories from others about how shamed they were by CMs about their invisible disabilities. Guest Services management has always been very concerned about these kinds of incidents and has always followed through when I've reported anything. Ignorance happens and won't change unless we work to make things better. That can help other people, too.