Have decided on divorce, What do I do now?

[nottatroll]

Once again I appreciate all the helpful replies. Its so hard to be stepping out into the unknown after being married for so long.

To respond to a few replies:

So I shouldn't tell me husband about wanting a divorce? I should call a lawyer first. Im glad you told me that because I was going to have that talk with him this weekend.

We're already in different rooms in the house. Actually we've been leading roommate lives for some time now so I guess living here during a divorce wont be too hard.

Im from Michigan with one child still home.

I don't want more out of the divorce to answer one reply. I just want things over but to have enough to get back on my feet. I hope it doesn't get nasty but it could.

Thanks for the hugs. I need them. Crying as been a common emotion these days. I hope that stops.

 

[jrydberg]

Another bit of advice I was given when I was going through my divorce that proved invaluable -- find someone you can trust (friend probably works better than a relative here) to give you *straight advice* (not just what you want to hear) and talk to them about issues like "am I being reasonable about this," etc.

The only thing I'd do before talking to your husband about it is to make sure you have your share of financial assets protected (not to say grab and run, but make sure he's not gonna suddenly drain your joint bank account when you tell him). Beyond that, I think it's only fair to speak to him about your intentions.

 

[experiment626mom]

Do not move until you have a lawyer. In the state of Illinois if you move out before then, your spouse can claim abandonment. That can really mess things up.

 

[CinderellaIam]

I don't have much more to add, but I agree, the first step is talking to an attorney, not your husband.

Here's a couple of hugs for you...

I have been there and know how hard it is, no matter how right it is, it's still hard. Hang in there.

 

[Disney Doll]

Why in the world should he have to get out if she is the one wanting the divorce?

I swear if I EVER EVER EVER EVER needed a divorce...I would spend my last dime, until I didn't have a pair of underwear to put on in the morning, to fight for EVERYTHING

If my wife wanted to DIVORCE ME, I would fight HARDER than her to make SURE she didn't get everything.....In these cases it's truly about the lawyer, and I would spend 100,000,000.00 if I had to....to make sure the female didn't get "better" treatment....

I would have the OJ Simpson DIVORCE dream team

Boy, I'd love to be your divorce lawyer!!!!! That's the only one who'll benefit in the event you do get a divorce!!!:

To the OP, get a handle on marital assets, what you have, what you owe, what credit cards there are, what the house costs to live in (you may decide you don't want it once you figure that out), and get a lawyer!!!!!!

 

[Poohnatic]

Said it before, I'll say it again. Get all of your financial information together and get to a lawyer. Do not pass go, etc. If there is a real "tough" lawyer in your town, at least get a consultation with him/her. That blocks your EX from using them, even if you decide not to (conflict of interest).

Edie, I want to thank you for this piece of advice. A friend separated from his wife last week, and I gave him that advice. It's a tough situation all around, and removing the snarky lawyer levels the playing field.

Suzanne