Have decided on divorce, What do I do now?

[nottatroll]

Do I start thumbing thru the yellow pages for a lawyer?

Do I have to live here with him while going thru the divorce?

I can work part time right now but what in the world do I do about money during all this?

I know this is the right thing to do but it's still very very scary. Help!

 

[MagicalMom]

Does he know you want a divocre? Does he know you are serious? My ex told me often to "get a lawyer" & when I finally did he was quite shocked!

It might not be too comfy living with him while going through a divorce. Do you have kids? Can you stay with someone?

You said you can get a part-time job. Is there a reason that you can't work full-time? You'll probably need the income once you are on your own. I sat down with paper & pen & calculated exactly what I thought I would need for rent, food, etc.

Can anyone recommend a lawyer to you?

Good luck!

 

[christineann]

I would not get an attorney by looking in the phone book. Ask friends, acquaintenances, or call a legal aid network. Unfortunately, it seems that you get what you pay for if you are in a contested divorce. I found that out the hard way.

Get a list of any and all bank accounts, investments, etc. and obtain the balances. Keep very good records. Get your own checking account, and file your taxes individually even if you are just separated. Also obtain a credit report and check it for accuracy.

Good luck to you. It's gut wrenching, but you need to put that aside and protect yourself.

 

[totalia]

First, get out. Preferably with family in attendance to help you and serve as witness if he should try anything. Staying there is not a good idea. Second, go to a lawyer.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

Does he know you want a divocre? Does he know you are serious? My ex told me often to "get a lawyer" & when I finally did he was quite shocked!

Wow!! Please...no offense, but I can't imagine living like that! I would say that the first time you were threatened to "get a lawyer" probably should have been the last!

Notatroll, divorce laws vary from state to stae so I suggest that you call a friend who has gone through the same/similar circumstances and powpow. Good luck!!

 

[Lessa of Pern]

notatroll...



as I posted on your other thread, since you are not in an abusive situation, DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. it can be interpreted as an abandonment of the marriage and/or your interest in the house.

unfortunately, a lot of people live in the same house while going through a divorce, but they're not really "living together." it's going to be a tense situation.

plan on moving to a different bedroom if possible. when you hire a lawyer, one of the first things you are going to ask for is an order giving you temporary exclusive use of the marital residence. in other words, you're going to ask the court to make him get out until the two of you or the court decides what to do with the house.

call your local bar association and ask them to refer you to a lawyer speciailizing in domestic relations.

 

[Serena]

I don't have any better advice than already given. I just wish you lots of luck.

 

[totalia]

I guess it depends on the situation with your spouse. If you think, for even a second, that he will be vengeful after you've stated you wanted the divorce, get out.

 

[MagicalMom]

Wow!! Please...no offense, but I can't imagine living like that! I would say that the first time you were threatened to "get a lawyer" probably should have been the last!

Notatroll, divorce laws vary from state to stae so I suggest that you call a friend who has gone through the same/similar circumstances and powpow. Good luck!!

I was young & dumb, I'm much, much smarter now.

 

[Dizz(n)ey]

notatroll...



as I posted on your other thread, since you are not in an abusive situation, DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. it can be interpreted as an abandonment of the marriage and/or your interest in the house.

unfortunately, a lot of people live in the same house while going through a divorce, but they're not really "living together." it's going to be a tense situation.

plan on moving to a different bedroom if possible. when you hire a lawyer, one of the first things you are going to ask for is an order giving you temporary exclusive use of the marital residence. in other words, you're going to ask the court to make him get out until the two of you or the court decides what to do with the house.

call your local bar association and ask them to refer you to a lawyer speciailizing in domestic relations.

Why in the world should he have to get out if she is the one wanting the divorce?

I swear if I EVER EVER EVER EVER needed a divorce...I would spend my last dime, until I didn't have a pair of underwear to put on in the morning, to fight for EVERYTHING

If my wife wanted to DIVORCE ME, I would fight HARDER than her to make SURE she didn't get everything.....In these cases it's truly about the lawyer, and I would spend 100,000,000.00 if I had to....to make sure the female didn't get "better" treatment....

I would have the OJ Simpson DIVORCE dream team

 

[poohandwendy]

I agree with Lissa. I have not been divorced, but everyone I know who has would say the same thing ....do not do ANYTHING (especially tell your spouse that you plan on divorce) until you speak to an attorney. Noone here can give you the advice you need. Only a good divorce atty, that is familiar with the divorce laws in your state and your specific situation, can do that.

Good luck to you and {{{HUGS}}}, I am sure this is a very painful time in your life.

 

[poohandwendy]

Why in the world should he have to get out if she is the one wanting the divorce?

I swear if I EVER EVER EVER EVER needed a divorce...I would spend my last dime, until I didn't have a pair of underwear to put on in the morning, to fight for EVERYTHING

If my wife wanted to DIVORCE ME, I would fight HARDER than her to make SURE she didn't get everything.....In these cases it's truly about the lawyer, and I would spend 100,000,000.00 if I had to....to make sure the female didn't get "better" treatment....

I would have the OJ Simpson DIVORCE dream team

Sheesh, does divorce really need to be so nasty? Seriously, it should not be about someone getting 'everything' and/or revenge. It should be about trying to dissolve an irreconcilable situation in the most fair and peaceful way possible, IMHO.

 

[hugsquared]

No words of wisdom but a big been there, done that...it sucked. I agree with the poster who suggested talking with an attorney before anything is done. You're in my prayers.

 

[grlpwrd]

Why in the world should he have to get out if she is the one wanting the divorce?...

Plus, we're only hearing her side of it.

Yes, get a lawyer ... and GL!

 

[totalia]

poohandwendy

I only wish it were so easy. Some people just simply aren't reasonable.

 

[EdiePA]

Said it before, I'll say it again. Get all of your financial information together and get to a lawyer. Do not pass go, etc. If there is a real "tough" lawyer in your town, at least get a consultation with him/her. That blocks your EX from using them, even if you decide not to (conflict of interest).

As someone else said, it sucks. Having gone through it, my feelings now are that I should have/would have fought hard for my marriage. The end results probably would have been the same, but at least I would have the knowledge that I did everything I could have.

Also, EX and I shared the same house for three months until he moved out. It was so hard, but I had to do it in order to keep the house.

Big hugs, and good luck,
Edie

 

[disneylizzy]

A different opinion - look into a professional mediator. That is what we are doing. Even if you think you are not a candidate due to complicated finances, children, not seeing eye to eye on things, etc. Working things out together (with a lot of help from the mediator) can be quicker, less expensive and give you a divorce agreement that you both can stand behind. When things go to court, especially with the attitude of "she won't get one dime" or "I'll make him pay", the only ones that win are the lawyers. Going to court as adversaries pretty much ensures that each of you will think you got screwed. Maybe just go for a consultation - they can work out the preliminaries, too - temporary support, visitation, etc.

Good luck to you and God Bless. It is difficult no matter what, but you will get thru and come out the other side, hopefully stronger and ready to begin again.

 

[NMAmy]

Laws vary so much from state to state so, as others have said, find an attorney and get their advice. If you know any attorneys, some will do pro bono work. My attorney was also the attorney for my office--since he knew me and my financial situation, when I first made an appointment to meet with him--he told me that he would represent me pro bono and he did a fabulous job. (My ex is still terrified of him and believe me, I wasn't after any huge financial gains--I even let him have the house because I just wanted out. But my attorney did make sure I got the things that were most important to me.)

Sorry, I got to rambling there--what I really wanted to do was to give you this and say that if this is really what you want, just know that things will get better. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through and, at the time it seemed like my life would always just be a topsy turvey emotional rollercoaster--but it does get better and you will come through it a much stronger person. My very best to you.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Notatroll, divorce laws vary from state to stae so I suggest that you call a friend who has gone through the same/similar circumstances and powpow. Good luck!!

I agree. I believe in Maryland you have to be legally separated a year before a divorce. It would be hard to do that while living together.

Find a good lawyer before you do anything.

 

[jrydberg]

My biggest piece of advice... don't expect him to give you more than you would expect to give if you were in his situation. No one wins in a divorce. No one. Don't try to.

By all means, get what you deserve out of it -- but don't start things off by being unreasonable. Asking to have him to leave the house without VERY good cause is unreasonable, IMO, and likely to make everything else more difficult.

As for a lawyer, ask friends, relatives, neighbors anyone you know for recommendations. And make sure whoever you do get has plenty of experience in divorce law in your state.

Best of luck with everything. It's not an easy road to go down.