florida sun
Mrs Christopher Eccleston wannabe!
- Joined
- May 2, 2004
- Messages
- 17,635
Funny answers from all types of quiz's 
BIG QUIZ (LBC)
> Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
> Contestant: Lepers.
>
>
> QUIZMANIA (ITV)
> Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'.
> Contestant: Doctor.
> Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. 'T' for Tintinnabulation.
> Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . . Doctor.
>
>
> DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)
> Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
> Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
> Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
> Contestant: Cartons?
>
> BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
> Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
> Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
> Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
> Contestant: Leicester.
>
> BBC NORFOLK
> Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
> Contestant: I don't know.
> White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between
> your hand and your elbow?
> Contestant: Arm.
> White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . . .?
> Contestant: Strong.
> White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
> Contestant: Louis.
> White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the
> song What A Wonderful World?
> Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
> LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
> Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
> Contestant: France.
> Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
> Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
> Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which
> country is the Parthenon?
> Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
> Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
> Contestant: Paris.
>
>
> THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
> Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?
> Contestant: The Conservative Party.
>
>
> BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
> DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
> Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
>
>
> THE WEAKEST LINK
> Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
> Contestant: Jool carriageway?
> PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)
> Phil: What's 11 squared?
> Contestant: I don't know.
> Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
> Contestant: Is it five?
>
>
> RICHARD AND JUDY
> Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
> A: Forrest Gump.
>
>
> RICHARD AND JUDY
> Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
> Contestant: Er . . .
> Leslie: He makes bread .. .
> Contestant: Er . . .
> Leslie: He makes cakes .. .
> Contestant: Kipling Street?
>
>
>
> MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND)
> Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
> Contestant: Erm .. .
> Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
> Contestant: 1965?
>
>
> SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
> Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
> Contestant: Six.
> Tufnell: Higher!
> Contestant: Five.
>
> RICHARD AND JUDY
> Q: What's the Prince of Wales's Christian name?
> A: Err . . .
> Q: Here's a clue: he was married to Diana.
> A: Err . . .
> Q: It begins with a 'C'.
> A: No idea.
>
>
> MAGIC FM
> Graham Dene: What was the name of Tony Blair's chief spin-doctor who resigned last year?
> Contestant: Iain Duncan Smith.
>
> LINCS FM PHONE-IN
> Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
> Contestant: Barcelona.
> Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
> Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
>
>
> RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
> Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
> Contestant: 23.
>
>
> NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)
> Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?
> Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?
>
>
> THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)
> Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'.
> Contestant: Ghana.
> Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
> Contestant: New Zealand.
>
>
> NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
> Question: What is the world's largest continent?
> Contestant: The Pacific
>
>
> THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
> Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
> Contestant: Magna Carta.
>
>
> JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
> O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
> Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er . . .. er . . . three?
>
>
> NATIONAL LOTTERY
> Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
> Contestant: Jelly.
>
>
> RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)
> Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
> Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's?
>
>
> BLIND DATE (ITV)
> Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
> Boy: Charlotte Bronte.
>
>
> STEVE PENK BREAKFAST SHOW (VIRGIN RADIO)
> Steve Penk: What is the name of the French-speaking Canadian state?
> Contestant: America? Portugal? Canada? Mexico? Italy? Spain?
>
>
> CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
> Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
> Caller: Japan.
> Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
> Caller: Er . . . Mexico?
>
>
> THE VAULT
> Gabby Logan: What is the county town of Kent?
> Contestant: Kentish Town?
>
>
> DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)
> Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
> Contestant: Enid Blyton
>
>
> DAVE LEE TRAVIS SHOW (BREEZE FM)
> DLT: In which European country are there people called Walloons?
> Contestant: Wales.
>
>
> PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
> Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
> Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
>
>
> NATIONAL LOTTERY
> Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing . ..what?
> Contestant: Basketball.
>
>
> NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ
> Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
> Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor?
>
>
> DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
> Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
> Contestant: Holland?
> Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
> Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
> Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
> Contestant: No.
>
>
> PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
> Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
> Contestant: Er . . .
> Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
> Contestant: Blimey?
> Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ..
> Contestant: (Silence)
> Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I .
. .
> Contestant: Walked?
>
>
> NATIONAL LOTTERY
> Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea: a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
> Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque
> now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.
>
> THE VAULT
> Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
> Contestant: Nostalgic.
>
>
> LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
> Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
> Contestant: Jewish.
> Presenter: That's close enough.
>
> BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1
> Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
> Contestant: Ummm .. .
> Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
> Contestant: Shark.
> STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
> Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging
> character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
> Contestant: Jesus.
BIG QUIZ (LBC)
> Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.
> Contestant: Lepers.
>
>
> QUIZMANIA (ITV)
> Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'.
> Contestant: Doctor.
> Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. 'T' for Tintinnabulation.
> Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . . Doctor.
>
>
> DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)
> Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
> Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
> Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
> Contestant: Cartons?
>
> BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
> Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
> Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
> Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
> Contestant: Leicester.
>
> BBC NORFOLK
> Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
> Contestant: I don't know.
> White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between
> your hand and your elbow?
> Contestant: Arm.
> White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . . .?
> Contestant: Strong.
> White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
> Contestant: Louis.
> White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the
> song What A Wonderful World?
> Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
> LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
> Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
> Contestant: France.
> Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
> Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
> Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which
> country is the Parthenon?
> Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
> Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
> Contestant: Paris.
>
>
> THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
> Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?
> Contestant: The Conservative Party.
>
>
> BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
> DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
> Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
>
>
> THE WEAKEST LINK
> Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
> Contestant: Jool carriageway?
> PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)
> Phil: What's 11 squared?
> Contestant: I don't know.
> Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
> Contestant: Is it five?
>
>
> RICHARD AND JUDY
> Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
> A: Forrest Gump.
>
>
> RICHARD AND JUDY
> Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
> Contestant: Er . . .
> Leslie: He makes bread .. .
> Contestant: Er . . .
> Leslie: He makes cakes .. .
> Contestant: Kipling Street?
>
>
>
> MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND)
> Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
> Contestant: Erm .. .
> Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
> Contestant: 1965?
>
>
> SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
> Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
> Contestant: Six.
> Tufnell: Higher!
> Contestant: Five.
>
> RICHARD AND JUDY
> Q: What's the Prince of Wales's Christian name?
> A: Err . . .
> Q: Here's a clue: he was married to Diana.
> A: Err . . .
> Q: It begins with a 'C'.
> A: No idea.
>
>
> MAGIC FM
> Graham Dene: What was the name of Tony Blair's chief spin-doctor who resigned last year?
> Contestant: Iain Duncan Smith.
>
> LINCS FM PHONE-IN
> Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
> Contestant: Barcelona.
> Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
> Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.
>
>
> RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
> Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
> Contestant: 23.
>
>
> NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)
> Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?
> Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?
>
>
> THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)
> Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'.
> Contestant: Ghana.
> Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
> Contestant: New Zealand.
>
>
> NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
> Question: What is the world's largest continent?
> Contestant: The Pacific
>
>
> THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
> Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
> Contestant: Magna Carta.
>
>
> JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
> O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
> Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er . . .. er . . . three?
>
>
> NATIONAL LOTTERY
> Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
> Contestant: Jelly.
>
>
> RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)
> Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
> Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's?
>
>
> BLIND DATE (ITV)
> Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
> Boy: Charlotte Bronte.
>
>
> STEVE PENK BREAKFAST SHOW (VIRGIN RADIO)
> Steve Penk: What is the name of the French-speaking Canadian state?
> Contestant: America? Portugal? Canada? Mexico? Italy? Spain?
>
>
> CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
> Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
> Caller: Japan.
> Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
> Caller: Er . . . Mexico?
>
>
> THE VAULT
> Gabby Logan: What is the county town of Kent?
> Contestant: Kentish Town?
>
>
> DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)
> Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
> Contestant: Enid Blyton
>
>
> DAVE LEE TRAVIS SHOW (BREEZE FM)
> DLT: In which European country are there people called Walloons?
> Contestant: Wales.
>
>
> PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
> Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
> Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
>
>
> NATIONAL LOTTERY
> Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing . ..what?
> Contestant: Basketball.
>
>
> NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ
> Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
> Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor?
>
>
> DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
> Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
> Contestant: Holland?
> Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
> Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
> Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
> Contestant: No.
>
>
> PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
> Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
> Contestant: Er . . .
> Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
> Contestant: Blimey?
> Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ..
> Contestant: (Silence)
> Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I .
. .
> Contestant: Walked?
>
>
> NATIONAL LOTTERY
> Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea: a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
> Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque
> now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.
>
> THE VAULT
> Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
> Contestant: Nostalgic.
>
>
> LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
> Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
> Contestant: Jewish.
> Presenter: That's close enough.
>
> BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1
> Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
> Contestant: Ummm .. .
> Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
> Contestant: Shark.
> STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
> Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging
> character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
> Contestant: Jesus.
