Has anyone else chosen *not* to move?

[yoopermom]

I've been laidoff for two years, been a happy (if poor!) SAHM, and now have been offered a great job in my field. Unfortunately, it's 3/4 of the way across the country. At first I jumped at it (oh to be a professional again!), but now I'm really having second thoughts. DH and DS11 say they'd go with, but I know they'd be happier staying here. How do you distinguish between new job/moving jitters and something more serious?
Terri

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't know, but I'd think long & hard before uprooting my kid(s). Especially if they are in those pre-teen & teen years. Those years are tough enough as it is, without adding a whole new environment to the mix.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[laurie31]

I also turned down an interesting job that was far away. It wasn't that I was worried/nervous about the job, but my desire for the job was less than my desire to stay where I am.

We are deeply rooted here, all of DH's family - both sides - lives here, and mine are very close. It is very important to us that our DDs grow up close to their grandparents, aunts, and cousins. We are both from large close-knit families. We know most people don't live close to their families these days(and some are glad of it!) but we are happy like this.

You said you were happy as a SAHM. I would think long and hard about it. Maybe you could find something close and try to get back into the workforce that way, if you really want to work again (and there's nothing wrong with that! I love my kids, but I love my job too!). What I mean is, I know I would not be happy at home full time, but if you are then that's great and why mess with what works, ya know

Maybe sit down with your DH and DS and see if they are saying they'd go with you out of love and support or if they really would like to move. But first you have to address the issue of whether or not you really want to work again

Good luck - it's a really hard decision.

Laurie

 

[Steamboat Girlie]

About 5 years ago, my husband was offered a job in Phoenix. We jumped at the chance, and moved from Boston. We were there two years, and I just could not seem to adjust. So, we moved back. I guess I am a New Englander through and through. It took moving 2700 miles to realize it though. All I can say is that moving your whole life far away from family and friends is a bigger deal than I ever thought it would be. I am, however, glad we did it, because we would always wonder "what if".... We didn't have kids at the time so it made the decision easier.
I wish you the best with whatever decision you make.

 

[DarkSideMoon]

It depends, do you think your life would be happier with your new job, or where you are without one?

 

[RadioNate]

we move all the time for DH's job. We've been in 4 states in 6 years. From Oregon to South Carolina and in between. While I think there is huge value in moving away from your comfort zone, it isn't for everyone.

We've turned down several moves, jobs for more money and jobs closer to 'home' because something wasn't right or we just didn't feel like moving again.

Some of the things we consider are
Is this job going to help get 'us' where we want to be career wise?
Is the pay raise worth it...in some cases they've had to make up both mine and DH's salery
How is the housing market, can you sell your current home and recoup your money or will your loose money?
Do you like the place you'd be living. Did/do you feel comfortable there?
How is the job market for your spouse?
What's the difference in cost of living?
Is the company you'd be working for stable. What are the chances that you could be laid off from that job?

We've said "no" to offers based on all of these things. Once they wanted him to go to Nashville, we visited and I just didn't like it. I didn't find any neighborhoods I liked, the traffic was bad, nothing seemed convienent so we said no. Once the pay increase didn't make up for the cost of living difference and loss of my salery so we said no.

DH gets 'inqueries' about every other month so we look at surface factors right away. Is it a place we'd consider living (mostly places with snow are out) and will it help with long term career goals. From there he either declines being short listed or learns more. As we learn more about the potential situation we research more and keep going over our criteria until a final decision is made.

Good luck.

 

[wvjovifan]

My job has just been moved from MD to Charlottesville Va...about 2 1/2 hours away....I've been there 32 years and I refuse to move. I love it where I am and my family is happy here. I'm taking the severence package, my last day at work will be 12/30/06...and quite frankly, I can't wait to be unemployed for a while! I'm taking some of my severance check and taking my grown daughters to Disney! My DH supports me completely and after a while of relaxing, I may look for something part time--got to have some cash to support my Bon Jovi habit! Everyone has to do what is best for their own circumstances and for me, not moving is the right thing to do!

 

[TinkerBess_SnowTori]

We didn't do it -- it wasn't even really all that far away. The offer was out of the blue - some head-hunter called DH and he interviewed "just for fun" and then when they offered we countered with needing more money and they gave it to him... we never thought they would go that high and we wouldn't have to go. But we had to make a choice.

I love where we live - and I was nervous, he was too and we didn't go - oldest DD had just started Kindergarten and we would have had to move before the her first year would have been over -- and she loved the school and I did too.

I don't know if ours was jitters or not - but we didn't go and even though I think it was the right choice and we are still happy here. --- We think about it a lot... should have we gone? Was staying here the right choice? What would we be doing if we lived there?

It doesn't help that the job would have paid DH soooooo much more money.

My family all thinks we were nuts for staying here --

I guess my point is - no matter what you do you will wonder "What if?" -- try not to do that to yourself - make your choice and go on ... don't look back.

(good luck)

 

[justhat]

We're thinking about this right now too. My husband is in medical school and finds out on March 16th where we have to move and there are some places on the list that I'd rather nto go to. Unfortunately we don't really get a choice-we HAVE to go to whatever hospital the computer 'matches' my husband to. I would love to stay in DC for at least the next year (we may have to move twice as his intern year will be in a different hospital than his 3 residency years, but they could be in the same area, we don't know yet) but we'll see. I would like to stay here for the next 4 years actually, but I'd take 1 year over nothing. After he's done with his residency we'd liek to move to Phoenix so that will be a big move too (unless of course his residency is in Tucson), but that's one I'm really looking forward to.

 

[yoopermom]

Thanks everyone. We moved here almost ten years ago, and are 4 hrs away from extended family, so I can run home for the weekend if they or I need it. We love it here, but it's a VERY economically depressed area and, even though DH makes enough for us to live on, I'm the unemployed professional! No decision is forever, but I do hate making big ones...
Terri