Has anybody read Odd Girl Out? Need help with girl bullies

[fireworks fan]

Its by Rachel Simmons and its about girl bullying. I've been reading it because my DD has been having some problems on the school bus. Basically, there are only 3 girls in her grade on the bus, so someone is always the odd girl out, as the title of the book suggests. Most of the time, it is my DD who is being excluded. The kids are required to sit with their grade on the bus, so she doesn't have any options when they ignore her. She's in 2nd grade, and typically brings a book, or art supplies or a very small toy to amuse herself when she's alone. Today she came off the bus very upset because the other girls had teased her about carrying some pictures of her family with her on the bus. It doesn't usually come to tears, my DD is usually able to shrug it off.

Anyway, back to the book, the author suggests that sometimes the parents really need to get involved. I'm thinking of calling the parents of the other girls(we are all neighbors) to talk about the bus situation. Basically just saying that I've heard about a lot of exclusion going on all school year in various configurations, sometimes my DD is involved in the bullying, and sometimes, she is the victim. I want to ask the other moms how we can handle it all together, without making anyone the villain. Is this realistic? Does anyone have any BTDT feedback? I'm worried that I could make the situation worse, but I also don't want 5 more years of this.

Thanks for any advice!

 

[pigletgirl]

Well first of all, I'm not a mom but i wan't to just put this out there...girls can be MEAN. The unfortunate thing is that it can start really young, like yours has.

Second of all, since you're all neighbors, I would maybe invite the other girls over and sit them all down (i guess it could be anywhere really...) and talk about how we treat one another on the bus and how to be inclusive, ect. It may really help.

Good luck with this!!

ETA: the other moms should be there for reinforcement imo.

 

[mjkacmom]

Our town hired her to speak at our middle school - she was amazing, and dead-on. That book is one I recommend for dealing with these issues. I think in second grade, you could talk to the parents, as well as follow some of her suggestions (like getting one of the girls alone, and letting her know her feelings get hurt when she is left out - always deal with individual kids, because they are less likely to be mean than with a group).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ick that stinks. The problem with going to the parents is that the girls are going to say "X" wants to be our friend and we are not friends.

Yes this can backfire on your dd & make it worse. It doesn't sound like they are threatening her, right?

Does your dd hang out with these girls in the neighborhood? If they don't, I would suggest a lot of role playing and getting your dd other friends to hang with so she can build her own self confidence.

Plus role playing will get you to see what is happening or how your dd is feeling. Put her in the place of the "mean girls" and you be your dd.

I have role played with my girls, and when I was a Girl Scout Leader with my troop. It can be very helpful.

 

[fireworks fan]

They are not threatening her-its just typical teasing-"you're not my friend-you need to cut your hair to be my friend-deliberately making plans that don't include her" All 3 girls do play together; my DD and one of the girls are basically inseparable after school, and the ringleader has her own group of different neighborhood kids she plays with. When my DD was involved in the bullying, she came home and told me that the ringleader said they should play after school and write "I hate (third girl)" notes. I'm just very sad that this has already started at 7 years old.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

They are not threatening her-its just typical teasing-"you're not my friend-you need to cut your hair to be my friend-deliberately making plans that don't include her" All 3 girls do play together; my DD and one of the girls are basically inseparable after school, and the ringleader has her own group of different neighborhood kids she plays with. When my DD was involved in the bullying, she came home and told me that the ringleader said they should play after school and write "I hate (third girl)" notes. I'm just very sad that this has already started at 7 years old.

Oh gotcha, do not call parents over this then. You will make it worse.

I know it is hard to deal with but do a lot of role playing with your dd so she is ready with canned responses.