Guests who invite themselves to your home. . .

[creativeamanda]

Let's say, someone calls and says, "I'm coming through in a couple of weeks. I'd love to see you. Can I come by?" Are you expected to foot the bill for their food, etc., or do you expect them to contribute. You did not invite them. They asked you. Poll to come.

 

[Cindyluwho]

If I am the guest coming from out of town I take them to a nice restaurant and buy them dinner. If a guest calls me, I usually offer to cook them dinner. They usually refuse and end up taking us out.
Does that help??

 

[ilisao]

I pay. If I say they may come to my house, then they are my guest. If I am not willing, I am in my power to say no, they can't come by.

 

[creativeamanda]

FWIW, I usually have a cookout--it costs a lot to take afamily of five out plus their family. Usually they stay at our home to save on staying at a hotel. They usually will buy sodas or beer.

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

If you come to my house, even if you invite yourself, I pay because I am the host. When I was younger, and didn't have as much money, maybe I would have allowed you to help out on food and/or beer. Now I can afford whatever my guests need, food and drinks wise, so I pay. If I visit you, I hope you can pay.

 

[dizzyami]

We always attempt to pay, however depending on the guests it may end up differently.

Our adult niece, husband, and 10yo nephew visited over the 4th. We bought food to feed them the whole weekend, soda that they liked to stock the fridge and basically anything else they would need.

This weekend DH's sis and husband stayed. We offered to take them to dinner, but they instead babysit our kids , and actually took them out for a cheap dinner. This morning I bought them breakfast. I did not buy soda for them, as I didn't know for sure what they were drinking (they change brands frequently)

We live in a place that our family WANTS to visit, but also have told all of them that they are welcome at anytime.

 

[veraletta]

At my house, even if you invite yourself, I pay because I am the host.
I will ask you what you like to eat, and make sure I have stuff for your liking.

If I invite myself to your house and you say I can come,
I will go shopping and make sure I buy what ever you need in your house.
I will make sure it didn’t cost you any thing;
I will take you out to eat for dinner or order and pay for take out what ever you would like.

I will not act like a guest in your house, I will get up and clean your house, wash dish, cook and I will pretty much be your maid while I’m there.

This is my aunt said when ever I called to say I would love to visit her she would say sure, as she said she knew I would help out and it wouldn’t be like having a visitor, as I would pay my way plus clean up after my self and family.

 

[creativeamanda]

I only ask because I have one family member who likes to call and say, I'm 5 minutes away. I'll be there soon. What do you say then?

 

[dizzyami]

I only ask because I have one family member who likes to call and say, I'm 5 minutes away. I'll be there soon. What do you say then?

Yeah, that would be different, we are a 3 hour drive away.


In that case, (especially if it was a recurring problem), I am not sure how I would react.

Is this a family of five coming or just a single person??? I think if it was 5 people I would tell them the store is here (insert location), if you want to pick something up I will cook it for all of us ...or if it was just a single person I would cook something cheap, as one additional mouth wouldn't be too bad...

 

[NMAmy]

I only ask because I have one family member who likes to call and say, I'm 5 minutes away. I'll be there soon. What do you say then?

I say, "Come on over! You're taking your chances but I'll scrounge up something good."

 

[creativeamanda]

Yeah, that would be different, we are a 3 hour drive away.


In that case, (especially if it was a recurring problem), I am not sure how I would react.

Is this a family of five coming or just a single person??? I think if it was 5 people I would tell them the store is here (insert location), if you want to pick something up I will cook it for all of us ...or if it was just a single person I would cook something cheap, as one additional mouth wouldn't be too bad...

Oh, it's always a family of five, making the grand total in my tiny house 10 people. I usually feed them something, but expect them to at least bring dessert or drinks. I'm starting to wonder if I'm being a bad host. Like I say, I usually don't have warning.

 

[veraletta]

In this day in time we have microwaves so I would just say what I have in the freezer and see what you would like to eat.

 

[disykat]

If they call and give 5 minutes notice how about "Great, but we haven't eaten yet. Do you want to stop and pick up some pizzas and I'll pay half?"

At my house it'd be a crap shoot as to whether I had enough food to rustle up a meal on the spot. Not too long ago, I had 14 people (teens) on about a half hours notice - but I invited them because I knew I had stuff to make a meal.

 

[veraletta]

Maybe you should ask them to stop at the store for you and pick up what you need, and then pay them when they get there.
I would hope they wouldnt take money from you only because they didn't call ahead of time, five minutes isnt much time but all you can do is just make the best of it.

 

[EthansMom]

I only ask because I have one family member who likes to call and say, I'm 5 minutes away. I'll be there soon. What do you say then?

I'm not a big fan of last-minute guests. I like to have time to pick-up and clean the house, restock the fridge, and plan some stuff to do. The first time someone came to visit at the last minute, I'd make them comfortable but would be sure to say, "Next time, please make sure to give me a couple days notice so I can clean and stock the fridge."

That said, guests are always welcome (esp. with afformentioned notice) and we pay for their food, soda, etc.. while they are in our home. If we all choose to go out for a meal or entertainment we split the bill.

When we go to someone else's for a visit, we generally will either take that family out for a nice meal on one day or make them dinner on one or more days.

Note: If the people you are talking about are taking advantage (staying too long, coming too often, not lifting a finger while you cater to them, using your home as a hotel without spending time visiting with you, etc...), that would upset me and I'd definitely say something in as polite a manner as possible.

 

[creativeamanda]

This is typical for them. They lived 4 hours away until last week (when they moved 17 hours away). What gets me is that they would drive 3 hours and 55 minutes before they called to make sure I was home. So, in that case, I don't think I should foot their bill. A couple of months ago, they were miffed because they got 5 min away from my house and I was shopping 2 hours away.

 

[EthansMom]

This is typical for them. They lived 4 hours away until last week (when they moved 17 hours away). What gets me is that they would drive 3 hours and 55 minutes before they called to make sure I was home. So, in that case, I don't think I should foot their bill. A couple of months ago, they were miffed because they got 5 min away from my house and I was shopping 2 hours away.

So, from this, I'm getting that they visit every couple months or so, treating your house as if it's a hotel. That would drive me up a wall. I would answer their call with, "I'm sorry, but this week is sooooo busy, it just isn't a good time for us to have guests. Feel free to give us a call when you're planning your next visit, though, and I'll see if I can rearrange our schedule so we can have a nice visit together."

 

[creativeamanda]

So, from this, I'm getting that they visit every couple months or so, treating your house as if it's a hotel. That would drive me up a wall. I would answer their call with, "I'm sorry, but this week is sooooo busy, it just isn't a good time for us to have guests. Feel free to give us a call when you're planning your next visit, though, and I'll see if I can rearrange our schedule so we can have a nice visit together."

Not every couple of months or so--every other week.

 

[Ephany]

It depends. Last week my MIL called and told DD that she was coming to stay with us for a week after Thanksgiving. Neither DH nor I had any idea that she was coming until she told DD that she already had her tickets. It's fine, but it would have been nice to be asked KWIM?

Usually if it's family for the day, we grill out or do pizza. We'll treat if they're visiting and vice verses if we go up there, (although I'd never call 5 minutes out and invite ourselves). If it's parents visiting for the week, we cook at home, but they like to take us out to dinner once or twice. My MIL will also go grocery shopping if we let her, which is actually a pain b/c she buys tons of groceries that we don't eat.

If they're frequent offenders/visitors I'd definitely have them chip in for pizza or pick something up on the way. We rarely decide what we're having ahead of time, it totally depends on what's defrosted. Showing up unexpectedly at our house for dinner would definitely be a scramble!

Edit: Just saw your post about how frequent of offenders they are. Definitely make them chip in at the least. Heck, I'd probably 'be gone shopping' every time they called if they weren't considerate to enough realize what a pain they were being. At least they've moved further away!

 

[veraletta]

creativeamanda
This is typical for them. They lived 4 hours away until last week (when they moved 17 hours away). What gets me is that they would drive 3 hours and 55 minutes before they called to make sure I was home. So, in that case, I don't think I should foot their bill. A couple of months ago, they were miffed because they got 5 min away from my house and I was shopping 2 hours away.

That's too funny, maybe when they call you should say to them that you’re sorry but you have other plans for the day. After a few trips and your not home or are leaving to go out they will learn that they need to call first.
No I don’t think you have to foot the bill for someone that is rude all the time.
First off I think they should call you first, to see if its okay and second they seem to act like you should be home because they are coming.