Guests paying to get in to a bday party?

[SaraJayne]

Hmm... I would probably have an appointment that day...

ETA:

My dd 8 went to a bday party today - I LOVED it, because although this was an affluent family - they had a totally normal birthday party - at their house, the kids made graham cracker houses with frosting and candy, and had a scavenger hunt in the neighborhood. I told my dh tonight how refreshing it was not to have another over-the-top, extravagant kids party like they've all gotten to be lately. I'm hoping more and more people will go back to the simpler, pin the tail on the donkey type parties, just so the expectations aren't so high as they've been lately... it's just too much to keep up with. (Just as an example of the expectations - last year we paid to take 8 little girls ice skating for dd's birthday, then back to the house for cake. One of the kids asked where the treat bags were. I felt awkward because I didn't do treat bags. I told her that skating was her treat! lol)

We've never gotten away from "normal" birthday parties. It's the norm here to have the party at home, with cake and ice cream.

After reading some of these responses, I'm so glad!

 

[phamy76]

Ok, so i called the mom(host).

I was very nice and asked her what was included.

She is paying for the party room. Included in the package she purchased, the kids get a bag of chip, unlimited fountain drinks, a plastic reusable cup, cake and ice cream. A "character" from the park will come visit the party. And a park employee will have games for the kids. She can purchase food platters separately -- sandwiches, pizza, or appetizer trays. She is also giving the kids bags after the party to thank them for coming. She told me she is paying for the invited child and a parent's food.

She is not paying for anyone's admittance in to the park. She's spending alot of money on the party . Ahem. So, the families have to pay $13 each for tickets in to the park. But, that includes all day access to the park, to ride rides.

Only my daughter and i are invited in to the party room. My son can " tag aong" but she's not paying for him. I have to bring him with me,unless i can find a friend or him to visit that day. He's 11, so i can't just let him run around the park by himself.

The party is from 2:30-4:30. Park hours on this day are 2 -9 pm.

 

[phamy76]

So, at the end of our call, i told her it sounded like a great party. But financially we are not able to pay for park admittance. I would have to pay $39 to just get in to the party. It just is out of our budget at this time.


Oh, but when my daughter has her next birthday, they would love to come.
I told her that we only do family inhome parties until the go to elementary school, but we can get together and have a playdate soon.

 

[AnjieNet]

Ok, so i called the mom(host).

I was very nice and asked her what was included.

She is paying for the party room. Included in the package she purchased, the kids get a bag of chip, unlimited fountain drinks, a plastic reusable cup, cake and ice cream. A "character" from the park will come visit the party. And a park employee will have games for the kids. She can purchase food platters separately -- sandwiches, pizza, or appetizer trays. She is also giving the kids bags after the party to thank them for coming. She told me she is paying for the invited child and a parent's food.

She is not paying for anyone's admittance in to the park. She's spending alot of money on the party . Ahem. So, the families have to pay $13 each for tickets in to the park. But, that includes all day access to the park, to ride rides.

Only my daughter and i are invited in to the party room. My son can " tag aong" but she's not paying for him. I have to bring him with me,unless i can find a friend or him to visit that day. He's 11, so i can't just let him run around the park by himself.

The party is from 2:30-4:30. Park hours on this day are 2 -9 pm.

Unless you'd already planned on taking your family to the park anyway, I think I would skip the party. That's just asking way too much of the invitees parents for a 3 year old's party. Your child won't know she's missing anything at that age either where an 8 year old would probably feel slighted and left out about not being able to attend. The host should have planned a less pricey party if she couldn't afford to do it correctly. I feel sorry for the child if no one can come because of the costs.

 

[bankgirl05]

Ok, so i called the mom(host).

I was very nice and asked her what was included.

She is paying for the party room. Included in the package she purchased, the kids get a bag of chip, unlimited fountain drinks, a plastic reusable cup, cake and ice cream. A "character" from the park will come visit the party. And a park employee will have games for the kids. She can purchase food platters separately -- sandwiches, pizza, or appetizer trays. She is also giving the kids bags after the party to thank them for coming. She told me she is paying for the invited child and a parent's food.

She is not paying for anyone's admittance in to the park. She's spending alot of money on the party . Ahem. So, the families have to pay $13 each for tickets in to the park. But, that includes all day access to the park, to ride rides.

Only my daughter and i are invited in to the party room. My son can " tag aong" but she's not paying for him. I have to bring him with me,unless i can find a friend or him to visit that day. He's 11, so i can't just let him run around the park by himself.

The party is from 2:30-4:30. Park hours on this day are 2 -9 pm.

You did the right thing by calling, even though you didn't specifically "call her out" on her tackiness, maybe she will get a clue.

I wouldn't go either, just on principal. Some people are so skewed in thier sense of priorities. I feel this way about Holidays also. I do buy gifts, but only what we can afford, and I try to buy useful or meaningful or long lasting gifts (not something that is going to break in 5 hours) I just don't believe that spending beyond your means and then stressing or fighting over money for the next 6 months is healthy for the family. But I guess that is another thread

On a lighter note: we usually have my 2 youngest kids (birthdays 2 weeks apart) parties together (backyard BBQ) and rent a bounce house.(about $300 plus food etc.) This year I decided I couldn't afford that so for thier 3rd & 5th birthdays party I got 7 large boxes from a local appliance store (went 3 different times, they have them folded down) we stood them up and duct taped them all together, cut some doors out of them to make it one big continuous loop, gave the kids washable markers, fingerpaints, crayons, side walk chalk etc. and they had a blast!!! they didn't even want to play the other games I had planned, like an egg race and water balloon toss.A few didn't want to leave, and the parents were so amused at the creativity. But we always say they would rather play in a box than with the most expensive toy! I also always say on the invites, "no presents please" and sometimes an: "in lieu of..." because I know many people can not afford, and since our parties are for 2 I don't want people to think they have to buy for each kid. This year and last we collected can food instead for the local food bank! 4 years ago year we collected "needed items" from the Ronald McDonald House website since when oue son was born with a heart defect, we spent 18 days at RMH while he was at CHOP, so for his 1st birthday we honored his survival by doing that!

 

[thebeesknees]

On a lighter note: we usually have my 2 youngest kids (birthdays 2 weeks apart) parties together (backyard BBQ) and rent a bounce house.(about $300 plus food etc.) This year I decided I couldn't afford that so for thier 3rd & 5th birthdays party I got 7 large boxes from a local appliance store (went 3 different times, they have them folded down) we stood them up and duct taped them all together, cut some doors out of them to make it one big continuous loop, gave the kids washable markers, fingerpaints, crayons, side walk chalk etc. and they had a blast!!!

Oh, I like this idea! May have to "borrow" it for our next at-home party.

 

[Jey12]

I agree with the PP's and we would not be attending this party. Very tacky on the mom's part to not pay for admission. Because the kids are around age 3 admission for the child and one adult should be what's included IMO. If you needed to bring a sibling or another adult yes you should be responsible for their admission. If you can't afford to do this then you can't afford to have a party at the amusement park.

Sadly I don't think we'll ever be able to have the in home parties. DD's birthday is in the middle of Jan. and we're constantly fighting ice/snow/below zero temps and other crazy weather factors when planning her party. Add into that my large family and our large group of friends all with little kids around her age, plus my small house and no way, no how are we all packing in and having a good time.

 

[Princess_Meghan <3]

I can't imagine asking guests to pay to go to the party at that age. If we went somewhere for our birthdays, we took one or two kids, and paid for everything.

I have had some friends who had a small party, and then went to an amusement park to celebrate afterwards- we were expected to pay our admission if we went, but it was just an 'extra' celebration, not technically a party.

I definitely think you did the right thing by calling and clarifying.

 

[jackie101]

I can't imagine asking guests to pay to go to the party at that age. If we went somewhere for our birthdays, we took one or two kids, and paid for everything.

I have had some friends who had a small party, and then went to an amusement park to celebrate afterwards- we were expected to pay our admission if we went, but it was just an 'extra' celebration, not technically a party.

I definitely think you did the right thing by calling and clarifying.

 

[PaulaSue]

I agree with the PP's and we would not be attending this party. Very tacky on the mom's part to not pay for admission. Because the kids are around age 3 admission for the child and one adult should be what's included IMO. If you needed to bring a sibling or another adult yes you should be responsible for their admission. If you can't afford to do this then you can't afford to have a party at the amusement park.

Sadly I don't think we'll ever be able to have the in home parties. DD's birthday is in the middle of Jan. and we're constantly fighting ice/snow/below zero temps and other crazy weather factors when planning her party. Add into that my large family and our large group of friends all with little kids around her age, plus my small house and no way, no how are we all packing in and having a good time.

Just a suggestion (I have 3 kids and one have ONLY done 1 party out of the house and that was when we were moving/selling the house) for winter b-days and all b-days actually for in home. I do school friends and then a family party. Sometimes same day a few hours later but most of the time 1 on Sat and 1 on Sun. I dont like to mix the crowds and hate going to parties where we dont know many people.

 

[Pigeon]

Well, I can certainly see why "host" mom wouldn't want to pay admission for all those people on top of the cost of the party room, food, etc.

So "host" mom should have looked at Plan B--a party at home or at a bowling alley or something else that would fit her budget.

 

[POOHsie]

...

Sadly I don't think we'll ever be able to have the in home parties. DD's birthday is in the middle of Jan. and we're constantly fighting ice/snow/below zero temps and other crazy weather factors when planning her party. Add into that my large family and our large group of friends all with little kids around her age, plus my small house and no way, no how are we all packing in and having a good time.

You stirred a childhood memory of mine growing up in Rochester, NY. Mom let me have a BD party with school friends. My BD is the end of January. The day was approaching and I was so excited. Then a storm hit. It was the Blizzard of '66. You can Google it. Snow outside was way taller than me with huge drifts, and school was closed for a full week. Anyway, I didn't get my party.

 

[Jey12]

Just a suggestion (I have 3 kids and one have ONLY done 1 party out of the house and that was when we were moving/selling the house) for winter b-days and all b-days actually for in home. I do school friends and then a family party. Sometimes same day a few hours later but most of the time 1 on Sat and 1 on Sun. I dont like to mix the crowds and hate going to parties where we dont know many people.

Thank you for that wonderful suggestion! I would love to do that but my family as far as kids the same age as DD5, consists of 12 kiddos around her age. My friend group consists of around another 12 kiddos. I don't even want to think about school friends since we've started kindergarten this year. I have known many of my friends since I was in grade school so they are just as much family as those i'm actually related to, and we're considered family at friend's parties as well. Having 2 parties for us would just lead to a constant stream of where's so and so from family and the same from my friends. Not to mention two parties of 12 kids is still too much for my house. I know I should just cut back and explain to people we aren't doing the big parties anymore, but we go to all of their kid's parties and well you know how that goes.

The best thing I've found was at DD's gymnastic place. They do bday parties and provide everything right down to the invites, all you have to do is show up, maybe some minimal decorations and ice cream and cake. They do everything else, plus set up and clean up. On top of it all the kids get an hour and a half in the gym with free play time and structured play time. We've had as many as 24 kids there at one time with parents and it was only $125. I don't think I could pull that off at home with that many people.


Sometimes I do wish I would just bite the bullet and do the smaller parties. Then the party happens and we all have such a good time together and the kids have a fantastic time and it's usually worth it. Of course until it gets to be b-day time again next year and then I do a lot of mental head slaps trying to plan.

I really do appreciate the suggestion though! I'm sure if needed I could make it happen, but by the time it's all said and done all of my grumbling was for nothing.

 

[annsteere]

Sadly I don't think we'll ever be able to have the in home parties. DD's birthday is in the middle of Jan. and we're constantly fighting ice/snow/below zero temps and other crazy weather factors when planning her party. Add into that my large family and our large group of friends all with little kids around her age, plus my small house and no way, no how are we all packing in and having a good time.

We did a home party for DD in Jan. It was a beach party.

Cranked the heat in the house up to 88. Cleared furniture in the family room and put down a blue blanket as the water. Guests came and changed from their winter wear to swimsuits. I greeted them at the door in a mumu with flowers in my hair. As they came out in swimwear I gave each girl at lei from the dollar store. They sat on the "sand" (beige carpet) and painted their fingernails and listened to music and ate summery treats. Funniest event was one I hadn't planned ahead of time--a diving contest into the water, with lots of summersaults, cannonballs etc.

Pretty inexpensive and it met my daughter's wish "for my birthday I'd like it to be warm for a day."

 

[okeydokey]

So, at the end of our call, i told her it sounded like a great party. But financially we are not able to pay for park admittance. I would have to pay $39 to just get in to the party. It just is out of our budget at this time.


Oh, but when my daughter has her next birthday, they would love to come.
I told her that we only do family inhome parties until the go to elementary school, but we can get together and have a playdate soon.

Good for you for calling and telling her that her plan would not work for you.

 

[cari12]

Ok, so i called the mom(host).

I was very nice and asked her what was included.

She is paying for the party room. Included in the package she purchased, the kids get a bag of chip, unlimited fountain drinks, a plastic reusable cup, cake and ice cream. A "character" from the park will come visit the party. And a park employee will have games for the kids. She can purchase food platters separately -- sandwiches, pizza, or appetizer trays. She is also giving the kids bags after the party to thank them for coming. She told me she is paying for the invited child and a parent's food.

She is not paying for anyone's admittance in to the park. She's spending alot of money on the party . Ahem. So, the families have to pay $13 each for tickets in to the park. But, that includes all day access to the park, to ride rides.

Only my daughter and i are invited in to the party room. My son can " tag aong" but she's not paying for him. I have to bring him with me,unless i can find a friend or him to visit that day. He's 11, so i can't just let him run around the park by himself.

The party is from 2:30-4:30. Park hours on this day are 2 -9 pm.

Wow, unbelievable! If they can't afford a party at the amusement park, then they should have done something else. I would never dream of asking people to pay to come to my kids' parties.
As far as being the norm due to the recession? No, I think these parents are delusional. Most people are scaling back parties to fit their budgets, not planning extravagance and expecting the guests to pay for it. This child is only 3! Where does it go from there?

 

[mrsklamc]

I hope the poor kid isn't too crushed when few or no kids show up. I don't think I've ever seen anything this unanimously agreed upon as tacky on the DIS, not even "why can't I throw my own shower?"

 

[plummer925]

You did the right thing by calling, even though you didn't specifically "call her out" on her tackiness, maybe she will get a clue.

I wouldn't go either, just on principal. Some people are so skewed in thier sense of priorities. I feel this way about Holidays also. I do buy gifts, but only what we can afford, and I try to buy useful or meaningful or long lasting gifts (not something that is going to break in 5 hours) I just don't believe that spending beyond your means and then stressing or fighting over money for the next 6 months is healthy for the family. But I guess that is another thread

On a lighter note: we usually have my 2 youngest kids (birthdays 2 weeks apart) parties together (backyard BBQ) and rent a bounce house.(about $300 plus food etc.) This year I decided I couldn't afford that so for thier 3rd & 5th birthdays party I got 7 large boxes from a local appliance store (went 3 different times, they have them folded down) we stood them up and duct taped them all together, cut some doors out of them to make it one big continuous loop, gave the kids washable markers, fingerpaints, crayons, side walk chalk etc. and they had a blast!!! they didn't even want to play the other games I had planned, like an egg race and water balloon toss.A few didn't want to leave, and the parents were so amused at the creativity. But we always say they would rather play in a box than with the most expensive toy! I also always say on the invites, "no presents please" and sometimes an: "in lieu of..." because I know many people can not afford, and since our parties are for 2 I don't want people to think they have to buy for each kid. This year and last we collected can food instead for the local food bank! 4 years ago year we collected "needed items" from the Ronald McDonald House website since when oue son was born with a heart defect, we spent 18 days at RMH while he was at CHOP, so for his 1st birthday we honored his survival by doing that!

This post made me smile BIG this morning!!!

 

[luvthemouse71]

I wouldnt go.

 

[doodle]

I also think this party may have a very low turn out - with good reason!!

A couple of years ago, one of my kids was invited to a paintball birthday get together. The mom very clearly stated that this was just a get together and each kid would pay their own way. There would be no presents, no food, just a get together. I was okay with this because the kids were all around 15and the host family provided rides for the kids to get there. I did not mind paying because my teen wanted to go do paintball with friends.

The OP's situation is very different, and I think the hostess did not think it through.