Guests paying to attend birthday party. Is this a growing trend?

[IDoDis]

In the past year my DD (14) has been invited to three birthday parties where the invitation said to bring money to pay for herself! One party was at a movie theater where DD was supposed to bring $15 to pay for her movie and snacks.

Another party was before Halloween, so the party was at this haunted barn outside of the city. It's a haunted house kind-of-thing and is really cool (we've been before) but costs $15.00. The parent provided the ride to & from, but the invitation said to bring $20 for admission and snacks!

Just the other day, DD brought home another birthday party invitation which will be at a bowling alley. The invitation said to "bring $10 to pitch in for bowling shoes and pizza."

What the heck is going on??? One of the parents is the vice principal at DS's mid-school (where DD also used to go). so I'd think she'd know better. I haven't let DD attend any of these parties based on principle of paying to attend someone's birthday party. If money was an issue, then don't have a party or have something at the house with just a birthday cake. Don't expect your guests to pay! Now she really wants to go to this bowling party and is upset that I said no.

This trend didn't start happening until DD was a teenager. Has anyone else seen this with invites their kids bring home?

 

[kim929]

My dd never had a formal invitation saying come to my party but you have to pay. But they do make plans with their friends to go out and do something for their birthdays but it's nothing "formal" just friends hanging out and they each pay their own way. Never heard of what is happening to your dd.

 

[krcit]

I've heard of this on the Dis before but have never had it happen here. I'm with you, my kids would not be attending. It's ridiculous. I would feel differently if it was a few teens who just wanted to go to dinner for a friends b-day or something but to send out invites asking to bring money? No way.

 

[pharm]

The only time I've had to pay at a birthday party is for a present

I think it might be yout area.... No offense, lol. I'm 15, and I've never had that happen...

And ya, you have a good reason for them not to go xD I wouldn't even want to go... It's ridiculous what some people think :/ *agrees with you*

 

[Art 1]

I have heard of this and was quite shocked.

 

[Tinijocaro]

This is beyond tacky.

 

[AustinTink]

We've never seen anything like that around here. That is seriously tacky.

 

[Kirby]

When my son was in high school, his group of friends would all go dutch when they went out to eat for each others birthdays. But that is a different situation than what you are describing.

I agree with you about not letting your daughter go to the party. But, I think it all depends on how good of a friend that your daughter is with the birthday boy/girl. If they are really close friends with that person, then maybe they could go but if your daughter is just asked to be a filler, then definately no.

 

[bdcp]

Those parents aren't throwing a party for their child, regardless of what the invite says, that's not a party. It's beyond ridiculous and if my child ever got an "invite" like that they wouldn't be going and I'd let the parents know why if it came up. My boys are grown, but we always paid the entire way for kids. If they brought their own money and wanted something other than what was provided at the party, that was their decision, but otherwise we paid for everything.

BTW, I've heard of this for wedding showers and the weddings themselves. Some of this goes back to parents not being able to tell their child NO. As in no,we can't afford that, but we can afford this...

 

[golfgal]

My kids have never received a birthday party invite like that. There are times when the kids plan to go to the movies and everyone pay for themselves, but that isn't the same.

 

[mjkacmom]

I haven't seen this, but birthday parties here end by middle school. Now, if this was an informal birthday celebration, where the kids just went somewhere to celebrate someone's birthday (no invitation), I have no problem with it. If your dd really wants to go, let her, and have her use her own money (at this age, my kids use their own money to buy their friends' gifts, too).

 

[maslex]

I've never heard of this around here. Whenever we're invited to these types of parties (bowling, laser tag, trampoline, hotel pool, mini golf, etc) we've never had to pay.

My DS13 has a winter birthday so we've mostly had these types of parties for him (that way I didn't have to have a ton of people in my house, we usually have family, friends and school friends for parties) My DS15 has a summer birthday so we usually have a pool party for him at our house.

But anyhow, when we invite kids to these types of parties, I have ALWAYS paid for each kid. I would never ever think of asking for a child to pay to attend a party.

 

[Tink888]

I think as the kids get older the tackiness factor moves into a grayer area (for me at least).

IMO Sending out a birthday invite to a party and asking the guest to pay their way along with bringing a gift for a younger child's birthday is tacky. We'd be declining the invitation.

With teens I'm not sure if I find it tacky or not. Am I expected to bring a gift as well? Tacky. Or is the event more of an opportunity for all the kids to spend time together doing an activity? Not so tacky to me.

For example if DS15 came home and said "Joey's celebrating his birthday at XYZ amusement park and invited me and five other kids to go, can I have $40.00 for admission and food?" I don't see that as tacky at all and wouldn't have a problem paying my son's way. Movies, bowling, etc.

I guess for me it becomes tacky when I'm expected to pay for the party and a gift. If the gift is just time, then I don't have a problem paying for the party.

 

[Redheaded Sunshine]

I've never heard of such a thing...nor would I host such a party. That is seriously tacky.

And this is coming from a person who just planned her DD (6) birthday party and ended up having it at home b/c we couldn't bear the cost of having it at a venue (it would have been at least $300)...but I never would have DREAMED of asking other parents for money.

 

[ajk912]

Is the admission fee instead of a gift? I guess I don't see a difference between buying a gift during elementary school and paying towards admission in high school. BUT, I wouldn't do both. You get the same $10-$15 from me (us) either way, however you want that $15 is your choice. Now the parent who is asking for $20 either needs to scale down the party or contribute more.

 

[Mama-san]

My DD, then 9, went to a spend the night party once where the invitation asked that the guest bring $5 for snacks because they were going to the movies (drive in). Since it was a small amount and it was a spend the night sitution, I didn't mind it too much. However, any more than that will be coming out of the gift budget. I'm pretty much with the camp that if you can't afford to cover your guests cost for a party then you need to scale it down. Rather tacky otherwise.

OP, I would let my daughter go if she was willing to pay for it herself since she wants to go so badly but reiterate to her the reasons why you are not willing to do so. When the money comes out of her pocket maybe it will be a learning experience for her.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Informal birthday get together, no issue.

Formal invite implying actual thought and planning to "host" a party---plan within your budget.

 

[MomofKatie]

Nope, never heard of getting an invitation to a "pay your own way" birthday party. As others have posted, if the child is older, say high school age, and doing a non-formal event (i.e., no invitations), it's more OK for each teen to pay their own way. But if there is a formal invitation extended, the hosts should pay for their guests.

 

[momof1princess]

never seen an invitation to a "pay your own way" birthday party, and if DD13 received one, i would politely decline. if parents can't afford to host a birthday party for their child and his/her friends, either don't have one, or just invite a friend or two over for movies and pizza.

 

[powellrj]

Once my kids were in High School this was pretty common. Whether they went or not depended on how badly they wanted to go. I don't have a problem with it, but I don't think I would ever do it.