Guest List

[allisonswonderland]

Ok I am trying to out together the guest list to the HOME reception. My list has 64, my mom's list 70, my fiance's list 70, his mother's list is at 71 and she has lost the other half...ok our place only holds 300 and this is our preliminary list. What do we do? She is just going to be mad. I was looking and she is inviting some of the people she works with and their little kids. I thought that cutting kids of people we do not know would be the easy way? What do you all think.
Have kids of siblings and 1st cousins , but my other issue is that I am a swim coach and am inviting some of my kids that I am very close to. Only about 10 and they are between the ages 6-14. I would not invite a few of the families otherwise, but I love those kids and they would love to be there, but kids of people that I do not even know (I have never met the parents).

HELP!

 

[Fantasia Sam]

OK this is just an opinion and suggestion:

In all honesty do you think that your Swim kid's parents are going to want to pay to go to your wedding when they don't even know you?

Why don't you do a little special Swim party for all the kids after you get back, you could even wear your dress again, and have the pictures to show them. That way they would feel special.

You could if you wanted say no kids to the wedding at all except those that were in the bridal party, and those parents that want to bring kids, you can give them information for child-minding, baby sitting at Disney.

Or go with Siblings and first cousins, I'm unsure what etiquette says but certainly from my experience this is acceptable and it would help to cut down your guest list.

The other thing is that even though you have a large guest list at the moment once your prospective guests know it's a destination wedding then a lot of those guests may not even be able to make the wedding.

HTH

 

[allisonswonderland]

No the parents know me. I have coached this team for 10 years and the kids I am inviting are kids that I taught to swim when they were 3 and now coach them on the team and continue to give them private lessons.
A lot of the parents are also people I went to high school knew and talked to in class but was not close to them but now through the relationship I have formed with their children would invite them. But THIS list is for the reception at home not at Disney.

The people who I was referring to who do not know me are people who his mom wants to invite along with their children. And I am trying to figure out a way to not include their children. The problem is that if I invite kids who are close to me, she will be mad b/c we are not including her co workers kids eventhough neither my fiance or myself know them (parents or kids)
Thanks-

 

[melmel]

We're doing an at home, and included everyone, because it's not catered I don't have to worry about paying $30 a head for a child. But, I would say that cutting some kids is not going to make people happy. I know if I was invited and told no kids, and then arrived and a bunch of kids were running around I'd be very unhappy, that my kids weren't good enough to be invited. I think your better bet would just be to cut people you've never met or have only met like twice. Another thing to remember is not everyone is likely to come so that should help some. We invited about 100 and at a month out we have about 50 confirmed and are figuring on about another 30 yesses.

Hope this helps.

Melissa

P.S. I also like Sam's idea of a seperate swim party later, that way it's just them. There aren't many pre-teens who would find an 'adult' party to be the highlight of their weekend. And that would help you cut 10 kids and their families.

 

[hmgolden]

For our Disney wedding, we got my MIL to chop her list in half by telling her should would have to pay for anyone over a certain number. I have never seen her do anything that quickly! Perhaps that's an option? Otherwise, I would just explain to her that the site only holds so many people, and her lists needs to get cut. Perhaps you can reason with her and have her not invite people that you don't know?

As for kids, you need to decide if you want kids there or not. You can't tell some people that kids aren't invited and then have them get there and see a bunch of kids running around.

For the swim team, personally I wouldn't invite them. Sam's suggestion of a party for them afterwards is a good idea. I think the swim team kids would be bored at an event that consisted mostly of your family and friends.

 

[allisonswonderland]

Ok- I guess I do not like what you are saying because that is not what I want to do- I am not sure?
These are kids who are a big part of my life! 2 of the 6 families will be going to Disney.

My mother is paying for most of this AT HOME reception (and fiance and I are picking up the rest) and you guys honestly think because my FMIL wants to invite her co workers (who we do not know) along with their children (who she barely knows) that I should not invite kids who are close to me and I have watched grow up?

There are approximately 150 swimmers on our team so selecting 6 familes that I have worked closely with should not be out of the question....I guess I understand your reasoning that her invitees would be annoyed that their kids were not included but why should people who have never met me and met my fiance once expect to include their kids?

I guess that it is just so frustrating because I have the least amount of people on my personal list and it sounds like you guys think I should cut 20 more off, but yet MIL has 70 now but that is only half of her list and her half list is still higher than my list and his family will not pick up the addtional expenses.

I just thought that by cutting people's kids who we do not know or have a close relationship with would be a great way to decrease the guest list since his mother is way over her limit on numbers....like double anyone else's.

Thanks for your opinions and I hope you do not take what I am saying the wrong way, but this is a discussion forum so I am trying to discuss which is the reason I would like you to explain your reasoning more.
Thanks

 

[melmel]

If you really want someone there, there then have them there. It's your party afterall. I don't see anything wrong with inviting kids. I just don't think you can get away with inviting some kids and not all of them.

Personally, I would just divide the 300 limit by 4 and that's everyone's limit PERIOD. So you get X number Hubby gets X number, and each set of parents gets X number. If that doesn't work for someone, then they can pay the differnce for a larger venue. In the end it comes down to the fact that it's your day and your party, so you should do what you think is right.

Melissa

 

[Fantasia Sam]

I got the wrong end of the stick allisonswonderland about who it was you'd never met, sorry about that.

Yup discussion forum means that if you ask a question you'll get an answer and it sometimes isn't always the one you want to hear, but be assured that all anyone is trying to do when answering is help

OK I get it, you want certain kids but not others - who's paying for the wedding? What's wrong with you actually saying that you don't want people there that you don't know?

Personally speaking I'm not a fan of having anyone at my wedding that a) I don't know or b) don't like. This is YOUR day. With my "starter" husband when we got married there had been members of my family that had mistreated myself and my grandmother and hadn't given me the time of the day in years - this was an aunt and first cousins - I hadn't seen them in 5 years and my dad wanted them at my wedding. I said "no" he said he'd pay, I said it makes no difference "it's our day and we don't want them there" - Harsh I know but I stood my ground and I got my way. My Aunt in question did send me a telegram of congratulations on the day but you know what..? a year later at my grandmother's funeral, she asked if my then husband had been married before or had kids from a previous marriage, urghh I felt that she was just itching for my then husband to have some history or previous "dirt" and I was like, "what I can't marry someone who has no previous history?" This confirmed to me that I was right in my decision not to let her come to our wedding. LOL I know that my marriage, in question, did end in divorce and I've gotten off the track but my point is that I read it time and time again on this forum of situations where a future bride is at odds because "other people" want to invite "strangers" to their wedding - I peronsally think it shouldn't be allowed and brides and grooms should stick to their grounds regardless of what etiquette says ::sigh::

I went to a Disney wedding in November and it worked very well that only children in the wedding party were allowed.

I also feel that as it's your wedding and you want to invite which ever kids you want then again that is YOUR choice, if someone comes and sees that their kids weren't invited and take umbridge, well seriously my thoughts are if my fellow work colleague's son was getting married, whom I'd never met, why on earth would I even be thinking that my children should get an invite?!!!

If everyone is contributing to the cost of your wedding then I think you need to be honest with the whole family about numbers that you can invite and sit down altogether and decide on who you want, or give each Mother a limit of how many they can invite and then put the leftovers on List B (we did this and it worked very well) - this should be a joint decision by all and certainly I don't think a bride and groom should be dictated to on who get's invited just because of who is paying for what, but again that is my opinion and may indeed may not be the circumstances you are working within, but I just thought I'd share that precious thought.

Allisonswonderland - I do feel your frustration and talking about it here will hopefully help you to stick to your guns and get the wedding that you both want at the venue that you have chosen. Again remember a lot of the people that may be on the mothers' lists may not be able to make the trip which will help cut the numbers, sorry I've rambled on

 

[p2oh]

Don't forget this is for you and your DH not your DMIL. Of course your swim team should be there they are a big part of your life. Since your DM is paying for the majority, give your DMIL a number that is fair and tell her she can invite whomever she wishes but due to budgetary contraints her guest list can't exceed X number. I know this is hard, but tell her the only option is that she pay for a different venue to accomodate size, extra food and favors.

 

[allisonswonderland]

Thanks - his mom is just on me allof the time and I just really get frustrated. They want to invite allo f these people and throw fits when they can't and sure do not want to pay for anything. They are hassleing us about giving $$ for the rehearsal dinner....

 

[Fantasia Sam]

well then you need to come here to vent and we'll always try and rally around and support and give you the ammo, if you wish to use it - sometimes it's just better talking these things out loud, even if you don't act on stuff. At least it made me feel better to vent when I was planning

 

[Codie]

I did kids at Disney, none at home

 

[hmgolden]

I agree that you need to do what you want to do, and I know how frustrating it can be to deal with in-laws. And how upsetting and weird it is to meet people at your wedding reception. It just doesn't seem natural.

Who is paying for the at home reception? You? Your parents? I would just give her a number and tell her (MIL) this is how many people you can afford to have come. If she doesn't like it, she either needs to pony up the cash or deal. I'm sorry if I sound harsh. I just think its crazy when other people put pressure on brides and grooms that distracts from the fact its the couple's day. Not anyone elses!

 

[twojo21]

fyi your premilinary list is 275 so you are under your 300 just go with this list. its seem the numbers are pretty fairly split too. if you have any more add ons do an a & b list. also double check your lists that you dont have family listed twice. as for the kids thing, you can do whatever you want ive seen people have no kids, some kids, all kids. were having all.