I know that polygamy is wrong, but is it really so bad?
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
What's that? Why that's the sound of slackers vacationing.
grrgelgrrgell grrrrgel
But what's
that sound? Oh, just Kory drooling on his pillow. He also likes to talk in his sleep. I make fun by talking back, coercing his sleeping brain into conversations. "So Bono came to your birthday party and juggled golf clubs? Is that so? Did you have a pinata, too? It was shaped like a Budweiser. And beer caps fell out? And then Bono led everyone in the Electric Slide? How very interesting."
As you can see, this morning we slept in, snoozing til about 8:45. On the agenda today? Slacking of course. Actually, I was extremely excited about the day I had planned. It was a battle I'd fought hard for two years. You see, Kory does not do water parks. He finds the whole water park scenario distressing. Slobbering children, toddlers who poop e coli, grimey oily water, Europeans in speedos, men with back hair long enough to braid, ghostly people who blind you with their pasty legs. No offense to my readers from England, of course. We can't all live in south Georgia.
What's my point here. Oh.
I love water parks! Love 'em so much I'd marry 'em. Just call me Allison Cheddar-Lagoon. So I
had to convince him to take me. First I asked politely. Then I turned on the water works. When my go-to tactics didn't work, I broke out the Disney Planning Video. When that failed, I recorded Travel Channel's
Best Water Parks in America and secretly flipped it on every day before SportsCenter. "Gosh, I can't imagine why this is on again! But since it's on, did you know that the waters of Typhoon Lagoon lap up onto white, sandy beaches that stretch around three sides of the lagoon and play host to towering palms, thatched umbrellas and countless gleaming white lounge chairs? Huh, did ya? Huh?"
Alas, nothing worked. Eventually, I had to bring the big guns out. The M-16s of female persuasion tactics. I resorted to 1000thhappyhaunt's signature
sleeping subliminal messaging. "Bono was at your birthday party? Was it at the second best water park in America, Walt Disney's World's Blizzard Beach - the most slushy, slippery, exhilarating beach water park anywhere?"
Maybe it was the subliminal messaging, or perhaps it was the little white lies I told. Oh you know, only that Disney water is engineered to stay clean and clear, all children are given enemas and everyone gets a Mystic Tan before entering. Once again, no offense to my English friends.
Whatever it was, something worked! So to say I was ecstatic about visiting either Blizzard Beach or Typhoon Lagoon is an understatement. The water. The rides. The water rides! Ahh, good times. I jump out of bed and burst out onto the balcony, eagerly anticipating a gorgeous water-parky day.
To say that I was heartbroken when I discovered a cloudy, overcast sky and a freezing rain is understatement number two.
I shuffle back in, lay in bed and snuggle with my sleeping husband. I sniff. He asks what's wrong. I puppy whine. He asks what's wrong again. I fill him in on the weather situation. He hugs me, but I know he's grinning with relief. Really, he is. I see him in the mirror. He's dodged the water park bullet again. For now. Muah ha ha ha!
Back to the story. So I'm still feeling sad, but we rise and get ready for our day. We decide to have breakfast at Spoodles and then spend some time over at DTD shopping, eating and maybe taking in a movie. Ya know we don't have movies back home. We have to drive two towns over to their 4 movie-plex. They don't always show new releases either. I think
The Graduate is still playing. I'm just joking. They'd never play
The Graduate in this bible-beatin' town. No offense to my bible beater readers, of course. Although if you are reading
this trip report, you're less bible beatin' and more tequila slammin'.
Alright, let's move on. So a little after 10, we skadattle over to Spoodles and check in at the podium. We wait just a few minutes while the hostess clears a table for us by the window. Once seated, we intently peruse the menu. Not due to the wide variety of food choices, but because we are having trouble focusing. Really now, what was that purple stuff we drank?
We finally ask for the hangover special: for Kory that's an order of grease with a side of grease. For me, an order of carbs with a side of sugar.
While we await our order, we absently gaze out the window. "What a crappy day," Kory remarks as we sip our drinks and nurse our headaches.
"You got that right. It's chilly, it's starting to sprinkle and I don't think Meredith and Dr. McDreamy will
ever get back together!"
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
Little did we know our day would get much, much worse before it got better.
After our breakfast, we walk the damp, slippery boardwalk and I admire two beautiful brides having their pictures taken. Poor girls. "Rain is lucky...", yada yada, yada, but we
all know that is said to keep bridezillas from downing a bottle of Xanax chased by a whisky, straight up.
Blech. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. No more talk of alcohol til at least 6 pm.
We make it back to BCV and head to the room to grab the car keys and cameras.
Our keepsake from Snake Eyes and Pam stares at Kory. If only it could talk...
On our way to the parking lot, we pass one of the lounges. I peer in and giggle. I love how old people can sleep anywhere.
We take the car to DTD and Kory finds a nice spot near the Marketplace. I grab my purse and cameras and we set out for our day of shopping.
I'm ready to get my shop on! So our first stop is the World of
Disney store. I flit from room to room, mentally spending thousands of pretend dollars. First I'd buy a $3,000 diamond-encrusted Mickey watch, then $1,900 in life-size stuffed animals to sleep on and finally $199 in postcards. Do I know $199 worth of people? No. I buy because I can.
When I'm spent (ha!), I go searching for Kory. Eventually, I find him in the men's section looking at Disney clothing. Do whaaat? But...huh? What the hell is going on here? This is a very odd sight indeed and let me tell you why.
See, Disney isn't cool to him. He never connected to Disney the way you and I have. You and I breathe Disney. We would live in Disney. Next to a trash can.
In it if it's cold. People like Kory still view Disney as a vacation money pit with high humidity. Sure they like Disney enough, but it's certainly not a way of life. So you understand why seeing him riffle through the Disney character Polo rack threw me for a loop.
(But to be fair, I don't have tons of Disney garb either. I have lots of artwork and random home stuff, but as far as clothing, I have very little. Except my vintage Disney tee that I love so much I'd marry it. Allison Cheddar-Lagoon-Disney Tee. I'm a polygamist.)
As if he knew I was there, he stops and looks up. We lock eyes; he's been caught. I smile reassuringly. It's ok, it really is.
But I was helping some other guy find his size. Sure, some
other guy. Whatever. I know you. You're turning Disney. Last year it was the Mickey hat. This year it's a Goofy Polo. Next year you'll be MrVettechick99 on the DIS and arranging meets with TLinden16 over at Jelly Rolls. It happens to the best of us.
But he buys nothing and we leave the WOD with only my $5,099 in mental purchases (woulda been $4,589 with the Magic Kingdom Club Card. Curses!). We continue our stroll around the rest of the Marketplace, stopping at the art store, the home store and Disney's version of a dollar store.
Onward we go, strolling to the
lego store, where we discover some new creations. I snap a picture of the dog walker, zooming in on the basset.
I miss our Basset, Grace. Awww, I wonder what she's doing. You think she misses us? You think she's bored?
I guess not. At least she's not on the couch. Or drinking. She's too young to drink.
Well let's go buy her something. We ask someone where the new pet store is and head that way. What a cute store! I love shopping for her, even more so than for myself. For this reason alone I can't wait to have kids. I'm going to spoil them rotten!
First thing we buy is a new dog tag. We stick two $5's in the machine and type out the text. What fun times! The machine makes the tag right there in front of you.
That's Grace's tag, right there! Hey wait, quit zooming in on my phone number! You stalker!
Anyway, that was fun! What else can I buy? I look at the collars, but unfortunately their selection is pretty slim. I see the one I bought last year, but nothing cuter. As I'm heading to the register to check out, I walk past the pet Halloween costumes. My eyes light up. Kory says no. Please. No. Don't do that to her. Or me.
I can't help it, I
need to buy her a costume. To Kory's dismay, I spend 30 minutes thumbing through the costumes, debating the choices. Well, she would look adorable as Snow White or Minnie Mouse. But will the mouse ears make her look fat? Oh look, there is Buzz Lightyear! And Woody. Oh my gosh, so cute. But would she look better in something yellow, blue or red?
That is the question. And is she a small or medium? Or maybe she's a large...
"Just pick one!"
"Fine! Snow White then. She looks great in red
and blue. Not so much yellow."
I make my purchase and we head out. It's getting time for lunch, so we decide to head over to the Westside and have a pizza at Wolfgang Pucks. If you remember last year's report (and who doesn't), we ate there for dinner. I ordered a fantastic pizza and I've been drooling over the memory ever since.
We grab a seat at the bar and order a couple drinks. Lemonade, people! It's too early for the Jeager Bombs. Blech, there goes that mouth vomit again.
We also order one of those Slap Ya Mama pizzas to share. Damn good times!
After our late lunch, we walk across the way and check out our movie options. Hot snot,
Wedding Crashers is playing! We buy two tickets and enjoy a nearly empty theatre.
No one there but Kory to make fun of me taking this picture.
"MOM! THE MEATLOAF!"
What a great movie. So we exit out the parking lot entrance and realize our car is on the
total other side of DTD. Ca-ripes! Oh you think it's nothing, but you have no idea how freakin' long that place is til you are on one side and need to be on another.
So we pull up our bootstraps (whatever the hell that means) and walk adjacent to the parking lot, using the front drive as our guide. So we walk, and walk, and walk. And walk some more. And walk a little longer. Are we there yet? No, not even close.
Twenty minutes, 10 are-we-there-yet's and 2 piggy-back rides later, our cute white car is in sight and I drop to my knees in gratitude.
Kory turns to me, "You got the keys?"
"I don't have the keys. You have the keys. You drove, remember."
And like a bad soap opera from the 70's, we both hear the obligatory
dum dum dummmm in the background.
Things have gone very bad in vettechick-land and it's fixin to get worse.
to her!how do you stay so darned thin w/ all the boozin' & grubbin'?! I need to loose my last 10 post baby, reading your threads is making me want to drink booze & eat, not drink H20 & exercise...what's up w/this?
I want more now!! I am not used to waiting. 
...however I cant shake a hangover as well anymore w/ two babies to wake up to! 
