Grounded

[WDSearcher]

Thank you all for your responses. It was very insightfull to read the different views on this matter.

Yesterday evening when my husband came home, we talked some more about it. We decided that Burton was punished enough by staying at home while the weather outside was great.

Normally Burton is very very wise for his age. And I think our talk did help. He actually agreed on the grounding thing and on the removal of the electronics privileges.

Since it was his first time offence, we decided to lift the grounding.
So we had another talk with Burton, explained why we changed our minds. And that we will not be this cool next time. And explained to him the general rules for playing outside.
Burton thanked us, and agreed with the rules.

This felt pretty good. I hope Burton doesn't dissapoint me by climbing roofs again.
Only time will tell. Parenting is a tough job.

to you AND to Burton! Well done.

 

[Rora]

No needed, cause I am totally not gonna get sucked in, just going to make an observation.

As I always understood it: you punish a child for being disobedient or for doing something they know is wrong or that they have been told not to do.

You had not yet forbidden him to play on roofs. He was with another child who may, by your own admission, not have the best judgement. Your son is young, and "just getting the hang of playing outside". Honestly, though your son may have had a momentary fleeting thought of "hmmm, mom probably wouldn't be crazy about this", his "older" friend probably convinced him that it would be ok, and he really wanted to do it , and Hey! No one had told him not to!

IMHO, you had it right all the way up to the grounding. You got him down, got him to safety, gave him all the info, told him why he shouldn't do it, told him not to ever do it again, AND took care of his friend as well. You hit all your bases and did a great job! He has promised to never do it again. My opinion would be that you punish the child AFTER he disobeys, which he hasn't done yet - no one had told him not to do it, and there was no one to tell him not to do it as he was doing it.

Of course, now that he IS grounded, don't go back on it LOL. Never go back on it, that sets a bad precedent as a wimpy mommy and once a kid gets THAT between their teeth you are toast. I know my 7 year old, and I would be DONE if she saw me as an easy mark. Give him, and yourself, extra hugs tonight - mommy-ing is hard work!

This.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I cannot believe that people actually believe that you have to tell a 7 year old- which is 2nd grade- that they shouldn't go up on the roof! Really? I have never told any of my kids not to go on the roof, I was never told not to go on the roof, I don't know anyone who was ever told not to go on a roof and yet we all knew not to do it. I don't tell my kids not to do handstands while shopping either and yet they know not to do it. Sorry but I would have punished my child.

 

[ajk912]

I wouldn't take away electronics but I would tell him since he was acting like a two year old he is going to be treated like a two year old, and he can't be outside (untill further notice) unless an adult can be outside watching him.

 

[WDSearcher]

I cannot believe that people actually believe that you have to tell a 7 year old- which is 2nd grade- that they shouldn't go up on the roof! Really? I have never told any of my kids not to go on the roof, I was never told not to go on the roof, I don't know anyone who was ever told not to go on a roof and yet we all knew not to do it. I don't tell my kids not to do handstands while shopping either and yet they know not to do it. Sorry but I would have punished my child.

If the ladder to the roof was easily accessible to a 7 year old, I can totally see him thinking it was okay to be up there. Because otherwise why would there be a ladder? But even so ... in this particular scenario, the mother had a talk with her son, told him why it was unacceptable to be on the roof, discussed it all with him and the boy agreed, understood and promised never to do it again. It was only after all of that was said and done and dad got home that the boy was punished. If the boy had been grounded the second he got down from the roof, that would be one thing.

I wouldn't take away electronics but I would tell him since he was acting like a two year old he is going to be treated like a two year old, and he can't be outside (untill further notice) unless an adult can be outside watching him.

That logic would totally confuse me. How is climbing on the roof of a school "acting like a two year old"? Where do you live that two year olds regularly climb to the tops of buildings?? I think most kids would flat-out ask, "When was I acting like a baby?" I don't know that they'd get the broader implication that they needed to be watched at all times (like a baby).

 

[ajk912]

If the ladder to the roof was easily accessible to a 7 year old, I can totally see him thinking it was okay to be up there. Because otherwise why would there be a ladder? But even so ... in this particular scenario, the mother had a talk with her son, told him why it was unacceptable to be on the roof, discussed it all with him and the boy agreed, understood and promised never to do it again. It was only after all of that was said and done and dad got home that the boy was punished. If the boy had been grounded the second he got down from the roof, that would be one thing.


That logic would totally confuse me. How is climbing on the roof of a school "acting like a two year old"? Where do you live that two year olds regularly climb to the tops of buildings?? I think most kids would flat-out ask, "When was I acting like a baby?" I don't know that they'd get the broader implication that they needed to be watched at all times (like a baby).

Oh, that's one of my go-to lines and punishments with my kids-10,9, and 6. They all get it, none of them have ever asked for clarification. If they need constant supervision like a 2 year old they either need to stay in the same room I am in, or wait for me to go in the room that they want to be in. That way I can watch them at all times, like a 2 year old (because most of the time you don't leave a 2 year old alone in a room without supervision). It helps a lot with summer time fighting and "she touched me" type moments. If you can't be in a room without supervision, you need to stay in the room I am in. That really stinks for them when they need to hang out in the kitchen with me when I am cooking, or doing laundry in the laundry area or whatnot.

 

[WDSearcher]

Oh, that's one of my go-to lines and punishments with my kids-10,9, and 6. They all get it, none of them have ever asked for clarification. If they need constant supervision like a 2 year old they either need to stay in the same room I am in, or wait for me to go in the room that they want to be in. That way I can watch them at all times, like a 2 year old (because most of the time you don't leave a 2 year old alone in a room without supervision). It helps a lot with summer time fighting and "she touched me" type moments. If you can't be in a room without supervision, you need to stay in the room I am in. That really stinks for them when they need to hang out in the kitchen with me when I am cooking, or doing laundry in the laundry area or whatnot.

I totally get it ... it just seems like a really fuzzy way to explain it to a child who was climbing on a rooftop.

"If you can't be outside without supervision, then you can't be outside" makes perfect sense. "If you're going to act like a two year old, then I'll treat you like a two year old" isn't quite as clear. Because, IMO, no one was acting like a two year old in climbing up to the roof. If anything, they were acting like a teenager!