Grief?

[cobright]

How long does it take to feel back to ‘normal’ after losing someone close to you?

A bit of background I am 40 years old and my whole life I’ve never lived farther than 8 miles from my parents. On July 30 2017 out of the complete blue we found out that my Mom had stage 4 cancer. She did what she could to fight it but because of the stage and where it was treatment was not much of an option and we were told by day 2 they would just be looking at palliative care for her. She was in and out of hospitals for a few months and did two rounds of chemo which didn’t work. In November she came home and on February 15 she moved into the nursing home for palliative care as it was to a point that we could no longer offer her 24 hour care at home. She passed away peacefully on June 1st with my older brother and I by her side.

It is now almost 5 months later and everyday I am still expecting to talk to her or see her. I also have moments where it feels as though I’ve fallen into a black hole and can’t get out. I cry multiple times a day and am extremely depressed.

While I know everyone grieves differently I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is normal or if I am entering a bipolar state. I was diagnosed as bipolar in my 20’s and am medicated. I do have a doctors appointment scheduled for next Tuesday to discuss this and other medical issues.

Thank you in advance for any words of advise or wisdom you may have for me.

• The pain ... the pain will start to fade at the 6 month mark and be a memory on the 1 year anniversary.
• The sadness will stay with you for most if that year an then at some point it will break free of you rather abruptly, leaving you with a memory of that sadness.
• The hard part is keeping yourself open to new feeling slipping in so that the old ones can slip out. It feels like losing the person again so we clamp down on those feelings even if they hurt. Like grabbing a hit iron.
• Even letting the emotions and sadness you're left with fade, the memories remain and these are much safer things to keep around.
• For the short term, talk to a dr. Set up a brain wrangle to do some therepy. Get some zoloft or some such to take the edge off ttherapy. It all helps.

I try to avoid all the grief cliches so maybe I come off brusque, but I've buried my fair share (sister to drugs, cousin to suicide. 100 coworkers to 9-11 attack. Uncles aunts in laws, childhood friend, first girl I kissed ... jeebus forgot her, the girl who voiced Ducky on land before time) and this has been my experience. Your mileage may vary.

 

[Fldisneyfamily4321]

I am not going to give the same line that some say “ they are at peace “ or another line ... your NEVER ready . I lost my daddy and best friend almost two years ago .. I am nowhere near over it , it kills me everyday . I am not the same person and I don’t think I ever will be . I was a daddy’s girl , his only child and while he was so sick for so long I can’t get passed it .
The only thing I can say is grief YOUR way and there is no time limit .. ever . I realize people will try to help in their way but the only person that can really understand is you.