Grief over a good friend's death - when do I stop being "sad"?

[ElliePeters]

Im so sorry, time will heal your heart.

 

[Bluestars]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost someone very close to me many years ago and it still hurts. The difference is that the pain isn't raw anymore.

I don't think there's anything to get over when someone we love dies. It's more like an acceptance. There's definitely a hole in my heart and an emptiness without him here. But after feeling heart wrenching pain for what seemed like a long time, I knew I had to make a decision about the rest of my life. I didn't want to focus on the pain every waking moment. I had to accept what happened and learn to live with it.

It took about a year before the feeling that I wanted to die too went away. It took several years before I could look at his picture without crying. But I was able to finally accept it and start to smile again. It's funny but I can remember the exact show I was watching when I was actually able to laugh again. I thought, wow, I can feel happy feelings again.

Death hurts. I believe that the amount of pain we feel when someone dies equals the amount of love we feel for them. It's normal to be hurt, feel sad, and cry.

 

[tommya60]

There really isn't anything to "get over". There is a new reality in your life, you need time to adjust. It will get better, but it will be different. Not bad, but different.

I lost my best friend 4 years ago. We had know each other all our lives, best friends since before kindergarten. I am Godmother to two of her childern, she called every day she was on vacation when our daughter was due (born on her birthday). We both lost our mothers and cried on each other's sholders. It has taken time, I still miss her desperately, but it is better.

My condolences to all who have lost those they love...

 

[Julia M]

My moms best friend died 10 years ago. We had known her since I was small and all of us kids grew up togther. When she died, I felt alot of grief, but what surprised me (in retrospect) was the waves of grief I felt months and years later. Not all the time and every time, but way more than I anticipated. I'd drive by her house and my heart would pound, or someone at work who knew her (we worked in a the same school district, but not the same school) would reminisce about her and I'd well up in tears.

I'm just saying this to say it can take a long time. But, as I am writing this, it doesn't hurt like it used to. I visited her daughter a few months ago and we shared memories, and again, it wasn't painful-it was just nice.

Julia

 

[CookieGVB]

I'm sorry. In your own time - no two people grieve the same way. Have you gone for grief counseling at all? I hope you will come to terms with this, but allow yourself time to be ready.

 

[Frye7127]

I think everyone is different and you will one day be okay. Or, at least that is how it was for me. I had a neighbor across the street whom we became friendly with, ate dinner together, had showers for one another, pregnant close together, children played together...you get the picture...We had a falling out of sorts, and they ended up moving 1 mile away to another subdivision. I spoke if we saw each other out, but not as friendly as we had one been. She died after having plastic surgery. I cried over it for two years. Seriously. We had unfinished business I felt like, it broke my heart that her children didn't have her anymore (she was a wonderful mother and wanted nothing more than those children). It was senseless. Our falling out was senseless. Her husband remarried and I was still mourning. I relish seeing her children at school and have pictures of her daughter (who looks just like her) and my son every year of their life. We are moving to Kansas and that is one thing I will truly miss, seeing her grow up and those pictures every year.

Just take your time. It will come.