Grandparents trying to befriend teen grandkids on facebook

[SC Minnie]

Friend Gma but set the GD's privacy setting so Gma can't see what the GD posts on her status and she can't see pictures or give her access to only one album that has no other kids in the pictures. Also, have her blocked from seeing any pictures the GD is tagged in. Problem solved.

 

[FireDancer]

I also don't think that kids "need" their privacy or space online either. Oh hell no, that's just scary!

Anything posted online is not private unless you have full control of the server the data sits on. Even people with locked down Facebook profiles have their data and photos sitting on servers somewhere and servers have breaches.

A good rule of thumb before doing anything online (posting a photo, a status message, or a comment) assume it will be posted on the billboard next to the freeway. If you wouldn't want it there don't put it on the Interwebs.

 

[beattyfamily]

I have a 13 year old who begged me for Facebook.

Only way I'd let her is if I'm her friend and I know her password.

After that she can decide which family members to be friends of or not. She has friended all her cousins and uncles and aunt but then just hides them from her news feed. Fine with me.

I feel VERY strongly that I need to keep an eye on her and based on some things she's posted or done, I'm glad I did.

It's a good education for us both. She learns what's not appropriate and I learn what the kids are up to and how they talk. Very educational.

I've had to have a talk with her a couple of times for making friends with strangers etc...

Good luck OP.

 

[bethbuchall]

I'm not really sure I agree with the extremes in opinions on this issue. I don't think it's wrong, weird or unhealthy for a grandma to want to friend her grandchild, nor do I think it's nosy. But if grandma is going to get bent out of shape or offended by normal teen interactions, then maybe she shouldn't be friended. I can see that happening -- my own mother would have been that way.

I also don't think that kids "need" their privacy or space online either. Oh hell no, that's just scary!

I agree about the moderate stand on the issue. I do read dd's Facebook with her, though, and there are some comments from some of the parents/grandparents that just kind of skeeve me out a bit. Not that they are wrong or inappropriate. It's more like they are working too hard at being witty and "in" with the kids' friends/groups. Why do they need to comment on some things that they could just say to the kid at home? Maybe I just don't fully grasp Facebook etiquette/protocol.

I'm not sure anyone really said that kids need or should be guaranteed privacy online. I personally don't need to track my 19-year old "kid's" Facebook anymore.

It's not "wrong, weird, or unhealthy" for grandma to send a friend request, but I don't think it's wrong or indicates a lack of love if a child chooses not to friend grandma either. There are plenty of ways to stay in communication and show love that don't include Facebook. Just because a person doesn't want to friend another on a site like that doesn't mean that they aren't close.

 

[bethbuchall]

Anything posted online is not private unless you have full control of the server the data sits on. Even people with locked down Facebook profiles have their data and photos sitting on servers somewhere and servers have breaches.

A good rule of thumb before doing anything online (posting a photo, a status message, or a comment) assume it will be posted on the billboard next to the freeway. If you wouldn't want it there don't put it on the Interwebs.

Exactly. I have always emphasized this with my kids, and they don't put things on Facebook that they wouldn't share with the world. I still wouldn't mind if they don't want to provide grandma with unlimited access, though, and fortunately, my parents realize that Facebook friending has nothing to do with their real-life relationship, and my in-laws don't use Facebook.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

Anything posted online is not private unless you have full control of the server the data sits on. Even people with locked down Facebook profiles have their data and photos sitting on servers somewhere and servers have breaches.

A good rule of thumb before doing anything online (posting a photo, a status message, or a comment) assume it will be posted on the billboard next to the freeway. If you wouldn't want it there don't put it on the Interwebs.

you have got it!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Really? Cause some of us like our grandparents, parents and in-laws. I'm just sayin'. If the kid doesn't want to friend grandma, fine, but gradma isn't a freaky boundary pusher for facebook friend requesting her grandchild. I'm freinds with my husband's grandma, our teenage cousins, teenagers in our church. SOME of us enjoy happy, healthy family relationships that aren't frought with hand wringing about boundaries.

I agree!!!!

I never, ever, said that a kid should never 'friend' any relative that they really WANT to.... I do stand by my opinion that relatives, except for parents of course, should not EXPECT to have any right to horn in or interfere.

In this case, clearly, the OP herself, knowing this grandma, in her better judgement, has serious reservations... And, something tells me that this teen isn't begging to 'friend' her grandma either... I think it is completely unbelievable that anybody would have a problem with that, and feels that the the teen should have an obligation or that the grandparent has some inherent entitlement or right. It's that simple.

I think it is funny that people think kids have a right to adult free Internet interaction. Maybe they ought to put that one in the constitution.

I don't think anybody believes that a kid has a RIGHT to free and private internet communication... That is just another completely absurd and negative accusation...

Personally, my son is not on these sites, and I don't see this changing anytime soon.
But, I won't tell the OP that her daughter should never be on these sites, because, I respect others opinions, and it is her call. Not mine.
She never asked, so I have never made any comment on that topic.

But, IF the teen does use facebook, because the parents have allowed it... It is THEIR communication.. THEIR friends... etc... While I fully believe that parents should have access.... I just feel that anybody, even teens, should be given the respect for their personal feelings and autonomy.

It should be the teen's call....
Unless of course, as in the OP's case, she feels that she needs to protect her child's best interest by making the call 'just say NO'.

But, people can keep up with putting words in my mouth, issuing personal attacks, etc...
This is the DIS dont'cha know.

 

[Metsfan520]

Anything posted online is not private unless you have full control of the server the data sits on. Even people with locked down Facebook profiles have their data and photos sitting on servers somewhere and servers have breaches.

A good rule of thumb before doing anything online (posting a photo, a status message, or a comment) assume it will be posted on the billboard next to the freeway. If you wouldn't want it there don't put it on the Interwebs.

 

[jamstew]

I'm friends with my 18-year-old grandson, all my neices and nephews, and many of my adult children's high school and college friends. I rarely post to them, but I do like to be able to keep up with what's going on in the lives of people I care about. They can always "unfriend" me if they want to--it won't hurt my feelings.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

But, to expect a teen/young adult grandchild to invite you in to her personal page as a friend crosses so many limits it makes my head spin.

I don't know about you--I agree with boundaries,

but the OP is mom and forbidding this--which to me, is entirely different than expecting the teen to accept the invite and/or letting them choose.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I don't know about you--I agree with boundaries,

but the OP is mom and forbidding this--which to me, is entirely different than expecting the teen to accept the invite and/or letting them choose.

I see what you are saying!

But, see my above post.... The OP has posted a couple times now trying to explain... It seems that the OP, knowing this grandmother, in her better judgement, feels that it might not be in her kids best interest to have her Grandmother friended.

I am giving the OP the benefit of the doubt, and thinking that she is recommending not accepting this friend request with good reason.

Also, this is a 13 year old, not an older teen...
SEE post#61....

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

which is all the more reason to have more responsible adults involved rather than less.

 

[PelletierBears]

I don't know about you--I agree with boundaries,

but the OP is mom and forbidding this--which to me, is entirely different than expecting the teen to accept the invite and/or letting them choose.

If my daughter wanted to befriend her DGM she would have without asking me. I posted this because DD does not want to friend her but she felt she would hurt DGM feelings if she didn't. We've been discusseding this and I wanted opinions on adults vs teens so I'd have others perspectives. I advised DD that I would talk to GM and explain the ackwardness DD feels. If I have to be the bad guy and take the blame I will be.

 

[vsimeone]

My 86 y.o. grandparents are on Facebook and are friends with all family members who have accounts. That includes me and both of my kids (DS18 and DD21 - who are both friends with me). I think it's great that they use technology to communicate with everyone!

My grandpa (Pop) still calls me most Saturday mornings to ask me how 'Happy Hour was last night' since my status most Friday mornings is the countdown to Happy Hour! Occasionally, he'll even call on Friday nights to ask if I'm enjoying my margarita!

It's all in the comfort zone but I am SOOOOO appreciative to have 3 living grandparents when I am 44 years old that they can be involved in any aspect of my life (or my kids!) that they want!!!