Graduation party dilemma....

[kimmyann]

I have two nephews graduating from the same high school this year. These are my sister & brother's children. When my sister started planning a graduation party, she asked my SIL if they would like to combine the party for the family. My SIL declined saying they were not doing a graduation party, but were going to do a combo graduation/going away party at the end of the summer. (nephew is leaving for bootcamp) My sister did ask at that point if they would at least like her to include their son's name on the cake since he will be there anyway, but they said no. That's the background.

Now, my sister's party has been planned (to be at my other brother's house, btw) for about 3 weeks & the party is next weekend. My sister just found out yesterday (by text from my SIL) that my SIL is having a party for their son now. It will be on the same day as my sister's party, at 12:00 & my sister's party is at 3:00. My SIL is having it catered & has said they invited over 60 people. They also said that they will let the family know about it on facebook. I have not gotten an invitation as of yet. Like I said, both parties are 10 days away. My sister called me with this last night. She said that her son told her that his cousin has been telling him that he will not be coming to his party, now we know why. SIL did say they will try to come by, but with over 60 guests I"m just not seeing it. I just can't help feeling bad about the whole situation & thought some outside opinions may help.

 

[smitch425]

I have two nephews graduating from the same high school this year. These are my sister & brother's children. When my sister started planning a graduation party, she asked my SIL if they would like to combine the party for the family. My SIL declined saying they were not doing a graduation party, but were going to do a combo graduation/going away party at the end of the summer. (nephew is leaving for bootcamp) My sister did ask at that point if they would at least like her to include their son's name on the cake since he will be there anyway, but they said no. That's the background.

Now, my sister's party has been planned (to be at my other brother's house, btw) for about 3 weeks & the party is next weekend. My sister just found out yesterday (by text from my SIL) that my SIL is having a party for their son now. It will be on the same day as my sister's party, at 12:00 & my sister's party is at 3:00. My SIL is having it catered & has said they invited over 60 people. They also said that they will let the family know about it on facebook. I have not gotten an invitation as of yet. Like I said, both parties are 10 days away. My sister called me with this last night. She said that her son told her that his cousin has been telling him that he will not be coming to his party, now we know why. SIL did say they will try to come by, but with over 60 guests I"m just not seeing it. I just can't help feeling bad about the whole situation & thought some outside opinions may help.

I'm sorry, but what opinions are you looking for? I didn't see any questions asked or anything, so I'm not sure what the replies should be about.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

SIL seems to be inconsiderate to the rest of the family. Sad for the 2 cousins celebrating.

 

[kimmyann]

I'm sorry, but what opinions are you looking for? I didn't see any questions asked or anything, so I'm not sure what the replies should be about.

I said I feel bad about the situation & am trying to get an outside opinion. I'm not going to state my opinion on here because I don't want it to be a debate about how I personally feel, but about the situation as a whole.

 

[smitch425]

I said I feel bad about the situation & am trying to get an outside opinion. I'm not going to state my opinion on here because I don't want it to be a debate about how I personally feel, but about the situation as a whole.

Oh, well in that case, it is a crappy thing to do, but the parties are at different times and if they make it to each other's parties then that's great, if not, there will be plenty of other people around to celebrate with. I wouldn't let it get to you. Some people don't think before they act. All you need to do is make sure you attend both parties (assuming you get invited) and then you are in the clear.

 

[Sabrefan]

I'm confused, your sister is having the party at your brother and SIL's house? and now your sister in law wants to have the party that same day at the same house?


If not it seems okay to me, one party is at 12, the other is at 3. I can understand if your sister cant make it to your SIL's party and your SIL cant make it to your sisters party but doesn't seem like it would be that big of a deal to me?

 

[eliza61]

Now, my sister's party has been planned (to be at my other brother's house, btw) for about 3 weeks & the party is next weekend. My sister just found out yesterday (by text from my SIL) that my SIL is having a party for their son now. It will be on the same day as my sister's party, at 12:00 & my sister's party is at 3:00. My SIL is having it catered & has said they invited over 60 people. They also said that they will let the family know about it on facebook. I have not gotten an invitation as of yet. Like I said, both parties are 10 days away. My sister called me with this last night. She said that her son told her that his cousin has been telling him that he will not be coming to his party, now we know why. SIL did say they will try to come by, but with over 60 guests I"m just not seeing it. I just can't help feeling bad about the whole situation & thought some outside opinions may help.

If I'm understanding this correctly, Here is what I would do.

1) Short notice: SIL will let the family know on facebook about a major party that is 10 days from now? when she planning on doing this?

2) I too can't imagine with 60 folks at her house, how she is going to have the opportunity or the energy to go to another party. I think she's blowing smoke.

3) I think she did this with full knowledge of what she was doing. Personally, it sounds like she had no intention of inviting the family. Sorry you have a catered party, you generally like to know how many people are coming.

4) as usual, the kids are the ones caught in the crossfire.

I would stick with the original sisters party, she had the date originally planned and made the effort to include everyone.

I would send the other nephew a gift and talk with him directly expressing your regrets.

 

[kimmyann]

I'm confused, your sister is having the party at your brother and SIL's house? and now your sister in law wants to have the party that same day at the same house?


If not it seems okay to me, one party is at 12, the other is at 3. I can understand if your sister cant make it to your SIL's party and your SIL cant make it to your sisters party but doesn't seem like it would be that big of a deal to me?

SIL is having her party at a friends house. My sister is having her party at my brothers house (not the brother with a graduating son, the other brother. I have two)

 

[SpecialK]

Sounds to me like SIL #2 doesn't want her son to share the spotlight with anyone else.

 

[Kae]

Are open houses? You can make both.

Kae

 

[smitch425]

Sounds to me like SIL #2 doesn't want her son to share the spotlight with anyone else.

I agree, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, either.

The parties are at 12pm and 3pm. These kids go to the same school, which means the parties are likely being held somewhat near one another. Certainly not out of the realm of possibility that the host of the 3 o'clock party couldn't show up from 12 to 12:30 at the first party, and the host of the 12 o'clock party couldn't show up at 4 or 5 to the second party. It really isn't that big of a deal.

 

[Hannathy]

Actually as a family member I see it as a win!!!!

I only tie up 1 Summer Saturday, only have to get dressed up once and they are back to back so no awkward what the heck do we do for 2hours in between!

I go to first nephews party at 1ish eat lunch visit, take a few pictures, leave drive to next party and repeat.

This way I only have to reserve 1 date and get to go to both nephews parties.

I would thank them.

 

[SpecialK]

I agree, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, either.

The parties are at 12pm and 3pm. These kids go to the same school, which means the parties are likely being held somewhat near one another. Certainly not out of the realm of possibility that the host of the 3 o'clock party couldn't show up from 12 to 12:30 at the first party, and the host of the 12 o'clock party couldn't show up at 4 or 5 to the second party. It really isn't that big of a deal.

The lack of honesty at the very beginning would bother me.

As I understand it, the original party was a family party. Why plan another party on the same day and invite the same family members? No way would I be free to attend a party at noon if I was throwing one at 3, nor would a party at noon be over at 4 or 5.

 

[Poohforyou]

So what does your brother (the father of the graduate) have to say about all this? Did your sister who was having the party speak to him about having a combo family party and putting both kids' names on the cake or was the conversation only with your SIL?

I think it was a crappy thing to do but I can't help feel your brother is partly to blame for this mess. It's his family. Does your SIL like your family?

 

[smitch425]

The lack of honesty at the very beginning would bother me.

As I understand it, the original party was a family party. Why plan another party on the same day and invite the same family members? No way would I be free to attend a party at noon if I was throwing one at 3, nor would a party at noon be over at 4 or 5.

It may not have been dishonesty when originally asked. OP said the kid for party 2 would be going to boot camp later in the year and having a party then. Perhaps that is no longer the plan, or perhaps the kid saw all of his other friends having parties and wanted to have one, too. I would be mad if they scheduled it for the exact same time as party 1, but 3 hours between start times is more than enough time for all of the relatives to hit up both parties being held in the same town. Also, if there are any out of town relatives, this will allow them to only make one trip to this town and get to celebrate with both kids.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Eh, hit up the party at noon, exit after some time to go to the other party which you will be at for the evening, I am assuming.

As far as the SIL planning it on the same day, eh, sounds like her friend is hosting for her. I mean she is not having it at her house.

Great opportunity to "exit stage left" from SIL's friends house.

Take your lemons and make lemonade.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

It makes you wonder how much SIL gets along with your family. It sounds like she purposely planned the party knowing that your other nephews was on the same day. Plus she has yet to send invites
Does she normally get along with family???
Sorry. I hate family drama.

 

[kimmyann]

Actually as a family member I see it as a win!!!!

I only tie up 1 Summer Saturday, only have to get dressed up once and they are back to back so no awkward what the heck do we do for 2hours in between!

I go to first nephews party at 1ish eat lunch visit, take a few pictures, leave drive to next party and repeat.

This way I only have to reserve 1 date and get to go to both nephews parties.

I would thank them.

Eh, hit up the party at noon, exit after some time to go to the other party which you will be at for the evening, I am assuming.

As far as the SIL planning it on the same day, eh, sounds like her friend is hosting for her. I mean she is not having it at her house.

Great opportunity to "exit stage left" from SIL's friends house.

Take your lemons and make lemonade.

This helps me put my personal feelings aside & have a better outlook on the situation. Thanks.

Oh, well in that case, it is a crappy thing to do, but the parties are at different times and if they make it to each other's parties then that's great, if not, there will be plenty of other people around to celebrate with. I wouldn't let it get to you. Some people don't think before they act. All you need to do is make sure you attend both parties (assuming you get invited) and then you are in the clear.

So what does your brother (the father of the graduate) have to say about all this? Did your sister who was having the party speak to him about having a combo family party and putting both kids' names on the cake or was the conversation only with your SIL?

I think it was a crappy thing to do but I can't help feel your brother is partly to blame for this mess. It's his family. Does your SIL like your family?

It makes you wonder how much SIL gets along with your family. It sounds like she purposely planned the party knowing that your other nephews was on the same day. Plus she has yet to send invites
Does she normally get along with family???
Sorry. I hate family drama.

I don't know what the deal is with our SIL, I think things would have been better if she just would have said that she wanted a separate party to begin with. Our family is close, but not super close. It's more like the two brothers are close & us three sisters are close. Nothing has happened to cause any drama until now though. I guess none of it will matter if they don't invite the family.

 

[smitch425]

This helps me put my personal feelings aside & have a better outlook on the situation. Thanks.







I don't know what the deal is with our SIL, I think things would have been better if she just would have said that she wanted a separate party to begin with. Our family is close, but not super close. It's more like the two brothers are close & us three sisters are close. Nothing has happened to cause any drama until now though. I guess none of it will matter if they don't invite the family.

She DID say she wanted a separate party when initially asked. Are you sure your nephew is still doing the boot camp thing? Like I said in my third post, things may have changed. I can see why it is a bit aggrevating that it would be on the same day, but if the guest list is not the same group of people, it shouldn't be a big deal at all.

 

[dreamin_disney]

Nothing wrong with the SIL not wanting her son to share the spotlight BUT its pretty messed up for her to have a party on the sameday and a few hours before. She should have done it on a different day but sounds to me like she might like being in control or is jealous- thats my opinion

as far as you, you can run over there for 30 min-1 hr or drop off the gift or not show up. If it was me I wouldnt have time to show up escpecially if i have a party for my own child at 3pm. I wouldnt count on SIL and family showing up to your sons party. Just be nice about it and say oh we will have to get together another time to drop of sons gift, that way the boys arent put against each other.