Got bad news, not sure how to handle this

[Teejay32]

Earlier this week I was in the hospital with my DD, who had another asthma attack due to a virus....that's the only trigger we know of at the moment. This asthma thing has turned serious since she started school; it's resulted in two stays in the ICU since September. She's find at the moment though. We came home on Wednesday, we've started preventative medicines and things look very good right now.

Last night I got a phone call - while we were in Boston my father (in Utah) had emergency quintuple bypass surgery on his heart, and he's lucky to be alive. For now. That could change at any time, I guess...no one wanted to 'worry' me while we're dealing with our own crisis here, so they waited...

My parents have been divorced for about 27 (long, acrimonious) years now...my kids only know about their Papa - my stepfather. Their Grampa (my FIL) died suddenly in 2000. My oldest was four, she was crushed in every sense of the word, as she'd been watching TV with him the night before. Little DD was only 2 and less affected. Took a while for all of us to get over that but older DD had the worst time of it. For various reasons I never explained to my kids that they have another grandfather, out there somewhere. I don't hide it either, one of them could figure it out at any time probably - my last name is obviously different than everyone else's.

But my father has met my kids. He makes no claims on me or mine nowadays because he 'messed up' a long time ago, he doesn't want to take anything away from my stepdad either...so we never got into the 'grandfather' thing with the girls. It was too soon after FIL died anyway, and I figured we have all the time in the world to sort out all of this. Last May I went out there to visit, alone. We made tentative plans for a family vacation out there next summer, I'd break it to my Mom and stepdad gently...I don't know if we have time for this now, I'll be going out there again soon (I think) whether he's ok or not. Not as soon as I'd like to though because I can't, and I wouldn't, leave little DD now. And I don't know what to tell the kids, if anything.

Thanks for listening, suggestions welcome....

 

[pollyanna]

No advice...just a (hug).

 

[Boots]

No solutions, just bunches of {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}.

 

[Kitty 34]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

 

[WillyJ]

I'm a little confused Tee. . has your father met your kids before? If so, how was he introduced to them?

 

[Teejay32]

sorry if it is confusing Willy...we still have a good relationship with my grandmother (my father's mother) who lives nearby. When he was last out visiting here in 2000, she introduced him to my kids as just Joe. We left it at that. He doesn't come back here much.

Dh is telling me to go out there if I want to, and I'm trying to get more info on him from the hospital without being a pest...

 

[WillyJ]

Got ya Tee Jay. .

Well, I can sure why you're unsure on what to do; lot's of factors to consider. .

I'd say because your main concern is your daughter and she's been ill and took her other Grandfather's recent death so hard, I'd hold off explaining anything just yet. . I'd guess it'd be difficult for her to grasp anyway, and then if your dad were to (God-forbid) pass away, it would really be difficult for her. .

My advice is to go visit your dad when you can, and wait until your daughters health situation is more stabalized and she has had a little more time to put her Grandfather's passing behind her before explainng things. . .

It is a tough call; I wish you much luck my friend- I hope they get your daughters asthma under control; that your dad is okay; and that everything turns out for the best. . {{{hugs}}}

 

[Teejay32]

Sound advice Willy. Thanks all.

 

[Buckalew]

{{{hugs}}} TeeJay. No advice ... too tough for me. Willy's is good though.

 

[dmadman43]

I agree with Willy. While tough, I think being with your daughter is best in the long run. I hope everyone gets well soon.

 

[marlasmom]

I am so sorry to hear about all this. Willy's advice sounds reasonable, but I know you and know you will do the best for all concerned.