Got any CLEAN jokes I can tell my kids?

[JESW]

I have DS9 & DD5 and right now they are big into jokes. I think I read this one on this board the other day -

If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay? (bagels!) They both loved that one and want more like it.

Anyone??

TIA!

Jill

 

[DoeWDW]

What kind of bee can't make up its mind?


A may-bee (maybe)

 

[NHAnn]

Years ago my DD came home from pre-school or kindergarten with this one, and I still giggle about it....remembering her giggle as she told it:


DD with straight face (but mischievous glint in the eye):
"Hey mom, do you want to hear a dirty joke?"

Me: "Uuummm....I'm not sure...."

DD: "A WHITE HORSE FELL IN THE MUD" with bursts of giggles




oh and another favorite from that era:

What has two knees and swims in the ocean?
A two-knee-fish! (tunafish)

 

[kpgclark]

Who's bigger, Mrs. Bigger or her baby?

Her baby is a little Bigger.

 

[EdiePA]

How do you make a Kleenex dance ????





Put a little "boogie" in it!



(Okay, I admit. It still makes me smile, too!)

Edie

 

[Micca]

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says: "Why the long face?"

You may not tell your kids bartender jokes, but it IS clean

Termite walks into a bar and says: "is the bar tender here?"

 

[Tinkerbelle739]

Heres one for you!

If you are american going into the bathroom, what are you when you are in there?

EUROPEAN!!!!

 

[stinkerbelle]

What do you call a broken boomerang?

a stick


heheh...sorry...that one always cracks me up for some reason

 

[Marion]

What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?




Hot cross bunnies


(It's my only joke... take good care of it)

 

[debster812]

Why couldn't the 11 year old go see the Pirate movie?

Because it was rated Arrrrrgghh (R)
--------------------------------------------------------

What do you call a snail on a ship?

A Snailor
--------------------------------------------------------

These are from my 6YO's repetoire, liberally 'borrowed' from that comedy genius, Spongebob Squarepants.

 

[princessariel]

DGD spent the night, so I asked her.

Where does a baseball player like to stay? .......Home.

What does a pig get when it bumps its head?.....Hamnesia

What has a head, a tail, but no body?.....a penny

What do you put on top of a dog house?....a Woof

 

[bentley483]

From DD 11 yo:

What do you get when you cross a rooster and a dog?

Cocka-poodle doo!



What did one cannibal say to the other after eating a clown?

Did that taste funny to you?



What did the football coach want when he went to the bank?

His Quarter back!

 

[fluffernutter]

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers. A little voice from the back of the room asked, How will that help?

What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on a head and I'll hang around

Q. What does a shark eat with peanut butter?

A. Jellyfish

Q. What do cats eat for breakfast?

A. Mice Crispies!


Q. How do you tease fruit?

A. Banananananananana!


Q. Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?

A. Because he wanted to work over-time!


Q. How do you repair a broken tomato?

A. Tomato Paste!


Q. Why did the baby strawberry cry?

A. Because his parents were in a jam!


Q. What did the hamburger name his daughter?

A. Patty!


-Marcy

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Originally posted by debster812
Why couldn't the 11 year old go see the Pirate movie?

Because it was rated Arrrrrgghh (R)
--------------------------------------------------------

The FIRST time I heard that joke, my sister told me...and I nearly died laughing. For some silly reason, I laughed a good couple of hours at that

 

[cheeringmom]

What kind of cheese is not yours?

Na cho cheese.

Corney

 

[kilee]

Very cute-- keep 'em coming-- I'm reading them to my family!!

 

[Skywalker]

Q: How much does it cost pirates to get their ears pierced?

A: A buck an ear !!

******************

Q: Why did the orange stop rolling half-way down the hill?

A: Because it ran out of juice !!

 

[Jolie C]

Two men walked into a bar and the first man said to second man, "That's okay, I didn't see it, either."

 

[Skywalker]

Oh, a couple more:

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest
A: They take the psycho path !!

Q: What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
A: Dam !!

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him !!

 

[stacilee]

My 9 year old is here helping out:


What kind of tree has no leaves?

A Ge-om-e-tree!


Why did the frog go to the mall?

Because he wanted to go Hopping!


What do you say to a hitchhiking frog?

Hop In!


What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

Open-toad of course!