Gossip...What's your take?

[CRB#33]

When I went though my divorce, I was the subject of nasty rumors and gossip. To know that people were discussing my life, people that I cared about and people that were total strangers, ate away at me. It hurt so much, it was a physical pain.

I had decided that for my children's sake I was not going to say a thing about their father. This in turn led him to trash me before I knew what hit me.

Anyway....do you talk about other people's lives when they are not around? Do you tell others stories you've heard?

Do you think it's okay because it's a commonplace activity?

Where do you draw the line if there is one?

 

[minniepumpernickel]

Honestly, I try not to gossip. It just makes me think of a bunch of nagging old ladies who can't find anything better to do.

I wouldn't let anyone who is gossipping about you, bother you. It really just reflects negatively on them.

 

[bjgrazi]

Nope I do not. I hate when people come to me and start telling me about someone else. I usually cut them off.

My motto, if you have nothing nice to say about someone, don't say it.

Right now with splitting up with the guy I married, he's smearing me to his children (who live with us) I know they saw what went on, but my guess is love is blind. I on the other hand won't utter a single word.

We all face ourselves in the end.

 

[vettechick99]

I'm guilty of gossiping. Being from a smaller GA town, you are born into it. I got divorced several years ago and I know people trash talked me, especially since I was the one that left. After a while, I just didn't care anymore. And my best friend shielded me from stuff that would hurt my feelings.

But I try to limit my gossiping to neutral statements. Repeating what I have heard Oh, so I heard that Greg left Mandy. I try not to say anything that if the person heard, they would feel hurt by.

Good for you in not talking about your ex. You can always know in your heart that you did the right, moralistic thing!

 

[jrydberg]

Where divorce and kids are concerned, I think it's best to not discuss such things in front of kids. I certainly had my share of people talking about me and my divorce. But frankly, I don't care.

When kids are involved, however, it becomes a concern. Though, in all honesty, kids aren't stupid. If one parent is badmouthing the other, more often than not (in my experience anyway) the kids see right through it. It only ends up hurting the one badmouthing.

 

[Maleficent13]

Well, thought I'd chime in, since we were the ones on the other thread!

I personally do not gossip. However, most of the people I work with do. I myself was once the victim of that gossip, and it wasn't particularly enjoyable. But that time is when I decided that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. People are going to talk whether you want them to or not. You can't control it. You can keep it from happening when you're in earshot, but that just means they'll make sure you're not before they start up again. So I just decided that it wasn't something I needed to be concerned with. I have enough problems dealing with my own issues. If someone else wants to talk about me, let 'em.

JMO, FWIW.

 

[monkeyboy]

I am not sure but this is what I heard............................

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I do try not to but it is hard when you live in PEYTON PLACE...oh, brother!
The neighbors treat gossiping as an 'Olympic Sport'.

 

[RadioNate]

Are you defining gossip as talking bad about others or just simply discussing them?

I talk about my friends all the time. We discuss what they are doing even if they aren't around at the time. We have friends that are in the proces of splitting up - we talk about we think both parties are handling it and and bad behavior on the part of the husband. We are friends of the husband and he knows full well how we feel about his actions.

So yeah I guess I do talk about my friends, but usually it isn't that bad and generally I don't say anything that I wouldn't say to them directly.

I don't talk about people I don't know personally, that I don't get.

 

[browneyes]

I've had gossip pm'd to me here regarding a banned DIS'er once. The person that pm'd me really discredited herself in my mind by stooping to that level.

 

[disykat]

I think many of the threads here would be considered gossip - and I participate. For example I have told many stories about my neighbors that would be considered pretty malicious gossip. I think it is better to do it here in an anonymous forum than to go around venting to the other neighbors.

 

[mickeyboat]

I think I am probably guilty of gossip.

Denae

 

[Jolie C]

Originally posted by browneyes
I've had gossip pm'd to me here regarding a banned DIS'er once. The person that pm'd me really discredited herself in my mind by stooping to that level.

So, who was it???

 

[browneyes]

Originally posted by Jolie C
So, who was it???

I'll give you a hint, it wasn't me that pm'd me.

 

[monkeyboy]

 

[gina2000]

I do hear alot of gossip but for the life of me I can't remember it, don't pay attention to it and usually promptly put it out of my head. I've got the nickname clueless IRL among my friends.

 

[caitycaity]

But that time is when I decided that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. People are going to talk whether you want them to or not. You can't control it. You can keep it from happening when you're in earshot, but that just means they'll make sure you're not before they start up again. So I just decided that it wasn't something I needed to be concerned with. I have enough problems dealing with my own issues. If someone else wants to talk about me, let 'em.

ITA.

 

[CajunDixie]

Most of the things I share in person I don't consider gossip. For example the last person that told me they were getting a divorce mentioned that her middle son was having trouble accepting it. I did pass the info onto the pastor of their church so that maybe he could give the kid a little extra attention. On the other hand my boss fired someone this past week and since it didn't concern me I never asked what the person did to be fired. Yet all kinds of people are asking me why was she fired?? I just tell them I don't know, I don't care and why should you?

 

[CamColt]

In general I dont thinkI gossip. I consider gossiping spreading rumors or "news" to as many people as possible. However I will from time to time talk about people if something they did is really bothering me or something like that.
With that said, I did post in another thread today that I had to give DH the gossip from taking DS to his first day of school. By that I didnt mean, who gained weight over the summer, or who got divorced over the summer or anything bad like that. I really just meant the update of how things went, how the teacher was, stuff like that. I probably shouldnt have used the term gossip as it does have a negative connotation.

 

[CRB#33]

Originally posted by RadioNate
Are you defining gossip as talking bad about others or just simply discussing them?

I would say that gossip would be talking about other people's lives when what they are doing had nothing to do with you or affect you in any way. Talk for entertainments sake.

I think we all get sucked up into it at one point or another. Malificent is right there.

However Browneyes, when people are hurt deeply by someone and they share that with a person they care about (who is defending the person that hurt them) and try to convince them to see their way, I wouldn't consider that gossip.