Going to WDW alone...

[megnsamsgracie]

We are booked free dining 9/20-9/30. DH, me and 4 kids. DH was layed off but I already have the money earmarked and set to go. We are okay financially. Dh said the kids have been given every chance to get their act together to be able to go. They wont. They refuse to do chores and when they do them they complain. They have been doing chores for a LONG time (oldest is almost 12). He says they bicker constantly and doesnt feel they deserve to go. I am more sad than they are I think. I am thinking of going myself for 3n and maybe booking a bounceback for December (we loved last Dec!!). And just relaxing (just went through a stressful time at work with layoffs) but then I feel bad the kids arent coming!

Should I go and show them lots of pics of what they missed to teach them a lesson? Hubby is fine with me going.. just went on vacation alone in May with just my 4 y/o.

Basically, he is insisting the kids are NOT going no way no how. But I still want to go!

Has anyone done WDW alone?? I might be able to get my lil sis to come along but who knows...

 

[Stacybaeasm]

I'm going for a solo week in October and I can't wait. Although, I have to say, I am single and no kids so I don't have the "leave them behind guilt" that I know Moms and Dads can get. That being said, if your DH is ok with a solo trip, then I say go for it! You'll be amazed at the things you will discover on your own.

And on a side note, may I say how great I think it is that you and your DH are sticking to your guns with not taking the kids if they aren't behaving? Good for you.

 

[SAKPEG99OKW]

cuddos do you and your husband. My DW and I have a 7 yr old and 3 yr old. We know it's touh with the kids. Way to stick too your guns. I know it hurts and you feel very guilty, but it will only make them better people in the future.

 

[MinnieSummer]

Two things. 1. If your kids already have been told that they aren't going unless they get their act together DO NOT GO BACK ON your threat. Kids will never learn if they think you don't mean what you say. I have one and when she was little I used to threaten all the time and then not follow through. The result was a little girl who thought she could get away with anything. The first time I followed through made all the difference in the world.

2. I'm at WDW right now, all by myself, and I'm having an absolute blast. I'm relaxing, something I haven't been able to do in the last three years (parent illness, death and then boss illness and death), and doing things I never get to do like spend an hour in the Christmas store or go parasailing. It's a wonderful experience. If you can do it, definitely go.

 

[megnsamsgracie]

My husband NEVER goes back on his word. If he says no, its no! He has cancelled lots of plans lately if they dont get their act together... I am the softy in this.

I actually just had a friend from work come back from vacation (she wanted to go to Disney but JUST told me the day before her vacation she wanted.. too late for plans)... so I asked her about going in Sept with me.. she said she would love to... so to make plans at a later date.

If not, maybe I will go alone. Hubby says sure.. I say sure

 

[bluwater]

Wow.

Don't most kids complain about chores and bicker with each other?

I'm guessing this is more than that.

If so, I would skip the solo vacations and invest in some family counseling to figure out what's going on at home - so you can all go on vacation together. Divesting the family time to teach the kids a lesson wouldn't be my choice.

Sorry - sounds like a rough decision. I'd definitely not go to WDW without my kids if they were misbehaving to that point. Sounds like they need something - and I would need to figure out what it is.

They probably don't need a WDW trip - but maybe a camping trip to the wilderness where the family learns the spirit of cooperation and how everyone has to pitch in - tent, campfire, the whole 9 yards.

That's what I'd do. I'd be worried.

 

[megnsamsgracie]

Wow.

Don't most kids complain about chores and bicker with each other?

I'm guessing this is more than that.

If so, I would skip the solo vacations and invest in some family counseling to figure out what's going on at home - so you can all go on vacation together. Divesting the family time to teach the kids a lesson wouldn't be my choice.

Sorry - sounds like a rough decision. I'd definitely not go to WDW without my kids if they were misbehaving to that point. Sounds like they need something - and I would need to figure out what it is.

Why would you guess its more than that and that we need counseling? Get a clue!

Yes, most kids bicker and complain about chores. And that is all they are doing but its over and over. My kids are ALL very close in age (4 kids in 6 years) and I have heard over and over that they will get over it the older they get. But when they are told over and over that they need to do their chores (and they are simple.. their rooms (each has their own) and then one has the family room and one brings laundry down) and they complain when it really isnt much.. they were told if they kept it up, they wouldnt go. PERIOD. They need consequences.. they got it. My oldest picks on his sister all the time.. they are a year apart in age but he needs to learn to treat his sister with respect. If he cant respect his sister and his home, he doesnt need to go. If they cant clean their room when they are asked or bring 1 stinkin load of laundry downstairs, then I agree with my DH.. they dont deserve to go.

So before you get on your high horse and suggest counseling, know what you are talking about. What my kids are doing might be what normal kids do but not around here. We do not stand for picking on siblings nor slacking on simple chores

Oh and we do plenty of camping during the summer and I am not worried.

 

[bluwater]

Thanks for the "clue". Yes, you should definitely go alone.

 

[NashBridges]

Wow.

Don't most kids complain about chores and bicker with each other?

I'm guessing this is more than that.

If so, I would skip the solo vacations and invest in some family counseling to figure out what's going on at home - so you can all go on vacation together. Divesting the family time to teach the kids a lesson wouldn't be my choice.

Sorry - sounds like a rough decision. I'd definitely not go to WDW without my kids if they were misbehaving to that point. Sounds like they need something - and I would need to figure out what it is.

They probably don't need a WDW trip - but maybe a camping trip to the wilderness where the family learns the spirit of cooperation and how everyone has to pitch in - tent, campfire, the whole 9 yards.

That's what I'd do. I'd be worried.

I agree. I'd never go to WDW without them, even if they're being punished. I'd cancel the trip, sure, but I'd pick somewhere else to have my free time.

 

[Neesy228]

I agree. I'd never go to WDW without them, even if they're being punished. I'd cancel the trip, sure, but I'd pick somewhere else to have my free time.

I would have to agree with that. While I do think it's great to stick to your guns about these issues that are important to you, it seems a little extreme to me to cancel a Disney trip for them, but still go on your own. It's like a doubly whammy. I would pick another location for a solo trip.

If my Mom had told me, when I was young, that I couldn't go on our Disney vacation because I wasn't behaving, BUT that she would be leaving as planned, I probably would still be angry to this day! That seems like a hurtful thing.

 

[megnsamsgracie]

I probably WONT go as I would feel horrible the whole time.. if I did go, it would be to book a bounceback offer for December.

I am not a horribly mean mom at all. These kids got plenty of chances to knock it off. Okay, so its normal kid stuff. I just dont want MY kids picking on each other and sighing when they are told to clean THEIR mess in THEIR room. That is why we remodeled the house to give them their OWN ROOMS. No fighting over it not being their mess.

I know kids bicker.. I am not stupid... and I know kids arent going to want to do chores. But I want them to learn to respect each other AND their home.

 

[wdwhereicome]

I'm giving you two points of view.

From my DS (who is now 18)...
I told him your dilemma and asked his feelings...
He doesn't think you should go. Why? Your dkids are still young and he feels they will not be helped by the picture lesson. He thinks they would "hate" that you went when they could not.

From me...
I was shocked at his response. Why? I have been to WDW several times without my DH or Dgang. But then I started thinking...it was when they were teenagers. I never thought of going without them when they were younger. Do I think you're wrong for wanting to go? Absolutely not! I totally understand! It's free dining! And you need a vacation!

So I'm no help because I can see both scenarios now because of my DS. But we don't know your Dkids so you would know better than us if they would accept your trip without them.

Tough call. It will have to be a gut decision.

 

[megnsamsgracie]

I went on vacation in May for 4n with one of them on a cruise with my sister. My 4 y/o only went as day care would have been an issue.. it was easier to take him then to leave him (cheaper too!).

They were okay with that...but they were never to be a part of that vacation... this was SUPPOSED to be theirs and I do think it would be hard. Would they hate me, probably not.. but in the long run, it probably wouldnt teach them the lessons I wanted anyway!

Maybe I will plan a Disney vacation for a later time by myself. I guess when they learn to respect each other and the house, then we can discuss a family trip to Disney.

I appreciate the opinions. I really do. I just wish I could figure out a way teach these kids to appreciate their siblings and treat their home with respect!

And I will probably take a Disney vacation alone as it sounds like fun! I have only gone with the kids!

 

[janine]

Should I go and show them lots of pics of what they missed to teach them a lesson? Hubby is fine with me going..
...

I disagree, there are other ways to teach kids a lesson, like taking away their favourite Tv programmes for a week, their laptop, but I think taking away quality time together will not help at all. In fact I have to say the part where you said taking lots of pics and showing them is quite low. That makes me sad to hear that.

 

[kapoof]

We are booked free dining 9/20-9/30. DH, me and 4 kids. DH was layed off but I already have the money earmarked and set to go. We are okay financially. Dh said the kids have been given every chance to get their act together to be able to go. They wont. They refuse to do chores and when they do them they complain. They have been doing chores for a LONG time (oldest is almost 12). He says they bicker constantly and doesnt feel they deserve to go. I am more sad than they are I think. I am thinking of going myself for 3n and maybe booking a bounceback for December (we loved last Dec!!). And just relaxing (just went through a stressful time at work with layoffs) but then I feel bad the kids arent coming!

Should I go and show them lots of pics of what they missed to teach them a lesson? Hubby is fine with me going.. just went on vacation alone in May with just my 4 y/o.

Basically, he is insisting the kids are NOT going no way no how. But I still want to go!

Has anyone done WDW alone?? I might be able to get my lil sis to come along but who knows...

i can understand the kids driving you nuts with brattiness as most can can, but to take pics and show them what they missed is really a wrong message to send!!! if they can't behave then cancel the trip for everyone. to have some go, be it your 4 year old or you and dh will only divide the family more. i understand how badly you want to go but sometimes we have to sacrifce to show our kids we mean business. have you tried watching 'supernanny? no joke here she's got some great ideas. good luck.

 

[eliza61]

Wow.

Don't most kids complain about chores and bicker with each other?

.

That does not make it acceptable. Op, my dh & I have pulled our kids OUT of the magic kingdom for bad behaviour. So we would not bat an eye on cancelling a vacation. You and your dh are the official heros for the day . Parenting is the most important job and you get one shot at it, don't feel bad.
12 is plenty old to take responsibility, for pete's sake your not asking the kid to go out and becoming a bread winner.

Personally, I would still go. I've been a number of times without my kids. I think it sends a wrong message if you don't (you won't behave so the whole family has to suffer.. I hated that when I was a kid and I hate it now as an adult.)
My kids know, Disney is a privilege, one that you have to earn. One of my kids was acting up in school one year, you can bet your last dollar, we parked that kid with his Uncle and the rest of the family went to disneyworld. No way was he going on vacation after his stunts and no way were we cancelling our vacation.

I've never brought into the "quality time" argument. What do people do for the rest of the year? do you not spend quality time with your kids unless it's in Florida? Why is that always an excuse to go to Disney?

 

[letthewookiewin]

Personally, I would go by yourself. If you had said that it was possibly the only trip to WDW your family would be able to take, I would say to take them anyway. This doesn't sound like that, so I think that you are making a hard but good choice. You guys should just have a family meeting before you leave and let the kids know that they did not do what they were suppose to do to get to go. However, it is not fair to mommy (who loves Disney) to have to stay at home b/c they could not do what they were suppose to. Then when you get back before you show them one picture, explain that they get one more chance to get it right. Tell them about the December trip, and then show them the pictures as insentive to do better this time.

 

[goofy4tink]

Wow.

Don't most kids complain about chores and bicker with each other?

I'm guessing this is more than that.

If so, I would skip the solo vacations and invest in some family counseling to figure out what's going on at home - so you can all go on vacation together. Divesting the family time to teach the kids a lesson wouldn't be my choice.

Sorry - sounds like a rough decision. I'd definitely not go to WDW without my kids if they were misbehaving to that point. Sounds like they need something - and I would need to figure out what it is.

They probably don't need a WDW trip - but maybe a camping trip to the wilderness where the family learns the spirit of cooperation and how everyone has to pitch in - tent, campfire, the whole 9 yards.

That's what I'd do. I'd be worried.

Nope, have to disagree...why is it that if there are issues within a family, someone comes along and suggests family counseling?? Come on now....my brothers (all three of them) and I constantly bickered. My parents argued with each other. We all managed to grow up okay.

To the OP...go to WDW alone. I am now close to 59..I have a 35 y/o ds, a 32 y/o dd, and an almost 15 y/o dd. They all understand, and always have, that there are consequences to their actions (or inactions in some instances!). If you have given the kids many chances to do what you expect them to do, and they have consistently fought you on it, then they need to understand that you will hold to your promises. If you and your dh told them 'unless you start doing your chores and treating each other respectfully, you won't be going to WDW', and they didn't tow the line, then go without them. I'm sorry but WDW is not an entitlement. It's a reward. I've told my dd, the younger one, on several occasions that if she didn't step up to the plate, she wasn't going with me to WDW. She always did what was neccessary.
Are you a bad mother? No, far from it. Your kids will understand that you mean business...that there are repercussions to their avoiding the rules. They won't be so hasty to ignore the rules down the road. And you can have a nice, relaxing time without them. Would I take a ton of photos to show them what they missed? Probably not...at least not with that thought in mind. That's just rubbing salt in the wound, but you can still enjoy yourself, and take photos...but for the sake of good memories, not as punishment.
I love going to WDW without my kids. It's an entirely different experience. Sure, there are times that I really miss my youngest dd. But, I know that she'll be with me the next time.

 

[litlpixie2]

I 150% agree with anyone here who told you to GO!! I have 4 kids (2 bios and 2 step) and I take my kids to WDW ALOT (Every Easter Week). My DH and I have also gone just the 2 of us, and most recently I have gone with just my mother......my kids dont have to be with me all the time and thats ok, I dont feel like a bad mother for it, and neither should you, OP!!! It's your vacation, you and your spouse have agreed that it can be afforded. You should go and relax and by the pool with a frozen drink When my kids hear that I am planning a non-family trip to WDW, I tell them "When you grow up and get a job, you'll get to go anywhere you want too!"
Enjoy!!!

 

[bluwater]

I suggested the counseling becuase she seemed to be so upset about her family's behavior. She already told us that her DH has been canceling other things
- and, obviously, it isn't improving the situation. Why keep trying the strategy that isn't working.

If the kids are behaving so poorly that family vacations need to be canceled, that sounds serious to me - and I would try to address it, not send myself to Disney World. Just an opinion.