going rate for a cash wedding gift?

[chicagodisneyfan]

DH and I give between $250 and $500 as a general rule for the two of us.
Best friend, sister etc have gone up to $1,000

 

[jdb in AZ]

DH and I give between $250 and $500 as a general rule for the two of us.
Best friend, sister etc have gone up to $1,000

I'll bet lots of people would love to have you on their guest list. My sis-in-law lives in a nice neighborhood, but the neighbors are a tad(!) on the cheapo side. They like to give group gifts and chip in $5 per family.

 

[Pkltm]

We usually have the rule to cover your plate and a bit more. We do have a wedding coming up that is for my cousin and the venue has a package "deal" of 125 per person plus alcohol. We have four people going so by that rule I should be giving $500 plus, that is so not affordable!! Not sure yet what I am going to do, don't want to seem cheap but I don't want to break the bank either.

 

[gemini2727]

To those who mention the cost of "covering the plate", how do you know what they are spending? Is it common knowledge among the family, or do you research it yourself?

 

[trip]

I think you should give what you can afford and are comfortably giving no matter where you live or where the wedding is taking place. Hopefully, the bride and groom (and their families) would be gracious enough to accept the gift and be happy you were able to attend.

I have 2 nieces getting married one in a backyard wedding and one in a fancy over the top wedding - I will the give the same amount. They made their choices and I love them the same.

I know this subject is a very regional thing but this is how I feel.

 

[jo-jo]

For all those giving hundreds of dollars, I'm getting married in two weeks and you are all invited. Just kidding. Actually in two weeks, it will be our 38th anniversary.

I don't understand the covering the plate idea. Because I wanted a big lavish wedding, should I expect the guests to pay for it??

 

[msjprincess]

For all those giving hundreds of dollars, I'm getting married in two weeks and you are all invited. Just kidding. Actually in two weeks, it will be our 38th anniversary.

I don't understand the covering the plate idea. Because I wanted a big lavish wedding, should I expect the guests to pay for it??

Speaking for myself. It's not that the couple expects it. I choose to do it as a guest. I choose to give a gift that at least covers the cost of my meal so that the couple ends up getting back all of their money and starts off their marriage with a small nest egg. It's not just weddings. I try to cover the cost with any type of party.

 

[mom2rose&john]

I am struggling with this issue also. It is my nephew's wedding and they are having it at a very beautiful hotel in Cleveland. I looked up the price and it's states $89 - $100 per person. I looked up an equivalent hotel wedding package in our area (as we will be out of town guests for) and it is $65 - $89. If I didn't look it up I would seriously underpay my attendence. I don't understand the rational behind paying for the plate+. I think $400 is out of our affordability especially when we are giving money to the shower and paying for travel and lodging expenses.

 

[mjkacmom]

For all those giving hundreds of dollars, I'm getting married in two weeks and you are all invited. Just kidding. Actually in two weeks, it will be our 38th anniversary.

I don't understand the covering the plate idea. Because I wanted a big lavish wedding, should I expect the guests to pay for it??

I'm giving the same generous amount even if it's not a lavish wedding. I average $20 for a kids birthday party (more if close friend), average $150 each for a wedding gift (upping or lowering based on relationship), $50 pp for christening/communion/bar mitzvah/bat mitzvah (upping or lowering based on relationship).

Doesn't everyone have their go-to gift amounts? Do you pick a number out of a hat? Things just cost more here $100 her is equal to $50 elsewhere.

 

[mefordis]

With today's gift giving standards I can imagine that a lot of people receiving a wedding invite in the mail makes their stomachs drop.

 

[design_mom]

I am struggling with this issue also. It is my nephew's wedding and they are having it at a very beautiful hotel in Cleveland. I looked up the price and it's states $89 - $100 per person. I looked up an equivalent hotel wedding package in our area (as we will be out of town guests for) and it is $65 - $89. If I didn't look it up I would seriously underpay my attendence. I don't understand the rational behind paying for the plate+. I think $400 is out of our affordability especially when we are giving money to the shower and paying for travel and lodging expenses.

I'd give what you can afford and feel good about it. I am not from Cleveland, but I am from Ohio. I have never heard of 'covering your plate' outside of the DIS. I do not think that will be expected. (I would probably give a larger gift to my nephew than I would do my "first cousin once removed", but the amount would be based on what I can afford, nothing to do with the wedding festivities themselves.

 

[tzolkin]

To those who mention the cost of "covering the plate", how do you know what they are spending? Is it common knowledge among the family, or do you research it yourself?

This is why this isn't really "a thing" everywhere.

If you live in a city and there are a few nice wedding venues, then everyone theoretically knows if the wedding is at Place A it's usually around $50pp, Place B is $150pp.

Other than that there's way too much variation for anyone to know how much would "cover their plate". You could have a backyard wedding that costs $1000 or $100,000. I just went to a wedding this weekend at the premier wedding venue in our area (groom works there), but the couple kept it under a budget by making/doing almost everything themselves. They only served tea. lemonade, and homemade desserts.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

I think you give your gift based upon your relationship to the couple AND what you can afford.

 

[anniemae]

I don't get the whole "cover your plate" thing. To me it's silly. It sounds like you are paying to attend, which you are not. You are giving a gift, which has nothing to do with your food consumption. If I am invited to someones house for dinner, should I give money towards the meal to "cover the cost of my plate?" Or if my kid goes to a birthday party, should I give a gift card to cover my kids share of pizza, cake, juice, snacks, gift bag, bouncy house, entertainment etc.? No, it's a gift not a reimbursement for attending the party.

In this instance, it's a wedding gift, not a contribution towards the food/venue/flowers/dj or any other cost associated with the reception. If it were that way, the bride should make everyone pay for their meal at the end of the reception, give everyone a bill like at a restaurant.

I never understood the wedding "covering of your plate" thing. LOL!!

 

[mousefanmichelle]

In our area of MI - it is a cover your plate mentality. The only reason I knew the cost of our friend's daughter's plate was because she told me when they booked the hall so I knew what to do. This is only done for weddings in our area not for birthday parties or wedding showers or anything like that. For those you give what you want. I was married 24 years ago and even then it was cover your plate. If you can't, you can't - its just more of a guide to know what to give.

If the couple was paying $200 per plate and I couldn't afford to cover our plates then i would just do what I could and be ok with that.

 

[scrapquitler]

I'm giving the same generous amount even if it's not a lavish wedding. I average $20 for a kids birthday party (more if close friend), average $150 each for a wedding gift (upping or lowering based on relationship), $50 pp for christening/communion/bar mitzvah/bat mitzvah (upping or lowering based on relationship).

Doesn't everyone have their go-to gift amounts? Do you pick a number out of a hat? Things just cost more here $100 her is equal to $50 elsewhere.

I have go to amounts that I generally use, too. It's based on my budget and what I'm comfortable with, and also not looking too cheap or too show offy.

 

[mustlovecats]

This is a very regional question. I would say give what you can afford. At weddings in the NY metro area, I'd say the average per couple is probably $250-$500. If people can't afford that they give less, occasionally they give more. I got a few gifts that probably cost about $20 but ultimately I was grateful for the gifts I received. I was more happy that people were there celebrating with me. As a note, probably about 20% of my guests were my mother's cousins. Weddings in this area also easily cost $35,000+. I don't think this is typical for the majority of the country, but I don't really know.

 

[anniemae]

But why just "cover you Plate?" Why not pitch in for the flowers, the dress, the DJ, the cake, the venue, and on and on. I will never understand the covering your plate mentality.

 

[SharonZ]

I was in a similar situation two years ago. I attended the wedding of my cousin's daughter, which was out of town. I went myself and gave $150.00

 

[msjprincess]

But why just "cover you Plate?" Why not pitch in for the flowers, the dress, the DJ, the cake, the venue, and on and on. I will never understand the covering your plate mentality.

When I say cover your plate I mean the total cost per person. Not the actual plate of food.