Going back to work 4 days after childbirth--anyone done it?

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I have a problem with the neighbor taking care of the newborns because she has a 1 and 3 year old. 4 children under 4. Who do you think this woman is going to take care of first? Her own of course! That is too much to put on the neighbor.

Lori

 

[crazyme5kids]

You know there are many woman out there that are very competent and capable of taking care of 4 children under the age of 4 at once. I also know there are many woman that take care of children as well as their own and do not "take care of their children first". Maybe some home childcare providers can shed some light on this.
In the center I work the ratio (legal as per NY state) is 4 infants to 1 caregiver. There are 8 babies in the infant room all 6 weeks to 18 months with 2 caregivers. The children are well taken care of and loved. I did not always take care of my childrens needs first.
I think it just depends on the person. Not everyone can do it.

 

[Kimickey]

I'm just going to throw my two cents in here. First off, I just gave birth to a healthy 8lbs 9oz baby December 4, 2003 (three months ago). The day I got discharged (two days after giving birth - December 6th), I was readmitted back into the hospital the same day. I was sent home around noon, I was back in the emergency room 11pm after getting home and barfing up a sink full of blood (sorry guys). I was diagnosed with having a uterus infection. I stayed in the hospital for an additional three days due to a high fever that would not break on top of other things that are too graphic to mention. , I felt fine when I left the hospital earlier in the day, but my body did a 360 on me. Three months later, I still have pains from giving birth, even though I exercise I know my body is still healing. The bottom line is, your friend needs to REST HER BODY, that is why women have 6-8 weeks of maternity leave. There is nothing tough about her health and the health of her babies. Her babies need her, and four days after giving birth (excuse my bad grammar) just ain't going to cut it! She needs to go home.

 

[marymrg]

My firstborn was several weeks early and I did go into my office for a few hours about a week post-partum just to tie up loose ends.

I would be concerned about the babies' exposure to the outside world seeing as how they are probably more susceptible because of their age and birth weights. And, what about when the mom gets to that "I am so exhausted getting up 5 times a night" stage? (especially with twins!) If she absolutely has to/wants to go in, can the dad take a family leave at least until they can go to daycare? That seems like a better option to me.

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by crazyme5kids
You know there are many woman out there that are very competent and capable of taking care of 4 children under the age of 4 at once. I also know there are many woman that take care of children as well as their own and do not "take care of their children first". Maybe some home childcare providers can shed some light on this.
In the center I work the ratio (legal as per NY state) is 4 infants to 1 caregiver. There are 8 babies in the infant room all 6 weeks to 18 months with 2 caregivers. The children are well taken care of and loved. I did not always take care of my childrens needs first.
I think it just depends on the person. Not everyone can do it.

That's just it though...you work at a center where you were trained to take care of that many kids at once. There is a big difference between a 4 day old and a 6 week old. At a daycare center, you get a paid lunch break. This neighbor gets no break. There is a reason a day-care center won't take 4 day olds. If it were that important to have care, she should keep the babies home and get a baby nurse for 6 weeks.

 

[Freyja]

I once took an exam three days after I gave birth, but I´d definately not recommend it to anyone. I wonder when she´ll start regretting her decision?

 

[crazyme5kids]

Nope we don't get a break from the kids. There are always kids that we are caring for for one reason or another during lunch.
Yes there is a big difference between a four day and a six week old. Maybe the neighbor is trained in early childcare. Maybe the neighbor was a nurse before she became a stay at home mom. Maybe she just loves babies and children and is like Mary Poppins. The point is, if she is comfortable with it and the OP's cousin is comfortable with it that is all that matters.
I personally would not have a problem caring for a four day old (or 2 lol) infant. I adore babies and can't get enough of them! It was one of the reasons I went into early childcare.

 

[chris1gill]

Nobody has mentioned this, but I guess I'll be the first... Does she have some serious post partum depression thing going on here???? I also second the notion that she might not feel comfortable taking care of the babies!! The poor babies though, this is TERRIBLE for them Your cousin needs to be home with her babies, or her husband needs to be home with the babies... If she's got some depression going on, she needs to deal with that, otherwise, if she's not got depression & she feels fully competent to handle the babies, then I would classify this as one of the most selfish things I've ever heard of I hope it's one of the first two problems...

 

[Shannon G]

I've got to ask this question. Why does everyone seem to have a problem with the neighbor taking care of the babies?

My concern is with putting babies this young, and preemies on top of that, into any kind of daycare situation - be it with a neighnor, a relative, or a daycare center. Newborns do not have fully developed immune systems, which is why doctors recommend limiting their exposure to too many people and situations for at least the first few weeks after birth. This is also, I believe, one of the reasons most daycare centers will not accept children under 6 weeks old. I understand (as I'm sure someone will point out) that, if she had older childen of her own, the babies would get some exposure anyway. However, I believe that for a newborn, and especially a preemie, it is best to limit the possible exposure to germs & illnesses where possible. That's why I would not recommend sending these babies to the neighbor's house for daycare, where there are two other young children, at only 4 days old. It has absolutely nothing to do with the neighbor's ability to care for the babies - just that I would be concerned with potential health risks. I would assume that this is also why her own pediatrician recommended she not do this.

 

[Hillbeans]

Crazyme5kids, I'm sorry if I offended by my tone, i'm just so baffled by this. This neighbor may be Mary Poppins, but this first time 41 year old mother should start to face reality that she's now a mom to twins. She's obviously a "smart" woman if she owns her own firm, yet can't understand why "everyone" is against her and phoned the OP as the one person to give her sympathy.

People "mother" their kids in many different ways, however at now 7 days old, these babies deserve more than they're getting at this point. The way I read the OP, it's just as if these "babies" are an inconvenience.

 

[RUDisney]

My DH's cousin had her first DD in the morning and coaxed the doctor into discharging her and DD by 7:00 that night. She left the baby and her DH and mother home while her sister drove her to work so she could prepare the payroll for the next day.

Before you ask, yes, she had time to train someone to do the payroll, but it is her father's company and there are a lot of relatives with whom she works. Everyone is very nosy about what everyone else makes, so they were worried that if she trained someone, they'd spill the beans to the other employees.

She kept working half-days after that.

Crazy? You betcha. By her second child, she realized what a kook she was and she told her father to pick someone else to handle her responsibilities through her leave.

 

[crazyme5kids]

Hillbeans I'm not at all offended. I just think it is sad that without any of us really knowing the full story or details are so ready to brand the cousin as an unfit, unloving, undeserving of a child mother. We have no idea how she is when she is with the babies. Could she be suffering from post partum depression? Maybe, maybe not.
It's funny how we read things and interpert these post. I didn't read the OP's post the same way you did. I didn't get the feeling she viewed the babies as an inconvience.
You see I am just trying to point out that we should not be so quick to judge her.
Strange behavior? Somewhat......... Ask me sometime about the parents that brought their 4 month baby back to China to live with the grandmother and returned back with the 2 year old that had been living with grandma! I told you I've seen it all, and just when I think I've seen it all there is something else that comes along LOL!

 

[Alice28]

This made me mad reading this....why can't she bring some of her paperwork home and work on it? Why did she spend so much $$ on IVF if she was just going to leave the babies the first second she could? I don't get it at all.

 

[gina2000]

I'm just curious about something. Everyone is always talking about working mothers and each family is different and people do what's right for their family etc., etc., etc.

So why is this any different? Truly, we all have different thresholds of what is acceptable and what is not. This is her choice and she may feel that it's an acceptable situation for herself and her family. And since I hear the constant....if the mother is happy, the family is happy comment...how is this situation different?

I'm truly curious as to where everyone's threshold of acceptability lies in this situation. Six weeks? Eight weeks? Two years? Are we all not governed by the demands of our economic situations and our jobs? Are we truly driven to give our children and/or ourselves the best we can? Or is it merely a matter of what our personal situation dictates?

 

[Hillbeans]

Well, I think the number you hear the most is 6 weeks. That's the # the childcare centers go by which must be a state law.

I waited until 11 weeks, which was early, and in hindsight I wish I took more time.

Most doctors also use the 6 week rule for exercise, sex, flying, trips outside, etc. I'd say universally 6 weeks is the rule of thumb. 4 days is absurd.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I think that there is just a couple of things that send up red flags to people. The Pediatrician recommended against it, which makes me feel that there is a chance the babies are being put at risk for health complications.

The Mother is a Lawyer, The Father is a Physician -- I just feel that there is most likely a few extra dollars around somewhere to either hire a Private Nanny to come in or to pay for one of the parents to stay at home. I don't know that for a fact, but it is hard not to wonder.

I don't know these people at all so I can't say I have all the facts. But I just wonder if anybody can honestly say that if this is what is "best for the family" right now?

I'm truly curious as to where everyone's threshold of acceptability lies in this situation.

I guess my threshold is when the Dr. says that it is Medically safe for the babies to attend a daycare type situation.

 

[gina2000]

Most doctors also use the 6 week rule for exercise, sex, flying, trips outside, etc. I'd say universally 6 weeks is the rule of thumb.

Three of the four activities you cited were activities based on the mother's needs, not the child's. And our laws may very well exist because of the mother's capabilities at six weeks after childbirth, not the child's. That, in essense, may be why we are given six weeks off from work by law. Not because of the baby's development, but the mother's capabilities.

I think this is an interesting idea to think about.

 

[kasar]

Obviously she's not comfortable with the situation. She wouldn't have called looking for opinions if she was, she would have made a decision and done it. Since she threw it out there, I think it's okay to say how we feel, and yes, even judge. It seems like she's looking for opinions, whether or not she takes them is completely up to her.

My opinion is that she's nuts. Her babies need her home much more than any client needs her in the office. I'm sure there are thousands of attorneys in her area, she should have planned ahead and made sure that someone took on her workload or covered for her for a few weeks (most people count on twins coming early). God forbid that something happened to her in delivery, someone would have gotten the work done. To me, it's a no-brainer.

 

[Shannon G]

I'm truly curious as to where everyone's threshold of acceptability lies in this situation. Six weeks? Eight weeks? Two years? Are we all not governed by the demands of our economic situations and our jobs? Are we truly driven to give our children and/or ourselves the best we can? Or is it merely a matter of what our personal situation dictates?

I agree that we often talk about what is right for each family being different. I am a mom who works full time - I know there are people out there who would think that I am being selfish and should be home with my DD. Just as there are many who probably think that taking eight weeks off after DD was born was not enough.

But, my focus here is on the health of the babies. The pediatrician recommended against this. Most Drs. recommend limiting newborns' exposure to a lot of situations and people in the first few weeks of life, due to their greater susceptibility to illness. And here we are talking about preemies, who are even more susceptible to illness until their immune systems have time to develop. If the Dr. said it was okay - go back to work, leave the babies at the sitter and they will be perfectly fine, that would be one thing. But the OP said that the pediatrician was not in support of her decision - to me, that makes a big difference.

I guess my point is that this being below my "threshold of acceptibilty" lies in the fact that she is essentially sending her children into a daycare situation against medical advice.

 

[damo]

This may sound weird but did she have these babies because her husband really wanted them and she was doing it for him?