Peter Pirate
Its not the end of civilization...But you can see
- Joined
- Dec 19, 1999
- Messages
- 2,656
I was a Godless heathen...Until last night!
About 8:30, after showering I was in the bathroom using my electric razor when God spoke to me! He said "dude, what're you doing?", I said "who said that?" He said "me". I looked in the closet and the bedroom but no one was there. When I got back into the bathroom he said "where'd you go?" I said "Who is this?" He said Armand". I said "huh?" He said Armand...Most people refer to me as God though". I said "No Shot". He said "maybe you should watch your language". I said "I'm sorry".
So I said "what're you doing in my bathroom?" He said "I kind of like the sound of electric razors and I needed to talk to you. I said "
fair enough". He said, "Mr. Pirate, Jesus has returned to earth and we need to help him save the race". I said "who? ... me? He said, "I like the way you live your life and although you've never really been a big fan of mine, you still have stood for all of those things I intended humans to stand for". I said "thanks". But my son has returned and he isn't as big of deal on earth this time". I said "well where is he? What does he do?" God said "he's a carpenter, of course. Lives in Sacramento." "Nice town" I said, "Not bad" said God.
So I ask God "God, what do you specifically want me to do?" He say's "well, nothin' specifically, but if you could invoke his name at appropriate occasions, hold him up as something special, you know, maybe this could get the ball rolling". "OK" I say, "I can do that". "Is he famous yet?" "Does he have a following?" "Well, he's a great carpenter and his work is in great demand, but no following as a massiah as of yet". "Hmmm" I say, "So I need to move to Sacremento and become a follower of a carpenter named Jesus...Is that about right?" "Billy Atkinson". "Excuse me?" I say. "Billy Atkinson" says God. He goes by Billy Atkinson this time around". "Oh brother" I say. "So I'm supposed to move to Sacramento and become a follower of Billy Atkinson?" "Yes" says God.
Well, I slept on it and got up the next morning, turned on my electric razor and said "God? You there?" He said "of course I am, I told you I love the electric razor. I said "oh yeah"...
So I'm selling all of my things and moving to Sacramento to follow Bill Atkinson of Bill's quality Carpentry. Anybody care to join me?
About 8:30, after showering I was in the bathroom using my electric razor when God spoke to me! He said "dude, what're you doing?", I said "who said that?" He said "me". I looked in the closet and the bedroom but no one was there. When I got back into the bathroom he said "where'd you go?" I said "Who is this?" He said Armand". I said "huh?" He said Armand...Most people refer to me as God though". I said "No Shot". He said "maybe you should watch your language". I said "I'm sorry".
So I said "what're you doing in my bathroom?" He said "I kind of like the sound of electric razors and I needed to talk to you. I said "
fair enough". He said, "Mr. Pirate, Jesus has returned to earth and we need to help him save the race". I said "who? ... me? He said, "I like the way you live your life and although you've never really been a big fan of mine, you still have stood for all of those things I intended humans to stand for". I said "thanks". But my son has returned and he isn't as big of deal on earth this time". I said "well where is he? What does he do?" God said "he's a carpenter, of course. Lives in Sacramento." "Nice town" I said, "Not bad" said God.
So I ask God "God, what do you specifically want me to do?" He say's "well, nothin' specifically, but if you could invoke his name at appropriate occasions, hold him up as something special, you know, maybe this could get the ball rolling". "OK" I say, "I can do that". "Is he famous yet?" "Does he have a following?" "Well, he's a great carpenter and his work is in great demand, but no following as a massiah as of yet". "Hmmm" I say, "So I need to move to Sacremento and become a follower of a carpenter named Jesus...Is that about right?" "Billy Atkinson". "Excuse me?" I say. "Billy Atkinson" says God. He goes by Billy Atkinson this time around". "Oh brother" I say. "So I'm supposed to move to Sacramento and become a follower of Billy Atkinson?" "Yes" says God.
Well, I slept on it and got up the next morning, turned on my electric razor and said "God? You there?" He said "of course I am, I told you I love the electric razor. I said "oh yeah"...
So I'm selling all of my things and moving to Sacramento to follow Bill Atkinson of Bill's quality Carpentry. Anybody care to join me?
<--- using what should be the official heathen smiley
I don't hate religion, but it's not for me.
Mom was considerably less amused. 
Even though she is very far removed from her parents, it was just too close for comfort.
