Go Fund Me for College Fund?

[Anastasi]

Something like a honeymoon in Hawaii is different than funding your college education.

First, for the 2 getting married, make the honeymoon the WEDDING REGISTRY!!!! My girlfriend and I have enough kitchen gadgets and gizmos, minus the big KitchenAid mixer, lol, that we really don't need those things. So what are we looking at doing? A registry for a Disneymoon. Tickets, dining plan, Illuminations Cruise, flights, etc... Put it in the registry and let the guests have at it. No need for a Go Fund Me.

Keep the Go Fund Me for noble causes, not things that you're hoping someone with a bunch of money just wants to "write off" as a gift of charity and picks yours to do it with. If you can't afford a Hawaii honeymoon right away, well, that's tough, but some people never get a honeymoon either. It's not a requirement that you go on a honeymoon.

I don't care how hard you do or don't work, this type of behavior is wrong. The people with insurmountable medical bills, yes, that's understandable. An individual who has this crafty idea to "make money for college" could sit back, let the money roll in, and after the money is donated, it's not traceable. They could go buy a car, down payment on a home, etc... I'm sure there's probably people out there who in some way shape or form, are figuring out ways to live well and get rich off of sites like Go Fund Me and such... A couple pictures, good sob story and there ya go, in comes the $$, all the while, the person behind it, is using the money for nothing related to the "cause".

As long as you don't list the "Honeymoon" registry on the invite, I think this is the way to go. That way, people can ask relatives close to you if you are registered somewhere and they can direct the guests to the registry.

If you list the registry on the invite, it is exactly the same as the money grab of a go fund me account.

I don't like Go Fund Me's for anything but registered charities or major tragedies. I still wouldn't ever donate to a major tragedy unless I knew the people running it personally. Who knows how the money is going to be used or even if it is a scam?

But then, I am of the mindset that you only incur expenses you can handle. Our son is going on a mission trip this summer. We are not members of the church, but he has started going and loves it, which is wonderful. But I was appalled when he came home with a form letter we were supposed to send to all of our friends and family grubbing for money to send the kids. Um, no. I am not sending my child unless I can pay for it. And I certainly am not going to beg my friends and family for money to send the other children. While a mission trip is a noble thought, really, what can a group of teenagers accomplish in a few days? I know every little thing helps, but if I am going to contribute cash to a cause, it is going to be to organized charities who maximize the use of funds. If they need to raise cash to go on this trip, they need to do bake sales, car washes, and earn the money. I am NOT going to send out begging letters to friends and family.

 

[bdcp]

As long as you don't list the "Honeymoon" registry on the invite, I think this is the way to go. That way, people can ask relatives close to you if you are registered somewhere and they can direct the guests to the registry.

If you list the registry on the invite, it is exactly the same as the money grab of a go fund me account.

DS and DDIL had a honeymoon registry along with their Amazon registry but they were listed only on their wedding website. Nothing was on the invite itself. They only had 65 guests because it was about only having their family and closest friends, not about collecting money (and stuff). Actually, it used to be the norm to put registry info inside wedding invites.

 

[Anastasi]

DS and DDIL had a honeymoon registry along with their Amazon registry but they were listed only on their wedding website. Nothing was on the invite itself. They only had 65 guests because it was about only having their family and closest friends, not about collecting money (and stuff). Actually, it used to be the norm to put registry info inside wedding invites.

Must be regional. In my area, it has always been and still is considered very poor manners to list a registry in an invite. It is no different than the 1 year old birthday party invite that is going around social media right now where the Mom makes demands on what to bring her child for the party. It is just to a different degree.

Registries are a good thing as they can help people know what the couple likes. But in our region, you ask where the person is registered if you want to use their registry. Or in the modern world, look on their website which is what you said your DS did. Putting in on the invite in our region is thought to be demanding that the guest use the registry, which is considered the poorest of etiquette.

 

[bdcp]

Must be regional. In my area, it has always been and still is considered very poor manners to list a registry in an invite. It is no different than the 1 year old birthday party invite that is going around social media right now where the Mom makes demands on what to bring her child for the party. It is just to a different degree.

Registries are a good thing as they can help people know what the couple likes. But in our region, you ask where the person is registered if you want to use their registry. Or in the modern world, look on their website which is what you said your DS did. Putting in on the invite in our region is thought to be demanding that the guest use the registry, which is considered the poorest of etiquette.

Um, what? I did NOT say it was in their invite. I said it was on their wedding website where they listed all the info such as hotel info, where the wedding and reception would be, etc. I did say it USED to be the norm, (before the internet) to put it in the invite, but not anymore.

 

[mousehockey37]

As long as you don't list the "Honeymoon" registry on the invite, I think this is the way to go. That way, people can ask relatives close to you if you are registered somewhere and they can direct the guests to the registry.

If you list the registry on the invite, it is exactly the same as the money grab of a go fund me account.

I've had friends get married some time ago that had a wedding and instead of gifts they did a registry. I think they did theirs through www.theknot.com or something like that, but somewhere, I forget now, it's been a few years, they had a statement of "in lieu of gifts, please visit our registry" or something like that and it took you to the webpage where you could help pay for things for them to do on their honeymoon.

Here's even a sample of one from Disney:
http://disney.honeymoonwishes.com/Honeymoon-Registry-116943.html

 

[Laura66]

I've had friends get married some time ago that had a wedding and instead of gifts they did a registry. I think they did theirs through www.theknot.com or something like that, but somewhere, I forget now, it's been a few years, they had a statement of "in lieu of gifts, please visit our registry" or something like that and it took you to the webpage where you could help pay for things for them to do on their honeymoon.

Here's even a sample of one from Disney:
http://disney.honeymoonwishes.com/Honeymoon-Registry-116943.html

Tacky!!

 

[Kimberlyann11]

I don't have a problem with that. DD won't be setting one up - I am paying for her school - but I don't have an issue with anyone else doing it. I sure wouldn't donate though, and anyone who would feel pressured needs assertiveness training.
No one is holding a gun to anybody's head. I wouldn't donate for my niece if she did it - or friend's kids - or anybody. I have my own expenses.

 

[mousehockey37]

Tacky!!

Hey, they're divorced now anyway, lol... But times are changing. The internet has changed the way we do everything. Heck, in certain places Fast Food is being delivered to you by ordering online. For the traditionalists here, anything involving the internet will be tacky or of poor etiquette, when in fact, it's a more efficient and more progressive way to do things. Is that to say things still can't be traditional? No, but you do have to move with the times as well.

For the issue of the GFM, like I've said, it should be more for people with overwhelming circumstances that need that sort of "charitable" help (loss from fire, medical). I just see too many chances for fraud that once a donation is made, you don't know where it goes.

I've used the drum corps sponsorship example in my posts, well, they may be there, but on our drum corps message boards there's a spot for kids looking for help to get some sponsorship to march for the summer. As much as people say it's a lavish activity, if the kid is going into education or has a dream of working in the marching band/drum corps world, that experience on their resume is invaluable in the end.

 

[LBIJim]

I've had friends get married some time ago that had a wedding and instead of gifts they did a registry. I think they did theirs through www.theknot.com or something like that, but somewhere, I forget now, it's been a few years, they had a statement of "in lieu of gifts, please visit our registry" or something like that and it took you to the webpage where you could help pay for things for them to do on their honeymoon.

Here's even a sample of one from Disney:
http://disney.honeymoonwishes.com/Honeymoon-Registry-116943.html

So paying for one of those honeymoon activities is not a "gift"?

Sure, I'll visit their registry in lieu of giving a gift.

 

[Anastasi]

Um, what? I did NOT say it was in their invite. I said it was on their wedding website where they listed all the info such as hotel info, where the wedding and reception would be, etc. I did say it USED to be the norm, (before the internet) to put it in the invite, but not anymore.

Please actually read my reply. I did not say you put yours in the invite. In fact, I said that the way your DS did it on the website would be the accepted norm in our region.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Extremely tacky and I love that " In lieu of gift, please visit our registry " I'd be tempted to write in the wedding card, I visited your registry...good luck with that.

 

[Anastasi]

Tacky!!

I agree.

And it has nothing to do with not being up to speed on the new way to do things.

I have no problems with listing registries on a website. But it is still tacky and will always be tacky to make any mention of gifts on an invitation. Or any kind of reference to go look at a wedding website.

An invite is just that, an invitation. Not a request for a present.

Now everybody knows that people are going to bring a present. So, having a registry is not a bad thing. Having a website where people can look up where the couple is registered is not a bad thing. The difference between a website and an invitation is that it should be the guest that wants to find out the information if they choose to use a registry. It should not be demanded or even suggested on a invitation by the party hosts.

 

[Luvchefmic]

So paying for one of those honeymoon activities is not a "gift"?

Sure, I'll visit their registry in lieu of giving a gift.

Ha we think alike said the same thing at the same time !

 

[Laura66]

Hey, they're divorced now anyway, lol... But times are changing. The internet has changed the way we do everything. Heck, in certain places Fast Food is being delivered to you by ordering online. For the traditionalists here, anything involving the internet will be tacky or of poor etiquette, when in fact, it's a more efficient and more progressive way to do things. Is that to say things still can't be traditional? No, but you do have to move with the times as well.

For the issue of the GFM, like I've said, it should be more for people with overwhelming circumstances that need that sort of "charitable" help (loss from fire, medical). I just see too many chances for fraud that once a donation is made, you don't know where it goes.

I've used the drum corps sponsorship example in my posts, well, they may be there, but on our drum corps message boards there's a spot for kids looking for help to get some sponsorship to march for the summer. As much as people say it's a lavish activity, if the kid is going into education or has a dream of working in the marching band/drum corps world, that experience on their resume is invaluable in the end.

Then they should find a way to finance it themselves! Not solicit friends and family!

 

[Laura66]

Please actually read my reply. I did not say you put yours in the invite. In fact, I said that the way your DS did it on the website would be the accepted norm in our region.

It doesn't matter that it's on the website. If people are visiting that website then anything other than listing the date, time and place is a solicitation for gifts. Which is rude!

 

[havaneselover]

I would not encourage my kids to go that route.

The only funds that I consider donating to are tragic, unforeseeable events such as house fires and illness.

This may come off as unsympathetic, but I also have an issue with funds established, usually for large families, that have lost on uninsured parent. I find it very irresponsible to have children yet not have the income-earner insured. There was a tragic case recently of a family with 8 children, the youngest born on the day of the father's death, and the father was uninsured. The gofundme is now up to $400,000+. If you can afford another child, you can afford life insurance. Plain and simple! Yes, death is uncontrollable, but it's a choice to not be insured.

I got a FB message from a close friend about someone we both knew in college whose husband had had a heart attack and died, leaving the acquaintance from college with four kids and no income (they had let their life insurance lapse and were just about to reinstate it). I didn't contribute. I didn't know her well 20 years ago and haven't kept in contact. In addition, she now receives monthly social security for her four children while I haven't seen any child support for 2.5 years because my ex has had some serious financial issues (he does help in other ways).

Another one that I didn't get was one of my now ex-husband's co-workers. She made six-figures and her husband had a good job. Their house was struck by lightning and burned down. Everyone in the company was chipping in--including the admins who were making $30,000/year or so. They had insurance so they were out their deductible. I mean I know it's an incredible tragedy, but I don't get that that requires a monetary contribution (they were not asking for it personally).

I would delete a go fund me request for college. I'm scrimping and saving to put money away for my children. Whatever isn't covered by college funds or financial aid (hopefully nothing but I'm not sure at this point) will be covered by loans I guess. I can't imagine asking anyone for help pay for what I believe is an investment.

 

[MSLRAC]

I usually find very few things tacky but this whole Go Fund Me for everything that I've ever wanted to do in my life but I'm too impatient, entitled,or whatever to budget, save, and pay for myself is totally and completely tacky!

And while I don't usually mind registries, if you direct people to said registry with the verbiage 'in lieu of gifts, visit our registry' then you really need to spend a few minutes looking up the definition of in lieu of and gift because you got something wrong somewhere.

 

[Anastasi]

It doesn't matter that it's on the website. If people are visiting that website then anything other than listing the date, time and place is a solicitation for gifts. Which is rude!

On that, I differ. I will move on in technology and accept that a website in some particular circumstances is no different than somebody asking Aunt Margaret if the couple is registered somewhere. A website is just Aunt Margaret in electronic form.

In my very humble opinion, if there is any mention of the website or the registries on or in the invite, then it is the height of tackiness. That is a gift grab; here, come to my party and bring me a gift from here. But, if it is on a website that is not mentioned anywhere, there still has to be some searching by the guest. They have to ask somebody in the know if there is a place to find out where they are registered or have to google the party host. So, then it is the guest's decision to bring a gift and is just doing their research on what the couple would enjoy.

 

[goofy4tink]

I've seen a couple of instances where people had GoFundMe accounts. The first one was for a friend's mother...she had some serious health issues and the family wasn't well off and health insurance wasn't coming close to paying. Then, there was the friend that invited all she knew on FB to please consider donating to her former student...a 'gifted' performer heading to a state school. Ummm, no. I'm already paying huge tuition bills for my child. The third one was an account my dd set up......they have a professor who is retiring at the end of this year, and they really wanted to do something special for him. So, invites were sent out to all the theatre alumni they could find. Made it very easy for those that wanted to participate. And it wasn't a huge amount of money.
But accounts for weddings, honeymoons and college tuition? I don't know. I may be old but I just think it's a bit over the top. Do people really expect strangers to donate? I thought that's why we have graduation parties and wedding showers? If you want someone to give you a gift, then send them an invite or an announcement if you can't ask them to the actual event.

 

[mousehockey37]

I've seen a couple of instances where people had GoFundMe accounts. The first one was for a friend's mother...she had some serious health issues and the family wasn't well off and health insurance wasn't coming close to paying. Then, there was the friend that invited all she knew on FB to please consider donating to her former student...a 'gifted' performer heading to a state school. Ummm, no. I'm already paying huge tuition bills for my child. The third one was an account my dd set up......they have a professor who is retiring at the end of this year, and they really wanted to do something special for him. So, invites were sent out to all the theatre alumni they could find. Made it very easy for those that wanted to participate. And it wasn't a huge amount of money.
But accounts for weddings, honeymoons and college tuition? I don't know. I may be old but I just think it's a bit over the top. Do people really expect strangers to donate? I thought that's why we have graduation parties and wedding showers? If you want someone to give you a gift, then send them an invite or an announcement if you can't ask them to the actual event.

I never said about using GFM as a way to include weddings and honeymoons. That spurred off into its own tangent, lol. I'm sure they're on there though.