I did grow up without a silver spoon. However, I did have spoons. I wasn't under the poverty line, rather just above it. I have more in common with coworkers born a generation before me, because I grew up with the absolute necessity of hunting, fishing, raising livestock and gardening in order to stretch the few dollars actually earned through my parents' small town business.........we also cut wood in the fall for our fireplace in winter (our only heat source) and when I had to have my appendix out at age 19 is the first time my parents ever bought an air conditioner, for me, since it was summer and the dr. said I would be more susceptible to heat. However, my mother and her sisters saved for years to take all us kids to Disney World when I was 17. Funny to say, I think it was just as magical for me at that age as it is for 7 year olds who go for the first time.
My dh grew up in poverty, in a migrant-work family, and spent his time traveling with the crops. When younger, he stayed in the car to watch the babies while his parents picked. Later, they all picked together. He didn't go to Disney World until our first trip with our 4 year old.
My dh and I both were adamant we were going to college. Our parents were supportive, and we made our way through on grants and loans. We just paid off those loans this year!
The year after we graduated there was a hiring freeze in the teaching profession in Oklahoma and Kansas.......our "home" states..............dh could find no jobs with his psychology degree.........we both got Christmas jobs with the postal service. Before that, right before Thanksgiving, we finally decided we needed help, and our parents couldn't give it to us. We applied for food stamps. The lady at the office asked if we had enough food for three days..........we had to think about it a moment, and then I said, we do have that bag of potatoes.....so we decided we did have enough for 3 days. The coupons didn't come for 5..........we were soooo happy to see those!
After we got our temporary jobs at the postal service, we discontinued our food coupons, no longer needing them. When the temp jobs were just about to end, dh found work with a new start-up company. After the summer, I got a head start job. The next year, I applied to Texas schools and was hired, and dh transferred. We rented a 3 bedroom house. Then our son was born.................no more house..........we had no idea how much a child would cost! We sold our pets, moved into a one bedroom apartment. The next year, we moved into a two bedroom. The next year, we bought a small house. Dh switched companies. We started trying for another baby, and were diagnosed 2 years later with secondary infertility. We wanted to adopt through the state.............we didn't have enough money for international adoption, and felt we'd like to help a child here. We did not want to foster though, because our child, now 4 years old, wanted a sibling so badly, we thought it would hurt him tremendously to have one come and then leave again. We took him to Disney World, and meanwhile went through three-month visits for 2 years, and it became too hurtful to keep having our child interviewed "Do you want a brother or sister? Would you share your toys?" and then no sibling ever coming and hearing our son "I told him I would share. Didn't he believe me?" We had asked only for a mobile child (our house not being functional for a non-mobile child), of any race, younger than ds (his request, and we felt he should have that right). The not fostering was the big hold-up, and we feel, large caseloads on our constantly turning-over social workers had a part to play, too.
When ds was 6, on another Disney trip, we decided to look into infertility treatments, and right after ds turned 7, had our second son. We still know we have more children waiting for us, and do plan to adopt when the boys are older. We are struggling with whether or not to try to have another birth child in a couple of years. With our combined salaries, a line of credit, and priorities focused firmly on our family, we have been able to take yearly vacations, and every other year is Disney World. We are currently having a new house built, twice as big as the one we own. We are slowly paying down years of debt built over "making ends meet" since the birth of our first son. We live in a socio-economically depressed area, and I see people I grew up with and my dh in the faces of the kids I teach every day. I tell them they can do it.........they can be just like dh, teachers in our school who grew up similarly........and I give them plenty of examples of others who have done it, too. I tell my own children about the world.........all of it, and nurture in them a desire to help. We have a houseful nearly every night at dinner time of neighborhood kids........many of them my older son's friends, many of them current and former students of mine. My sons will give away their most prized possessions without blinking an eye to their friends, and I am extremely proud.
The worst part of living and teaching these kids, though, is while some are being raised in love, like dh and myself, and with hope for the future, and celebrations..........many are not. They strengthen my resolve daily, to someday find my own children who are not yet with me and bring them home to a family of celebrations, love and hope. I salute the rest of you who are looking for your kids, and those who have found them.
Adopted or not, kids help make, like Lilo says, O'hana........family.
