Final Edition - Toon Street Journal
It Was All A Hoax!
Early this morning, the events of the past few days finally came to an end. Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck who had managed to elude authorities finally arrived at Port Canaveral and made a daring jump out of their parade vehicle while still in motion. Goofy remained on the vehicle, continuing to throw out candy, even as the vehicle drove off the end of the dock and sank in the ocean depths. Mickey and Donald made a break for the Disney Wonder cruise ship, which was currently being docked there. The authorities had anticipated this and were already on board waiting for the two fugitives. At the same time that this drama was unfolding, Balloon Duck was also approaching Port Canaveral and the Disney Wonder cruise ship. Police on board the ship were seen grabbing at the tethers to begin pulling the runaway balloon down.
It was at this point, a wonderful celebration, in the grand tradition of Disney began. The three representatives from the countries of U.S.A., Canada and Texas emerged on the deck of the cruise ship and began to put on a dazzling display of light and sound that included not only sparklers, but cherry bombs. At the sound of the cherry bombs, the police officers all removed their hats and tossed them in the air. They then removed their uniforms to reveal that they were all dressed in the familiar colors of the Wildcats cheerleaders, as made famous in the three High School Musical films. As they began their cheer routine, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck emerged from behind, clapping their hands and wings, joining in the dance. The door to the just tied down balloon swung open and out came four of the seven dwarves (Three dwarves were not available to participate. Sleepy was too tired. Grumpy thought the idea was stupid. Doc was at the CDC assisting medical professional in their response to the current Swine Flu epidemic). They quickly joined in the celebration. As the fireworks spectacular and musical number came to an end, Mickey Mouse approached the microphone and yelled out a welcome to the crowd that had now gathered on the dock. The crowd included members of the media, a S.W.A.T. team, dozens of law enforcement agencies and Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Mickey Mouse's statement is presented here in its entirety. "I have a wonderful surprise for all of you. I am proud to announce that beginning in 2010, the Disney theme parks will be unveiling a wonderful new promotion called, "Give a Day, Get a Day". With this program Disney will be giving each participant a one day theme park ticket for one day of volunteering. I know that all of you are excited and probably have many..." We were unable to hear the audio from this point, as the sounds of bullets being shot in the direction of Mickey Mouse by the S.W.A.T. team were drowning out his voice.
As the day went on, authorities began to suspect that the whole incident may have been an elaborate hoax to promote their new "Give a Day, Get a Day" promotion. The plot began to unravel when Dewey emerged from the cruise ship, apparently never having been in the balloon at all. During a television interview with Miss Piggy that afternoon, Dewey was questioned as to why he was hiding on the cruise ship. Dewey looked over to Mickey Mouse and was heard saying, "You said we did it for the promotion." Dewey then began vomiting a mixture of bugs, worms and sardines, which resulted in the interview being halted. Due to this interview, authorities are now investigating the mouse and the duck. Charges are expected to be filed. Detectives are also investigating several other beloved Disney characters to ascertain their involvement in this hoax
We do have unfortunate news to report on the whereabouts of Sam the Eagle. He too was involved in this hoax. He was onboard the cruise ship performing final rehearsals for his big musical number, "A Salute to Volunteers, but mostly America". His carcass was found in a cabin beside several powerful sedatives, including the anesthetic Propofol, which should only be given in a hospital. The drugs were apparently prescribed by his personal physician, Doc. Authorities are currently en route to Atlanta to question this dwarf.
We are happy to report that Kermit the Frog's whereabouts have been confirmed. He was not a part of the hoax. He was on location, finishing up scenes for the upcoming Disney animated feature, "The Princess and Kermit the Frog". The film is to be released on December 11. The movie's lead characters will be an African-American princess and a Louisiana swamp amphibian, a first in Disney history.
Late today, the Disney company announced that due to public pressure and pending charges against many of their most beloved characters, they will be making changes at the theme parks in regards to Mickey Mouse. He will no longer be the marquee character that is featured in the theme parks and on Disney advertising. Due to the controversy that has exploded around this hoax, Disney will be introducing a less controversial character to headline their entertainment division - Uncle Remus, from the hit film, "Song of the South".
(Wait. Do you guys have ESM in the US?)
