Gift exchanges and not staying in the price limit

[luvmy3]

It's so funny that I found this thread as dh and I were talking about this but we had the opposite experience. My dh had a gift exchange at work with all his colleagues. They are about 15 people exchanging and the gift had to be about $25.00 to make it fair. This was e-mailed to everyone and all agreed on it. We bought a really nice red sweatshirt hoodie with our NHL hockey team emblem on it. The price was $27.00 with the tax. Well, at the exchange this week my dh was shocked at what he saw. Most people had brought gifts that were well under $10 and things that it seemed they just had at home lying around. For example, a box of 4 christmas tree balls, many bottles of wine that were under $10, a box of chocolates etc. Needless to say, everyone was upset that they did not get my dh's gift! Oh, and my dh ended up with one of those cheap bottles of wine!LOL

It would really bother me to be told what to spend. I think there is a difference between saying there is a $25 limit and you have to buy a $25 gift for someone. we have a $30 limit for my nieces and nephews, so a co-worker telling me I have to spend $25 on him/her wouldn't go over too well with me.

 

[farmermr]

I find office gift exchanges/limits to be tricky. We generally set a $20-$25 limit, but there are some that clearly just bring something from home. I just find that I need to remember that $20-$25 is a limit, NOT a requirement.

 

[pixiewings71]

When doing exchanges I always watch for amazing sales. I did an exchange here on the Dis, the limit was $25 plus shipping, I stayed within $30 and sent my exchange partner some really amazing stuff. If I had paid retail it would have been at least $50 worth of goodies but I did really well. I don't feel guilty at all, in fact I'm really happy I was able to send so much. I wouldn't feel badly if I hadn't tho, I just happened to get really lucky this time around.

 

[terri01p]

 

[williamson_ja]

I totally understand. My dd switched dance studios this year. She participated in the "annual gift exchange" with the other girls in her new troup. The limit was supposed to be $5. My dd was the ONLY one who even came close to $5. We spent $6 and bought some nice lip balm and little candies put together in a package. ALL the other girls gifts looked more like $20 presents. If it was one person, I would think that one person MAY have gotten a good deal. When it was everybody, I just think that there was complete disregard for the rule. My dd came home feeling really bad about the gift she had gotten them. She didn't feel good about accepting a gift far above what she had bought them. I just told her that it was okay and that she had done her best to try to get something nice while following the rules. Next year, we'll be among the rule breakers and try to get something a little nicer.

 

[Leajess99]

I bought a Cuponk for my ds's exchange. It was $10 on sale, normally $14. i didn't think twice about it but now I'm hoping it's ok

An example of this would be that many people were able to get Cuponk for $2 so they may add it with something else.

I bought several LPS toys at half price and that was what I was going to add for the gift exchange for my daughter but it was cancelled due to no school.

I always just assume the person got a good deal like I look for.

 

[disneychrista]

If that is a real issue, then there shouldn't be spending limits, their should be value limits put in place.

I agree completely.

 

[squirrel]

I don't think anyone should feel bad if they spent less than the amount, especially if they got the item on sale. Some people will spend more than the amount-they may take into consideration that they got the items at a great deal or they can just afford a nice gift.

We did a $5 gift exchange. The gifts were traded many times before we ended up with a gift. One person left their gift (they didn't want it), that was rude. They should have just taken it and if they didn't want it donate it to one of the many organizations that would love it. I didn't see what the gift was. I just hope that the person who brought it doesn't know it was left behind.

When choosing a gift, I try to find something I would like and think others also would like/enjoy. I also look for sales as I try to never pay full price.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

It would really bother me to be told what to spend. I think there is a difference between saying there is a $25 limit and you have to buy a $25 gift for someone. we have a $30 limit for my nieces and nephews, so a co-worker telling me I have to spend $25 on him/her wouldn't go over too well with me.

Please read my post again. Nobody was told what they HAD to spend. All agreed by e-mail to keep each gift at a certain amount in order to make it fair to everyone. Different amounts were suggested and $25 was agreed upon, again via e-mail to everyone. At any point they had the option of not participating or suggesting a lower amount, which nobody did. When you choose to participate in something, play fair. Just saying...

 

[scrapquitler]

does it bother you when someone in a gift exchange goes over the price limit?
the gymnastics team does a gift exchange each year, this year the price limit was $5
I stayed within that, as did several others.
but some did not.
my dd ended up with a gift that I know cost about $15 ( unless of course the person who bought it got a great sale!).:

Doesn't bother me, I don't feel bad. The person buying knew what the limit was, they made the choice to go over (Maybe, or maybe they got a really good sale, I often shop good sales just for this kind of situation).

 

[pixiewings71]

Oh yes this gets my goat to, we had a gift basket exchange at church and the limit was 20.00. Well needless to say we had one gift basket that had to be over 50.00, I couldn't beleive it. The person receiving it was beyond thrilled, of course, but it made the rest of us just look like our baskets were cheap junk. And there is no way she got all that stuff for 20.00 it's just isn't possible, it was full of bath and body works spa stuff and even on sale that stuff is not cheap.
And I happen to be the giver of the other sister that received the huge basket and she was standing there looking at her sister's basket and then at the basket I gave and I felt bad.
Now I say if it's a gift opened in private that's totally different give away!

Not necessarily, I went to B&BW with some coupons that I was able to use together. I got at least $60 worth of goodies and I paid under $30. It's very possible that the maker of the basket you are referencing got the same type of deal I did. I was able to give my girls each a ton of B&BW stuff for around $30 total, it was a HUGE rush to get that kind of deal.

 

[walkdmc]

I wouldn't think twice about it. I'm one of the people who would spend $15 with a $5 limit. I prefer to choose the gift based on what I think the recipient would like, instead of the cost. Plus, money is so relative, you shouldn't feel compelled to spend more. Believe me, if someone spent $15 on a gift, it's because they wanted to, not because they wanted a similarly priced gift in return. They knew the limit and they chose to exceed it, has nothing to do with you.

 

[terri01p]

 

[mnrose]

This happened at DD's dance school this year as well. The gift was supposed to be in the $3-5 range. Most kids gave and received things that were clearly in that range...small purse, candy, socks, small toiletry items, small nail kits, etc. One kid gave (and my DD was the lucky recipient) of a pair of Christmas PJs with matching socks. I felt a little awkward, until I noticed the half ripped off "clearance" label on PJs. I know the brand is from Walmart, and I'm more than willing to bet that they were purchased on clearance after Christmas last year. And, I'll bet that they cost substantially less than $5.00. I think the Mom was ridiculously clever, and I fully intend to copy her this year. The dance group does a gift exchange EVERY year, and EVERY year the limit is $5.00. With some good shopping after the holidays this year, I'm certain I'll be able to do pretty well with some Christmas themed items.

I think there's nothing wrong with it, and I don't feel bad as the receiver of such gifts, or as the giver.

 

[pixiewings71]

I have bath and body works coupons too but not to be used with the spa stuff, just for different lotions and perfumes...did you get coupons at the store or in the mail, would love to know so I can pick up some stuff myself? I was gave one at the store the other day for 10.00 off of 100.00. What else is out there would love to know so I can get a sleep spa basket for my dd, with that kind of savings thanks?

I actually got them in mail, they sent them to my house. I don't know how exactly I signed up for them but they were amazing coupons, 1 was for $10 off a $30 purchase and 1 was for a free item up to $13 when you spent $10. Those are very standard but in this instance they DID work on the spa stuff. I asked the manager because the back didn't say spa items were restricted. I ended up not getting much spa stuff (I really only needed a certain lotion that I love) it was mostly the standard sprays, lotions, shower gels but it was good on any and all spa stuff as well. The only thing I couldn't use that one on was candles & home fragrance items.

 

[ORDisneyfans]

Google bath and bady works printable coupons you should find some. I try to always check before going to the mall, as I have gotten some great gifts. The current coupon I have is for $10 off a $30 purchase and a free signature scent item with any (even $1.00) purchase! Have fun!

 

[drcmk]

I'm one of the people who would spend $15 with a $5 limit . . . Believe me, if someone spent $15 on a gift, it's because they wanted to, not because they wanted a similarly priced gift in return. They knew the limit and they chose to exceed it, has nothing to do with you.

As someone who organizes gift exchanges for children, this attitude irks me. We set a spending limit so that it can be fair for all of the recipients. I feel awful when I see that some of the children have gotten very valuable gifts when most of them have gotten the reasonable gifts that we asked for. Frankly, it ruins the whole event if someone chooses to go above and beyond. Instead of a group of happy children, we end up with one or two gloating children and a group of resentful children.

 

[luvmy3]

As someone who organizes gift exchanges for children, this attitude irks me. We set a spending limit so that it can be fair for all of the recipients. I feel awful when I see that some of the children have gotten very valuable gifts when most of them have gotten the reasonable gifts that we asked for. Frankly, it ruins the whole event if someone chooses to go above and beyond. Instead of a group of happy children, we end up with one or two gloating children and a group of resentful children.

You can't please everyone and I bet that even if everyone stayed in the limit there would be kids who were gloating and some that were resentful. While I can see the reason for setting a limit (and I firmly believe if you want to make it fair, or even you set a value limit and not a spending limit). I also know that its my job to teach my children that its truly the thought of a gift that counts, and they should appreciate whatever they recieve because its not about what you get compared to what others get. Kids are never too young to learn that.

 

[MrsPete]

The problem with going with perceived cost is every store charges a different price, so how do you find the hypothetical retail cost? The Itune example is one of the few examples of a retail cost. Most things, a board game, or set of markers or lip balms or a set of nailpolishes or anything else you would normally take for a $5 gift exchange you will see retail values all over the map.

I don't consider it to be fair to walk into Kohls or Justice and say, "Oh, look, the retail value of a set of lipbalms is $9.90. I have a ten dollar gift!" Because those are two examples of stores that mark up just to say it's a great deal. Go across the street to Walmart and you can likely find a similiar or identical set of lipbalms for $5. So that's a five dollar gift. So who is right? The person who went with the ACTUAL cost or the person who went by the retail value? I think the person who went by the actual cost. You will always find a place that charges more, that doesn't make the true retail value higher. Using the lipbalm example you might find a ebay seller charging $50 for them saying it's a rare collectible..it's hardly a $50 gift IMO!

Since the recipient probably has no idea WHERE the gift was bought, we're back to the perceived value of the gift. Most of us would probably say that a lip balm gift-set is a $5-7 gift (depending upon size of the gift set). If you paid $9.90 at an expensive store, it's still going to register with the receiver as a $5-7 gift. On the other hand, if you gave a nice shirt and sweater, it's going to register with the receiver as a $40-50 gift, even if it was actually a re-gift item and cost you zero.

Unless you're going to inclue receipts or tell what gifts cost, there's really no option except to stick to the perceived value of the gift.

As someone who organizes gift exchanges for children, this attitude irks me. We set a spending limit so that it can be fair for all of the recipients. I feel awful when I see that some of the children have gotten very valuable gifts when most of them have gotten the reasonable gifts that we asked for. Frankly, it ruins the whole event if someone chooses to go above and beyond. Instead of a group of happy children, we end up with one or two gloating children and a group of resentful children.

I agree completely -- people who go "above and beyond" make others feel badly, and they "up the bar" for the next year. They make others feel that they must either seek out clearance deals to stay within the limit, or they must over-spend. Neither is a good option.

If a limit is set, it's right to provide a gift within that price range -- complicating it with coupons, clearance deals, or re-gifted items is just a smokescreen. If you're supposed to bring a $5 gift, make it a $5 gift -- not a $15 gift purchased with a coupon and rebate on clearance through ebay.

Having said that, one of the most successful children's gift-exchanges I've done was a USED BOOK exchange. We asked all the kids to bring in an age-appropriate book that they'd already read. No one had to buy anything new, but everyone went home with something "new to them". The parents loved it, and there was no fuss about some books being paperback vs. some hardcover. They were all just passing on an old item.

Another good thing for 'tween girls is a sock exchange. They love over-the-knee-socks, toe socks, character socks . . . and it keeps everyone in the same price range. However, some people will still go out of their way to mess that up. We did this last week, and my daughter ended up with a large package of fancy socks . . . while everyone else had one pair. Yes, she loves the socks and has already worn them, but she commented later that she felt bad because she only gave one pair. Yes, the other kids did notice and I did hear the "No fair" comment of which tweens and teens are so fond.