Getting over not having certain experiences?

[browneyes106]

I don't have a sister, and everyone else I have ever been close to does have a sister so I was always getting edged out on this sort of stuff. I'd like to say it didn't bother me but it did/does when I think about it. At my age it's safe to say I won't ever be a Godparent or a Maid of Honor. Still, I have 2 beautiful amazing children and I get to be their #1 Mom forever, hopefully a Grandma some day and DH picked me to walk down the aisle with so again, someone's #1. Your time will come to be #1 but until then try not to dwell on it. To be honest it bothered me when I was your age but haven't thought about it in a very long time. I can see how you'd feel left out if your BF is hanging out with the Wedding Party while you are alone, just try to meet the other wedding party dates and see if you can 'click' with someone enough to hang out with at these parties so you don't feel so isolated. Chances are you're not the only person with these feelings. Every date of the wedding party must be having some anxiety too.

I'm going to try and see if I can meet more of my bf's friends before the April wedding. I know there is a dating couple and a married couple in the wedding party. I'm not sure if the others are dating or not. I will try not to dwell on it but I think I might start feeling better once my bf gets through the three weddings this year.

 

[scrapbookworm]

I understand your feelings.

Other than my grandma's wedding, I've never been a bridesmaid.

I was really hurt when one of my bridesmaids married about 4 years later, and I wasn't asked to be in her wedding party. It really affected our friendship. But, I suppose I was in denial that we didn't talk as much as we used to. If she were just now being married, I don't think it would affect me as much b/c I've grown up a lot.

I don't have any close female friends, and being 31yo now most of my childhood friends are already married.

I realize that part of it is my introvert personality, but that doesn't mean that I'm not inside, looking out at the rest of the world that leaves me behind.

 

[RachaelA]

Trust me its not fun to drop $$$$ on these things. I'm probably going to spend close to $400 on the wedding I'm a bridesmaid in that is in June.

 

[Illuminations_Rocks]

I wasn't in a wedding until it was my own.

I used to feel hurt that I was never asked to be a flower girl or jr bridesmaid, as I have a large extended family and every other girl in the family was one of these. Ok, maybe it still hurts a little!

Then I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend. She then decided to have a destination wedding, still had a bridal party but it was smaller, so I was disinvited. But during the time span of change, I was planning my own wedding, so it was kind of nice. I am still friends with her.

For my bridal party, DF didn't have a lot of friends that he wanted to ask, so I could only go with 3 girls. I chose my 3 best friends who were all best friends with each other. Don't have a sister, but my brother and brother-in-law we just made ushers. My sisters-in-law weren't in it at all. Niece and 2 nephews were flowergirl and ring bearers (other nephew was just a baby). There were other friends I'd've liked to be in my wedding, but it didn't happen because I didn't want 8 girls up with me and just 3 boys with DH.

I am going to be MOH in my BF's wedding. Other BF is getting married but she is just having her sister and cousin. No skin off my back. Planning a wedding is hard enough.

Also, there really is a lot expected of bridesmaids. Especially if they are making things themselves... it's a lot of work! I know that you want to do it, and I don't blame you. It gets old after a bit I'm sure, but it's nice to do at least once!

Just watch some Bridezillas, maybe it'll make you feel better! haha

For real though, maybe just try to make some new friends. If you increase the number of close friends, you have a better chance of being in a wedding.

I can't speak on baptism/godparent, but that's a lot of responsibility - though sometimes it gets shirked! You don't have to be a "godparent" to be a special person in a little one's life, just be there frequently and have gifts and they'll love you!

ETA: I just wanted to say, that now it feels special to me that the first wedding I was in was my own. It was a whole new experience I got to have and just gave my wedding that extra special place in my heart.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I'm sorry you're feeling badly about this. Frankly, I would thank my lucky stars if I had never had to be part of the wedding party. It's REALLY overrated.

I agree
I used to feel the same way, but then I was in my sisters and that was enough. Then i was invited in a few more and just the cost for the dress, the shower and present, the wedding presents, etc. I am so glad that i have only been in a few.

I know you feel badly, but personally I think that it really is only fun for the person that the event is for. I hope that you are invited to one so that you will finally know what I am talking about.

 

[browneyes106]

I think maybe the reason I feel hurt about this is because I feel like I'm not good enough for others to be included in their events.

 

[browneyes106]

The wedding is tomorrow and I still don't feel like going. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend. Does anyone have advice on this?

 

[mrsklamc]

Part of being in a relationship, and part of being a grown up sometimes, is 'putting on your big girl panties and dealing with it.'

Go, smile, be supportive. You might even have a good time, if you don't focus on 'what might have been.'

 

[Carly_Roach]

I think maybe the reason I feel hurt about this is because I feel like I'm not good enough for others to be included in their events.

The wedding is tomorrow and I still don't feel like going. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend. Does anyone have advice on this?

Ok, I'm confused. First you felt bad because you were excluded. Now you feel bad because you don't want to attend an event you were invited to.

Can someone give me a Cliff's Notes version of this? I don't get it.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Ok, I'm confused. First you felt bad because you were excluded. Now you feel bad because you don't want to attend an event you were invited to.

Can someone give me a Cliff's Notes version of this? I don't get it.

She was invited TO the wedding but isn't IN the wedding and feels left out.

 

[curious3069]

Ok you need to suck it up and get over it. Sorry you are feeling left out, but in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. Go to the wedding and have fun with your boyfriend. You are 25 years old, have a good job, have a boyfriend who is going to be all spiffed up in a tux...you are footloose and fancy free, have some fun with your life and quite whining that no one is including you. Quit worrying about being included in someone else's "special event" and make the event special with your BF. That's much much more fun and important than being a bridesmaid.

 

[iwrbnd]

Ok you need to suck it up and get over it. Sorry you are feeling left out, but in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. Go to the wedding and have fun with your boyfriend. You are 25 years old, have a good job, have a boyfriend who is going to be all spiffed up in a tux...you are footloose and fancy free, have some fun with your life and quite whining that no one is including you. Quit worrying about being included in someone else's "special event" and make the event special with your BF. That's much much more fun and important than being a bridesmaid.

And it will be much less expensive!!!

 

[Frantasmic]

For this SPECIFIC wedding, did you have a long time relationship with the bride or groom? Why was your BF invited to be in the wedding party? Would you say the bride/groom would have a reason (i.e., long relationship with you) to ask you to be in the wedding?

Do you not have brother's/sister's/cousin's who've gotten married or are you the oldest in your family? I'd think that not being in a family members' wedding would cause more hurt feelings.

Are you really mad at the bride/groom or are you really jealous that your BF gets asked to be in so many weddings? I'm with the majority of posters here that being in one or two weddings other than your own in a lifetime is enough.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

Ok you need to suck it up and get over it. Sorry you are feeling left out, but in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing. Go to the wedding and have fun with your boyfriend. You are 25 years old, have a good job, have a boyfriend who is going to be all spiffed up in a tux...you are footloose and fancy free, have some fun with your life and quite whining that no one is including you. Quit worrying about being included in someone else's "special event" and make the event special with your BF. That's much much more fun and important than being a bridesmaid.

Amen!

 

[browneyes106]

For this SPECIFIC wedding, did you have a long time relationship with the bride or groom? Why was your BF invited to be in the wedding party? Would you say the bride/groom would have a reason (i.e., long relationship with you) to ask you to be in the wedding?

Do you not have brother's/sister's/cousin's who've gotten married or are you the oldest in your family? I'd think that not being in a family members' wedding would cause more hurt feelings.

Are you really mad at the bride/groom or are you really jealous that your BF gets asked to be in so many weddings? I'm with the majority of posters here that being in one or two weddings other than your own in a lifetime is enough.

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. He has been friends with the groom since they were both 13 and they are 22 now. I think I'm more jealous that my boyfriend is always getting asked to be in events. My older brother got married a couple of years ago and I wasn't asked to be in his wedding. My sister has a 5 year old son with her ex-boyfriend and she has never been married. A lot of my cousins have been married but no one ever asked me to be in their wedding.

 

[lillygator]

what do you think is so special about being in a wedding?

 

[RitaE]

Originally Posted by browneyes106 View Post
The wedding is tomorrow and I still don't feel like going. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend. Does anyone have advice on this?

um, if you seriously want my advice you are acting kind of petulant and you should probably stop.

 

[browneyes106]

um, if you seriously want my advice you are acting kind of petulant and you should probably stop.

I know I am. I think the reason I have a hard time getting over certain things I because I suffer from bipolar and depression.

 

[RitaE]

Well I'm sorry to hear that but you still need to understand that somebody else's wedding is not about you and your feelings.

Put on your nice clothes and go celebrate with your friends.

 

[mrsklamc]

I know I am. I think the reason I have a hard time getting over certain things I because I suffer from bipolar and depression.

Are you getting treatment for that? If you are a high-drama person due to being untreated that might be part of it too. Of course, you can't help it if you have a chemical imbalance in your brain, but no one can afford to have a high maintenance person in their wedding party.

Also, you seem very self focused in this thread. Now, that may just be due to the topic of this thread, but if you are like that in real life that would be another factor in not being chosen for wedding parties.