Getting over not having certain experiences?

[browneyes106]

Well I'm sorry to hear that but you still need to understand that somebody else's wedding is not about you and your feelings.

Put on your nice clothes and go celebrate with your friends.

I know another's person's wedding isn't about me. But I find it hard to be happy for other people experiencing certain things when I haven't. I have hard time talking to and hanging out with bf's friends. We just don't click.

 

[RadioNate]

Ok - OP, I get you. I do. It isn't about the wedding or baptism or whatever, it is about feeling like the people you most value in life value & appreciate you in return.

Let's face it, usually people put the friends and family they value the most in their wedding party. It hurts when you feel like someone doesn't value you as much as you value them.

Now, I've been in weddings and it does kinda suck but that is besides the point. That has nothing to do with the OPs feelings.

She doesn't feel valued by her friends/family and the wedding is one way they are 'showing' her this. Now I'm sure these people DO value the OP, very much, but it hurts when you are looking for that validation and don't receive it.

My cousin had a baby last year. This cousin is the guardian for my children. Her sister is someone who doesn't have a maternal bone in her body, she doesn't like kids and certainly doesn't want any. I love her but she is immature and unreliable. Guess who is the baby's godmother? Not me. It hurt.

As for getting over it. You just do. It is about being a grown up and realizing that this choice doesn't mean that they don't like you or value your friendship. It is about knowing your worth with out being picked. It is hard but it also comes with age and maturity.

Now, the wedding tomorrow. You go. You support your bf and the bride/groom. Face it these are not people you've known long and there is no reason for you to be in their wedding. Be a grown up. Have fun. Move on.

 

[lillygator]

Ar

Also, you seem very self focused in this thread. Now, that may just be due to the topic of this thread, but if you are like that in real life that would be another factor in not being chosen for wedding parties.

I agree

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. He has been friends with the groom since they were both 13 and they are 22 now. I think I'm more jealous that my boyfriend is always getting asked to be in events. My older brother got married a couple of years ago and I wasn't asked to be in his wedding. My sister has a 5 year old son with her ex-boyfriend and she has never been married. A lot of my cousins have been married but no one ever asked me to be in their wedding.

Honey I hate to say this and know that I am not being mean but just honest. You are really just one of their friend's girlfriends. I wouldn't have put you in my wedding either. You are not a special friend of the couple or a relative. I think you are acting bratty about it and I can tell you that that kind of behavior gets old after a while. Nobody wants to date the girl or guy who is always a downer and can't just enjoy a good time. Put on an awesome dress, go, eat, drink, dance and have fun.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I know another's person's wedding isn't about me. But I find it hard to be happy for other people experiencing certain things when I haven't. I have hard time talking to and hanging out with bf's friends. We just don't click.

So why would they pick you to be in their wedding?

 

[mrsklamc]

But I find it hard to be happy for other people experiencing certain things when I haven't.

Again, I don't know you personally and you may just be feeling down right now. But just at face value, this statement sounds extremely selfish.

There will ALWAYS be someone who has things or experiences you don't. That's life. You get one life to live, and you can spend it feeling sorry for yourself or appreciating the things you DO have. I have single friends that would be kill to be in your shoes and have a boyfriend at all!

 

[browneyes106]

I do understand why I wasn't my bf's friend's wedding. I meant to say that it sort of stings to see him having fun and being apart of something special.

 

[mrsklamc]

I do understand why I wasn't my bf's friend's wedding. I meant to say that it sort of stings to see him having fun and being apart of something special.

If you love him then you should ENJOY seeing him have fun and being part of something special.

 

[marcyinPA]

I'll be 25 next week. I don't think I'll ever be asked to be apart of those things. I do get invited to them but I just don't get asked to be apart of them.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I think it's your age. Things bothered me when I was younger. When I hit 40, I stopped caring about stuff like that. Seriously! 40 was a life changing age for me! I don't care what people think or say...i just don't!

For a long time, I regretted never experiencing a high school prom. Nobody asked me, and I didn't go. You know what? Doesn't matter one bit now!

As for being in wedding parties...I was in MANY in my 20's. It was a pain in the behind and very costly!

 

[browneyes106]

Ok - OP, I get you. I do. It isn't about the wedding or baptism or whatever, it is about feeling like the people you most value in life value & appreciate you in return.

Let's face it, usually people put the friends and family they value the most in their wedding party. It hurts when you feel like someone doesn't value you as much as you value them.

Now, I've been in weddings and it does kinda suck but that is besides the point. That has nothing to do with the OPs feelings.

She doesn't feel valued by her friends/family and the wedding is one way they are 'showing' her this. Now I'm sure these people DO value the OP, very much, but it hurts when you are looking for that validation and don't receive it.

My cousin had a baby last year. This cousin is the guardian for my children. Her sister is someone who doesn't have a maternal bone in her body, she doesn't like kids and certainly doesn't want any. I love her but she is immature and unreliable. Guess who is the baby's godmother? Not me. It hurt.

As for getting over it. You just do. It is about being a grown up and realizing that this choice doesn't mean that they don't like you or value your friendship. It is about knowing your worth with out being picked. It is hard but it also comes with age and maturity.

Now, the wedding tomorrow. You go. You support your bf and the bride/groom. Face it these are not people you've known long and there is no reason for you to be in their wedding. Be a grown up. Have fun. Move on.

You are right. I have never really felt valued by a lot of my friends or relatives. I always feel like there is something wrong with me and I'm not good enough to be apart of something important. I am jealous of my boyfriend because it seems that all his friends and a lot of his relatives value him just as much as he values them.

 

[lillygator]

if you sound this down on the internet, maybe it is coming across in life as well. People usually want to include people in their events that are happy and show genuine interest in them. Shake off all these preconceived ideas of being in a special event, and go enjoy the fact that you have been invited to a special event and dance the night away with your bf.

 

[Barbossa]

I do regret never having gone on a date with two girls at once, but I've gotten over it.

 

[RadioNate]

I do understand why I wasn't my bf's friend's wedding. I meant to say that it sort of stings to see him having fun and being apart of something special.

Well see I don't get this. You should be HAPPY for him. Part of loving someone is wanting to see them happy. You should feel good that someone asked him to be because a part of something special. This just reeks of jealousy and immaturity.

I'm not trying to pick on you but you have to see how this looks to outsiders. No one likes the person who says "if I'm not having fun no one can." No one wants to be around someone who brings them down.

I get bipolar and depression are hard and I do think this is a symptom of that but then you need to get help. There is no shame in medication or therapy and you have to find a way to make those things a part of your life.
They are important in keeping you healthy, just like you would take medicine for high blood pressure or thyroid.

 

[browneyes106]

if you sound this down on the internet, maybe it is coming across in life as well. People usually want to include people in their events that are happy and show genuine interest in them. Shake off all these preconceived ideas of being in a special event, and go enjoy the fact that you have been invited to a special event and dance the night away with your bf.

I mask a lot of my depression around people. Most of my friends don't know about my mental illness.

 

[browneyes106]

Well see I don't get this. You should be HAPPY for him. Part of loving someone is wanting to see them happy. You should feel good that someone asked him to be because a part of something special. This just reeks of jealousy and immaturity.

I'm not trying to pick on you but you have to see how this looks to outsiders. No one likes the person who says "if I'm not having fun no one can." No one wants to be around someone who brings them down.

I get bipolar and depression are hard and I do think this is a symptom of that but then you need to get help. There is no shame in medication or therapy and you have to find a way to make those things a part of your life.
They are important in keeping you healthy, just like you would take medicine for high blood pressure or thyroid.

I do take medication and I have been in therapy here and there. The medication does help and therapy has helped me to a certain extent.

 

[browneyes106]

Again, I don't know you personally and you may just be feeling down right now. But just at face value, this statement sounds extremely selfish.

There will ALWAYS be someone who has things or experiences you don't. That's life. You get one life to live, and you can spend it feeling sorry for yourself or appreciating the things you DO have. I have single friends that would be kill to be in your shoes and have a boyfriend at all!

I do appreciate my boyfriend a lot. But I do get envious of how he makes friends easily and clicks with people. I know I'm being very selish but I just don't know how get over not having experiences that most people get to have.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I do appreciate my boyfriend a lot. But I do get envious of how he makes friends easily and clicks with people. I know I'm being very selish but I just don't know how get over not having experiences that most people get to have.

IMO the best way to do that is to stop looking at everyone else's life and comparing it to yours. Focus on your own life. The grass isn't always greener. You also cannot have the same experiences as everyone else. They are living their life and you have to live yours. All this time you are focused on what everyone else is doing is just wasting your own life. Find things you like to do and look for people with similar interests. To be honest from the way you come across here, I think you don't click with his friends because you are quite negative. If you are going to say dinner with them look at it as something fun to do. Don't sit there not saying anything. Join the conversation or start your own. Maybe continuing with therapy would be helpful for you.

 

[RitaE]

I do appreciate my boyfriend a lot. But I do get envious of how he makes friends easily and clicks with people. I know I'm being very selish but I just don't know how get over not having experiences that most people get to have.

Personally I don't think that is true.
I think you do know how to get over it but you are choosing to dwell on your negative feelings, which even you admit are selfish.

So this is pretty much it.

You can view tomorrow in terms of what it isn't - you didn't get invited to be a member of the wedding party and you wish that you had been etc etc etc

or you can think about tomorrow in terms of what is IS, a chance to put on some nice clothes and go party and celebrate with your friends.

There really isn't much else anybody here can say to you. You're going to have to decide for yourself whether you want to spend the rest of today feeling sad and left out or if you want to start thinking about how much fun it can be.

 

[marlynnp]

I do appreciate my boyfriend a lot. But I do get envious of how he makes friends easily and clicks with people. I know I'm being very selish but I just don't know how get over not having experiences that most people get to have.

Okay listen carefully.... Most people are not in other peoples weddings. They attend as guests.

And I agree with previous posters, if you project a quarter of the attitude you are showing here, in real life, you shouldn't be surprised that people don't get close to you.

It's your choice. Be a negative Nelly and have very few connections. Or start being pleasant around others and have the favor returned.

 

[Frantasmic]

I think you are placing a lot of baggage on this one event.

For me, it's very easy to see that for THIS wedding, a 9-year strong relationship preceded your boyfriend's role in it.

So, rejoice that he had a long relationship that resulted in bonding with another person. Then, rejoice that this same person that makes friends easily with other people is CHOOSING YOU to be with in his life right now.

And I imagine you aren't as good at "hiding" as you think you are. If you withdraw (which is really a self-protective mechanism from getting hurt) as easily from other events as you desire to withdraw with this event, you aren't fooling very many people.

It sounds like you've been to lots of weddings, so you know that people desire to have you share the real event with them. Put it this way: would you rather be asked to drive in a new car with someone or be asked to wash, wax, and fill the car up with gas before driving with someone?