Getting over not having certain experiences?

[browneyes106]

Well, I'm sorry you are feeling bad about this but I'm having a hard time empathizing to be honest. In my book "life experiences" are things you accomplish or experience yourself. Completing an education, taking a European tour - finding your dream job. I really don't even consider my own wedding a life experience. The marriage yes...the wedding itself - nope.

But really what you are describing to me is wanting to take part of somebody else's life experience, not have your own.

I'm just not a wedding, baptism, whatever party kind of gal to tell you the truth. I don't even like to go to weddings much less participate in them. Whenever I get an invitation my knee jerk reaction is "Can I get out of this?"

But given all the tv shows about weddings, that's probably just me.

I do consider my accomplishments to be experiences . But I think the reason I feel bad about this is because people ask their friends or relatives to be in their wedding parties or be god parents because they think enough of them to honor them and by letting them be apart of something special.

OP, I'm sorry that this makes you feel sad. I feel like the media talks about weddings/proms/baby stuff so much that if sometimes feels like everyone has been a bridesmaid 20 times and been asked to be a god parent to at least 5 different kids. But reality isn't like that.

I didn't go to any proms in high school and have only been a bridesmaid for one friend and MOH for my sister. (Although, most of my friends are really not the marrying type -- they'll buy a house with the BF, but feel like marriage is too big of a commitment! ). I do very rarely get in moods where I fell like I might have missed out on something, but you can't let thoughts of the past get you down. Does your BF know that all his bragging bothers you?

And really, being a bridesmaid isn't that fun. My sister's wedding was great, but my other bridesmaid experience was expensive and boring.

I went to prom during my junior and senior year and I did have fun. But with prom I viewed as an event I was qualified to go to and not something I was being included especially asked to be apart of. My boyfriend doesn't know that him talking about the weddings bothers me. I haven't told him and I don't know if I will ever tell him.

OP I kind of know how you feel, before this year I have never been to a shower (except for ones thrown by work for coworkers) and I have never been in a wedding. But now I have FOUR upcoming weddings and I am in two of them, they are expensive, time consuming, and really not all they are cracked up to be! It is nice to share the experience with a good friend but it really is not something that you are missing out on.

I have heard about how being in weddings is expensive but I wouldn't mind being in one wedding. I make good money and I got a raise this year and I live in an area were the cost of living is low and they aren't a lot of expensive things to do in my city.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I still say give it time When you start including people into those special momets in your life they will to you too.

 

[Muushka]

I do consider my accomplishments to be experiences . But I think the reason I feel bad about this is because people ask their friends or relatives to be in their wedding parties or be god parents because they think enough of them to honor them and by letting them be apart of something special.



I went to prom during my junior and senior year and I did have fun. But with prom I viewed as an event I was qualified to go to and not something I was being included especially asked to be apart of. My boyfriend doesn't know that him talking about the weddings bothers me. I haven't told him and I don't know if I will ever tell him.



I have heard about how being in weddings is expensive but I wouldn't mind being in one wedding. I make good money and I got a raise this year and I live in an area were the cost of living is low and they aren't a lot of expensive things to do in my city.

I can understand why you feel like this. I have only been in 1 wedding myself. I am a God parent to 4 children, but I was older than you when asked to do this. It is a big responsibility, usually give to a family member (like I was) and when old enough to be able to be responsible.

Friendships are something I treasure. I try to be a good friend and hope that I will make good friends. I think a true measure of someone is not the number of weddings they are in or number of God children, it is good friendships. That is something you do have control over. The other stuff will follow. Or not even matter!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

IMO, you need to stop worrying about the things that you don't have in your life and start enjoying the things that you do have.

That may sound harsh, but your life is only what YOU make of it.

 

[lillygator]

I wouldn’t worry about these things.
I think people choose certain people over others for many different reasons. I knew one bride who chose her maid of honor over another because the one loved to plan and she thought that things would go much smoother?? IDK…
What sort of person are you? Do you have lots of friends? Active lifestyle? Are you a planner and take charge kind of person? Are you fun to be around?

 

[AtlantaSue]

I'm not sure if this will help, but I thought I'd share about how I have handled not having a Mom for the past 17 years. It's similar to your being sad over "missing certain life experiences" b/c since her death, I have missed out on COUNTLESS mother/daughter life experiences-the obvious ones being planning a wedding , having babies, bringing the kids to Grandma's....with many others in between. When I feel jealous or sad that another woman my age still has a good relatiionship w/ her mom, I usually just remind myself that I have had a lot of other blessings in my life, and haven't experienced a lot of other hurt or hardships that many have. Everyone has their own troubles. The bottom line is, I can't focus too much on the things in life that I just am not able to experience; it takes away from experiencing everything else.
I'm just trying to help--hope this didn't come across as too much of a downer!

 

[WhateverLolaWants]

I'd look at it as "woah, dodged that bullet." A lot of those events can be boring, stressful and COST MONEY.

 

[browneyes106]

I'm not sure if this will help, but I thought I'd share about how I have handled not having a Mom for the past 17 years. It's similar to your being sad over "missing certain life experiences" b/c since her death, I have missed out on COUNTLESS mother/daughter life experiences-the obvious ones being planning a wedding , having babies, bringing the kids to Grandma's....with many others in between. When I feel jealous or sad that another woman my age still has a good relatiionship w/ her mom, I usually just remind myself that I have had a lot of other blessings in my life, and haven't experienced a lot of other hurt or hardships that many have. Everyone has their own troubles. The bottom line is, I can't focus too much on the things in life that I just am not able to experience; it takes away from experiencing everything else.
I'm just trying to help--hope this didn't come across as too much of a downer!

You weren't being a downer. I see your points a lot. I do try to enjoy the experiences I have had in my life but lately my boyfriend keeps bringing up the wedding he is in and right now I don't have any other exciting things going on.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

You weren't being a downer. I see your points a lot. I do try to enjoy the experiences I have had in my life but lately my boyfriend keeps bringing up the wedding he is in and right now I don't have any other exciting things going on.

Seriously? Be careful what you wish for. Not all "excitement" is good excitement...

 

[AlleyKat]

Whenever I get an invitation my knee jerk reaction is "Can I get out of this?"

You're not alone.

 

[Pigeon]

I try to focus on the positives in my life. I have a great job, a wonderful husband and two terrific kids. I'm a cancer survivor. Everything else is just gravy.

Being in somebody else's wedding or parties wouldn't even make my radar screen as to what to worry about. And as others have mentioned, being asked to be in a wedding is a giant, expensive PIA.

 

[PixieTopaz]

Being in somebody else's wedding or parties wouldn't even make my radar screen as to what to worry about. And as others have mentioned, being asked to be in a wedding is a giant, expensive PIA.

Agree completely

I was only in one wedding and the experience was just "ok"
I'm not the godmother of any of my siblings kids-and am godmother of one of DH's nephews(now grown)-even doing that wasnt a big deal either-the couple wasnt really religious in the first place.

 

[diznygirl]

I'll be 25 next week. I don't think I'll ever be asked to be apart of those things. I do get invited to them but I just don't get asked to be apart of them.

I hardly think your life is over at 25.

I was just asked to be a godmother last year and I am ... not 25.... You've got your whole life ahead of you.

 

[descovy]

Eh, I'll be 35 in June.

The only wedding I have been is my own. (never a bridesmaid)

The only baptism I've been to were for my own children.

I don't feel bad. Quite the contrary... I know i have much to be thankful for. Family who love me, good health, steady income.

Would I trade some invites to be alone, sick, and poor? No.

 

[Boxley]

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm sure you BF makes it sound great but it's much more of a pain in the butt for a woman. Guys just show up and put the tux on.

This may sound harsh but you said you want to be in these people's events because you would feel like they were honoring you. If that's why you want to be a bridesmaid, etc...you don't belong in the wedding party anyway. That day should be all about the bride and groom.

I used to be a person who thought everything had to be 'just so' or my life wasn't right. Sooner or later, you either just learn to get over it (and no, there's no magic secret to coping with it) or you become bitter and miserable. Your choice.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I don't have a sister, and everyone else I have ever been close to does have a sister so I was always getting edged out on this sort of stuff. I'd like to say it didn't bother me but it did/does when I think about it. At my age it's safe to say I won't ever be a Godparent or a Maid of Honor. Still, I have 2 beautiful amazing children and I get to be their #1 Mom forever, hopefully a Grandma some day and DH picked me to walk down the aisle with so again, someone's #1. Your time will come to be #1 but until then try not to dwell on it. To be honest it bothered me when I was your age but haven't thought about it in a very long time. I can see how you'd feel left out if your BF is hanging out with the Wedding Party while you are alone, just try to meet the other wedding party dates and see if you can 'click' with someone enough to hang out with at these parties so you don't feel so isolated. Chances are you're not the only person with these feelings. Every date of the wedding party must be having some anxiety too.

 

[MinnieMe87]

IMO, you need to stop worrying about the things that you don't have in your life and start enjoying the things that you do have.

That may sound harsh, but your life is only what YOU make of it.

Yes!! It took me awhile to realize this, but I finally do! Makes a big difference!

I'd look at it as "woah, dodged that bullet." A lot of those events can be boring, stressful and COST MONEY.

You are definitely not alone! I've been in 3 weddings. After the first one, I swore I'd never be in another. I did get suckered into the other two, and am glad I did to support my relatives. Now, I want nothing more than to get out of it!

 

[bumbershoot]

I'm sure you BF makes it sound great but it's much more of a pain in the butt for a woman. Guys just show up and put the tux on.

This may sound harsh but you said you want to be in these people's events because you would feel like they were honoring you. If that's why you want to be a bridesmaid, etc...you don't belong in the wedding party anyway. That day should be all about the bride and groom.

I agree with both. And the first paragraph was exactly what I was going to say.


DH was in a couple weddings. The one I was there for, the groom bought him a Utilikilt and some "combat" style boots, and then they rented a tux top for the wedding. And that was it. When we got married, he asked the guys simply, he found some cheapie utility knife for their presents, and that was IT. The guys took him to the local waterpark for his bachelor party, and didn't even pay for him.

I have been in weddings. I have a closetful of dresses; some nice, some not. None wearable again except for one that could be worn on a cruise. I spent hundreds of dollars on them. Spent money on parties, showers, etc. The last wedding I was in I nearly fainted (along with most of the SEVEN other b'maids), because it was mid-July at sunset, and we were right on the west of our town, the sun was streaming in the huge windows, and we were broiling. We had to be there at noon. The bride had us get dressed at around 3. The wedding was at *seven*.

It's a MUCH bigger pain for women than it is men. This is why your boyfriend has good experiences.

With bridal/baby showers, those cost MONEY. Be GLAD you haven't been asked to help foot those expenses.

And you should talk to him! My goodness, why aren't you talking to him about the feelings that are coming up while he's talking about this!


My friends are all getting to the end of babies and if there are more weddings it will be second weddings, so I am not sure I'll be a b'maid again. I'd kind of like to, because I feel I could be a much better b'maid now that I have more than $20 to my name, and so I didn't have to whine to myself about all the money that I didn't have and had to find. But the friends that might get married again have already done the whole bridesmaid big wedding thing, and it didn't work then, so they'll be doing something different in the future.

 

[Evi]

If it helps any I truly love my family and friends but have been a bridesmaid many a time and truly never enjoyed the experience lol so for what its worth your really much better off being invited as a guest then as a part of the production. Just my opinion.