Getting over not having certain experiences?

[honugirl]

I think for me, I mourn a lot of what I've lost. I'm jealous because I know I'll never have those experiences. I've thrown countless baby showers yet I'll never have one thrown for me (please don't say you never know. I can't have children and have no plans to ever adopt). I don't ever expect to get married, so I'll never have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party or a rehearsal dinner. I'll never experience shopping for a wedding dress, picking out rings or walking down the aisle. It hurts. I'm learning to live a new life and be happy with it, but I still grieve for those experiences. I guess I grieve the loss of "normalcy" in my life more than anything else. When you grow up expecting and dreaming about one thing and get handed something else, it's a shock to your system.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I hardly think your life is over at 25.

I was just asked to be a godmother last year and I am ... not 25.... You've got your whole life ahead of you.

I've been in one wedding in my life (okay, two if you count my own mistake ). I was really close to thirty, and it was my cousin's - and I got 'lucky' only because she has no siblings and I'm closest in age to her. It was nice, but nothing I ever needed to repeat. Even friends who got married weren't close enough friends to include me. Heck, even my brothers' fiancees didn't include my sister or me! My sister's never been in a wedding party, and I don't think she's any worse off for it, and I don't think she feels she missed anything.

As for baptism/godparent, that's a BIG responsibility. It's not a decision the parents make lightly. It's not quite as big as 'who should take our kids if heaven forbid something happens to us', but you are responsible for their spiritual upbringing. It's not a "Pick me! Pick me!" decision. The parents are going to choose people they know well, who share their values, and who they expect to remain in their lives for as long as the children are minors.

 

[kaytieeldr]

have been in weddings. I have a closetful of dresses; some nice, some not. None wearable again except for one that could be worn on a cruise. I spent hundreds of dollars on them.

Ah, the dress! Here, again, I got lucky - I needed only one, and the maid of honor maid them! It cost either $48 or $84 (yes, I still remember the digits!), it was apricot with ecru lace trim, sleeveless, fitted bodice, slightly gathered skirt.
Of course, after the wedding, we could: remove the lace, shorten the dress to knee length, use the extra fabric to make short sleeves - all in an effort to make the dress everyday-wearable according to the bride.

I used to feel the same way, but then I was in my sisters and that was enough. Then i was invited in a few more and just the cost for the dress, the shower and present, the wedding presents, etc. I am so glad that i have only been in a few.

I lucked out here, too. The wedding and my cousin were halfway acrosss the country. My aunt knew I didn't have the means to throw a shower, apparently, because when my cousin came for a visit, two of my aunt's friends held a shower and invited local family & friends.
The dress, as I said, was very reasonable even for the time - no cost for the MOH's time/skills. I forget what I gave as gifts - money for the wedding, of course. And I guess I 'cheated' on the actual wedding - my parents and I were the only guests from this area. I paid for my own airfare, but my parents paid for the room (suite, but not "fancy" - just one of those two-room places). This was before the days of bachelorette parties, so no cost there. I got excused from wedding events one day due to my fascination with theme parks and the proximity of Six Flags, so I paid for that. And even though the couple had a local reception three weeks after the wedding, I didn't have to give a second gift

 

[lillygator]

I don't want him to not be apart of things because of me but I just don't know how to explain how I have been left out of past events and can't get over it.

is this really something you can't get over?

I would not mention it to BF. I think that would be very awkward.

 

[browneyes106]

is this really something you can't get over?

I would not mention it to BF. I think that would be very awkward.

I think I might have to mention it to him. For awhile I sort of did get over not being included in weddings. A couple of days ago my bf got asked to be another wedding which will happen sometime next spring. A friend to mine just posted pics on Facebook of a wedding she was in so again I''ve been feeling down about this. I know once it gets closer to my bf's cousin's wedding he will be talking about how fun it is to be in weddings. I really don't know what to do about this.

 

[mrsklamc]

There isn't really anything to do besides cope. You can't make anyone include you.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I dont get invited to anything either, I dont worry about it. The thing that does get to me though, someone recently asked me if I got an invitation to a baby shower, I said no. Then later on they reasked the question. Why would you ask me twice and I already said no. Maybe they are looking for a reason? If so they need to ask that person, cause I have no clue. If they wanted to invite me they would have. Just let it go. Jo

 

[arminnie]

I think maybe the reason I feel hurt about this is because I feel like I'm not good enough for others to be included in their events.

Maybe you are not being a good enough friend. You may be a good person, but not necessarily a good friend.

It is obvious from this thread that you tend to have a very narcissistic attitude. You are dwelling on "you". To be a good friend you need to put some of that energy into thinking of others.

If someone did ask you to be a bridesmaid you might easily start pouting about why you weren't the MOH. Try thinking of others' happiness, and stop constantly obsessing about yourself.

 

[scottishduffy]

I think I might have to mention it to him. For awhile I sort of did get over not being included in weddings. A couple of days ago my bf got asked to be another wedding which will happen sometime next spring. A friend to mine just posted pics on Facebook of a wedding she was in so again I''ve been feeling down about this. I know once it gets closer to my bf's cousin's wedding he will be talking about how fun it is to be in weddings. I really don't know what to do about this.

My DH is the social butterfly within our group, I tend to be a bit quieter. DH has been a groomsman in 4 weddings already and will most likely be involved as part of another sometime soon.

I haven't been a bridesmaid at all. When my Best Friend gets married, I assume I may be involved in her wedding party but hers would be the only wedding i expect to be involved in.

Ya know, ya just have to learn to be happy for others. Instead of being mopey that he always gets chosen, I just go and have a good time. I am happy DH has so many close friends. I am happy to just go and see the event. I could choose to complain and moan about it but then I would *really* miss the experience. Instead of that just make a choice (and it is an actual choice that requires a bit of effort sometimes ) that you will go and enjoy whatever experience it is for what it is. Try not to take things personally, it isn't like all these people sit down and say "Gee.... I think I would really like to hurt browneyes feelings today... How do you think is the best way to do this?"

I fully accept our friends like me, just as they like DH. But DH is very bubbly and really is such a 'personaility'. I could see why he would get picked more often than me. We have a very tight knit group of about ten friends and we consider each other family. It doesn't mean I am not loved when DH is part of their wedding parties, there is only so much space in a wedding party. I am not going to add any extra stress to my friends special days by being whiny. I will show up, congratulate them, have fun, and continue the wonderful friendships we have had thus far.

Though... i am feeling a little heartbroken my Niece (Daughter of one of our friends, but she calls us Auntie and Uncle) now prefers DH. I used to be favorite for her since DH looks frightening. But now at age 3 she has figured out that DH is a big, tall, fuzzy, funny teddy bear and I am chopped liver. Oh well, She still loves me and we still have fun!

 

[Magix]

I'm 42 and I've never been in anyone's wedding. I've been invited to weddings, but I've never been in one. And I have no idea why anyone would so desperately want to be in one.

It's not the things that you are invited to that make your life great, it's the things you decide to go out and do yourself that make it great. Maybe you should focus more on having fun on your own, or inviting others to have fun with you doing things you love, than on who's inviting you to do what. Don't just sit around waiting for invitations and thinking about who hasn't asked you to do something... take responsibility for your own life and go make interesting things happen!!

You'll be a much happier, much less depressed person, when you find a way to focus on making yourself happy and not relying on others to do it for you.

 

[epcotprincess]

I'm 27 and I've never been in a wedding (except my own, if that counts.) I'm not a godparent, either. It's really not a big deal. It's really not fun to be in weddings from what I hear, and being a godparent is a huge lifelong religious commitment that most people reserve for immediate family or those who share their faith.

Maybe you could meet more/ new friends. Try meetup.com.

 

[smb6]

I'll be 25 next week. I don't think I'll ever be asked to be apart of those things. I do get invited to them but I just don't get asked to be apart of them.

I guess the grass is greener on the other side..... count your blessings- I once stepped down (from MOH) because it is too much work and stress and if I'm ever asked again- will politely decline.

 

[mickeysgal]

I think I might have to mention it to him. For awhile I sort of did get over not being included in weddings. A couple of days ago my bf got asked to be another wedding which will happen sometime next spring. A friend to mine just posted pics on Facebook of a wedding she was in so again I''ve been feeling down about this. I know once it gets closer to my bf's cousin's wedding he will be talking about how fun it is to be in weddings. I really don't know what to do about this.

What to do? Nothing to do - except the happy dance that you're not included. They're a true royal pain in the rear. Too much cost, too much obligation, too much family drama, too much false enthusiasm, shower hosting obligations, dresses that are awful and can't be used again. Mega cost for mega drama. No thanks. Been there, done that. Believe me, you aren't missing a thing. I'd rather send a gift. If have to attend, it's much more fun with your friends at your own table than sitting through yet another cutsie toast at the bridal table. (I'm not going to make a very conventional mother of the bride when my kids get married.)

 

[C.Ann]

Why waste your energy on focusing on the things you "haven't" experienced? How about remembering all of the great things you have experienced in your life?

You are never going to "get over" this if you continually focus on the negatives in your life.. You're young and you still have many, many years ahead of you to add more happy experiences to the ones you have already had..

 

[browneyes106]

Maybe you are not being a good enough friend. You may be a good person, but not necessarily a good friend.

It is obvious from this thread that you tend to have a very narcissistic attitude. You are dwelling on "you". To be a good friend you need to put some of that energy into thinking of others.

If someone did ask you to be a bridesmaid you might easily start pouting about why you weren't the MOH. Try thinking of others' happiness, and stop constantly obsessing about yourself.

I try my best to be a good friend. I have taken my friends out to eat and other places and offered them many things. I try to always think of the happiness of others but when my friends and relatives pick the usual people I'll admit I do take personal.

 

[browneyes106]

My DH is the social butterfly within our group, I tend to be a bit quieter. DH has been a groomsman in 4 weddings already and will most likely be involved as part of another sometime soon.

I haven't been a bridesmaid at all. When my Best Friend gets married, I assume I may be involved in her wedding party but hers would be the only wedding i expect to be involved in.

Ya know, ya just have to learn to be happy for others. Instead of being mopey that he always gets chosen, I just go and have a good time. I am happy DH has so many close friends. I am happy to just go and see the event. I could choose to complain and moan about it but then I would *really* miss the experience. Instead of that just make a choice (and it is an actual choice that requires a bit of effort sometimes ) that you will go and enjoy whatever experience it is for what it is. Try not to take things personally, it isn't like all these people sit down and say "Gee.... I think I would really like to hurt browneyes feelings today... How do you think is the best way to do this?"

I fully accept our friends like me, just as they like DH. But DH is very bubbly and really is such a 'personaility'. I could see why he would get picked more often than me. We have a very tight knit group of about ten friends and we consider each other family. It doesn't mean I am not loved when DH is part of their wedding parties, there is only so much space in a wedding party. I am not going to add any extra stress to my friends special days by being whiny. I will show up, congratulate them, have fun, and continue the wonderful friendships we have had thus far.

Though... i am feeling a little heartbroken my Niece (Daughter of one of our friends, but she calls us Auntie and Uncle) now prefers DH. I used to be favorite for her since DH looks frightening. But now at age 3 she has figured out that DH is a big, tall, fuzzy, funny teddy bear and I am chopped liver. Oh well, She still loves me and we still have fun!

I try to be happy for my bf but at the same I envy him because he a natural gift to connect with people and he gets asked to be apart of events often. I have never told any of my friends or relatives about me feeling hurt because I was asked to apart of a certain event.

 

[browneyes106]

I'm 27 and I've never been in a wedding (except my own, if that counts.) I'm not a godparent, either. It's really not a big deal. It's really not fun to be in weddings from what I hear, and being a godparent is a huge lifelong religious commitment that most people reserve for immediate family or those who share their faith.

Maybe you could meet more/ new friends. Try meetup.com.

I have a hard time making new friends. I don't know how to make good connections with people.

 

[Disneyland1084]

I'm sorry you're feeling badly about this. Frankly, I would thank my lucky stars if I had never had to be part of the wedding party. It's REALLY overrated.

I agree 100%. The only wedding party I've ever been in is my sister's. One of my bestfriend's from childhood said that she'll have me be a bridesmaid the day she gets married. But so far there's no fiance in sight for her!!! STAY THAT WAY STAY THAT WAY!!!!

 

[browneyes106]

I think the reason I feel bad about this because for years whenever my friends or relatives get asked to be apart of weddings they always post pictures on MySpace, Facebook and tell me about how they done this or that. None of my friends, relatives or bf have ever mentioned negative experiences.

 

[cm8]

I do try to look at it that way. But it's sort of hard because most of my friends and relatives are always getting asked to be in weddings and similar events. My boyfriend has already been in 5 weddings and he will be in 3 weddings this year. The first wedding will be on April 24th. It's hard when to hear him always tell me about what's going on with the wedding parties. I kind of don't want to go to the weddings because I will probably feel down and I don't know a lot of his friends.

maybe they have it in their minds that you would not want to be at or in any of their events for some odd reason. Could it all be a big
misunderstanding that got passed on from one event to the next? I would feel down too, if I were eliminated from everything. It would make me feel as if I was not important or special enough to be apart of it