Getting married where?!

[Camicar]

She should realize that if people pay outrageous $ to go to her wedding, then there may be no wedding presents from those people.

But in reality, so many people don't give wedding presents any more anyway. As a former bridal consultant, I can tell you this is the way it's going these days:

Destination wedding: I spent money to get here, so no present

Formal local wedding: I spent money on a new tie/dress/shoes so no present. OR I don't like the dinner served, so no present bec we had to stop at McDonald's on the way there.

Nice local wedding: I spent money on a babysitter/gas so no present. And what's up with the bride and groom not paying for my gas AND allowing my out of control brat to attend the wedding in the first place? Yeah, forget about it. You don't want my kids, you don't want me or my present!

Informal home/church basement wedding: Gee, this was cheap, so they don't need any money from me.

 

[Fizzgig]

Oh great - another thread bashing those who have destination weddings.

I still remember the bad blood created from the LAST time we did this subject.

To recap:
Brides believe they aren't being selfish; anyone who they wanted to be there were there for their "special day."

Everyone who is strong-armed into coming doesn't appreciate being told how to spend their money, and wouldn't have necessarily picked that date, that location, or to join their family on their "vacation."

Did I summarize the usual points properly?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Great idea in theory but when it is your sister you don't really have too much choice unless you want to start a family war.

My personal opinion is that while it may be "your" day, if you want people to come then you need to take your guests into consideration. YMMV.

My SiL got married in Hawaii. Her twin brother (they are VERY close) did not attend. He was living in France at the time and it was just too far and too expensive for him to attend. She was disapointed but underatanding. They are still very close--no family war.
Note: she also made it very clear to those of us chunking down $$$$$ for flights, house rentals, etc. that our attending was a fabulous gift and she and BiL did not need or want any other gift at all
Is Hawaii where we would have chosen to spend our vacaiton dollars otherwise? NO WIll we vacation there ever again? NO Are we glad we went? YES (though not to the rehersal dinner but that is a whole other issue!).
Oh and to soemone else's point ONE of hte reasons they chose to eb married in Hawaii was indeed to cut down on the guest list! They were "required" to invite a lot of associates from work in her law firm and in DHs family all extended family has to be invited or else poor MiL pays for it, but were hoping not too many of them would really fly to Hawaii for the wedding.

 

[olena]

We had one, because we didn't want to hear complaining about having it near my family or his. We decided to equally inconvenience everyone and have parties with both families in the different regions when we got back. It worked fine. Those who came to the wedding had a good time and we were grateful for those that did make it. For those that didn't get to come, they showed up at the parties later. It was fun all around and we never had an overblown budget or expectations.

 

[DisneyJules]

Well, I'm glad to hear nice things about Lisbon. Like I said, I'm sure it'll be stunning. But of all places she could have chosen, Europe seems to be one of the most expensive. I'm thinking Hawaii would be cheaper at this point or close to!

 

[Chokky]

I just Googled foreigners getting married in Portugal and got the following info.
Does you sister have all this sorted out as it seems at least one of the bridal couple has to reside in Portugal for a minimum of 30 days before the wedding.


In order to be granted permission to marry in Portugal you must meet the following requirements of the Portuguese Civil Registry Code:

* Residence - One party to the marriage must be in Portugal for a minimum of thirty days before notice of the intended marriage can be given. A U.S. citizen permanently residing in Portugal must present his or her residence card. A temporary resident or visitor must present his or her passport.

* Birth Certificate - You will need a certified copy of your birth certificate issued within the last six months. If the marriage is to take place in the Azores, a certified copy of your birth certificate, issued within the last three months, is required.

* Certificate of "No Impediment" (Certificado de Capacidade Matrimonial). The Consulate provides a letter addressed to the Civil Registry regarding the impossibility, by law, of issuing a Certificate of "No Impediment".

* Consular Certificate – The Portuguese authorities also require a consular certificate for marriage purposes. This consular certificate is based on the U.S. citizen’s registration at the consular section. We also provide a letter explaining that U.S. birth certificates do not contain any amendments regarding previous marriages.

Chokky

 

[talulabelle]

My advice would be don't go. I think destination weddings like these areso ridiculous and selfish. If I was invited to one , my response card would say "I'm so sorry that you chose to have it in Lisbon, because I would have loved to have seen you be married, but as I have expenses and a family to support, that takes precidence and I will not be able to attend." I would make it clear that although I was thrilled they were getting married and that it was important in their life, that actually it really isn't THAT important in my life. Some people need to just get over themselves.

 

[lilyv]

Ahh yes, the in-vogue destination wedding. I always think that those who have the $$$$$ to blow on a relative's wedding should make reservations...if they want to. Otherwise, let the happy couple go have their wedding/honeymoon/vacation.

It's great when everyone who can't go gets together and has a nice welcome back reception for the couple.

 

[paigevz]

I just Googled foreigners getting married in Portugal and got the following info.
Does you sister have all this sorted out as it seems at least one of the bridal couple has to reside in Portugal for a minimum of 30 days before the wedding.


In order to be granted permission to marry in Portugal you must meet the following requirements of the Portuguese Civil Registry Code:

* Residence - One party to the marriage must be in Portugal for a minimum of thirty days before notice of the intended marriage can be given. A U.S. citizen permanently residing in Portugal must present his or her residence card. A temporary resident or visitor must present his or her passport.

* Birth Certificate - You will need a certified copy of your birth certificate issued within the last six months. If the marriage is to take place in the Azores, a certified copy of your birth certificate, issued within the last three months, is required.

* Certificate of "No Impediment" (Certificado de Capacidade Matrimonial). The Consulate provides a letter addressed to the Civil Registry regarding the impossibility, by law, of issuing a Certificate of "No Impediment".

* Consular Certificate – The Portuguese authorities also require a consular certificate for marriage purposes. This consular certificate is based on the U.S. citizen’s registration at the consular section. We also provide a letter explaining that U.S. birth certificates do not contain any amendments regarding previous marriages.

Chokky

You need all that to "get married there" but do you need all that to have a wedding? Perhaps they plan to actually marry by JoP before or after the wedding, stateside.

 

[flipflop]

Based on Chokky's answer, your issue may be resolved. Looks like either the bride or groom must be a resident for 30 days.

I understand where you are coming from. My brother and his DF until a week ago were planning a destination wedding that would have cost DH and I thousands to attend. While I feel there are def. times when a destination wedding makes sense, there are also times when I don't think they make sense. Since I am not the bride or groom, I also understand that it is not my place to decide where the wedding will be. However, as others have mentioned it is tough when the person marrying far away is a sibling. As fizzgig summarized, I felt strong armed into spending a lot of money to go to a wedding, which would have eaten up all of our vacation funds for the year. Luckily for DH and I, DB and his DF have reconsidered and are now having a local wedding.

 

[flipflop]

You need all that to "get married there" but do you need all that to have a wedding? Perhaps they plan to actually marry by JoP before or after the wedding, stateside.

If they do that, OP, maybe you can just attend the JoP ceremony.

 

[DisneyJules]

Ahh yes, the in-vogue destination wedding. I always think that those who have the $$$$$ to blow on a relative's wedding should make reservations...if they want to. Otherwise, let the happy couple go have their wedding/honeymoon/vacation.

It's great when everyone who can't go gets together and has a nice welcome back reception for the couple.

I don't understand why they don't have a small wedding and then just have a really gorgeous honeymoon? Or elope and have a wonderful receptio back home? The resorts down in Mexico or Dominican were looking expensive but doable, this is getting crazy though. The price just keeps on going up and up and up. It may not be horribly expensive once we get there, but aside from the flight, we'll have to pay for our accomodations and food. We also have a brother who lives out west is COMPLETELY broke, living off of student loans as he goes to school. I have no idea who's going to pay for him to get out there.

 

[DisneyJules]

Based on Chokky's answer, your issue may be resolved. Looks like either the bride or groom must be a resident for 30 days.

Hmmmm, I don't think she's aware of that. I'll let her know and see what she says. I know when they had looked at getting married in France, you had to reside there for a decent amount of time.

 

[lilyv]

I don't understand why they don't have a small wedding and then just have a really gorgeous honeymoon? Or elope and have a wonderful receptio back home? The resorts down in Mexico or Dominican were looking expensive but doable, this is getting crazy though. The price just keeps on going up and up and up. It may not be horribly expensive once we get there, but aside from the flight, we'll have to pay for our accomodations and food. We also have a brother who lives out west is COMPLETELY broke, living off of student loans as he goes to school. I have no idea who's going to pay for him to get out there.

You gave lots of good reasons for the family to have a lovely reception for the happy couple. Order a cake, have some punch..if you wanted to, bring the gifts to that reception and let them open them then. A nice day had by all. There really is no upside for going into debt or struggling financially because it's a relative's "dream".

 

[Beth76]

I've already brought up that I found it to be very expensive and she gets horribly defensive over the subject. It puts me in a bind because I'm her twin sister, her maid of honor, and I have little choice when it comes to not going. I would not miss my sister's wedding. And while I have money saved up in the bank, I guess I'm feeling forced to spend it in a way that I would not normally choose. She wanted a small wedding and didn't want ALL the aunts and uncles coming, which is why she's chosen to get married so far away.

I feel really bad for you if you feel you need to blow your savings just to attend a wedding. Obviously your sister doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about her. Maybe you should think about that. I can't imagine asking (demanding) someone to spend money on me (which is what you're doing--you're spending that money on HER) that they don't necessarily have.

 

[librarygal]

More information about getting married in Portugal.

http://marriage.about.com/od/international/p/portugal.htm

In addition to having to live in Portugal for 30 days all ducuments must be translated into Portuguese.

Just went to Lisbon in October. It is nice but can't imagine why you would want to get married there away from your family and friends. Vegas anyone?

 

[Keggy]

Personally I think 2K for a trip to Europe is fantastic!!

However, I am one of THOSE who had a destination wedding!!

I didn't care who came though. There were only 2 people that really needed to be there. I was not upset at all for anyone that couldn't come. I also asked everyone that came not to get us a gift - since their presence was more than enought gift.

It is hard for couples now a days who want to not have a big wedding and deal with the chaos - having a destination wedding is much easier. I really think that most couples don't care who comes and who doesn't.

I also wanted to add - for those that are worried about not being able to get married elsewhere - you are just having a ceremony. You have to get married by a JOP in the states. It really isn't a big deal.

 

[Kath2003]

Flights WITHIN Europe can be incredibly cheap, so look for deals to other European cities and then transfer. Try Amsterdam

 

[jenm2878]

We had a destination wedding as well. We did, however, throw a reception before we left so that we could celebrate with everyone who couldn't/didn't want to come. My DH and I got married after being together for 8 years, living together for 7, and having already bought a house. Most people viewed us as pretty much married anyway - this was just a formality. We couldn't afford a huge wedding so we went away. (WDW) Most of our immediate family came as well as a couple of our best friends. Several members of our families were already planning a WDW trip that year so they just planned it around our wedding. We were thrilled that people came and understood those that didn't. Since getting married after being together for so long was just a formality, we didn't make a huge deal out of it. We told people our plans two years ahead of time and told them that while we would like to see them there, it too would be fine if it were just DH and I. We were blessed that some people wanted to come.

I certainly wasn't trying to strong arm people into spending money, and neither DH or I are 'full of ourselves'. It was more or less us announcing we were eloping and our family asked if they could come along.

 

[sassyat30]

OP, I feel for you.

My close cousin is having a destination wedding in HAWAII next year and we just can't afford to go.

My sister (who is married with no children and makes very good money) is trying to make me feel guilty for not going.

Sorry, we just don't have an extra $10,000 sitting around so we can all (two adults, 2 children) go to Hawaii for a week.

If you truly can't afford it, don't go. Even if it is your sister. She has to realize that not everyone is able to attend, due to the high cost.