getting hubby to spend less $$$$

[MELSMICE]

Since he already is unwillingly to change and sounds set in his ways, I would probably get a job.

If you have no money for yourself that is not a good situation to put yourself in. You are going to have building resentment.

It sounds like your family needs a second income.

I agree with getting yourself a job.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I don't see how you will be able to get your dh to spend less, he is addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. If he doesn't see that as an issue it's pretty pointless to try and convince him to stop. They're expensive habits unfortunately. It may help to get a job yourself especially with your dh so close to retirement. If he's truly addicted (it sounds like it) his priority will be to pay for his cigarettes and alcohol, everything else is secondary.

 

[MELSMICE]

I don't see how you will be able to get your dh to spend less, he is addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. If he doesn't see that as an issue it's pretty pointless to try and convince him to stop. They're expensive habits unfortunately. It may help to get a job yourself especially with your dh so close to retirement. If he's truly addicted (it sounds like it) his priority will be to pay for his cigarettes and alcohol, everything else is secondary.

Agreed.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I agree with getting yourself a job.

Ditto. If he's happy with the status quo and you're happy with the status quo except you're concerned about money coming up short, then by all means go back to work. If he has a problem with you being out of the house and having to pay someone else to take care of your special needs child, then this might be the wake up call he needs to cut back on his spending.

I'm not about to ring the death knell for your marriage or call your DH a rotten so-and-so based on these few facts, though. You asked about how to get your DH to spend less money and have stated that talks about money with him go nowhere, therefore the only solution left to you is to go back to work.

 

[mumom95]

I'm wondering if the OP meant he drinks a six pack of beer a week. That makes a little more sense, a six pack a night I would think means more of a drinking problem, and she doesn't make it sound like that in her post.

I think what some others have said about putting more of the bill paying responsibility on him is a good idea. Getting a job is another option, but I don't know what issues your special needs son has so that may not be possible.

Good luck.

 

[wide awake]

OP has a special needs child. Getting a job may not be a practical solution. I'd tell DH to grow up. He needs to spend time giving OP a break instead of being at a biker bar. I don't think that is going to happen. I would do what a PP said...the cable would be shut off, anything that DH enjoyed..."sorry honey, too much spent on lunches, booze, and cigarettes...if you want me to work you'll be home w/ the kids". If OP can make good money...I'd research what help you can get from the state...determine if you can work away from home...then tell DH he can come to the party or you'll do your own thing. What a pig. He knows what he is doing. There are decent adult men out there...

 

[Planogirl]

I'm wondering if the OP meant he drinks a six pack of beer a week. That makes a little more sense, a six pack a night I would think means more of a drinking problem, and she doesn't make it sound like that in her post.

I think what some others have said about putting more of the bill paying responsibility on him is a good idea. Getting a job is another option, but I don't know what issues your special needs son has so that may not be possible.

Good luck.

I'm thinking that's what she meant too. At least I hope so because I wonder how he can even function drinking that much every day.

OP, turn the bills over to him and see if you can bring in a little income working from home. Maybe you can show him where the money goes and he'll understand things a little better.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I'm thinking that's what she meant too. At least I hope so because I wonder how he can even function drinking that much every day.

OP, turn the bills over to him and see if you can bring in a little income working from home. Maybe you can show him where the money goes and he'll understand things a little better.

Oh, maybe I misread that. I don't see how a six pack of beer once a week would really impact the budget, and since she pointed out how much he smoked daily, I thought the same went for the beer. If it's weekly that certainly very different, but I also wouldn't bother him to cut that out unless money was really super tight.

 

[MELSMICE]

I'm wondering if the OP meant he drinks a six pack of beer a week. That makes a little more sense, a six pack a night I would think means more of a drinking problem, and she doesn't make it sound like that in her post.

I think what some others have said about putting more of the bill paying responsibility on him is a good idea. Getting a job is another option, but I don't know what issues your special needs son has so that may not be possible.

Good luck.

My guess would be that she wrote it correctly.

 

[DawnM]

I would pack him a lunch each day as well as a snack and ask him to eat that. He may just be going for convenience by buying lunches out and if it is available to him packed and ready to go he may stop eating out.

I realize many may disagree with the above and say he needs to pack it himself, but honestly, sometimes you just need to help the process along a bit.

As far as the beer and cigarettes, that would have me very concerned on a few different levels. He may not make it to retirement if he gets lung cancer or sorosis of the liver (and I know a 47 year old who was just diagnosed!) But I would address it with him as a health and a financial issue and ask him to get help. Point out EXACTLY how much per month he is spending on those items. He may have no idea.

But you really do need to agree on finances, it can never work if one person isn't wiling to budget along with the other.

Dawn

 

[shortbun]

OP, I think you have to solve your problems in layers. Your husband needs to change his behavior first and you need a reality check. In my opinion, and it is just that, a good man would not put his drinking, smoking and partying before his children and wife. Everyone deserves a stress breaker once in a while but exersize, deep breathing, a nice peaceful walk, family time....all beat stress a lot faster than getting plastered every single day and smoking like a stack. Alcohol and nicotine cause stress - they are mood altering materials and quite addictive. Stop paying off the credit card and start an emergency fund.

 

[Jynohn]

It sounds like your husband has an alcohol problem, which has led to the spending problem. Unfortunately, the two go hand in hand, and an addict has little regard for how his spending is affecting the rest of the family. My first suggestion would be to set up a bank account with just your name on it and don't let him know about it. Start stashing away a bit each week so that you have an emergency fund to fall back on. My next suggestion would be to find a local al-anon meeting to attend. There are MANY people out there who are going through exactly what you're going through, and they'll be able to help you cope. Unfortunately, I know first-hand how you're feeling. There's help out there. Take care of YOU first.