Getting an Ex out.

[mikelan6]

I broke up with my partner of five years about three weeks ago and it hasn't been the best of times. Our relationship wasn't really working out as I was lonely a lot of the times and just not happy. He would lie to me a lot - mostly about financial matters. What brought me to finally end it was when I found money missing from my wallet and lock box. He denies it, of course.

Anyway ... he's still living in my apartment - rent free, and while he's started packing his things, it's going very slow and has no immediate plans on moving out. He needs to return to New York from Florida and says he has his family and friends looking for a place for him to live in. Today, I told him that he should go up to NY to look for a place and a job himself, which is when he tells me that he can't leave because he doesn't trust ME with his things or that I wouldn't let him back in. While I would like him to move on with his life, I don't want or need his things and would NEVER do anything bad to his things. We even discussed splitting of the things we bought together and I want to be completely fair with him. I even offered to pay for shipping his things and his car to NY. I also offered to pay for his rent for the first month as he's going through financial troubles.

I wanted things to end in a friendly way, but he's not making things easy. Some friends have told me that I might have to evict him, which I will do if I don't see things progressing.

Do any of you have any suggestions on what to do? This is really troubling me.

 

[rpmdfw]

You're being WAY too nice to someone who stole from you and lied about it.

Send him to the store and have the locks changed while he's out. Have a suitcase to leave outside the door with a note telling him that his things will be shipped to a forwarding adress as soon as he gives you one.

Oh, and tell him he's lucky your not pressing charges for larceny.

Seriously, this guy is a cancer on your life and radical surgery to remove him is required!

 

[mikelan6]

You're being WAY too nice to someone who stole from you and lied about it.

Send him to the store and have the locks changed while he's out. Have a suitcase to leave outside the door with a note telling him that his things will be shipped to a forwarding address as soon as he gives you one.

Oh, and tell him he's lucky your not pressing charges for larceny.

Seriously, this guy is a cancer on your life and radical surgery to remove him is required!

Thanks for the advice. However he can legally claim residency, so I have to evict him if he wont leave on his own.

Also, I couldn't in good conscience just throw him out like that.

 

[rpmdfw]

Thanks for the advice. However he can legally claim residency, so I have to evict him if he wont leave on his own.

Also, I couldn't in good conscience just throw him out like that.

I don't know that I could actually do it either.

And please don't get me wrong. I sympathize with you about the relationship ending. That's always a difficult thing, and I feel for you.

But I think in all honesty, that there isn't any way to keep it on friendly terms. He STOLE from you for pete's sake! And then LIED; which is worse! It's time for you to stop worrying about being nice to him, and start focusing on reclaiming your life and your home. Because it's very clear that he isn't worrying about your welfare the same way that you're concerned about his.

It's great that you're the "bigger person" and all that, but you need to get him out of your life ASAP. Do whatever it takes, and do it quick. You deserve better. The sooner you get rid of him, the sooner you can get past his crap and move on with your life.

And know that you can always come here and lean on us. We're here for you!

 

[zeitzeuge]

I sympathize with what you're going through right now. Just because a couple breaks up for whatever reasons, it doesn't mean that you stop caring for the person, despite some of the things they do to you.

First, you must be some sort of saint to be putting up with everything. Yes, I know it takes two to tango (sorry, couldn't think of anything else), but it sounds like you're gone way out of your way to be nice to him and help him.

It's time for tough love. He needs to move on and take some responsibility and basically start growing up. I know you're frustrated and need him out so you can move on as well. Oddly enough, I left my partner a year ago and left 90% of my stuff behind. It wasn't until last night actually did we sit down and work out all of the separation of things we bought together. It was tough, but I'm finally getting my investment back as well as the majority of the items I purchased by myself. We both came to a compromise.

He needs to start compromising as well. I wish you luck in all of this.

 

[tiggr33]

Since you offered some financial assistance to get him his things in NY, instead why dont you rent him a storage unit for his belongings. Set time period for the rental. He can buy the lock, and pack the unit. Insuring him that you cannot get to his stuff.

Just becuase someone can establish residency at an address, does not alway mean they legally have a claim to be there. Is he on the lease/rental agreement? If not, and there is not contract with him, you may be able to just change the looks, notify the local plice department, and when he shows up they'll be there to observe while he removes essentail belongings. Then arrange to have the remainder put into storage. But I am no leagal expert and laws are different state to state.

 

[jenn&nelsonrego]

Since you offered some financial assistance to get him his things in NY, instead why dont you rent him a storage unit for his belongings. Set time period for the rental. He can buy the lock, and pack the unit. Insuring him that you cannot get to his stuff.

This is what I was going to suggest. Then you can both move on with your lives! Good Luck!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

That's a great idea, if you feel you want to do it. Rent the storage (pre pay, they'll be happy to have it) so he understands that on X date of Y month he has to start paying for the storage, or retrieve his belongings.

Or, could you move? I'm not sure of the setup, but perhaps you could take your belongings and find another place to live? You don't have to answer that question (or any!) just kind of brainstorming here.

I would honestly try to keep it as low key and "friendly" as you obviously are trying to do.

All the best to you and I'm sorry things have to be so darn difficult.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

My friend is currently in the exact same spot. For the second time.

She and her long time partner broke up in 2006, and it was MONTHS before she could get her partner out. It was a little complicated because they owned the house jointly so she had to buy her partner out - big mess.

Now the partner she met after that one is living in the house, and they have broken up. Apparently that girl will be there until May. I simply can not understand why anyone would remain living with an ex after the relationship has ended. How awkward and uncomfortable is that? I mean, come on people! MOVE OUT!

She is seeing someone else, but OBVIOUSLY that relationship is complicated by her Ex living in her house!

I hope you can come up with a solution soon! But you are definitely not the only one who has been there, done that!

 

[pixierella]

Unless you bought the place together I would pack his things, put them on the front lawn and let him figure it out. And yes, that's my *****y way. But if you want to be nice about it. I would still pack his things, put them outside and pay the storage facility. Change your locks and call the police if he becomes a nuisance. If he legal has no right to be there like owning half they can make him leave.

You tried to be nice and offered him money to ship his things. If he hasn't taken you up on it then he's just hoping that you will rethink things and let it blow over.

Either way you've been the bigger person here. You've been nice about it but now it's time for you to get on with your life in that aspect.

 

[soulmates]

I JUST saw this on Cops last night...I know I know...but the police officer said, YES, you have to evict them. The boyfriend wasn't on the lease, but he was claiming it as his residence! My heart goes out to you!

 

[PghLybrt]

I am so sorry you have to go threw this.

I like the idea of the storage rental place. My only suggestion is to make sure it is in his name. I can already see the headache coming if it is in yours.

 

[tiggr33]

I am so sorry you have to go threw this.

I like the idea of the storage rental place. My only suggestion is to make sure it is in his name. I can already see the headache coming if it is in yours.

It less of a headache then you think. If you sign a 3 month lease say, pay up front, then "default", they simply sell the contents of the unit at an auction.

 

[PghLybrt]

It less of a headache then you think. If you sign a 3 month lease say, pay up front, then "default", they simply sell the contents of the unit at an auction.

I know! Thats what I am saying! I can already see the blame being placed incorectly because his stuff is gone. It is just easier.

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

Any update?

I lived with ex number one until I could get her hooked up with a woman over the internet that lives in Wisconsin. I already had moved in soon to be ex number two and her gay male friend and former roomie, before she left. Ex number one was a saint! When I dumped ex number two, I moved to be with Corey. Thankfully, I don't see Corey ever being an ex.

 

[mikelan6]

Any update?

Thanks everyone for your help and guidance.

He's still here. Living in the apartment with me. The packing has slowed down since he's depressed. Last night, he told me that we need to "talk." Now it seems he wants me to pay for his new place for six months since he's out of work. I had agreed to pay for his move back to NY, have his car shipped and help him with a month or two of rent - but SIX MONTHS??? I told him he should stay with one of his sisters until he gets a job. He doesn't like that idea.

I have an appointment with an attorney. Lets see if that gets things moving along. I'll keep you all updated with the drama if you like.

 

[rpmdfw]

Thanks everyone for your help and guidance.

He's still here. Living in the apartment with me. The packing has slowed down since he's depressed. Last night, he told me that we need to "talk." Now it seems he wants me to pay for his new place for six months since he's out of work. I had agreed to pay for his move back to NY, have his car shipped and help him with a month or two of rent - but SIX MONTHS??? I told him he should stay with one of his sisters until he gets a job. He doesn't like that idea.

I have an appointment with an attorney. Lets see if that gets things moving along. I'll keep you all updated with the drama if you like.

Oh, Mike! That's rough! I think he's definitely taking advantage of you. You offered to help him and it seems like he's milking it for all it's worth. Getting an attorney is a very wise move.

Please keep us updated. Not because we want to follow the drama so much as we want to offer you support and a chance to vent as you deal with all of this.

Remember to take care of yourself in all of this and not let his dysfunction get you down!

 

[mikelan6]

Thanks everyone for your help.

The movers and car carrier came yesterday to pick everything up. That was an ordeal in itself and I don't look forward to the day I need to move.

He moved out today and flew home to be with his family. As we'd agreed, I gave him some money to "buy back" his share of the things we bought together as well as something extra to help him out - at the same time, he returned my house keys. The amount was five figures - basically, all my savings. I was very sad to see him go as I still care for him, but I know we can't be together any more. I really do hope he gets help and becomes a better person.

During the process, I also found out that he was abusing prescription drugs and that he's probably spying on me by accessing my computer files or installing a keystroke recorder, which is why I haven't posted in a while. I'm probably going to have to reformat my PC, just in case.

Now I need to get myself together, and return to the happy Disney loving self I was a few years back.

 

[rpmdfw]

Thanks everyone for your help.

The movers and car carrier came yesterday to pick everything up. That was an ordeal in itself and I don't look forward to the day I need to move.

He moved out today and flew home to be with his family. As we'd agreed, I gave him some money to "buy back" his share of the things we bought together as well as something extra to help him out - at the same time, he returned my house keys. The amount was five figures - basically, all my savings. I was very sad to see him go as I still care for him, but I know we can't be together any more. I really do hope he gets help and becomes a better person.

During the process, I also found out that he was abusing prescription drugs and that he's probably spying on me by accessing my computer files or installing a keystroke recorder, which is why I haven't posted in a while. I'm probably going to have to reformat my PC, just in case.

Now I need to get myself together, and return to the happy Disney loving self I was a few years back.

Well it sucks that it took your savings to get rid of him, but congratulations on getting your life back!

Wow. Popping pills and spying on you? You definitely did the right thing.

And remember that we're here for you if you need to talk!

 

[Sphyrna]

Good luck on getting on with your life now that you have it back. You really went all out to get him out.