Gay adoption

[RickinNYC]

Or- I'm moving to Canada.

You know something, I used that statement last night with a really good friend, just about this very same topic, and after I got off the phone, realized something very very very key. That statement, although said as a joke, is EXACTLY what the far far far right wing conservatives would like us to do. And if they were to hear such a statement, again as a joke, it would only support their own completely idiotic, absolutely ridiculous retort that so many of them have taken to embrace and resort to, "If you don't like the U.S. the way it is, then MOVE."

Funny enough, those very same complete morons (NOT all Republicans, just the uber right wing neo-Nazi conservatives) seem to have forgotten the fact that this country, the United States of America, was founded on and grew in strength, due to the desire for change and the need for laws recognizing basic human rights. Yet they want folks who don't think the same as they today, should move. What complete idiots.

I do thank God that these people, as vociferous as they are, are the minority. As much as their voice is being heard by the President they elected at the moment, it won't be forever. Like any civil rights movement, it will take time, frustration, tears and anger, but things will change.

So that one simple statement, "I'm moving to (fill in the blank)" will never leave my lips again. Ever. It'll give those mentally and socially stunted fellow citizens even more ammo.

 

[True North]

Or- I'm moving to Canada.

Well, I agree with Rick's point, however I would love to see you all up here in the true north!

I actually got a PM asking me to post on this thread. I never noticed but I guess DH and I are the token gay men with children on the thread. To be honest, I have been ignoring this thread on purpose. I feel bad constantly saying “things are different here in Canada” to every thread about social issues. It doesn’t seem right for me to comment on a government I neither vote for nor have any connection to. While of course I feel the pain of the American GLTB community, it is not my place to say you do things wrong in our country, or anything along those lines.

My story is so different then everything I have read on this thread. I am the very first generation of Canada’s equality age for the GLTB community. Because of this I have followed a very traditional creation of a family. I went to university after high school. There I dated different people, and in my last year fell in love with a great guy. We dated for three years and felt it was time to take the next step. We then got legally married. It was then one year later that Mark entered our life. Mark wasn’t a regular adoption, and to be honest, I didn’t think I would be a dad at 27 years old, but that is how the chips fell and I couldn’t be happier. Canadian law has no differences between same-sex and opposite-sex adoption. It is difficult to adopt in Canada however, because there are not as many children in the system. It can often take 5 to 10 years depending on what you are going to accept. We have some how skipped through the system, and have created our little family with little government interference. Mark has two legal parents that have equal rights in every part of his life. Both our names are on his birth certificates to ensure that no parent can be seen as a priority.

While I read your stories I feel so bad. The lack of equality is so sad. Even here in Canada, we are just the beginning, and have become a sort of “poster children” for the equal rights of the GLTB community. It is hard to be threatened by a couple that follows the decades old saying “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.” I wish you all the best in your fight for equality.

 

[AdventurerKat]

That's one sad thing about Florida. Its a beautiful state with alot of ugly people making alot of ugly laws. Sometimes I really miss Washington.

Best of luck to all of you hoping to adopt. There are so many children in this world that need a loving home.

 

[beckmrk04]

RickinNYC: Very good point. Obviously I was joking. I have no plans to move to Canada, although I'm sure it's lovely !

I guess it would be more fun to stay here and be a pain in their ***! I'm not going to say that at times, though, when I look at other countries, I don't look back at ours and wonder what happened. How did America get so prude and self-righteous? Hmmmmm......

And my response to those who say, "if you don't like the U.S.,then move" has always been, "The reason I love the U.S. is because when I don't like it I can try to change it!" SO, we're stuck with Bush for now, but there's always the next election!!

 

[nliedel]

I have two adopted boys and I am adopted. I am straight but this issue is so very close to my heart. I believe in adoption as a healthy, loving and meaningful way to grow a family.

Good parenting is good parenting and it does not matter one little bit if the parents are married, gay, purple with pink spots, practice a religion I have never heard of etc. There are so many older children in this country, especially boys, desperate for a home. In China orphanages are full of girls the Chinese people cannot keep, even tho it must be killing those poor Mothers.

If I could surrogate for a loving couple, regardless of race, creed or orientation I would. People who want to love a child should have that opportunity. Period (unfortuanatly I give birth early and my OB/GYN has threatened my husband if I ever darken her door pregnant again LOL! 24 weeks, our angel, 28 weeks and 33 weeks, so don't even PM me! )

 

[scubamouse]

I'm a straight adoptive mom and this subject is so close to my heart.

I used to live in VA where gays are not allowed to adopt. our next door neighbors there are gay. one of them adopted 2 kids from columbia with his now ex-wife. Our friends are awesome parents ... alll of them and their kids are doing great.

the lesbians I know that have adopted have typically had to do the single-woman adoption and then re-adopt if their state allowed.

we had friends stay w/us this weekend who are trying IUI first because it's so hard for them to adopt and they live in NJ!

Frankly I find it utterly appalling that I live in a country that allows kids to languish in foster care instead of allowing them to be adopted into a stable loving gay home!

 

[RadioFanatic]

NY permits it. I am a straight female and my dh and I are trying to adopt. I'm in a 10 week class to get certified for adoption with my dh through the county that has two gay couples in it (both female).

 

[lookingforward]

Well, I agree with Rick's point, however I would love to see you all up here in the true north!

I actually got a PM asking me to post on this thread. I never noticed but I guess DH and I are the token gay men with children on the thread. To be honest, I have been ignoring this thread on purpose. I feel bad constantly saying “things are different here in Canada” to every thread about social issues. It doesn’t seem right for me to comment on a government I neither vote for nor have any connection to. While of course I feel the pain of the American GLTB community, it is not my place to say you do things wrong in our country, or anything along those lines.

My story is so different then everything I have read on this thread. I am the very first generation of Canada’s equality age for the GLTB community. Because of this I have followed a very traditional creation of a family. I went to university after high school. There I dated different people, and in my last year fell in love with a great guy. We dated for three years and felt it was time to take the next step. We then got legally married. It was then one year later that Mark entered our life. Mark wasn’t a regular adoption, and to be honest, I didn’t think I would be a dad at 27 years old, but that is how the chips fell and I couldn’t be happier. Canadian law has no differences between same-sex and opposite-sex adoption. It is difficult to adopt in Canada however, because there are not as many children in the system. It can often take 5 to 10 years depending on what you are going to accept. We have some how skipped through the system, and have created our little family with little government interference. Mark has two legal parents that have equal rights in every part of his life. Both our names are on his birth certificates to ensure that no parent can be seen as a priority.

While I read your stories I feel so bad. The lack of equality is so sad. Even here in Canada, we are just the beginning, and have become a sort of “poster children” for the equal rights of the GLTB community. It is hard to be threatened by a couple that follows the decades old saying “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.” I wish you all the best in your fight for equality.

Thanks for posting about your experience. Perhaps the reason that Canada has so few kids in the system is because they allow loving, responsible adults to adopt and don't focus on sexual orientation. The way it should be.

Being a social worker in the not so progressive state of Florida it breaks my heart that the conservative leadership disallows gay couples to adopt. The state will allow the couple to foster parent but if the foster child is released for adoption they actually will move to take that child out of the foster home to place into another home. Kids who are happy and loved in foster care removed because of sexual orientation of the foster parents? Happens all the time. We have a very poorly run department of children and families here and it is a miracle in and of itself to find good foster parents to begin with. I have worked with gay couples who provide amazing, loving and supportive enviornments for their foster kids or relatives for YEARS but are not "acceptable" to adopt. We lobby for change but I don't see it coming any time soon. The kids suffer and wonderful, giving, caring and loving people can't be parents in the eyes of the law. Sorry to rant!

It is heartwarming and encouraging to read about Canada and the few states here in the US that recognize love for what it is.

 

[paigevz]

Texas is a horrible place as far as equality goes. There was a BIG fuss about outlawing gay foster parenting, and of course we now have that shiny new law about no same sex marriage.

I don't know any gay or lesbian couples who have adopted. The gay men seem to have gotten their children by being in straight marriages first, then divorcing after the children were born. The lesbians tend to have biological children. I don't know if they have friends donate the necessary component or how that works. None of my business!

The one option lesbian couples have that might give both partners some rights is to have one partner donate the egg and the other partner carry the fetus. Obviously that will vary from state to state but it might be worth looking into.

Some friends of ours who were interested in looking into adoption said they were only able to find ONE man who was able to successfully go through the process of domestic adoption, and that was by being very closeted and presenting himself as being single. They would make terrific dads, but in addition to being gay they also have some health issues so they didn't even TRY to qualify.

I don't understand why ANY child should have to languish in foster care or an institution when there are so many loving GLBT couples that would welcome the opportunity to open their hearts and homes. Just one more sad, unfair, ugly aspect of politics in this country.

I know a little girl who was adopted by one of her dads. The other dad's last name was given as the child's middle name, but he was not listed on the amended birth certificate, so I assume he was not able to adopt her as well. This was a private adoption among family. She's now 10 years old, and just FRIDAY, they got their new baby! He is adorable. He came from a foster home. I assume from that, that the state is involved. They used to be pretty secretive about their family make-up when the older child first came to school, but have been very involved throughout the years and are quite open now about their family. I don't think they'd have been secretive about it through this adoption. I don't even see how they could, really, given their status in the community, the age of their first child and they'd have had to interview her, and then that one dad adopted the first child, and the other dad picked up this baby at the foster home. I don't know all the specifics, so I could be wrong, but it would seem a successful state adoption by at least one of them.

Adoption is not regulated properly already. Now to take away thousands of potential homes because of some imagined fault anyone who loves someone of their same sex has, is criminal.

 

[AMcaptured]

I am straight but a friend of mine does a podcast about gay parenting on the podcast network. It is listed under the lifestyles section. Some of you that perhaps are exploring the possiblity of becoming parents might want to check it out. He has some great shows and is exceptionally entertaining to boot.

AM

 

[wallyb]

Here in MA - Boston Catholic Charities has decided to Stop doing all adoptions
rather than have to place children with "GAY COUPLES!"

Nice. Nice for the kids who just want a loving home.

 

[MouseWorshipin]

So, I got my e-mail from the National Organization for Women (NOW) and in it was a link to a USA Today article about the battle over gay adoption heating up in 16 states. I live in IL, which, thankfully, is Democratic (at least for now), and as far as I know, there are no laws banning gay and lesbian couples from adopting children. I was just wondering what other people's experiences are with this? FL allows no gay couples to adopt. Utah allows no unmarried couples to adopt. So, if you are LGBT, and want to adopt or have adopted, what have been your experiences? I know it's hard enough for straight couples, I can't imagine what it must be like for the LGBT families. Care to share your stories?

P.S.- in the meantime, I am trying to look up IL laws on this issue.

I know of a couple...
"Two penguins in the penguin house were a little bit different. One was named Roy and the other was named Silo." They adopted an egg and hatched it, and had a baby penguin named, "Tango," because it takes two to make a Tango.

 

[beckmrk04]

I know of a couple...
"Two penguins in the penguin house were a little bit different. One was named Roy and the other was named Silo." They adopted an egg and hatched it, and had a baby penguin named, "Tango," because it takes two to make a Tango.

You're killing me.

I HAVE to get that book....

 

[mickeymousemom]

I've only skimmed thru this thread but I want to say that I never knew that there were actually places that wouldn't allow gay couples to adopt. How ignorant am I?? I find it absolutely horrid that would be parents are judged on their sexual preference instead of their ability to parent. This absolutely sickens me. I become more disenchanted with this country and our government everyday. For those of you who are looking to adopt, and those of you who might in the future....I wish you the best of luck. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[2Princes2Princesses]

After I had my tubal after my 4th child, there came a time when we suspected I might be pregnant again. I wasn't, but for a week or two, we were going back and forth about having a 5th child. It would have been tough for us in several ways, which I will not get into here.

Anyway, we did talk briefly about adoption and, knowing the difficulties gay couples face with adoption, I told DH if I was and if we went that route, we wanted a gay or lesbian couple to adopt our child. Good parents come in all shapes and sizes and sexual preferences.

There are so many kids in need of a loving home. I find it appalling that the government and citizens in general would rather see them suffer being bounced through the system than placed with a gay couple.

 

[pepperw23]

Wow!! This just floors me!! And Angers me!! With all the children in the world, in need of a good home, you would think these states would be happy to send a child to a loving, caring home. Yet, they give absolutly no second thoughts about putting children in corrupt foster homes (I have a friend that can tell you about some of those)!!

I owe you all an apology, I never even thought to think this would be a problem for some. Until I came on these boards I only thought I knew what some of you go through, and it made me angry then. Now, it plain out sickens me. I am a Christian Mom with two wonderful teens and a wonderful husband and as a Christian Mom I think EVERY American has the right to raise a family.

(climbs on soap-box) Each person reading this should write a letter to thier Senators demanding answers as to why it is hard for ANY loving family to adopt a child. I know I am going to, I may not get an answer, but at least then my anger won't be wasted, and maybe my little voice will be heard.

okay, I feel better now, thanks for letting me vent.

 

[nliedel]

pepperw23

Here's a Mickey bar. You just expended a ton of energy with a REALLY GOOD idea that I am going to follow up on. Sentator Levin will be getting a letter from me tomorrow. You can count on it. A good home is a good home is a good home.

Hugs.

 

[pepperw23]

I LOVE Mickey Bars..Thanks. I am working on my letter first thing tomorrow (I think better at work)

 

[GurGie]

We live in FL and I have no legal rights to the 2 beautiful daughters whose lives I have been involved in since (& before) birth. I'm fortunate in that my in-laws like me and would not take them from me but all I need is one holy roller on a crusade and I'd be sunk.

 

[nliedel]

We live in FL and I have no legal rights to the 2 beautiful daughters whose lives I have been involved in since (& before) birth. I'm fortunate in that my in-laws like me and would not take them from me but all I need is one holy roller on a crusade and I'd be sunk.

Wow, your girls are so adorable!

Florida is like a worse case scenario for gay adoption. They also have one of the worst track records for good foster care placement. They encourage people to keep kids in foster care (please note this may be old information) rather than adopt by removing subsidies once adoption is complete. A shame because the high needs kids have a super hard time finding homes there.

Oh and I just am finishing a letter to Senator Levin.