Funeral- would this upset you?

[IKNOWITALL]

Not that it is going to matter because you pretty much feel that the way of your family is the way the whole world should act but I thought I would give my two cents.

Obviously you don't realize that people grieve in different ways. Did it ever occur to you and your family that maybe your BIL couldn't deal with being around everyone and attending a funeral because he wanted to grieve in private and that maybe the excuses he gave were so that he wasn't embarrased or not being a "man" by not being able to deal with a funeral?

Have you also ever heard of people that need to get right back to work because they are trying to forget the grief they are experiencing? Obviously not because, as you said, all normal people should attend funerals.

That is a bunch of crap.

I went to my grandfather's viewing. I grew up with my grandfather. I was very close to him. Going to his viewing was the worst thing I have ever done. Know why, because now the last time I have ever seen him was laying in a wooden box dead. Nice image to carry around with you. It is something you will never forget when you are very close to someone. I regret going. My family wouldn't have cared if I attended. I have never been to another viewing ever. I don't care if it was my parents, I refuse to go to any other viewing again.

That is me. I am not like you. Nobody is the same. Deal with it.

 

[angwill]

I did not read this entire thread, but I keep on getting stuck on the original question.

I was at a funeral on Sunday and the ONLY thing that upset me was the fact that my nephew was being buried, unexpectedly and much too soon. I can't imagine caring who may or may not have attended. To each his/her own to handle grief his/her own way.

Sorry about your nephew. I know exactly what you mean that when you grieve it is hard to remember who showed and when you grieve you realize there are bigger and better things to be upset about like the loss of the one you loved than to be upset about than who showed up.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

What is the point of being this upset? What are you gaining from it?

I've read the thread, and this is the question that immediately entered my mind as well. Let it go, OP. It just isn't healthy.

 

[MichelleVW]

I totally get that not everyone's situation is the same in regards to relatives. But in my area it is very common for large extended families to be around and involved in each others lives. My DH and his family lived with the grandparents for several years. Then they lived across the street from them for a while. Even now, they only live about 2 miles away. DH (and obviously BIL) saw them almost every day as a child and sees them at least once a week as adults. I think that is a totally different relationship than if you grew up with your grandparents living in another state and only seeing them once or twice a year. I know many of you can't understand that because your relationships are different (not saying one way is better than the other, just that they are different). It was just odd that he chose not to be there considering his prior commitment to the family. I think that is why everyone was upset, miffed, and confused. But it is true...he will have to live with that decision....

I grew up in a large close family too and we thankfully understand if someone can't make it to a funeral. Every day I realize just a little more how lucky I was growing up in such a close non judgmental family!!

 

[HoneyPooh]

I grew up in a large close family too and we thankfully understand if someone can't make it to a funeral. Every day I realize just a little more how lucky I was growing up in such a close non judgmental family!!

Amen! I love my giant, crazy, irritating, frustrating, non judgmental family!

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

Would not bother me at all. Funerals are for the living to get together. He came and paid his respects.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I dont' think that is a fair statement (bolded). I am sure there are many that don't want to "jump in the fray" and present a different opinion. I have seen that many times before on discussion boards...a thread will take a certain tone and people with opposing views are afraid to post for fear of being judged/attacked. I have quite a few PM's that suggest this and I do appreciate those very much.

Respectfully - PMs that suggest there are DISers who support your point of view and are just reluctant to post; or PMs from people with a different opinion from the majority of posters on this thread?

 

[kaytieeldr]

I think she is making up a few facts now. If that was true then I cannot for the life of me understand why she did not say it in the begining. Also there were to be 7 pallbearers. How would that work?

The op also now have 22 blood aunts and uncles just on her mothers side. The poor women she had 23 kids!!!!

Seriously - while families like the Duggars are an anomaly in this day and age, as many children as puffkin's grandmother had ISN'T entirely unusual for her time.

 

[kaytieeldr]

honestly believe that is why DH is so upset about this (and by extension me as well). He wanted the 7 grandsons/grandsons in law...I didn't realize there was a rule that said you had to have an even number

No rule - just that many of us couldn't figure out the logistics of seven pallbearers - i.e. to me, it doesn't even seem that there would be enough space for them all.

And honestly, the title of the thread isn't Am I right or wrong but if this would UPSET you.

But as you can see, the VAST majority of responders would NOT be upset. Heck, I won't be upset if nobody comes to my funeral. Oh, wait - I won't know.

 

[BLTLDZ]

I think it is an extremely personal decision and should not be judged by family members who may be looking for something wrong..................

Coming from a VERY judgemental family, I TOTALLY agree. My fiances mother takes every single thing that I do or say, and makes a story out of it. Ugh. eople do what they want or can.

 

[disykat]

What is the point of being this upset? What are you gaining from it? .

I think the OP and her family are probably gaining the distraction from their grief. The "misdoings" of BIL have taken on a magnitude they (hopefully) wouldn't usually due to everyone's heightened emotions. Hopefully when they calm down they will be able to focus on mourning how they see fit rather than being angry at how others are mourning.

 

[~Kik-Kik~]

Wouldn't bother me at all personally.

 

[tigger813]

I missed my grandfather's funeral. I had been over to see him a week before he died. I was 8+ months pregnant at the time with my first child. My family insisted that I not make another 4 hour ride in the car for the funeral. It was very hard to say good bye to him the last time I saw him as I knew it and was extremely upset walking out of the house. I know my grandfather became my DD1s guardian angel 6 weeks later! My grandmother was not happy that I did not come to the funeral. It was mentioned a few times but I did what was best for me and my child. DH and I both took the day off from work to celebrate my "Poppy". I shared memories of him and we went out to lunch.

I was an aide at the school and grandparents were included in bereavement leave. We did have to check our contracts at the time. It wasn't clear. I did regret not going but felt it was best for all of us.

Was he close with his grandfather? I was close with mine but had extenuating circumstances keeping me from being there.

 

[grumpeeduck]

Coming from a VERY judgemental family, I TOTALLY agree. My fiances mother takes every single thing that I do or say, and makes a story out of it. Ugh. eople do what they want or can.

Here, too. And on both sides of our family. I tell you the people LIVE to gossip, scrutinize, and cut down everyone. If there is nothing to really talk about, they create something. Pitiful. We put up with it for years and years, but no more. Oh, the freedom in that! I mean really, who has the time for that??

 

[Goldenbear6]

Awe thanks...I too have had beagles my whole life. His name is Murphy and he is our first baby, and Lilly (the cat) was our second. Believe it or not they actually do really like each other. It's an old picture but I left it on there after DS was born because that is how most people identify me on here. I will never own any other dog than beagles, but after owning a beagle I will never own another dog if that makes any sense We have moved to the dark side and really enjoy our cats (we got a second one last year).......

Finally, something that makes sense. Let's talk about our pets. We have two Golden Retriever's, the 8 year old just had to have his eye removed, and the 11 month old just had total hip replacement. Guess this means the moderates for us at Disney this year.