Funeral Traditions/Customs

[Tinker'n'Fun]

As I have stated before, my backyard is surrounded by a local cemetery. The plots in our backyard are the ones being used for those who have not pre-purchased or planned their funerals. Personally, I have been blessed by very few services.

Here's my question. Lately many of the funerals (at graveside) include very loud music with the base booming through the neighborhood. The people are dancing and for lack of a better term partying in the cemetery. Is this a new custom or is it extremely common and I never noticed it before? I have gotten used to funerals with honors and the gun shots, bagpipes playing, and an occassional church song. But these are all out party songs and celebration right at the grave-sight. Today "festivities" have gone on so long that the workers have taken away the velvet chairs, and I am afraid they are going to get anxious and come in to cover the gravesight while the people are still here?

So tell me, have you heard of this tradition or been to a funeral where this has occured?

 

[plutotek]

Could the funeral have been 1/2 of a divorced couple and they were dancing on the ex's grave?

I've attended more funerals than I can count and I've never encountered that, but I had never encounterd the tradition of taking a pic of the deceased until my father passed and my grandfather took his pic.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Could the funeral have been 1/2 of a divorced couple and they were dancing on the ex's grave?

I've attended more funerals than I can count and I've never encountered that, but I had never encounterd the tradition of taking a pic of the deceased until my father passed and my grandfather took his pic.

Honestly, many of the funerals are for young adults and teenagers. Only once have I experienced the "picture" situation and that was at my MIL's wake. It was my SIL and I think she was truely not "thinking" properly when she did this, since the room was filled with friends/family and a private goodbye time was scheduled after the viewing. DH was appalled at the time.

 

[indimom]

I think you get very different funerals if the deceased is young or for different religions. Our backyard is a funeral home. Most of the time, the family and friends are quiet and subdued, but there have been others.
I know of one family in particular who had the visitation on a local baseball diamond where their son played. People went around the bases, greeting the family, before viewing the deceased at home plate. Very unusual, but this was a family with LOTS of friends and family and baseball was a big deal to them.
I've seen butterflies or balloons released, heard music playing, had loud/roudy groups in the parking lot.
I also wouldn't be surprised if the family is pentecostal or similar. Dancing, jumping, yelling and cheering wouldn't be uncommon for these types of denominations. Death is a celebration, not a reason to mourn.
I'm guessing you've just had a run of unusual funerals.

 

[happily single]

Never encountered dancing, singing, etc. But my first thought was it is some type of religious thing. An ex-coworker was "born again" and looked forward to dying.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I also think that this is a religious or ethnic tradition. I don't find it to be wrong or anything, just very different from what I am used to. As I stated in my original post, I am very lucky as I have been to very few graveside funerals in my life.

Still wondering though if anyone has been to such a funeral and knows the background information on them?

 

[LilyWDW]

I would rather my family and friends celebrate my life then mourn my death.

Maybe that is the mind set you are seeing.

 

[Disney Doll]

I have a cemetery across the street and have never seen this.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I have a cemetery across the street and have never seen this.

Well now I have to think maybe it is a local thing, or something very new. I would say there have been at least 6 of these funerals this summer and that is just the area I can see from the kitchen window.

 

[boyob13]

Party and funeral in the same sentence sounds morbid.

I would hope that it wasn't someone they cared for or it was a different custom and religion, but maybe the way people celebrate is changing?

 

[luvsJack]

I think a lot of people are trying to steer toward the "celebration of a person's life" type of ceremony and less the "mourning of death". Would not have thought of dancing and such actually AT the gravesight though.

I will say that I think the celebration of someone's life is much more apporpriate than the mourning that we usually do. Think about it, what woud you prefer your loved ones do at your funeral?

Aren't there funeral processions in NOLA that are led by a person playing jazz music on a horn (sorry, I have no clue what the instrument would actually be called) and the mourners sort of marching/dancing to the grave?

 

[Disney Doll]

Do you live in New Orleans???? Don't they sometimes do a "celebration" type funera??? I'm thinking of a jazz band playing "When the Saints Come Marching In" and leading a funeral procession...

 

[plutotek]

Party and funeral in the same sentence sounds morbid.

I would hope that it wasn't someone they cared for or it was a different custom and religion, but maybe the way people celebrate is changing?

I already have instructions in place that my funeral service will be a party, complete with soundtrack. First two songs? Stairway to Heaven followed by Highway to Hell.

Seriously, I wouldn't have a problem w/the party aspect, but I do have this thing about walking on others graves (it's a respect thing I was taught when very young). That I couldn't abide.

 

[Disneycrazy!!]

I've seen it New Orleans but no other places.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I have a cemetery across the street and have never seen this.

Do you live in New Orleans???? Don't they sometimes do a "celebration" type funera??? I'm thinking of a jazz band playing "When the Saints Come Marching In" and leading a funeral procession...

New York, so quite far from New Orleans, and jazz music would have been a great treat this morning. I heard thump, thump, thump bass music for 2 hours.

And I don't know why this double quoted you? I only clicked on the second quote, the "Dis" has been really strange for me today.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My first thought was an updated New Orleans Jazz funeral as well.

I agree about walking on other's graves as being disrespectful. Along those lines I was taken aback in London last week. Two large cathedrals (ST Martin's in the Field and St Paul's) had cafes set up in the crypts. St Paul's was sort of off to the side and seemed "okay" but St Martin had tables right on top of tomb markers and next to larger, wall tombs. It was a full scale restaurant with hot meals, etc. I guess they need to make money to keep the buildings in good shape but somehow I found it very much off. I would never be dining there.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

My first thought was an updated New Orleans Jazz funeral as well.

I agree about walking on other's graves as being disrespectful. Along those lines I was taken aback in London last week. Two large cathedrals (ST Martin's in the Field and St Paul's) had cafes set up in the crypts. St Paul's was sort of off to the side and seemed "okay" but St Martin had tables right on top of tomb markers and next to larger, wall tombs. It was a full scale restaurant with hot meals, etc. I guess they need to make money to keep the buildings in good shape but somehow I found it very much off. I would never be dining there.

I would think they could find another way to raise the funds. We have changed our dinner plans many of times on the weekends due to funerals. I would feel horrible if I were grilling in the backyard during a funeral. I was also raised that you didn't walk on or disrupt a burial plot. When the kids were little I also made them come on in the house or play in the front yard in respect for the grieving family.

 

[Cindy B]

A large percentage of my workplace is African American. There are many funerals and they are all called "celebration of life" ceremonies and according to others, there are lots of music, dancing and celebration.

Could it be a culture thing? I went to a former students funeral. The student family and the funeral were in the deep inner city. The viewing had tons of hip hop music, urban style wear and such.

 

[daisyduck123]

Nope - I've never heard/seen any funerals like that around here...and I do see my fair share of funerals.

I teach at an elementary school and our playground is right next to a cemetery. Just today, there was a funeral going on about 100 feet from our playground where over 100 1st graders were playing, running, yelling.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

A large percentage of my workplace is African American. There are many funerals and they are all called "celebration of life" ceremonies and according to others, there are lots of music, dancing and celebration.

Could it be a culture thing? I went to a former students funeral. The student family and the funeral were in the deep inner city. The viewing had tons of hip hop music, urban style wear and such.

This may be it. It does describe the celebrations that have been happening.