Funeral planning

[SandyinMonterey]

Okay Disboarders, wanna help talk down my anxiety while I wait in the helpless limbo of "We'll get back to you on Monday"?

My mother died early yesterday morning, less than 24 hours after suffering a seizure in her sleep. It wasn't entirely unexpected, though we did think she would have more time - she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in November and was slated to start chemo to buy some extra time this coming week. She was an incredibly organized woman in the ways that matter, so I know what her wishes were right down to what funeral home to use and where she wants her ashes interred. But I have never actually dealt with the process of planning a funeral mass and luncheon and all of that, and I'm having one of those moments where I really don't feel adult enough for this. I'm sure both the woman from the funeral home and our parish staff will be helpful and reassuring when I can actually talk to them tomorrow, but that doesn't stop my mind from racing right now, you know? My MIL is wonderfully supportive and doing her best to help, but she's not Catholic so she's as new to the planning that we're going to have to do as I am.

So would anyone like to share with me their experiences and what they wish someone had told them at the time?

I am so very sorry for your loss. First of all, you know your Mom's wishes so you know what she wanted. The first thing you need to do is contact the funeral director of the funeral home your Mom wanted. He/she will be the best help and source of information. You mentioned your Mom's ashes, that will have to be arrange and the funeral director will know what to do. If you know where she wanted to be interred, have that paperwork handy (did she already set that up?), the funeral director will need that or he can look it up if it's already done. If your Mom wanted flowers, contact a florist. You'll need to set up an appointment. The service itself is a very personal decision and, of course, based on what your Mom wanted or did not want. Some want visiting hours, or just a memorial service, or even just some friends and family at a cemetary with a prayer. Again, the funeral home director is your best source of information and will direct you. As far as the luncheon, those are usually associated with a church and the church that your mom went to and/or her services will be at. If that is the case, you need to contact the church and usually there are a bunch of volunteers that do the luncheon. And usually a donation for that.

 

[AnnaS]

Just wanted to add - I guess luncheon's handled by the parish all depends on where you are from? If we have a break during viewing it is usually at the home of the deceased (if there is a spouse) or one of the kids' home or a restaurant - usually catered or family/friends order food/bring food. This is usually pretty intimate. The lunch after the funeral can be the same, home or a restaurant arranged by the family.

We are also Catholic and we have one or two family members/friend speak after mass/eulogy. Keeping in mind a short time frame. I wonder if this is a decision each church/parish makes. Some will also speak at the wake.

So many variations/options.

 

[aprilgail]

Sorry for your loss- we just pre-planned/pre-paid my moms funeral for when the time comes. The funeral home should help you with everything, we even prepaid the flowers for it. We are doing a one day-one time frame wake- she is being cremated so she will be cremated prior to the wake and her urn and ashes will be in the funeral home, she doesn't want a bunch of people looking at her when she is dead so no body/casket there. The next day we bring her urn to the church for a church service- I am atheist but she is not and this is what she wants. After the service we will be holding the repast at a local restaurant in their catering room for anyone who comes to the funeral.

 

[BroadwayHermione5]

I just wanted to offer my condolences. May she rest peacefully

 

[TwoMisfits]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Catholics DO allow eulogies in Mass, but they tend to want only 1-2 and for them to be short-ish. Usually, they are placed after the homily, after the Eucharist, or sometimes before the readings (this is less usual).

I have not been to a Catholic funeral that did not have a eulogy by a family member, and this is multiple states and Churches.

 

[kymom99]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Catholics DO allow eulogies in Mass, but they tend to want only 1-2 and for them to be short-ish. Usually, they are placed after the homily, after the Eucharist, or sometimes before the readings (this is less usual).

I have not been to a Catholic funeral that did not have a eulogy by a family member, and this is multiple states and Churches.

Around here thats not the case. If someone speaks it usually after the mass has ended but before the recessional. Of course it’s ultimately up to the priests discretion.

 

[LoveSpringsteen]

I am very sorry for the loss of your Mother.

 

[Kennywood]

Please accept my condolences.

This might sound very odd, but if you're a member of Costco, you can order the casket from them. They work with a casket company and their reviews are rather excellent. You could save a LOT of money and still get a top quality casket.

If you're interested, here's the link: Costco - Caskets

You can read the many reviews to get a sense of what's involved. I've already told my wife to get my casket from Costco when I go.

 

[mjkacmom]

Please accept my condolences.

This might sound very odd, but if you're a member of Costco, you can order the casket from them. They work with a casket company and their reviews are rather excellent. You could save a LOT of money and still get a top quality casket.

If you're interested, here's the link: Costco - Caskets

You can read the many reviews to get a sense of what's involved. I've already told my wife to get my casket from Costco when I go.

I think her mom is being cremated, but I did look into costco for my dad’s. Even with a delay in services due to Christmas, it wouldn’t have arrived in time, or else I would’ve purchased one.

 

[Sinder]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Sad for your loss, I hope you are able to find comfort around you at this time.

 

[AnnaS]

Please accept my condolences.

This might sound very odd, but if you're a member of Costco, you can order the casket from them. They work with a casket company and their reviews are rather excellent. You could save a LOT of money and still get a top quality casket.

If you're interested, here's the link: Costco - Caskets

You can read the many reviews to get a sense of what's involved. I've already told my wife to get my casket from Costco when I go.

I had no clue Costco sold them. Wow - prices are reasonable too. I wonder if any funeral homes have an issue and what delivery/timing is like.

 

[Kennywood]

If you read the reviews, it doesn't appear that there would be a problem. Oh, some funeral homes might put up a fuss, due to the loss of the profit they would make selling one of their caskets. But then there are those that almost eagerly go along with it.