Frustrated with DD's teacher

[princessmom29]

Reading all this talk about homework, enrichment classes, reading logs, grade point averages, etc... for 8 year olds has my head spinning. I have 4 girls, the oldest is 6 and in the first grade so I admit I have no experience here but if my daughter has to do all that I've read on this post (and she'll do it herself) I'll be ecstatic if she gets a C. Not only that, it would be a C that she earned without any help from me.

I view my job is to keep her from watching TV or other activities until she's finished her homework. If it's bedtime and her homework isn't done, my job is to get her to bed.

In my opinion, homework is for the kids. I never asked my parents to help me with homework (never really had homework until 5th grade); except to drive me to the store to get supplies for a project, or operate the power tools to build a science experiment I selected.

None of this has anything to do with OP other than to say I have no intention of keeping up with a reading log or some of the other things I've read here tonight. I also have no intention of monitoring my daughter's grades in elementary school, high school, or college; just like I have no intention of guarding her piggy bank at this age or balancing her check-book later in life.

Does that make me a bad parent? Maybe. But something about parents needing to help with homework doesn't sit well with me. If my child can't do the work, she didn't pay attention that day/week and should get a grade that reflects her progress so her teacher can know what she needs to work on.

If that's tough love, we've gotten really soft.

P.S. None of this is to say we're not involved in our daughters' education. My wife is a stay at home mom so she's able to volunteer at the school when they need help. I take my daughter to school most mornings and pick here up from school on Fridays. I take off from work a couple times a month to serve in the cafeteria or read to my daughter's class. My wife and I take turns attending soccer games and practice, and I lead my oldest daughter's Indian Princesses Tribe. I just draw a hard line at homework.

This is the way we do it, and DD8 does fine with it almost all of the time. Occasionally she will have something she doesn't understand, but I am like you on that. I would rather the teacher know she didn't get it. I will help explain the directions if they are not clear, and i call out spelling words for her everyu day, but she does the homework herself. It is not MY work, it's hers and she needs to be doing it. She does most of what is being described here and does just fine. She finished in under 30 min most nights. We don't so reading logs, but they do have AR goals to make. DD slects books (I do help her check the reading level to make sure it is in her range), reads them, takes the quizzes at school, and keeps up with her own points.

 

[kt_mom]

Just a comment as a teacher: I DO NOT check my work email from home. I don't reply to work emails on my time, because I don't read them. I don't make phone calls to parents once I leave work for the day, and I have caller ID and don't answer the phone if I see it's a parent calling. And yes, I might be grading when I'm at home, but I'm juggling that with my family time.

I had a big thing written out in response to this. But I decided against it. I'll just say this, I'm very thankful that the teachers at our school do not take this attitude in regards to communicating with the parents and students. My DH and I wouldn't have jobs if either of us took this attitude either.

 

[kt_mom]

This is what I was thinking as well. Also, I am thinking that the vacation they took probably DID have an effect on the logs and the OP doesn't realize it. I think the teacher should have addressed the problem THEN if that is the case, but given all of the abnormalities here I really don't think itis entirely the teacher's fault. I think there was confusion on BOTH parts, and the teacher has made the best compromise she can. I realize the OP doesn't think she bears any responsibiliy, but sometimes we just have to deal and move on, even when we don't think we are in the wrong. Holding a grude about it will just make the rest of the year that much harder.

If the vacation had some kind of impact on the logs, then the grades from that time period should reflect it. The two grades in question are on a new log in the new quarter.

You know what, I don't even care if she didn't apologize. At the time I was just looking to get the grades corrected to reflect the work that DD did. She could have just said, "oh yea, I remember, let me get those grades corrected" But she didn't. And she didn't correct both grades, only the lower one. So yes, all of that combined does frustrate me. I don't see why DD should have to compromise her grade.

 

[kt_mom]

If there are only 19 children in the class, and the teacher knows all the parents, why do you need a reading log at all? In my dd's school (with exactly the same number of children in her class and, yes, the teacher knows all the parents) the children receive a weekly assignment that includes (depending on the week):

Poem
Vocabulary
Latin
Writing Topic
Technology Project
Math

and it is a given they are expected to have a "book" going at all times and that they should be reading it on a regular basis.

Written assignments get turned in on Fridays (sometimes they get two weeks for longer assignments like making a video). Everything else is just assumed that it will be completed and their understanding of it shows up in the work they do by using that vocabulary in their writing, referencing and discussing the poem in class, etc.

I guess my question is, with only 19 kids in a small private school....why does the teacher need to go through the motions of checking off some sort of log that clocks reading hours if it just leads to frustration? Can't she just assume and trust that the children are reading (and that the parents are supporting this process) rather than assigning a point value?

I have no idea. But its what they do. My niece is in 4th grade and they have weekly reading and math log/contracts as well. Same school.

 

[kt_mom]

I think you have a right to be frustrated. If a child does their homework every single day and the parent says there is a mix up with the homework, the teacher should have given the credit. Mistakes happen and bringing up a vacation that happened weeks ago was a way to cover up for a mistake. A simple apology would have been fine. It was not a big deal and she should have just said, obviously there is some confusion but since your daughter is so good about doing her homework, I'll give her the credit. Clearly the girl reads a lot and that is the purpose of a reading log. I work in a school (school counselor) and most teacher's would give the kid/parent the benefit of the doubt in this situation. Some teachers are more disorganized than others and it can be very frustrating to parents. If you stormed into class, yelling at the teacher over this minor incident I would say you were wrong. You didn't do anything to the teacher and I am shocked that so many think you were over the top. You barely even mentioned it to the teacher and I didn't see anything inappropriate about your behavior.

As for the notice for the event. I honestly would be more angry at that than the reading log mix up. If my kid is performing, it is inappropriate for me to be given so little notice about the event. We never schedule functions at school and tell the parent the day before at 5:00 pm. That is unacceptable to me. If a child is chosen for a special celebration, the parents should be given a few days notice. Somehow I doubt that the school organized this event at the very last minute. We plan events like that weeks, if not months in advance. I have organized many, many different events at my school and I can not think of one event that we planned the day before it occurred.

Thanks. I didn't vent any frustration to the teacher over the grades. Just simply asked her to double check them. I have only discussed my frustration here, and to my DH.

As far as the notice goes, I'm over it I guess. I did get to go, but my DH couldn't. If we had been notified on Monday he probably could have switched his days around and gone. But it is what it is. In looking back through my emails, I did have an email from the teacher that she sent out Monday evening to remind the parents about the party in class on friday. So she was in her email that night. But oh well, not much I can do about it now.

 

[kt_mom]

Reading all this talk about homework, enrichment classes, reading logs, grade point averages, etc... for 8 year olds has my head spinning. I have 4 girls, the oldest is 6 and in the first grade so I admit I have no experience here but if my daughter has to do all that I've read on this post (and she'll do it herself) I'll be ecstatic if she gets a C. Not only that, it would be a C that she earned without any help from me.

I view my job is to keep her from watching TV or other activities until she's finished her homework. If it's bedtime and her homework isn't done, my job is to get her to bed.

In my opinion, homework is for the kids. I never asked my parents to help me with homework (never really had homework until 5th grade); except to drive me to the store to get supplies for a project, or operate the power tools to build a science experiment I selected.

None of this has anything to do with OP other than to say I have no intention of keeping up with a reading log or some of the other things I've read here tonight. I also have no intention of monitoring my daughter's grades in elementary school, high school, or college; just like I have no intention of guarding her piggy bank at this age or balancing her check-book later in life.

Does that make me a bad parent? Maybe. But something about parents needing to help with homework doesn't sit well with me. If my child can't do the work, she didn't pay attention that day/week and should get a grade that reflects her progress so her teacher can know what she needs to work on.

If that's tough love, we've gotten really soft.

P.S. None of this is to say we're not involved in our daughters' education. My wife is a stay at home mom so she's able to volunteer at the school when they need help. I take my daughter to school most mornings and pick here up from school on Fridays. I take off from work a couple times a month to serve in the cafeteria or read to my daughter's class. My wife and I take turns attending soccer games and practice, and I lead my oldest daughter's Indian Princesses Tribe. I just draw a hard line at homework.

Well you probably need to get ready to have to do a little something. DD has several things that have to be filled out and signed by parents each week. She does her homework on her own, she reads her books on her own, she logs into the computer each week and does her math practices on her own. She does her quarterly current events assignments on her own and she usually studies for most of her tests on her own. She picks our her AR books herself and takes her AR tests on her own at school although I do log in periodically to see how she's doing and what books she has taken tests on but she has usually reached her point goal within the first few weeks of the quarter on her own. She's done for this quarter already.

School has changed a lot since I was a kid. The kids have a lot more things to do other than just learn in class and a few minutes of homework each night and in most cases require some parental type of involvement. At least in our school. And I have friends with kids the same age that go to the public schools around here and some of them have even more stuff.

The math contract they have is supposed to be filled out and signed by the parent saying that WE did math practice with our child for at least 30 minutes each week. DD does great in math and usually has close to a 100% so we don't usually do the math facts. I count the time she spends doing her math practices on the computer.

 

[kamik86]

Well you probably need to get ready to have to do a little something. DD has several things that have to be filled out and signed by parents each week. She does her homework on her own, she reads her books on her own, she logs into the computer each week and does her math practices on her own. She does her quarterly current events assignments on her own and she usually studies for most of her tests on her own. She picks our her AR books herself and takes her AR tests on her own at school although I do log in periodically to see how she's doing and what books she has taken tests on but she has usually reached her point goal within the first few weeks of the quarter on her own. She's done for this quarter already.

School has changed a lot since I was a kid. The kids have a lot more things to do other than just learn in class and a few minutes of homework each night and in most cases require some parental type of involvement. At least in our school. And I have friends with kids the same age that go to the public schools around here and some of them have even more stuff.

The math contract they have is supposed to be filled out and signed by the parent saying that WE did math practice with our child for at least 30 minutes each week. DD does great in math and usually has close to a 100% so we don't usually do the math facts. I count the time she spends doing her math practices on the computer.

I have to wonder how some kids manage this stuff. I had some friends that parents WOULD NOT have done this. My parents would have not liked it but they would so that I wouldn't have problems in school but there were some kids whose parents didn't care. It wasn't there job to educate their kid that was for the school to do (no I don't agree with this but it was the reality of their opinion) so the kid would have just failed all these assignments. Such a great way to make the kid think school is something for them and important and give them confidence.

I had other friends who just would have had trouble getting it done. What about the child that lives in foster care... in a family that has 8 kids (btw I knew two families that had this many between early elementary and high school, and one that had 12 but some were their own kids and were on their own so probably only 6 or so in school at once) How could the parents possibly practice each item with each child (so that they are all on the right level for the child)?

I wonder what the schools do when the kids just can't get it done, and its not the kids fault its the parents or just the circumstances they live in.

 

[kt_mom]

I have to wonder how some kids manage this stuff. I had some friends that parents WOULD NOT have done this. My parents would have not liked it but they would so that I wouldn't have problems in school but there were some kids whose parents didn't care. It wasn't there job to educate their kid that was for the school to do (no I don't agree with this but it was the reality of their opinion) so the kid would have just failed all these assignments. Such a great way to make the kid think school is something for them and important and give them confidence.

I had other friends who just would have had trouble getting it done. What about the child that lives in foster care... in a family that has 8 kids (btw I knew two families that had this many between early elementary and high school, and one that had 12 but some were their own kids and were on their own so probably only 6 or so in school at once) How could the parents possibly practice each item with each child (so that they are all on the right level for the child)?

I wonder what the schools do when the kids just can't get it done, and its not the kids fault its the parents or just the circumstances they live in.

It's a lot for kids, I agree. But it is what they require so its what we do. I don't know what kids would do with parents that just refused to do their part. I imagine at our school that they might not be accepted to return the following year. But in a public school I have no idea.

 

[mylilnikita]

Reading all this talk about homework, enrichment classes, reading logs, grade point averages, etc... for 8 year olds has my head spinning. I have 4 girls, the oldest is 6 and in the first grade so I admit I have no experience here but if my daughter has to do all that I've read on this post (and she'll do it herself) I'll be ecstatic if she gets a C. Not only that, it would be a C that she earned without any help from me.

I view my job is to keep her from watching TV or other activities until she's finished her homework. If it's bedtime and her homework isn't done, my job is to get her to bed.

In my opinion, homework is for the kids. I never asked my parents to help me with homework (never really had homework until 5th grade); except to drive me to the store to get supplies for a project, or operate the power tools to build a science experiment I selected.

None of this has anything to do with OP other than to say I have no intention of keeping up with a reading log or some of the other things I've read here tonight. I also have no intention of monitoring my daughter's grades in elementary school, high school, or college; just like I have no intention of guarding her piggy bank at this age or balancing her check-book later in life.

Does that make me a bad parent? Maybe. But something about parents needing to help with homework doesn't sit well with me. If my child can't do the work, she didn't pay attention that day/week and should get a grade that reflects her progress so her teacher can know what she needs to work on.

If that's tough love, we've gotten really soft.

P.S. None of this is to say we're not involved in our daughters' education. My wife is a stay at home mom so she's able to volunteer at the school when they need help. I take my daughter to school most mornings and pick here up from school on Fridays. I take off from work a couple times a month to serve in the cafeteria or read to my daughter's class. My wife and I take turns attending soccer games and practice, and I lead my oldest daughter's Indian Princesses Tribe. I just draw a hard line at homework.

I do agree that kid's homework should be THEIR homework. My DD13 takes Algebra in 8th grade and it is a high school course, I couldn't help her if I wanted to because I didn't go that far in math. But, if she wants me to quiz her on a study guide, I will certainly do that with her.


DD still has reading logs. Every Monday she turns one in and gets another one for the following week and I have to sign it. It is HER responsibility and has been for years to bring it to me and I see her read and then sign it. She then has to get it back to the teacher. If she turns it in late, straight F, no lowering points for late work, straight F. Her math class is the same way.

However, with your oldest child being 6(is that K or 1st grade) you may eventually change your mind about some things as it will be a benefit to you and your kid/kids.

The online grading site is a tool for you as a parent to utilize, so is the school website if the teachers have their own individual websites. It is harder now to make an excuse of:" Oh I lost that worksheet". ok the website can have the link on it and you can print it out. You don't have to look at it every day or even every week, but it's there for you as a parent to see how your child is progressing or not progressing.

I can't figure out why people want to wait until the interim and report cards to come out and then say' I didn't know they are doing this badly or had all this stuff missing". If a kid is having any problem, it is on the parent to find out and help with the teacher to resolve it, whether it be not being organized,etc.

 

[kamik86]

It's a lot for kids, I agree. But it is what they require so its what we do. I don't know what kids would do with parents that just refused to do their part. I imagine at our school that they might not be accepted to return the following year. But in a public school I have no idea.

true I forgot you were at a private school. I think in that case they could get away with this since they probably wouldn't have the problem that much anyway (because most parents aren't going to spend alot of money sending a kid to a school that they disagree with their policies that strongly and they definitely wouldn't spend that much on their education if they just didn't care)

I just think sometimes policies like this are made by schools and they didn't think through all the implications (not a dig really, my team at work has done this before too). An example was in my college, we had two corses at the end of our program senior project 1 and senior project 2 (our school had 3 trimesters and the course was in winter and spring). This was a team project for a real client that was done over both semesters and encapsulates all we learn.

Well after a few years they get to my class. We had in my team a student that did almost no work the first quarter. He failed the class due to this. This was the first time anyone failed this class. The school had no idea what to do. Do we make the student not graduate for another year and do this over with another team next year? What about the team that is now down a member? Then they start thinking and realize hey what if someone passed the first quarter then fails the second quarter. They can't take the second quarter again because that would mean throwing the student in the middle of an already established project, which isn't fair for the team he was thrown into, but the school can't make the student pay to take a class again that he already passed (to take both 1 and 2 again).

They ended up giving him an incomplete but with a contract with us and the department that if he was assigned anything by the team with a reasonable deadline (as determined by our faculty adviser) and he didn't complete it he would fail both quarters. I have no idea if they fixed the course for later.


Just like the above class (which was an amazing class) it seems great at first, who wouldn't want a requirement that all students read or practice math with mom and dad etc, but their are problems in practice.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Unless my child's grade was borderline, I wouldn't get all worked up about this. It's 3rd grade, and I wouldn't be that concerned about the permanent record.

Yup this. Just fill it out and send it back when it's due. To much fussing over something minor. I have a kid in grade 3 and he's always forgetting his agenda book, etc.

 

[kt_mom]

Yup this. Just fill it out and send it back when it's due. To much fussing over something minor. I have a kid in grade 3 and he's always forgetting his agenda book, etc.

I'm sorry your third grader is always forgetting stuff. But this had nothing to do with dd forgetting something.

 

[BNM]

I think you, OP, are justified in being irritated. My feeling is the teacher misplaced the log, and due to the complexities of her job and other logs/asignmnents, just forgot how it all went wrong. She did, however, manage to remember that you went on vacation, and WHERE. Hmmmm, maybe in her mind the loss of a point is justified. But I wouldn't accept it either. Your daughter did everything right, and it sounds like both of you are a finely oiled machine with this homework. Why should she be penalized?

I can't stand it when teachers have these rigid requirements, and penalize students for the slightest deviation from protocol, but then whe THEY make a mistake, it's supposed to be ok because they have such a hard job. Discuss with her your point of view as you have on these boards. It is reasonable.

AND, she should have apologized for not giving you more notice of the assembly. I would have been very upset if the same had happened to me. There is no way I could rearrange appointments at work the night before.
I give you a lot of credit for the way you handled this. I probably would have fired off an email to her which would have put her on the defensive. The way you handled things, your daughter should be in good shape for the rest of the year.

I would just make sure she knows that, in future, you require reasonable notice of such events.

 

[sparklynails23]

No human is perfect, and some of us are less perfect than others You've made your point about the reading logs, now you're just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. The year's almost halfway over, anyway. Honestly, some teachers are alot worse than this one.

 

[meggiebeth]

I can completely understand why you are so annoyed about this, and I empathise with you. I think you are a great parent helping your DD so much by encouraging your DD to read lots and helping her with it. When I was her age we were never expected to do that by ourselves. After all, you do have your DDs best intentions by doing this- and making the most out of her education!

Also, IMHO, if you are paying for her to go to private school, you should expect more! Isn't that why for the most part parents send their kids to private schools- for a better education and a better chance in life? Her class is very small, to me anyway, seeing as I have always been in a class of 30 to 40. In public school here, children can often 'fall through the cracks'. Private schools are thought to provide a much better service altogether... including better communication with parents, etc.

I'm only fifteen years old, and I can remember my elementary school years quite clearly. I remember how some teachers just weren't good. Although I have always been to public school. Some of my teachers now are pretty bad at communicating with parents too. I did a reading scheme like your DD in 3rd grade, and it didn't seem as pressured as the one your DD is doing, but it did my reading a lot of good. My parents would have been so annoyed if I had not been given the credit and scores that I deserved.

I live in the UK so don't know what is really expected in schools in the US, but here, lots of unjust things happen that the teachers don't take responsibility for. When it comes to grades and points though, I think you were totally right to push your DDs teacher for the credit your DD deserved.

As both of my parents work full time, I understand your frustration at the teacher's short notice. I know that for my parents, it can be extremely difficult to get time off if you give short notice. And for the important assembly your DD was in, of course you would not want to miss it! Besides, working full time is so stressful anyway, it's exhausting to have to rectify any problems with schools and teachers.

I really hope everything gets sorted out eventually.

 

[Wadecool]

I had a big thing written out in response to this. But I decided against it. I'll just say this, I'm very thankful that the teachers at our school do not take this attitude in regards to communicating with the parents and students. My DH and I wouldn't have jobs if either of us took this attitude either.

Kt mom, the planets must be in alignment, because I find myself agreeing with you, lol. These days, there aren't too many professions (including teachers) that have the luxury of just shutting it down at the end of the work day. I find myself actually sending/receiving more work emails after 5pm than beforehand. Last night, I took a business call at 9pm and spend 90 minutes dealing with an issue. It's just the world we live in now.

 

[kt_mom]

Kt mom, the planets must be in alignment, because I find myself agreeing with you, lol. These days, there aren't too many professions (including teachers) that have the luxury of just shutting it down at the end of the work day. I find myself actually sending/receiving more work emails after 5pm than beforehand. Last night, I took a business call at 9pm and spend 90 minutes dealing with an issue. It's just the world we live in now.

It's nice to be in agreement on something Wade.

 

[englishteacha]

KT_mom, I feel I need to defend my choices to you. I do communicate with parents all the time. I exchanged 6 emails with one parent yesterday during the day, 3 with another, and sent out 2 others to parents that I haven't heard back from yet. I spoke with several parents over the phone in the past week. I usually work 50+ hours at the school during the school week, then have to grade and plan lessons once I get home at night. I teach in a public school, I have 70 students, teach 4 different subjects, and run our school drama program. At some point, I need to do laundry, feed my family, and sleep. I have to finish all my grades and write individual comments for each student in each class for report cards over my Thanksgiving long weekend.

When I was a new teacher, I got calls from parents at home and I refuse to be yelled at over my phone in my living room because a parent is angry that her child got detention for swearing at me, or failed a project because he/she didn't turn it in when it was due a month ago. I had to set boundaries or I was going to get burned out.

I just wanted to remind you that teachers are people, too, with lives and families, and while I agree that your teacher should have given you more notice about the assembly and made sure your child's grades were correct, sometimes things happen. If it were my school, it's likely that I wouldn't have even known about the child being chosen for an assembly until right before hand! It would have been the secretary's responsibility to contact you.

 

[omegsmom]

Let me start by saying I fully support and understand where you are coming from... I don't think you are doing anything to be hard on the teacher, just frustrated that she didn't take ownership fully when you feel it was her mistake, not your's or your daughter's...

My question is: the Monday when your daughter came back from vacation, did she turn in 2 logs that week? or is it one log with double the amount written on it?

 

[kt_mom]

Let me start by saying I fully support and understand where you are coming from... I don't think you are doing anything to be hard on the teacher, just frustrated that she didn't take ownership fully when you feel it was her mistake, not your's or your daughter's...

My question is: the Monday when your daughter came back from vacation, did she turn in 2 logs that week? or is it one log with double the amount written on it?

The log is divided into weeks and each week had its time filled in.