Frustrated with DD's Teacher... HAD MTG TODAY UPDATE...

[N.Bailey]

Back in the 80s, I went to K in a well-respected public school situated on a college campus; 60 kids per grade, 2 classes. We had a diverse population of many races and intelligence levels. It was a regular 8-hour day with plenty of recess and organized activities. We knew how to read at the end of the school-year (some of us could read entire Dick & Jane books with ease, and several of them) and while there was an aide, moms rarely were invited or encouraged to visit.

So when I read that "every other day" crap, well that's just crazy! Why even bother? What's wrong with 8-hrs a day, 5 days a week? Children can handle that and have for many years. They are tougher than you think.

Minmates, you know I loved your trip report so I hope you can repair the relationship with the teacher. I don't think it's too far gone, but you do need to eat some crow.

Wow, 8 hour school days? My kids have never gone for 8 hours and they won't in this district either. They start at 7:50 (8:00 really, but it gives em 10 minutes for lunch count etc..) and their day ends at 2:42. Not even 7 hours and I believe it was roughly the same in every school I went to growing up and we moved around a lot when I was young.

Elementary here is I believe 8:50 to 3:10. It's been over 2 years since my kids went to elementary, so I could be slightly off, but it's by minutes, no more.

Does anyone here have kids that go to school for 8 hours?

 

[N.Bailey]

OP: Have you ever thought of talking to the parents of 1st graders who had your child's teacher and ask them if they felt their child was prepared well enough for 1st grade after having said teacher for a year? Or, perhaps consult the 1st grade teachers and ask them if their current students were well prepared and if there are any areas in which you can better prepare her for?

If the 1st grade teachers and parents feel the children were well prepared, then that teacher must be doing something right.

She did state somewhere in this thread that she'd asked many parents of 1st graders and not many had good things to say about this particular teacher.

Personally, I think she went a little overboard this time around, but I think she'll take this as a learning experience that it's turned out to be. I think she should only address issues that concern her child specifically and she's got every right to do that now and in the future.

We all know those teachers need all the help they can get too. One extra in that classroom might not seem like a lot, but that one person can accomplish a heck of a lot to lift the weight off the teacher. I don't think she should stop going to her daughter's class to volunteer either. If she's asked to not come again, that's when I'd stop. Till then, I'd try to reestablish some sort of bond with this teacher and I don't believe it's ever too late for that! Not until we're dead anyway.

 

[Wishing on a star]

This is pretty much what i was going to say. Your DDs experience in Kind sounds a WHOLE lot like my DDs experience. That whole MWF?TTh thing is a nightmare for a child who needs consistency. ( So True!!!)

DD was a basket case the whole entire year.

Oh, I know there are plenty of MN parents who are going to get ticked off at that one, but it's true. My sis has taught in 3 school districts around the metro area and repeatedly tried to convince me that there was no way I could send DD to a public school here. I didn't believe her and I sent her. It was a mess. We stuck it out the whole year and then pulled her to homeschool. She was a changed child and was actually learning--wow, what a concept.

We put her back in school this year (in 4th) and found not much has changed. Dear Sis hit the roof--she has a master's in gifted education, Btw--and was quite relieved when we once again decided that this was not a good fit.

The schools around here, have an avg of 24 kids in Kindergarten and no aides. (And, THIS is considered ACCEPTABLE!!!)

Good luck. I agree that you didn't handle the meeting really well, but I totally understand where you are coming from. BAsically, I knew the system here was not going to work for us, so I chose to bow out.

I totally agree with this post!!! (as my inserted comments show)
It is highly possible that that what the 'system' is offering is LESS than 'mediocre' and that it will NOT be the best choice/situation for the OP's daughter!

I don't care what anyone else posts about 'individual learning', etc.. A classroom of 24 Kindergarten students without adequate structure and discipline is nothing but controlled chaos!!!! At this age, children need routine and discipline and structure and consistancy.. Something that the school district, and this individual teacher are obviously not providing.

As I also mentioned in my earlier post, at the very beginning of this thread. These problems definately sound 'systemic'. And, it sounds like the OP is finding this out the hard way. HUGS!!!! It is hard to see something so basicly flawed and not want to try to fix it. But, sadly, the OP did take the wrong actions.

As I had suggested to the OP, If it were me I WOULD consider all other options for my daughter...

It was so bad for my DS last year, that I did not even send him to school the last month to finish out the year!!!! You have to do what is best for your child.

 

[princess pooh]

Does anyone here have kids that go to school for 8 hours?

The kindergarten I teach in goes from 8:00 to 4:00, but it's a private school.

 

[J/T Gramdma]

you know I am going to jump in here. My grandson had avery disorganized teacher for kindergarden and we complained to the school and she also would make fun of kids 'jokingly' the school did not seem to listen to us but come feb they fired her mid term and the reading teacher had to take over and cram8 monthe of work into 3. some kids did not do very well in 1st grade luckily we took my grandson out.

 

[N.Bailey]

The kindergarten I teach in goes from 8:00 to 4:00, but it's a private school.

I see you're from Canada. Every school I went to was in Pennsylvania, but I went to several of them. Even the private schools around here follow the same schedule that the public ones do. I wonder if there are many states or districts in this country that go 8 hours. It could certainly explain why some districts score higher on certain testing. To be fair, our district doesn't do bad, but could it do better?

 

[#1hockeymom]

Michigan teacher here and I taught at an Edison partnership school in the inner city. The kids, including kdg, had an eight hour day. My son goes to the public school where we live (rural) and has a 7 hour day.

I have been following this thread since it started but am at a loss for what to say that hasn't already been said.

 

[allicat]

You think that because you saw the teacher in the parking lot and she said "hello" that means everything is ok? Obviously, she is a professional and would say hello whether she was insulted or not.

I cringe at the thought of you telling that teacher how she could do her job better.
Homeschool your child-I have a feeling nothing else will measure up. Im sure by the next 13 days, you will find other things that you dont feel are up to your standards either. When you go back in to discuss it, believe me, they wont be taking you seriously.They will smile and nod at you because you are "that mom."All the while, they are counting down the minutes until you leave the office.

 

[daisyduck123]

When you go back in to discuss it, believe me, they wont be taking you seriously.They will smile and nod at you because you are "that mom."All the while, they are counting down the minutes until you leave the office.

Oh yes...well said.

 

[Sleepy]

I guess, this is just the way I am and I feel and in a teacher's life she is going to run into people like me that expect more, want more and hold them accountable to higher standards than ever before. That's life too.

And life is filled with options because there are people who expect more, want more and hold people accountable to higher standards. This is why we have the options of public school, private school or homeschooling. It's up to you to decide which is more appropriate for your needs.

My son started out in a daycare that was attached to a private k-8 school. Their program for under K was never called preschool. They just called it daycare and taught the kids the basics as you described for your daughter. Kindergarten in this private school turned out to be way to advanced for my son's needs even though he did just fine in the previous classes (if that is what you want to call them). First spelling lesson was the numbers one through ten. There was no true gifted readers at that point, just basic sounding out of simple Jane and Dick words and they were expecting words like "eight" to be spelled?? Math was crazy too. Adding and subtracting double digits....in the first 2 weeks. I did express my concern through a private discussion with the teacher and then one with the assistant. I never involved the director. I felt their style of teaching was not a right fit for my son. To top it off, he had ADHD and they were not equiped to handle his needs. No fault of their own. They just had a different style of teaching than what my son needed. I made the decision to withraw him after doing research of the local public school and observing the class as well as talking to the teacher in depth of what to expect in her class. That year was a success in public school. The teacher fulfilled everything she said she would. My son became a wonderful student who loved school. The next year was good, but 2nd grade went downhill. Did more research and moved him to another elem school in the district. Once again success until time for middle school. More research proved same district not on my standard so we moved to another district where we had much success until moving here where we have public school (1) or homeschooling. Luckily the public school is wonderful. I feel we handled the educational process the best way we could. We found schools that already fit my son's needs, rather than expecting any random school to adjust to what he needed or what I expected. The choice is up to each individual to decide what is a best fit. This goes for anything in life.

 

[froglady]

sleepy, I think you may have found a major contributing factor to the OP's problem.

She moved across the country a few days before school opened. No time to research the schools, stuck in what she perceives to be a "take it or leave it" situation. She is transferring all of her frustration onto a teacher who is less than she had hoped for, rather than the situation as a whole.

As others have posted, moving in and of itself is a major stress. Then add the stress of a time limit to get your children into school on time, and if things aren't perfect, (which can mean just like things at home) it can feel overwhelming.

I've moved to a different country, and to a different region of the US, and both times it took a good 3 months to think that things aren't terrible here, and another 3 months to feel that my new home was actually pretty nice. It took another 3 months to start feeling that "this place might even be BETTER than the place I left. )

I suspect if she backs off, her children will adapt a lot faster than she will. In the meantime, she might want to investigate other options in town, just in case another teacher down the line is WORSE than the Kindergarten teacher.

I moved to this area BEFORE having children, so was able to get a feeling for ALL of the schools available. We decided that we would HAVE to go the private school route, so budgeted accordingly from the start. The OP doesn't have that option.

BTW, the schools my children attend give employees a reduced rate on tuition, and have many scholorship students. Don't automatically rule out private school.

 

[SueM in MN]

There was an article in today's Star Tribune (Minneapolis paper) talking about great teachers in the state. The things they described that a teacher's classroom should be like are the exact things I've been trying to communicate... one of them primarily being control of the classroom. They pointed out IN DETAIL, things this particular teacher does with her class to maintain that and some of the things they do in a day in the class. My heart was breaking all over again to read that just down the road, there's a school where kids are in a class that I consider ideal... while we sit here, mired in conflict over mediocrity being okay and "enough." Apparently, I have to come to terms with the fact that despite how much I want my kids to have the best, they aren't going to always get it, and unless I have the financial resources to "buy our way to the best" it's just reality. Maybe outright acknowledging a teacher's flaws is not the way to go about securing a popular reputation for myself within the school, but ultimately, I don't care about that.

I read the Star Tribune article that is mentioned and just wanted to point out a few things.
- the article is about how the Minneapolis schools are trying to spread techniques that are successful by showing teachers how they can be more successful. Some of the "showing" involves videotapes that were made of successful teachers' classes.
- the videotapes were probably made last school year since school just began in Minnesota after Labor Day.
- there is nothing in the article that indicates when the reporter observed the class; it may have been at the end of last school year. Actually, it's not clear whether he is citing things he saw or saw in the videotapes.
- that school offers full day and half day Kindergarten. Since they talk about a "hot-lunch report" in the article, it's a full day class. I know some schools have full day every day. I don't know if Lyndale school is one of them or not.
- Lyndale school (the school in the article) is also one of the sites for a Preschool program called High Five that sends 4 yr olds who will be going to kindergarten the next year to a half-day Preschool program. That means a lot of the kids coming into Kindergarten have already had a preschool program in the same building.
- if you find articles before 2001, you will find that this particular school was not one parents wanted to send their kids to. It was a poor performing school and thru the efforts of teacher, principal and parents/community people, it is now doing much better.

My point is to say that there is a lot besides the kindergarten teacher that impacts what happens in the classroom. And, it's hard to make any judgment about a school after only 13 days.

 

[minmate]

As a collective whole, you've given me a lot to think about. Plenty of you were satisfied to just insult me for what I did. Some of you tried to psychoanalyze me.Others offered suggestions (thank you, even if it was painful to hear).

As for the "trauma" of moving, I have moved over 20 times in my own life, went to no less than 8 schools from 1-12 grade, I know what to expect going into the move and how it affects things for my children. Believe me or not.. the parameters I've laid out, that my concern has stemmed from my child's reaction to this classroom and that I've appropriately tracked and monitored that behavior -- is what it is...

At this point, there are soooo many different comments I'd like to address separately but I'm choosing not to get myself mired in all the details here because it will end up being far to frustrating. Now, I have to just give things time. My dd won't be in school much for the next two weeks. I typically drop my dd's off at the door and the older one walks my K'er to her classroom -- and I won't change that. I'm one of the few parents who drive their kids to school (not on a bus route) that don't linger in the K room every am -- which of course, is often annoying to teachers) so I won't even be "seeing" the teacher for several days (unless it's unplanned). So, really, I have to move forward now and stop obsessing about what's been said and done and overanalyzing it. This thread has opened up a lot more questions for me about education in this country, about personalities, about interpersonal communication and the list just goes on. I don't want to keep it at the forefront of my thoughts all of the time. It's too frustrating and depressing.

If you want to keep posting, go ahead, but I will probably not be back to this thread as I feel the more I read about it, the more I end up dwelling on it and thinking about it. However, should any of you be interested in how it all plays out, I imagine I will post an update. For those of you who have responded with real concern and hopes to help me in my situation, I truly appreciate it. Thank you.

 

[Rex Rules]

Sorry, I'm sure I will be flamed for this - but get the kid some ritalin or something else if she is that freaked out and get on with it. That whole sensory perception thing sounds like bunk, a way to put a medical tag on your child for being way too sensitive. Granted she is just in kindergarten, but her life is going to be filled with things that will make her emotional and people that will upset her.

I think you are making it harder on your daughter , harder on yourself and definitely harder on the teacher.

I too have moved many times, our DD has been in public and private schools. Each individual school and teacher had their own merits and issues and has to be taken individually in assessment.

 

[N.Bailey]

Sorry, I'm sure I will be flamed for this - but get the kid some ritalin or something else if she is that freaked out and get on with it. That whole sensory perception thing sounds like bunk, a way to put a medical tag on your child for being way too sensitive. Granted she is just in kindergarten, but her life is going to be filled with things that will make her emotional and people that will upset her.

I think you are making it harder on your daughter , harder on yourself and definitely harder on the teacher.

I too have moved many times, our DD has been in public and private schools. Each individual school and teacher had their own merits and issues and has to be taken individually in assessment.

WOW, that's some great advice. Toss your kid on drugs and go about your life!

 

[Rex Rules]

Better to start now - she will have a head start on all the meds and therapy she will need later in life

 

[grlpwrd]

I had a feeling that it may not just be moving to a new place but just having standards. A parent is a child's best advocate and we may be having only limited info about this situation.

minmate, so what is your plan of action now?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Minmate,

Your PM box is full!!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

As a collective whole, you've given me a lot to think about. Plenty of you were satisfied to just insult me for what I did. Some of you tried to psychoanalyze me.Others offered suggestions (thank you, even if it was painful to hear).

And some of us thought that you, for the most part, were in the right. Maybe came on a little heavy, but overall have a reason to b unhappy.

 

[thinkerbell]

After reading this entire thread, I am very glad that our school has a policy that parents who volunteer must volunteer in a classroom that their child is NOT in. As a fourth grade teacher, I am always on task (with all of the standards that are required, we must be) unless some emergency situation arises. Even so, it would make me nervous beyond belief to have the parent of one of my students in my classroom, especially if I knew that they were critiquing the way I taught. I also would be very upset if a parent tried to tell me how to run my classroom. I have taught kindergarten before and it isn't easy.
On the other hand, I would not share information about someone else's child to parents, nor would I be sitting down drinking coffee and making phone calls during valuable learning time. Our school has rules for teachers about that kind of thing.
OP-I will say a prayer for you and your daughter for this year---and for the teacher also.