Frustrated with DD's Teacher... HAD MTG TODAY UPDATE...

[bicyclemark]

Well...after reading your posts and skimming over the responses, it sounds to me like you have a child that is gifted or profoundly gifted. Sensory overload and high reading strength were the indicators to me. Could you child also be a visual/spatial learner? If this is the case, depending on the extent and type of giftedness, you may need to remove your child from the classroom. I know it is not what you want to hear. However the Minnesota brick and mortar public schools are NOT equipped to deal with gifted children. Some are better than others and open enrollment can be a big help. Children are not required to attend kindergarten. If you feel that the situation is damaging to your child, remove your child from the school.

Yes, there are good teachers out there. However with programs like "No Child Left Behind" and mainstreaming special needs children, there just is not much room for helping the gifted end of special needs.


If I am off base on my assumption, please just ignore this post. If my guess is correct, send me a PM. There are many resources that I can point you to.

 

[N.Bailey]

I've had many meetings with teachers, principles, school psychologists etc... through the years. My son is a part of the IEP program, so we have to have no less than 1 yearly. He's now in 8th grade, so we've had a few.

I guess I can't relate to what you're going through, but the only suggestion I would really offer you is, anytime you're dealing with your child's teacher, keep the topic on your child and not the teacher. I think you could have discussed ways of making changes that would have a positive affect in your daughter rather than how the teacher addresses all the class.

This year, my son hates his special helper teacher (that's what he calls her) and my son has never hated a teacher in his life. My son took transition math for 2 years, instead of 1, so he only got halfway thru the book last year. For some ungodly reason that I can't understand, they started at the beginning of the book again this year. That's good, 2 years and both years cover the beginning of the math book? Anyway, between 4 marking periods last year, mid terms, and the final, my son ended with a 99% overall. His teachers loved him and he got a certificate that he was 1 of the 4 highest 7th graders in math. They also made a special award that they gave him (gave 4 to various students to recognize them for whatever they chose) to honor him for having such a positive attitude. Anyway mid term reports came home the other day and my son has a 55% in math covering the same material he had last year. It just doesn't make much sense to my husband and I and we decided to wait till Monday to call and set a meeting up. Anyway, I did send a letter in last week and after hearing my son had a 99% last year and a 55% this year, his special teacher jumped right on him that he had to be cheating last year (never got caught once?) and that everyone is going to think he's stupid (not a word I think a teacher should be using to address any child). I was going to call today, but I am too angry to address this woman this week. I don't feel I'm out of line with my feelings. I will not address her teaching abilities, but I will certainly be addressing how my son has been affected.

Good Luck to you. I hope things work out okay.

 

[minmate]

I've had many meetings with teachers, principles, school psychologists etc... through the years. My son is a part of the IEP program, so we have to have no less than 1 yearly. He's now in 8th grade, so we've had a few.

I guess I can't relate to what you're going through, but the only suggestion I would really offer you is, anytime you're dealing with your child's teacher, keep the topic on your child and not the teacher. I think you could have discussed ways of making changes that would have a positive affect in your daughter rather than how the teacher addresses all the class.

This year, my son hates his special helper teacher (that's what he calls her) and my son has never hated a teacher in his life. My son took transition math for 2 years, instead of 1, so he only got halfway thru the book last year. For some ungodly reason that I can't understand, they started at the beginning of the book again this year. That's good, 2 years and both years cover the beginning of the math book? Anyway, between 4 marking periods last year, mid terms, and the final, my son ended with a 99% overall. His teachers loved him and he got a certificate that he was 1 of the 4 highest 7th graders in math. They also made a special award that they gave him (gave 4 to various students to recognize them for whatever they chose) to honor him for having such a positive attitude. Anyway mid term reports came home the other day and my son has a 55% in math covering the same material he had last year. It just doesn't make much sense to my husband and I and we decided to wait till Monday to call and set a meeting up. Anyway, I did send a letter in last week and after hearing my son had a 99% last year and a 55% this year, his special teacher jumped right on him that he had to be cheating last year (never got caught once?) and that everyone is going to think he's stupid (not a word I think a teacher should be using to address any child). I was going to call today, but I am too angry to address this woman this week. I don't feel I'm out of line with my feelings. I will not address her teaching abilities, but I will certainly be addressing how my son has been affected.

Good Luck to you. I hope things work out okay.

Wow... I'm sorry to hear what's going on there! Obviously, I'm not in a position to give any advice, but I sure do hope things get worked out!

 

[disykat]

I also am impressed with how minmate is handling our advice. That said, come off it! People here have not in any way tried to say that the teacher is in the right here - only that you went beyond your rights and beyond being "helpful". Do you tell your dentist how to do his job, your waitress, your sales clerk, your plumber, etc.? Hopefully the answer is no, that you report it to whoever has authority over them - that wouldn't be you. It simply is not your job to counsel every poor employee - in this case your daughter's teacher. There's probably not a single person here who hasn't been unhappy about a teacher at some point or another - the difference seems to be whether we think it's our job to fix her/him.

Think how outraged you'd be if the teacher talked to you about your parenting.

 

[bicyclemark]

...Do you tell your dentist how to do his job, your waitress, your sales clerk, your plummer, etc.?
...Think how outraged you'd be if the teacher talked to you about your parenting.

Yes, I have told my plumber, doctor, etc things to help them with their job. In the case of the plumber, who was working on a warranty item, I kicked him out of my house and did the job myself. Unfortunatly, some people are just not qualified for the job they hold. I am not saying that the teacher in question is one of these. However it may be that she is.

As far as a teacher talking to me about how to parent, If the advise would benefit my child, I would welcome it! Just who do you thingk the focus should be on, the adults or the child?

 

[TxJasmine]

I generally stay off of controversial threads, but I've seen some opinions about K on this thread that I really disagree with. If my child were in the OP's school, I would also be very upset. The alternating days sound crazy, and it sounds like there is no real structure in that school.

I have a 5th grader and a 3rd grader, and the younger one (DS) attended public K - from 8a-2p M-F. The school day was very structured with some recess, but lots of time for learning. In our district, most kids have attended some kind of preschool, so it is expected of them to know many of the basics (colors, letters, etc.) The emphasis is on reading, writing, and addition. By the end of K the kids should be able to read and write. Once a week, the gifted and talented teacher would work some with all the kids, and by the end of the year certain ones were chosen for a pull-out gifted class in 1st grade.

I very much believe that K and 1st grade are extremely important years for learning. The foundation they learn in the early years carries on throughout the academic years. I was very fortunate that DS had a strict and very academic teacher who pushed her kids to perform to the best of their abilities. DS was one of the top students academically, and his teacher always gave him extra work so that he wouldn't get bored. He thrived in that environment. He loved school and was very proud of his accomplishments. I shudder to think how things would have been if he had been in an unstructured classroom. Instead of being called a "smart kid", he would probably be known as the "troublemaker".

I am bringing this up because I really believe that the trend in schools is to teach in K rather than just playing around. I can already tell in 3rd grade that he is not as much of a "sponge" as he was in K or 1st grade. It would be a real shame to have those early years go to waste.

As far as the OP goes - does your school have a curriculum night where they go over the curriculum for the year? This might help you to see what is expected from the kids. Also, do they have a written schedule for each day? At curriculum night we get a paper copy of the schedule which shows exactly where that class it at every minute of the day.

It sounds like your DD is happy in the school, and you probably don't want to change her, but have you ever considered a day care Kindergarten? My oldest child went to a private K in a day care and it was really excellent. There were only 7 kids in her class, so they all got a lot of individual attention. The curriculum was also very good. She transitioned to the public school in 1st grade, but was well ahead academically.

I wish you the best of luck whatever you end up doing. Changing schools can be very difficult, and I know you just want to do what's best for your child.

 

[disykat]

Yes, I have told my plumber, doctor, etc things to help them with their job. In the case of the plumber, who was working on a warranty item, I kicked him out of my house and did the job myself.

No, you fired him. That is a far cry from sitting him down and taking it upon yourself to train him in the right way to do things - and exactly my point.

 

[mickeyboat]

I generally stay off of controversial threads, but I've seen some opinions about K on this thread that I really disagree with. If my child were in the OP's school, I would also be very upset. The alternating days sound crazy, and it sounds like there is no real structure in that school.

I have a 5th grader and a 3rd grader, and the younger one (DS) attended public K - from 8a-2p M-F. The school day was very structured with some recess, but lots of time for learning. In our district, most kids have attended some kind of preschool, so it is expected of them to know many of the basics (colors, letters, etc.) The emphasis is on reading, writing, and addition. By the end of K the kids should be able to read and write. Once a week, the gifted and talented teacher would work some with all the kids, and by the end of the year certain ones were chosen for a pull-out gifted class in 1st grade.

I very much believe that K and 1st grade are extremely important years for learning. The foundation they learn in the early years carries on throughout the academic years. I was very fortunate that DS had a strict and very academic teacher who pushed her kids to perform to the best of their abilities. DS was one of the top students academically, and his teacher always gave him extra work so that he wouldn't get bored. He thrived in that environment. He loved school and was very proud of his accomplishments. I shudder to think how things would have been if he had been in an unstructured classroom. Instead of being called a "smart kid", he would probably be known as the "troublemaker".

I am bringing this up because I really believe that the trend in schools is to teach in K rather than just playing around. I can already tell in 3rd grade that he is not as much of a "sponge" as he was in K or 1st grade. It would be a real shame to have those early years go to waste.

As far as the OP goes - does your school have a curriculum night where they go over the curriculum for the year? This might help you to see what is expected from the kids. Also, do they have a written schedule for each day? At curriculum night we get a paper copy of the schedule which shows exactly where that class it at every minute of the day.

It sounds like your DD is happy in the school, and you probably don't want to change her, but have you ever considered a day care Kindergarten? My oldest child went to a private K in a day care and it was really excellent. There were only 7 kids in her class, so they all got a lot of individual attention. The curriculum was also very good. She transitioned to the public school in 1st grade, but was well ahead academically.

I wish you the best of luck whatever you end up doing. Changing schools can be very difficult, and I know you just want to do what's best for your child.

Most of us agree that the OP has some legitimate complaints about her daughter's K class, although she may be blowing some things out of proportion and have some unrealistic expectations based on where the class is after only 13 days. The main criticism of the OP is how she handled those concerns, by offering not so subtle suggestions to the teacher and the administration as to how things could be done better and more efficiently. Even she was concerned that she would be labeled as "one of those parents," which I believe she has.

Denae

 

[robertsmom]

you not only became one of 'those parents', you pretty much made a whole new artform out of it.

I have to agree. I have a feeling that teachers for years to come will be praying that they don't have to deal with this.

Sorry to be so harsh, I imagine the teacher thought you were a bit harsh too.

I thought it was more than a bit harsh. No matter what I thought of my DS's teacher, I would NEVER presume to give him or her "helpful hints". (And before you ask, I was a preschool teacher for five years)

 

[Divamomto3]

The real problem I see now is that you are going to be having problems like this from now on until all your kids graduate and you have to do one of two things. Either learn to live with the things you aren't happy with or take the kids out and put them in private school or home school. Because I guarantee that there will be plenty more situations like this one where this came from, and you are just going to make yourself, your kids, and everyone miserable it you don't decide what you are going to do now.

I already mentioned about our move, and our kids had been just starting out in a very intense school on the east coast and we moved to a laid back school in the midwest. At first, as I said, I didn't like practically anything, although I didn't complain to the school, I just supplemented their education and made my husband miserable. As years go on I actually kind of was glad they hadn't gone to the really high pressure school and came to appreciate the things about the new school.

You just can't do this every year or you will hurt and not help your kids. I'm not here to criticize you for having complaints, just to urge you to be smart about what you do with them.

A private school wouldn't have let her in the front door. They'd say, "Don't like it? Bye bye...there's a waiting list to get in here." We don't even have parent volunteers at my school unless they let one or two in for the Christmas Party or on the bus for a field trip.

I'm in shock. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but OP, you are wayyyy over the top with this one. If you need to control every minutiae of your daughter's day, you need to homeschool her. I'm mean it's KINDERGARTEN! I don't even think you have to legally send your kid to Kindergarten!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

A private school wouldn't have let her in the front door. They'd say, "Don't like it? Bye bye...there's a waiting list to get in here." We don't even have parent volunteers at my school unless they let one or two in for the Christmas Party or on the bus for a field trip.

True, but I doubt in a private school they would do half the things decribed by the OP. And they actually have a philosophy that a parent can agree or disagree with that is out in the open before applying for admission.

 

[bicyclemark]

No, you fired him. That is a far cry from sitting him down and taking it upon yourself to train him in the right way to do things - and exactly my point.

There someone goes assuming again! I did sit him down and explane to him what was wrong. He chose to ignore what I had to say - because HE was the plumber.

Let's stay on topic :0

 

[disykat]

Let's stay on topic :0

Ah, I get it now. You're quite comfortable scolding others and consider it appropriate!

 

[Disney Doll]

All the things you didn't want to happen have happened.

You have insulted your DD's teacher.

You have negatively affected your daughter's experience in the classroom.

No one thinks that mediocrity is acceptable in school. But teachers do have to teach everyone in their class, and there are children of all different levels in each classroom.

Worst of all, as much as you're trying to seem like you are taking some people's opinons into account, you have now decided that we, like your DD's teacher, are wrong and you are right.

You will be known as one of "those" mothers.

If your DD needs this much time, attention & consideration due to her special needs/sensory issues, you should probably consider another avenue for education. She's only in Kindergarten...if school is this much of a problem already, it's only going to get worse.

Good luck! You have along road ahead of you!!!!

 

[poohandwendy]

To the OP: You just really do not get it, so I will not waste any more of my time with this. I am sure your demanding attitude will get you far and will prove to make your DD's school educational experience very rewarding and stress free. Good luck to you both.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Actually, I have been pretty impressed at how well minimate has been handling the criticism she has faced on this thread. I am not sure I would have been back if I was the OP and had gotten responses like the ones we have given her.

Denae

I wholeheartedly agree with you- minmate, to be able to look at what you've done and possibly consider that it may have been not the right approach says a lot about you. If it were me posting this thread, and reading these responses, I'd be lashing out, and you are not- you are actually considering everyone's position. You're going to be fine- and so is your dd. iI'd homeschool for the same reasons you are complaining about the school if I thought I had the organizational skills, but I don't. I seriously think you DO have higher standards than the school and should seriously consider homeschooling. I choose to supplement my very bright kids at home, feed their need to move further than the school curriculum when the school fails. I understand your frustration.

Jackie

 

[disneymom3]

Well...after reading your posts and skimming over the responses, it sounds to me like you have a child that is gifted or profoundly gifted. Sensory overload and high reading strength were the indicators to me. Could you child also be a visual/spatial learner? If this is the case, depending on the extent and type of giftedness, you may need to remove your child from the classroom. I know it is not what you want to hear. However the Minnesota brick and mortar public schools are NOT equipped to deal with gifted children. Some are better than others and open enrollment can be a big help. Children are not required to attend kindergarten. If you feel that the situation is damaging to your child, remove your child from the school.

Yes, there are good teachers out there. However with programs like "No Child Left Behind" and mainstreaming special needs children, there just is not much room for helping the gifted end of special needs.


If I am off base on my assumption, please just ignore this post. If my guess is correct, send me a PM. There are many resources that I can point you to.

This is pretty much what i was going to say. Your DDs experience in Kind sounds a WHOLE lot like my DDs experience. That whole MWF?TTh thing is a nightmare for a child who needs consistency. DD was a basket case the whole entire year. Plus, yeah, gifted education in MN is really quite close to nonexistent. Oh, I know there are plenty of MN parents who are going to get ticked off at that one, but it's true. My sis has taught in 3 school districts around the metro area and repeatedly tried to convince me that there was no way I could send DD to a public school here. I didn't believe her and I sent her. It was a mess. We stuck it out the whole year and then pulled her to homeschool. She was a changed child and was actually learning--wow, what a concept. We put her back in school this year (in 4th) and found not much has changed. Dear Sis hit the roof--she has a master's in gifted education, Btw--and was quite relieved when we once again decided that this was not a good fit.

The schools around here, have an avg of 24 kids in Kindergarten and no aides. Good luck. I agree that you didn't handle the meeting really well, but I totally understand where you are coming from. BAsically, I knew the system here was not going to work for us, so I chose to bow out.

 

[mickey65]

As a kindergarten teacher I have to tell you that you went over board big time! I think you should spend a month in a kindergarten class being the classroom teacher.(that includes doing all the planning for ALL of the children to learn at their appropriate level, preparing daily homework bags, reading daily and individually with each and everyone of them, supervising lunch and washroom breaks, model social skills, plus all the other things you THINK shold be happening in the kindergarten classroom). Then come back and tell us how if your perspective has changed.

I am certainly glad that I do not have any parents telling me how to run my class! Oh, and btw, I have a split schedule. A M/W alternative F group and a Tues/Thurs alternative F group. My students don't have any problem with it.

 

[vettechick99]

Back in the 80s, I went to K in a well-respected public school situated on a college campus; 60 kids per grade, 2 classes. We had a diverse population of many races and intelligence levels. It was a regular 8-hour day with plenty of recess and organized activities. We knew how to read at the end of the school-year (some of us could read entire Dick & Jane books with ease, and several of them) and while there was an aide, moms rarely were invited or encouraged to visit.

So when I read that "every other day" crap, well that's just crazy! Why even bother? What's wrong with 8-hrs a day, 5 days a week? Children can handle that and have for many years. They are tougher than you think.

Minmates, you know I loved your trip report so I hope you can repair the relationship with the teacher. I don't think it's too far gone, but you do need to eat some crow.

 

[Daxx]

OP: Have you ever thought of talking to the parents of 1st graders who had your child's teacher and ask them if they felt their child was prepared well enough for 1st grade after having said teacher for a year? Or, perhaps consult the 1st grade teachers and ask them if their current students were well prepared and if there are any areas in which you can better prepare her for?

If the 1st grade teachers and parents feel the children were well prepared, then that teacher must be doing something right.