frustrated, sad and tense - need to vent

[ladyariadne]

My grandfather went in to the hospital with breathing difficulties on Sunday. Long story short, he has 5 blocked arteries, one of the valves in his heart isn't working which is causing the buildup of fluid in his lungs. They have also diagnosed him with COPD, Emphasema, Bronchitis and they are testing him for cancer today because during the CAT scan, they found a lesion on one of his ribs. He is 90 and likely wouldn't survive surgery. I have known his health was bad for a long time and am suprised he has lived this long. I am resolved to the fact that he won't live much longer. I just hope he goes peacefully. I hate that he is stuck in the hospital with the poking and proding and testing and such.

Now, I feel guilty because we leave for WDW in 10 days. This will be our first trip to Disney for me, hubby and 2 kids. My mom says that if he passes while we are Disney, she will wait and tell me when we get back. That is not what I want, I want to know about it. I hate to cancel my trip to Disney, but........

Anyhow, I am frustrated. Thanks for letting me vent.

I guess I should have bought that darn trip insurance!

Elizabeth

 

[talicskai]

First of all, I know how you feel, I lost my beloved grandma 7 years ago and still miss her terribly. However, if you were to ask your Grandpa what the greatest joys in his life were he would most likely answer " Spending time with my wife and children" Take this trip in his "memory" and think of him with your mother/father when they were your children's ages. Thank the good Lord you had him as long as you did.

I think your mother is trying to protect you and not ruin your trip but worrying the whole week isn't good either. Ask her to leave you a message if something happens and then take time to cry and think of him often.

Teresa

 

[Horizons16]

 

[newarknut]

Take your trip. I'm a funeral director and have seen people expect a loved one to die "any day now" and live for weeks and months.

We don't know when our time will come (Thank God!). That goes for those that are ill, as well.

God bless you and your family. Enjoy your trip. If something happens while you're gone, it won't present any issues to wait for your return to conduct a service for your grandpa.

 

[BelleMcNally]

My prayers are with you and your family.

I agree that you should take the trip--but, just like you, I would want to be told if he passed while I was away.

In my experience with my own grandpa, there is nothing he would have liked more than for me to be happy at such a magical place, whether he was ill or not. If possible, you should see him and tell him you love him before you go--maybe you can even give him a call from in front of the castle so he can share in the magic of your trip with you.

 

[Deesknee]

I can relate. My Gram is 92. Lived in elderly housing til 2 yrs ago. She fell & now is in a nursing home. I would've tried to take care of her at my home, but when she fell I had a 1mnth old. The first time we went to WDW after she went in the nursing home I felt aweful. Like you I insisted my mom tell me if I was away. DB found of my wishes & told me he would not let me know. He insisted I think about it. What could I do. Fly home with my family? Without them? Stay at WDW & be sad? I thought about it. If my DGM passed while I was away, maybe that was how it was supposed to be. Maybe someone had other plans.
Friday I leave for my 3rd WDW since Gram has been in the nursing home. I will bring my DD2 to see her tomorrow. I will tell her where we are going. I will tell her (sincerely) I wish she could come. I will promise her pictures. Most importantly, I will tell her I love her. If it's a good day she'll agree with me on everything, threaten I'd better bring pictures. If it's a bad day, I'll leave crying, wondering if I should go to WDW. But I will go to WDW, because all said & done, I'm not in charge.
BTW, the first time we went after Gram was in the nursing home, DH uncle died unexpectedly. You just never put life on hold. Because you never know.
God Bless you & your loved ones.

 

[PatricenPete]

(((((Elizabeth)))))

I've been in a similiar situation TWICE, if you can believe it. Once we were in WDW and I found out that my gram needed gallbladder surgery, not major surgery, but she was 71 at the time and had never spent the day in the hospital in my entire life. (I was 22 at the time) I left my trip early and was home for the day of surgery.

The second situation, DH's grandfather actually passed out and was rushed to the hospital during our wedding. It was really tough on DH leaving for Disney the next day, but we went and had a good time, it was what his grandfather wanted us to do.

His grandfather had bypass surgery while we were away and no one told us. I was really upset, I felt that it was our choice to make the decision if we wanted to be there for the surgery or continue our honeymoon.

Before you leave, make it perfectly clear to your mother that you want to know if ANYTHING happens to grandpa. It should be up to you to decide what you want to do, no one should make that decision for you.

 

[susykt4]

I went through a very similar situation in April. My DGF90 was in kidney failure and the doctors predicted he'd die in days to several weeks. My parents were planning to come with us (my mother's father) and we all struggled with whether to go or not. Finally, my grandmother insisted we all go. My mom made a daily call home but enjoyed her vacation. Grandpa lived nearly a month after our trip. We all were glad we went.

It would have driven me NUTS to not have a clue what was going on back home! I would have constantly wondered if Grandpa was still alive. It seemed like my mom's daily call put her (and the rest of us) in a calm mood and we enjoyed the rest of that day knowing things back home were ok. Go on your trip, but convince your mom/brother to keep you updated!

 

[JayR101]

I can't give any better advice than the first few posts did; but I too would go, and have fun. Isn't that what Grandpa would tell you to do? They could do angioplasty on your grandpa to open arteries. CHF (Congestive heart failure) can be controlled pretty well with meds, and if there is a growth, could be nothing. If there is something you don't understand, feel free to PM me. I deal with this daily as a criticaql care paramedic.
I love nothing more than to the smiles on my sons face, and I'm sure that would do your Grampa's heart well too! Send him a picture of all the kids having a great time!
We will keep you in our prayers!
Jay

 

[ladyariadne]

Thanks everyone for your hugs and kind advice.

My grandfather is doing okay. They sent a scope to his heart yesterday. Two grafts from a previous open heart surgery have failed. However, the blood has made an alternate route and is "leaking" into his heart. This doesn't make sense to me, but that is what I was told by my mom. A valve at the left Ventricle is thickened and not working properly. They are not going to treat the heart, just his respiratory problems. We haven't heard back on the bone scan yet.

Thanks again. I'm going to Disney!

Elizabeth

 

[Nancyg56]

I am so glad to hear that you will be taking your trip. I know that only you know what you are comfortable with, but I have found that sometimes very ill people do better when their loved ones go about their lives. Maybe they are not so scared. I will pray for your Grandpa's health, and hope that you enjoy your trip.


I do understand how you need to know, though. 2 years ago, I took a trip to Orlando with my Sis in law. My DS suffered a grand mal seizure, and insisted that I not be told. DD called me right away. It was hard to wait to see how he was...tense several hours.... but I knew that I could be home in a matter of hours if necessary. Thank God he was okay! I would have never gotten over it if I was not told.

 

[Cinderella94]

I am so sorry.

 

[WyndyB]

I am at odds with this thread! the year prior I went on my first wdw trip I lost 4 people dear to me. Needless to say when I booked my vacation I did buy insurance for this very reason. During my trip I made a phone call to a friend and they said that they had someting to tell me . they would not tell me because they didnt want to ruin my trip. The problem I had was because they did not tell me My mind was running with possibilities. When I got home I found out a frined had a blod clot and had a heart attack. Just remember that things are going to happen but you still need to enjoy you life and take things as they come. People dear in you life would want that for you. I hope this make any sense to you. Like I said I am at odds with this thread because I feel the same way you do.